Annoying teenage boy stuff, any ideas?

[Tiggeroo]

I have three teens living at home, 19,16 and 16. They are great kids. Do some of the usual annoying teen stuff ya know. But for the past 6 months my one son has been driving me nuts. He pushes me on everything. He really believes he has too much to do. By this I mean, he hates that I make him do his homework, clean a path thru his room, take a turn taking the trash out, and generally do a chore a day around the house. By chore it might be doing the dishes, or straightening up our living room, something like that. He has been in alot of trouble with his homework lately so this has become a bit of an issue, forcing me to check it daily.
I understand him griping about this stuff, he is 16. The thing is when I ask him to do something he says, no I don't want to. This gets me so irritated. Sometimes I hold my tongue. Sometimes I stand their and say yes you will, sometimes I have a discussion where I explain why he needs to do this and ask him why he thinks it's unfair, sometimes I just lose it and yell at him. I have tried reducing what I have to tell him to do, and picking my battles, but he just gripes and only does things if I really force him. He is pleasant as can be until I tell him to do something. He used to only do this to me, now he is doing it to his dad too. At first his dad was a bit more patient then I was with this nonsense, now he is worst. It is causing some huge fights around the house.
He sounds like a 2yo when he does this. No, I don't wanna. You can't make me. God help me, if I have 2-4 more years of this. I'll kill him.

 

[patsal]

Ahh--This too shall pass! In the meantime, keep to your boundries and let him know that it is your house with your rules and expectations. Personally I'd do this when he is in a good mood (before the usual bickering about what he thinks he is or isn't going to do). Explain that privledges are earned not granted and that you and DH have responsibilities as well. You could react by not taking care of the things you do for him as well, if you do the wash reply not gonna do it, throw a fit and see how he likes it, but ultimately you are the adult in the situation so that doesn't always play off well! Establish the routine and expectations (which it sounds like you have) and hold him to that. Tell him he can pitch his fits in his room, since your expectations are non-negotiable. Good luck.

 

[Melora]

I too have 3 teens (18 tomorrow, 16 and 14)

Oldest is a boy and he drove me nuts! Still does sometimes but not as bad. I think what you are doing sounds like the best you can do. Myabe its a boy thing. My 16 yo DD was not fun around 14 and now the next DD isnt that fun. but its more about being snotty in a joking sort of way and completely exasperated with the parents as a whole.. (Uses the term "Oh My God" a lot even though we've told her that its rude)

In regard to your son, there really isnt much you can do except get through the situation as best you can, stand your ground, don't argue (much easier said than done) and be very matter of fact about the things that have to be done. My best weapon is just using the "there is no other choice option". They are like little kids pushing you to see how far they can press the limits.

 

[Tiggeroo]

What bugs me is that just when he should be at an age where he gets more privelages, and less supervision, he is forcing me to reduce privelages and supervise him more. Although my dd was annoying at times (still is) she didn't do this flat out defiance kind of thing. I never had to say my house my rules, or cause I said so or act like a big bad parent and force her to do things. She might gripe but on some level she understood that these things had to get done, same with other son. This son just doesn't even seem to have that underlying level of knowledge that I'm doing things for his own good. He really just thinks I'm mean and making him do things and it's just not fair. I have become the enemy it seems. And when I finally say, your going to do it cause I said so, and yep it's just cause I said so, I feel like such a jerk. And he doesn't seem to feel bad at all.