Angelrose's Journey

[chell]

Well I'm glad you went and had a good time despite the few rough spots. You will have those but I promise they will get a little easier to deal with as time goes on. It takes time.

Speaking of the bra thing I just now found my lingerie wash bag. It has been on top of my book case ever since we moved in here about 2 1/2 years ago and I just now spotted it. Sorry about that. I am a rather random person. When I'm typing or trying to think I usually look around. I don't know why I don't look at the screen. Maybe that keeps me from getting distracted at other stuff on the screen. I don't know. But I just realized that is what is sticking out of the drawer up there. I had one desk that fell apart when we moved it in and a drawer from it got put on top of the book case. Well, at least now I know where it is.

It sounds like you have such a wonderful time with all of your family. That is so special. Too bad more families aren't like that. Did I tell you we recently went to visit my grandmother's only remaining sister? That was a very nice visit. I'm so glad we went. It is nice to have good family memories. Growing up visiting with my mother's family was always a bad thing because someone always had to get into an argument. Holidays were something I dreaded. So now it is nice to see other families, like yours, who get along. I didn't know that was normal until I was an adult.

Last night I was thinking about you hoping you were having a great time.

Galaxy & Luna are chasing one another back and forth through the house now. I think Galaxy might loose some weight now. Not that the vet said he had to or anything but it will be good for him.

How much swimming are you doing this week?

 

[Angelrose]

I haven't heard from Joan yet, so I don't know if I will be doing any swimming. If I get any work down on my face tomorrow, I might not be able to do any swimming anyway. We'll see what happens.

I can just picture Galaxy chasing Luna. LOL

 

[chell]

What are you having done to your face? Did I read it and forget? If I did I am so sorry. No matter what I hope and pray it goes well and you don't have any pain!

Those two are so silly. They keep taking turns on who is doing the chasing.

 

[Angelrose]

Sorry I didn't make that clear. I have some scaly spots on my forehead and one by my eye that is really bad. I also have a pink mark on my right breast that I was pretty sure was skin cancer. The dr is very nice. She immediately took a biopsy of the spot and then told me how they proceed. I can have the procedure done right there. Then I told her about another spot right above it. It was white and she couldn't see it with the bright light but could under normal light. She took a biopsy of that and pretty much told me it was basal cell cancer. It wouldn't stop oozing even after she tried cauterizing it. They put a pressure bandage on it. She told me to come back in three weeks and they will do the procedure on my breast. Then she will do the scraping on my forehead and see what is going on there. In the meantime she gave me a prescription for a cream that I have to use twice a day. It will bring out all the precancerous spots on my breast and forehead. It will also make me look like raw meat. Oh fun times. I have to use it for 10 days and then use a steroid to calm down the redness. No more swimming! No sun at all if I can help it for the rest of the summer. Glad I waited until now to go. But it will all be done by the time we go to DW in December. After I was done there I went upstairs to wait for Karen at her gyno. She had picked me up to take me there. There were two emergencies while she was waiting. Some poor young woman had a miscarriage and another woman had another problem. Karen talked me into going to her gyno for an exam. I haven't been in 5 or 6 years. I know BAAAAAAD me. My gyno retired and I tried two other dr's and didn't like either of them. But her dr. seems very nice. So by the time Karen got done it was 5pm. She had to call the daycare to tell them why she was so late. Chuck had to work late tonight so he wasn't able to pick up Jesse. I was glad to see him. He was so happy to see mommy and pointed to me and gave me a big smile. I gave him another Hot Wheels car. He said thankuuuuu. AWWWWW When we got to my house, I said by by and he started to cry. I told him I would see him soon. I will be there on Sunday for a family day. Well that was my fun day.

 

[minnie56]

Hello ladies...
Hope I am not butting in here..just wanted to say that I read along often and think you are doing so much better than you think you are Angelrose!! Be proud of you..though I know your heart is still heavy--you are taking it day by day and making an effort to muddle through.Ron is proud of you and how you are coping even though life has dramatically changed for you.

Chell, God Bless you. What a kind soul you are..

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you minnie56. I am trying, but it is so hard. Every little thing makes me cry. I try to think of Ron being with me but he seems so far away. I still can't accept that he is gone. Maybe in time it will be easier. I know this sounds horrible, but sometimes I try not to think of him at all. If I don't think of him then the pain is easier. It doesn't work very often and not for very long. It's just one moment at a time. One hour at a time. One morning or afternoon at a time. I am so glad when it's time for bed. I made it through. I say goodnight to him. When I finally fall asleep I can't remember my dreams except for that one which I cherish.

My family and my DIS family helps me more than you can imagine. I can say things here that I can't even say to family. Thank you all.

 

[minnie56]

Oh Angelrose you know what it is? I am like that with my Mum's passing..when I think about her I can sit and weep in a second..the tears just fall...so when she comes to mind--which is often--I almost say to myself 'No-I can't go there right now' because I know to this day I fall apart. We just have to keep the memories and thoughts tucked away until we can allow ourselves those times to let them just be. It is still early days..it is expected that there will still be times that your broken heart presents itself..it's part of the process. There will come a time, not all the times, that you will remember Ron or something he said or did and suddenly become aware that there is a smile on your face ..that kind of peace will come and settle upon you. Truly.

 

[Mouse Maineac]

My family sends you our prayers. Your dearest husband will live forever in your heart and in those you love.

 

[Banshee]

Prayers for you to be strong your DH would want that. I have to share with you something my dad said when he was dying. "More then anything if I could have one last wish I would wish that your mother will go on and enjoy the rest of her life." He said I know thats asking a lot because I know how I would be if I lost her but I want her to be happy I want her to enjoy the things she always enjoyed I don't want her to worry or be sad I want her to be happy when she thinks of me. My parent's were married for 54 years when he passed. I know your precious husband would want the same thing for you. Please be strong I know it's hard but it's what he would want.

 

[Liberty Belle]

 

[Angelrose]

That was a beautiful thought Banshee. I know my Ron would want me to be happy too. I just can't do that right now.

minnie56, that is exactly the way I felt. I'm hoping in time I will be able to enjoy the memory of our wonderful life together. We did have so many great times. So many laughs. So many huggies and kisses. So many "I love yous". I know I am truly blessed to have had him for almost 44 years.

Thanks for the hug Liberty Belle. And thanks for the prayers Mouse Maineac. I can see him in our Jesse. He does have Ron's stubborness. LOL

 

[chell]

You will see it, you will be able to remember all the good soon enough. It just takes a while. Right now it still feels like a ton of bricks on your chest, but each day a brick is removed even if you can't feel it yet.

Minnie56 - You are never butting in! Join in all the time please!!!

Mary, I'm sorry to hear about all those spots and the fact you can't swim. Reading about the spot that wouldn't stop bleeding made me hurt for you. Yes, you are bad for not going to the gyno for so long! Have you been seen yet or is your appointment coming up? Remember your health is VERY important.

Does your doctor think that by removing the spots that is all the treatment you need? One of my friends had to have a few spots removed and they did all hers at once. One place they removed on her back was about twice the size of a pencil eraser and they didn't stitch it or anything. When she wears some dresses you can see the scar and it still freaks me out that they didn't stitch it. I almost went to that doctor to have some moles checked but then I remember that and get scared of him.

Jesse sounds so adorable! Are you going to order him a cake or anything when you go to Disney? I'm thinking of ordering one for the boys, but haven't decided for certain yet.

 

[chell]

Prayers for you to be strong your DH would want that. I have to share with you something my dad said when he was dying. "More then anything if I could have one last wish I would wish that your mother will go on and enjoy the rest of her life." He said I know thats asking a lot because I know how I would be if I lost her but I want her to be happy I want her to enjoy the things she always enjoyed I don't want her to worry or be sad I want her to be happy when she thinks of me. My parent's were married for 54 years when he passed. I know your precious husband would want the same thing for you. Please be strong I know it's hard but it's what he would want.

This was so beautiful, thank you for sharing. From everything AngelRose has said about her Ron I'm certain he feels the same way about her!

 

[Angelrose]

It all depends on what the biopsy shows. If it is just basal cells, then just removing it will be all that's necessary. The spot has stopped oozing now. I keep some ointment on it and a bandaid. I got the two prescriptions and of course there was no generic for them. Cost $85! Just for two tubes of cream. DANG! I've put on the two coats today. So far I don't have any redness of anything. I'm just doing my chest first for a few days to see how it goes. Then I'll do my forehead. I'm going to Walmart and Kohls tomorrow to see if I can find a couple of button down blouses. All I have are tanks for the summer and if I start to look like raw meat, I don't want anyone else to have to look at it. The cream directions said to wash your hands thoroughly even if wearing gloves to apply it. EEEEK I did wear gloves. Not taking any chances on that.

I didn't get to make the appointment for the gyno yet. I will do it for sure next week. I don't want to take any chances on that either.

 

[minnie56]

Hello ladies...

How was your day today?
I hope it was a good one..Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and am happy to stop by if you'll have me

 

[Angelrose]

Today wasn't too bad at all minnie56. And we'd all love to have you drop by anytime. I need all the help I can get.

 

[chell]

**tapping my foot with a stern look on my face** My friend Karen gets this look and the tapping of the foot every single time she is supposed to make a doctors appointment and she hasn't yet. You better make that appointment Little Lady! (Imagine the Little Lady part in a John Wayne type voice.) Don't make me come up there!!! I will and I'll MAKE you go to the doctor too!

Wow, that must be some super strong cream! I hope it is a larger tube that some I've seen before. I had one tube of medicine one time that was about $30 for .25 ounce. It is sad what they charge for medicine.

Speaking of medicine prices. Do you ever get any meds at WalMart? Do you know about the $4 prescriptions? I absolutely HATE shopping at our WalMart. The store feels evil when you walk in there. I don't know why, but I honestly can't stand walking in this store. They don't have a drive up window for prescriptions either. Anyway, I get the meds there that are on this list. Well I get the 90 day supply for $10. We do have some other WalMarts a little ways away that I will shop at but I forget to go there for the meds. Keep that in mind for generic medicine. When I worked in a doctor's office I would tell patients about it if I knew they were on something that was on the $4 list. The doctor wouldn't have been happy to know I was printing out the list to give to the patients

 

[chell]

Hello ladies...

How was your day today?
I hope it was a good one..Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and am happy to stop by if you'll have me

Hello! Please join in! Sorry I talk so much. Would you believe I'm really the shy one?

 

[minnie56]

Today wasn't too bad at all minnie56. And we'd all love to have you drop by anytime. I need all the help I can get.

Oh Angelrose..I am glad it was an okay day! That's always nice to know..
I was driving through New Jersey on our way home this weekend from moving our daughter into an apt and school in NYC. No idea what route we took...I switch between napping and singing and not shutting up Wonder if we passed nearby you? I think at one point we were in Genesee County? Familiar? If I even have that right!

Chell..you better not come here then..I too am pretty bad about Dr's appts that are out of the routine anyways! Beside procrastinator in the dictionary? MY picture

Only that way with me mind you..typical I think for a Mom?

 

[Angelrose]

OH YES MA'AM! I will make the appointment next week. I promise! But I would love to have you come up here to say HI. LOL