Anorexia?

tlgoblue

Thankful for Family
Joined
Dec 1, 2002
Messages
2,159
Well, um, maybe. :( I have been on a self imposed hiatus from my rather strict diet. I found through Fitday that I was cutting out an extra hundred calories a week, bringing me from about 1500 down to around 800/day. :eek: I wasn't EVER hungry, but was often irritable and sometimes dizzy. I had 2 days where my heart was tachy all day and actually woke me up a night, racing. The final indication that all was not well was when I was out of just about everything in the house that was healthy. The only thing I had was some of the food Grandma had left in her freezer when she flew the coop, and I am, even on a good day, adverse to eating anything from her house. Well, I fried, (yes, FRIED) up the 770 calorie, half pound burgers, for DH and myself. When I sat down to eat it, I found myself removing the bun, so as to cut out 150 calories. Then I put the Mayo away, and put my chunk of pulverized cow flesh into my mustard and ketchup, and began chewing, and nearly gagged. I had the most visceral response, and just couldn't eat it. I told DH what was going on and he acknowledged that he saw a problem, and was going to say something to me about it sooner than later, and he was glad he didn't have to say it at all.
So, I am happy to report that I did eat 3/4 af the burger, and have been packing in about 1500 calories a day, and have cut my workout back to 30 mins of vigorous work everyother day, and 60 mins of moderate work in between. I must say, I am happier, less irritable, never dizzy, my heart is behaving, and I am really trying hard to be happy with less. (I was so hoping this time last week that I could report I had reache my first mini goal today.) I am maintaining right now, until I'm sure my heart is not going to give me fits. I have noticed a difference in how much water I hold when I don't exercise vigorously for an hour a day. I don't know whose body I brought to the gym with me today, but it didn't resemble the one I had last Thursday. :p It's OK though. I guess that will just be my water to hold. (I saw a scale the other day that read weight, fat and water. That's the scale for me. Aren't our bodies composed of something like 94% water? Of course it's all water weight! :hyper: )
Anyway, I have been away from the boards for a week, and that is why. I will try to check in more often, and cheer you all on. I'm not giving up, just slowing down. Those of you who "know" me, also know that I have a single-minded nature about me and it is often my undoing. I need to not let this become a problem for me. After all, how healthy can one be when they're starving themselves?

Keep the Faith!
Tracy
 
Tracy, here's a :hug: for you! Your post scared me because I know how badly some of us want to lose that extra weight. I also know our tendency to think that if I can lose a pound a week by eating 1500 calories, then I can lose double that if I only eat 750 calories. It all sounds so easy, but it is so hard on your body.

I'm proud of you for recognizing that your low calorie intake had become a problem. You need to be good to yourself, and that means eating healthy and losing slowly. We want you to be with us, happy and healthy, for a very long time!!

I admire you for posting - you may never know who else you've helped by bringing this out in the open. Please take good care of yourself. Post here during both the good and the tough times - we'll be here for you!
 
Thanks for your honesty Tracy...I'm sure you've helped a bunch of people here who will see themselves in your post. Please take care of yourself, but I'm not worried because you've seen the light. :)
 
Big hugs, Tracey!!:grouphug:

We need you, strong and healthy! Thank-you for taking care of yourself!
 

Hey Thanks guys! I must admit, I was considering not going "public" with this, and just seeing how things went and maybe letting myself get "back in the groove", but now that I've fessed up, I guess I have to be good. It is a huge step to admit that there was something in control of me and not the other way around, which is what makes eating disorders so insidious. So many people think they are in control, when really, it is their faulty thinking in control. The real reason I posted was because I was listening to a program on NPR about athletes and ED's. One rower was sounding too much like me and she said the most important step in therapy is to talk about it. So, who better to talk to than all of you! ::yes::
Some of you may know I have a sister who suffered with bulimia for years. ED's, while not necessarily genetically linked, certainly are learned behavior (as well as a serious mental illness, which may have a genetic component), and that my mom struggles to this day with her weight is a very powerful motivator for me. (Always wanting to carve my own niche and not be like mommy! :rolleyes: ) Since I wasn't binging or purging and never "felt better" (not true), I thought I was ok. I am ok, but saw where I was headed in a hurry.
Thanks, as always, for your support. You are truely all WISH
:angel:

Keep the Faith!
Tracy
 
Tracy, I am so glad you got to yourself! How wonderful to have figured it out. You will truly be successful because you knew when you had to make a healthy change. Good for you. As you posted, it shows me that you realize it is not entirely about numbers, but about being healthy. You go!
Thanks so much for your story. I know I am inspired by your truth and reality.
 
Tracy, wow, what a post! I'm glad you came to realize what you were doing before it got too far! And I'm glad your DH noticed and was going to say something to you!

We put an incredible amount of pressure on ourselves and don't realize it. It's pretty scary how distorted our body image can become! Hang in there and keep eating healthy, sweetie!!!
 
YES! You did the right thing by saying it out loud and recognizing the changes in you /and your body. If you view yourself as a car and not an "image" then you start to realize the fuel you put into the car is as important as maintenance (exercising)- but if you're not fueling up and revving the engine beyond it's capacity- the car is going to break down. Our bodies are just vessels that keep our mind safe- if the body breaks down so will the mind. Sounds like you've got your mind well greased and it's gonna take care of that car much better! Making good choices and not letting the choices make you run down will lead to a healthy and happy you- and no telling how many other people you have helped by bringing this up. Great going girl!!

Tara
 
I'm so glad you realized what was happening before you became ill. {{{HUGS}}} sweetie. Sounds like you have things under control now.
 
Thank you for taking the time to tell us your story. By confiding in us you're giving us the gift of trust. Your caring trusting nature might help others of us to steer clear of the road you started down. With all of us trying so hard to lose weight sometime it's pretty easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and only focus on what the scales are telling us today.

We're all here for you.
 
Tracy,

I'm so proud of you for not being afraid to leave this thread. You opened up, like some are afraid to do. I can only imagine the people this thread has helped. Good for you for seeing something was wrong & fixing it. You done the right thing! Keep the faith, Tracy!! ;) Take Care. :-) {{{hugs}}}
 
Thank you for sharing your story. I mostly lurk on the WISH board, but I wanted to say how courageous it was for you to post. Thank you for realizing what was going on and deciding it was more important to take care of yourself. I know too well the feeling of euphora when you realize you ate only x things today and exercised for x amount of time, or that maybe you did splurge but hey I know how to get rid of it too (and not in a healthy way). For me, I know it will be a life long battle, but I choose today to be healthy.

:hug:

If you ever need to talk, I am a PM away.
 
Tlgoblue,

If you are still reading this, I am glad you have stopped the obsession and realized where you might have ended up. :D

I didn't and at some point you realize you just can't. I don't post here often anymore because I definitely don't fit into the WISH philosophy. I used to. But not anymore.

My days consist of calorie counting, portion control, exercise and drinking lots of water. Sounds normal enough until it takes up your whole existence, when your mood for the day is based on what number the scale shows. A good day for me is under 500 calories, a bad day is over 800 calories. A good day is no fat, no nuts, no breads, no sugars, no chocolate, no sodium. A bad day is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (or two). Every date has a weight goal attached to it. Every Single One. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Disney Trip. I go to the mall just to try on a smaller size jeans to see if they fit yet, but won't buy them unless they are loose. :rolleyes:

Welcome to my world. :( Don't come here. Stay away... lol



5'4" 173/113/105
 
In the hopes of helping others:

1. An eating disorder usually manifests itself from a control issue. Are other things in your life out of control, or do you feel like you have not control over them? Do you get joy out of eating only so much or exercising so long, or by having that empty feeling in your tummy? Then this might be part of your problem.

2. Do not attach values to food. There are no good and bad foods. There are better choices, but that doesn't mean that you can't have other foods in moderation. Don't think of food in terms of good and bad, rather that there is a balance.

3. Throw your scale out. I went from never weighing myself to obsessing over every micropound. I will now weigh myself once a week at the gym or at the grocery store, just to keep track. Heck, I don't even really need to do that, from the fit of my clothes I can tell where I am.

For those of you having eating issues, please don't let it go on. Please go talk to a therapist and a nutrionist, or at least one of those. You need to come to term with foods, eating, exercising and nutrition. It's not like quitting drinking or smoking or any other addiction, because you still need these things in your life. And most of all please realize there are others around you who have battled or are battling the same problem. You are never, ever alone. :grouphug:
 
Hey Tracy, I've been missing you.
How smart of you to realize you had a problem and made the right changes:D
I'm so glad you let everyone know, because I'm sure there are others on this board who may be heading in the same direction...and by telling about it here, you just may be saving a life!
Think about the tortoise and the hare...... slow but sure wins the race!!
Your wish buddy,
MJ
 
Well, I do appreciate all the positive replys and encouragment.

ZAKI am hoping you can overcome this. I am posting on this board because it is a health issue. I am also going to start journaling again, and adding caloric intake, hoping I'll see a pattern and fix things before they get out of hand.

Miss JasmineThanks for the encouragement. I may pm you, because I am finding this harder than I thought it would be.

After 1.5 weeks of trying to beat this, I can say that it is a slow process. I still obsess over food. Any time I eat, I wonder how it will affect the end of the week weigh in. I felt euphoric after my aerobic workout today, and wanted to rush to the gym after I dropped off DD's lunch, and do some elliptical work, and maybe walk the track. It took everything I had to turn around and head home. I'm not sure if one can exercise too much, but I know that once I cross that line, I have a hard time stepping back. I was starving before my workout and afterward my headache was gone, I was not hungry and I was delighted at the amout of sweat that was pouring out of me. How sick is that. I came home, choked down a huge salad and a smoothie and my headache is back and I'm going to try to have a normal day today.

Thanks for all the support again! It really means a lot to me.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy
 
Tracy,
It is so tough, isn't it, trying to get back on track. Please do PM me if you want. I am not a professional, just someone who has been there. For me, it's something I know I will struggle with all my life, but for today I am making healthful choices.

Just a little advice, please eat something before working out. It actually gets your metabolism going and HELPS you have a better workout. And you did good by not going back. Way to go! It's hard setting those boundaries. And yes one can exercise too much.

If this continues to be a struggle in your life, and you feel like you can't overcome it on your own, please, please, please go and seek some professional help. Your family will thank you for it. In the meantime, I am here if you want to chat.
 

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