another birthday party issue -- do you tell you child who to invite?

[Briar Rose 7457]

there's a girl dd knows at school. she tries so hard to be friendsly and popular. that's the problem, I think -- that everyone knows she's trying too hard, that it's supposed to look easy.

anyhow, this girl gets teased quite a bit.

my dd has been friendly towards the girl, has gone to her house several times, even ahd a sleepover there. dd went to the girl's birthday party a few months ago.

dd told me she doesn't want to invite the girl "because she's not cool."

I twisted dd's arm a bit -- the girl will be invited to dd's party.

can anyone relate to this?

 

[shelbyjosh]

Yes. We went thru this with DD in December. She was having a bowling birthday party. There were a few kids that she absolutely DID NOT want to invite. Kids that she didn't care to have at her party. When it came time to have DS party in April, we invited the whole kindergarten class. All 24 of them!! Believe it or not, the parents were so rude they could not RSVP. I think we had about 10 call and show up. Some of the moms I see daily. They could have told me their kid wasn't coming. I firmly believe that if it says RSVP, do so!! Good luck with your party planning.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I could tell you horror stories about RSVP.

when younger dd was in preschool, the place where I was having the party personalized the party favors. after the party I had about 5 "personalized" fanny packs -- the kids RSVP'd that they were coming, but then didn't show up. couldn't give the fannypacks to someone else, there were names on them...

for older dd's bat mitzvah last year, we included a postage-paid response card with the invitation. several people never bothered to return the card. and several returned the card, but didn't bother to show up. I had to give the caterer a head count several days in advance, so I wound up paying for people who didn't show.

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

I think the key issue is that she's friendly with her, has sleepovers AND went to HER party... but doesn't want her at her party?
I'd have done exactly what you did... this child WOULD be invited and I'd be having a little talk with my daughter about why if she gave me any grief about it...

It would be one thing (maybe) if she was only inviting a few very good friends from school and wasn't inviting everyone... and didn't want someone invited that she didn't know well or didn't get along with/etc- but it's quite another to be sleeping over and going to her party- then not wanting her to go to hers! That's all about wanting to look "cool" in front of her friends.. not wanting someone over at her party just because of peer pressure because the other children didn't want her there or didn't like her.

Atleast I think that's how I'd handle it. I haven't come across that problem yet and with my oldest only 10- so far I've made the invite list myself anyway. LOL In other words I haven't gotten to the point where she's wanting to specifically include or disclude people.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just went through this with 13yodd. I didn't force her but did plead the other girls case. How would you feel if she did the same to you & what are you going to say to her when she finds out that she wasn't invited to YOUR party?
Other friends of hers were telling her not to invite her. So I said pretend I am her & role played.
She really felt how wrong it was and choose to invite her.

I do alot of role playing. DD seems to "get" things that way.

 

[Nutsy]

Yes most definately. My youngest DS has had that same problem. He's never invited to the parties of his school friends & even when he had his own, only one came.

He just isn't one of the "cool" kids. It hurts both him & myself, we try to bolster his spirits by doing stuff with him that is fun, but reality soon kicks back in when he goes back to school.

It's so unfair & kids can be so cruel.

 

[zurgswife]

Yup...been there handled it the same way...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by Nutsy
Yes most definately. My youngest DS has had that same problem. He's never invited to the parties of his school friends & even when he had his own, only one came.

I am kind of there with younger dd. She has a tough time making friends right now and getting into a "clique". What I have done is to invite a closer friend to go out one on one and do something special instead of a party. Like a special activity & dinner at a restaurant.

 

[poohandwendy]

Yes, I would do the same thing, been there... done that. The only problem is that if she is teased alot at school, and the other girls coming to the party are amongst those who tease her, the party could have some ugly moments. I would keep an eye out for that and put a quick stop to it if it starts.

 

[Lewski709]

Girls can be rotten. I think she should be invited. Imagine how sad this gal will be knowing that her friend didn't invite her. It's really too bad. I think you did the right thing.