Another kind of overprotective parent

[paras4ri]

We have a family party planned for tomorrow to celebrate our childrens' birthdays, DD is 8 and DS is 11. Their closest aunt & uncle are DH's sister & husband, they've been very special to the kids since they were born and we're together regularly. Their children (our nieces & nephews) and their grandchildren were planning to come too. One granddaughter, who will soon be 5, adores DD and has really been looking forward to coming.

Sadly, their SIL's father died very unexpectedly this week and the wake (or viewing) is scheduled for tomorrow evening. They've been asked to watch this granddaughter while their daughter and SIL are at the funeral home, which we expected. What we didn't expect was to have him refuse to let his wife's parents take their granddaughter to our home for the party. The SIL has always been very overprotective, hesitant to even let his daughter stay overnight with her grandparents although she's at their home at least once a week.

My BIL & SIL are hurt and upset because they're being forced to miss our children's birthday party, the little girl will be crushed when she finds out she's missing the party and so will our kids when they learn their favorite aunt & uncle won't be there. I know our niece won't press the issue with her husband, expecially given the circumstances, his father just died.

I just need to get this out of my system. I wish I could just shake him to make him realize how many people are affected and he is going just a bit overboard. There are and will be many things to worry about as his daughter grows up, this should not be one of them.

Thanks everyone for listening.

 

[SonjaB]

I feel for you. A young patient (7 year old boy) who was supposed to come in for oral surgery this morning, didn't come because his parents didn't like the fact that they couldn't stay in the surgery room DURING the surgery with him. They said they had promised their children they would NEVER pass them off to strangers. I hope and pray he never needs surgery in a hospital, or wants to go to camp, or take lessons of any sort, or play sports, or go to parties, or public school, or college........

 

[nancy679]

Its a tough situation but with the father dying, things are probably just so stressed. Maybe you could just have a small informal get together later on so that group of people can all get together.

 

[paras4ri]

Originally posted by SonjaH
I feel for you. A young patient (7 year old boy) who was supposed to come in for oral surgery this morning, didn't come because his parents didn't like the fact that they couldn't stay in the surgery room DURING the surgery with him. They said they had promised their children they would NEVER pass them off to strangers. I hope and pray he never needs surgery in a hospital, or wants to go to camp, or take lessons of any sort, or play sports, or go to parties, or public school, or college........

I agree, in fact there's a family in my neighborhood that won't allow their children to go on school field trips unless a parent can go as a chaperone and I feel for those kids.

What makes this so very frustrating is we are immediate family.....we spend holidays together, we celebrate together and we mourn together. His daughter wears clothes and enjoys toys handed down from my daughter. Despite this he's not allowing his wife's parents....his in-laws of over 8 years.....to take his daughter to his wife's aunt & uncle's home.

In the light of day I am more upset for my SIL & BIL because they're the ones most hurt by this.

 

[paras4ri]

quote:
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Originally posted by SonjaH
I feel for you. A young patient (7 year old boy) who was supposed to come in for oral surgery this morning, didn't come because his parents didn't like the fact that they couldn't stay in the surgery room DURING the surgery with him. They said they had promised their children they would NEVER pass them off to strangers. I hope and pray he never needs surgery in a hospital, or wants to go to camp, or take lessons of any sort, or play sports, or go to parties, or public school, or college........
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I agree, in fact there's a family in my neighborhood that won't allow their children to go on school field trips unless a parent can go as a chaperone and I feel for those kids.

What makes this so very frustrating is we are immediate family.....we spend holidays together, we celebrate together and we mourn together. His daughter wears clothes and enjoys toys handed down from my daughter. Despite this he's not allowing his wife's parents....his in-laws of over 8 years.....to take his daughter to his wife's aunt & uncle's home.

In the light of day I am more upset for my SIL & BIL because they're the ones most hurt by this.

 

[Rajah]

Strange thought, but can you move the party to *their* house, so the Aunt, Uncle, and granddaughter will be able to participate? Or have a second get-together at their house?

 

[paras4ri]

Originally posted by Rajah
Strange thought, but can you move the party to *their* house, so the Aunt, Uncle, and granddaughter will be able to participate? Or have a second get-together at their house?

Both good suggestions. We can't move there and with Christmas so soon it was hard to find a date when people didn't have plans. I know we'll see aunt & uncle soon......and we're hoping to see the little one on Christmas Day.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Hmmmm... by a lot of the definitions listed, I qualify as the worst of the worst overprotective parents!

I would not let my elementary age children go on field trips without DH or I going along. The reason? I did not trust several of the chaperones to do their job. This DID include some school employees!

DH and I had arranged for his folks to watch our two boys for a weekend. They took it upon themselves to decide they were going to take the boys to a birthday party (out of town) that they knew we would not approve of. Fortunately, they let it slip, and the boys went on our get away weekend with us.

I am very picky about who they get in a car with, and who's house they go to. Parties or dances with parents I don't trust as chaperones are not an option.

I think maybe the difference with us is that we sit down with the kids and explain our reasoning on these issues now that they are getting older. So far they understand perfectly why we are parenting the way we are. Hopefully they will appreciate it someday.