Amy's New Start : Comments Welcome!

[toystoryduo]

Sometimes I really wonder if I'll ever do this. Ever since I got fat, I have had this attidude of I know I can do it and I know I will. But lately I wonder. I mean a few years ago I was down 33 pounds, but gained it back. Then I got down about 16-18 pounds and now I have gained that all back. Its tough to have faith in my ability to do this, when time and again, I let myself down.

Sending a gentle your way, Amy. I feel like I could have written this post today too. While I was getting my haircut today, I saw an old friend from high school. I don't think she recognized me with all of this extra weight. The last time I saw her, I was a size 8! Since it took two hours to cut my hair, I had a lot of time to sit and think about where I used to be and where I am now and it was downright discouraging.

The good news is that we have each other and all of our WISH buddies to help us get through this bump in the road. We CAN do this, Amy! We just need to take it step by step and day by day.

I'm glad that you had a good time in Chicago! As far as the camping goes....Is there a Holiday Inn nearby? That's my idea of camping!

I hope you have a wonderful evening!

 

[eyor44]

Hi Amy! Welcome Back! I am so glad you had a great time with your visit with your brother. Traveling straight through is hard, been there done that. But if it means more time at your destination, then I'm okay with it.

Whine to us all you want about camping. I'm with Tracy, my idea of a vacation is a hotel and restaurants. I have threatened to go to a local hotel before when we were in the mountains. and there we are in cabins with real beds. Just no AC, no dishwasher, no clothes washer, etc etc. We will completely understand and sympathize. But I do admire you for going for your family.

I am feeling the same way as you all about this summer and trying to stay on track. Somedays I feel like I just can't do it and I don't understand why. But as Tracy said, you can do it, we all can. Maybe with school starting and everyone getting back into a routine will be good for us.

Have a great weekend and I really hope you enjoy the trip.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks so much Julie, Tracy and Lisa.

Tracy, I got my hair cut today too! Looking at myself in the mirror is never easy. And too funny, I was petrified I might see someone I know, thank heavens I didn't

Lisa: If there is a Holiday Inn nearby I might have to bail and go stay there. Two nights, alone with HBO and a mini bar might be just what I need!

Julie: The car is done! I did learn one thing this week, dh and I need two cars. ALWAYS!

My best moment of the day was when I drove by my rec center. I can't wait for Monday morning to get here so I can go work out. I am going to go late because I want to go alone (love my friend but I need to walk by myself at my pace) and can't wait to listen to my Ipod and just do something good for myself.

Ate McDonald's tonight after grocery shopping. I cut up a bunch of fruit for the trip and am taking a big jug of water so I can drink that. I know I'll overeat but I am determined not to drink too much. Had Dan get beer I don't like!

It will be fine and fun to be with friends. I think I am just feeling negative about my weight to the point its dampening my whole outlook. I am really looking forward to just sitting with my friend while the husbands fish. It will be relaxing. Just miss my bathroom and tv. What can I say.

I'll see you ladies on Monday when I am officially back on track!

 

[eyor44]

Have fun Amy! We'll be waiting right here to hear all about your adventures in the woods.

 

[toystoryduo]

Have a great time, Amy!

 

[traceycooper]

hope you had fun camping Amy
You WILL get back on track - & you WILL lose the weight, just remember it doesnt happen overnight & its a long, long journey
I cant believe you drove 18 hrs straight!!!!! The 3 hr drive we did to Suffolk did me in!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Ladies.

Camping was very fun. I must say, I can at times amaze myself, I actually grinned and beared: TOM in the woods, with only an outhouse (don't ask ), sleeping in a tent at 9800 feet when its was extremely cold, not having running water, watching without puking Dan clean a fish and actually tasting said fish, dealing with three, dirty, constantly hungry kids (ds brought a friend) and getting all that crap packed up myself (dan had to work up to the minute we left) and then unpacked. WDW resorts have never looked better is all I can say!

Seriously it was very fun. But I prefer camp grounds that at least have flushing toilets. And why is it that I only have about four periods a year and they all arrive when I travel?

Today the kids are back in school and I have spent much of the day job hunting/researching. I got an online application submitted to my school district. They have a perfect job as an Early Childhood Clerk, hours work with kids' schedule, pay is not awful and I could literally walk. I know however I won't even get a call back. This isn't my first time around the block with this, I have no recent experience whatsoever. I literally have not worked in 16 years. I quit when I got pregnant with ds. My last job in the Early Childhood field was in the early 90's and I don't even know who works there anymore. But I submitted the app as best I could.

I feel really down about working. I need a job, want a job but everytime I start to apply its so hard. No references (my most recent employer no longer exists), I haven't kept in touch with really anyone ( I mean come on, who keeps in touch for the most part with co workers you had between 16-20 years ago?). But I had to try. If someone would just give me a chance, I think they'd be surprised.

If I can just get something, ANYTHING, than at least I'll have something recent to put on an application for a future jobs. I am trying so hard to be more positive but honestly, I don't have a lot to be positive about. I am grossly overweight (at least that's how my doctor put it in my file), I haven't worked outside the home in years and I just feel in a rut. When did I get to be this sad, scared, middle aged, overweight person? Its hard to respect myself when so few people respect me. Dan does and the kids do and that is all that should matter, but I can't help it, I want others to think highly of me too. I am the only person I know who stays home. The friends I had in years past who didn't work now all do. Not having a degree hurts for sure in this tough market. And I can't go back to school. I checked into that, I don't qualify for any financial aid and Dan and I simply cannot afford tuition right now not to mention more debt. I had a friend tell me just a few days ago "oh now the kids are back in school, you can sleep in". I guess that is what people think I do all day. Well enough whining, all I can do is try. Eventually something will pan out. I really tried last year between about now and Christmas and then just gave up. I think people really do think I am a loser and very spoiled to not be working. In my mom's day, it was the norm. Now, not at all!

Didn't make it to the gym today in spite of my best hopes. But I did at least start a ball rolling on the job thing and franikly, I feel drained. Tomorrow should be better and hopefully Dan and I get a walk in tonight.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Okay, I just took an online typing test and I typed between 72 and 76 wpm with between 2-3 mistakes. I guess disboarding has helped me in more ways than one!

What kills me about that job application today, is that it was so limited. For example, I couldn't post my college credits, it would only allow you to put that if you graduated. I have 8 semesters of college in the field of education with a high GPA but until I graduate, they won't recogize it.

I applied for a total of three jobs, but can't help but get my hopes up for the Early Childhood secretary. It would be so perfect. The other two not as much. One was working as a rotating food service worker (great, I get to clean tables and haul boxes of crap all day long, sounds like what I do at home lol) and another was a classroom aid for Kindegarten Enrichment. That one would be better but the school is a long ways from home and I would really be stressed trying to get back over this way to pick up dd each afternoon. If the weather was bad, it would be a nightmare.

I just know that if someone is looking at my application, there is not one thing in it to stand out and make them think "hmm, she'd be perfect". You can't call them, you just submit your online thing. But I am glad I did it and I am keeping my fingers crossed. It would really be an adjustment to us all for me to work full time. But I'd get great benefits, they have a pension I could pay into. I don't have one penny in my own name for retirement.

Dh said he'd hire me. I told him already had but that his pay and benefits sucked!

 

[DisDee]

Amy, Please don't be down on yourself! I'm going to post again later and give you some hints that I learned from my uemployment seminars. Right now I have to tackle my desk and bills, but I'll be back!!!

 

[DisDee]

Amy, I hope you and Dan got to take that walk and now you're feeling a little better about things.

As I said before, I'm going to mention a few ideas that I learned from my U.E. sessions. If you'd rather I P.M. you in the future, I can do that too. First of all make a list of all your skills and experience that you can use on a resume. There are many non-traditional styles of resumes that you can use which don't list only your previous employment. You can probably find a book at the library which gives examples of the many types. You should start with your skills, such as your high WPM, organizational skills, etc. You can add your education also, starting with your college courses,and GPA. Volunteer organization experience is a bonus too, just don't use anything political or religious. The final section would be your work history, and you could probably do that without using dates just focus on the experience. When you fill out an application that's when you can give the employment dates.

Speaking of volunteering, UE suggested doing just that, but choose an organization that will help you develop more skills. Your local hospital probably has a volunteer program for clerical work or receptionists and other areas too. Its not just about handing out magazines any longer. LOL!!! Whatever you choose, do something you like and think outside of the traditional "box" when it comes to your job search.

Now on to you-stop beating yourself up, it just creates negative energy. Do you know how many women would love the opportunity to stay at home and raise their family? Don't apologize for being a stay-at-home mom. Just think about all the experience you gained in running a household, which is like a small business. Don't focus on the fact that you are overweight. I know I went thru that too, thinking I was a too heavy, middle-aged woman who walks with a limp (but not for long.) Its not really about all that, but being a strong, confident woman who can do what she puts her mind to. Somehow, things do work out and you'll find something maybe when you don't even expect to. Carry your resumes with you and network. I took my resume to my oncologist's office, and guess what ? They called me in for an interview. I didn't get the job, but the interview process is important too.

You can also check out your library or community center for computer classes and self-enrichment classes. Think about what you love and try to build a job around it. Do you have a Disney Store at your mall? Working there could get you back into the job world. Whatever you decide, just know that its going to take some time. I never thought that I would be out of work for 6 months, and who knows, after my surgery, I may be again.

I hope I haven't droned on for too long and bored everyone else that reads your journal. Just let me know and I can send you some other suggestions as a PM. Keep the faith and your confidence and it will work out. BTW, I never finished college either, but there was something out there for me. I know you'll find something too!

 

[toystoryduo]

Amy,

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are an amazing person and anybody would be blessed to have you as an employee.

I'm glad that camping went well for you. Did you say TOM made an appearance?!?!?!

Keep on keeping on, Amy. (Or as Walt used to say, "Keep moving forward!" ) You never know when the right job will come along that will be the perfect fit for you. You CAN do this, Amy!!!

Have a wonderful day, my friend.

 

[eyor44]

Hi Amy
Sounds like you had a fun weekend camping, despite issues.

First - I agree, never apologize for being a stay-at-home Mom. The commitment you have made to your family is very important. I often feel that my family gets shortchanged by the fact that I work outside of the home. Also, I sometimes feel that work gets shortchanged when I have to be off. But, my family comes first.

Second - being overweight should not have any bearing on being offered a job. I am a huge advocate for hiring based solely on ability and willingness to do a good job.

Third - I agree with DisDee, think about what really interest you. Yes, the one job may be perfect, and I do hope you get it as you really seem to want it. But if you don't. What else would you like to do? What is your favorite store? Perhaps you could start there. As you said, something recent to put on your resume. You never know, you might discover you love it. I just learned, that volunteer work is a big plus on a resume. and also, were you a Girl Scout? I received the Gold Award, equal to Eagle Scout for Boy Scouts, and was told to put in on my resume.

Fourth - you are a wonderful person. You will find something that works for you and your family. You are blessed with a great DH and kids who support you.

In the meantime, hop on line like Tracy and I do and start on some web sites. Yes, you can't put that on a resume, but there is a certain satisfaction to earning and bit and feel like you are making a difference by offering your consumer opinion.

I really hope you feel better today. Have a great day Amy.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Denise, Tracy and Lisa. I know that being a stay at home mom is a gift and I am actually really proud that Dan and I figured out a way to make that happen for the past fifteen years. I had to quit when I got pregnant with Ds since I was put on bed rest and now here it is nearing 16 years later! I have done quite a few odd things here and there, worked at a health club daycare, did some sales calls for a real estate agent of mine in the evenings, did two stints with home daycare kids and also did some housecleaning. Once my mom got sick in 2001, that really had to become my focus. And yeah, a TON of volunteering through church and school. So for sure that will all be put on my resume (maybe not the housecleaning) when I get one done.

Dan and I talked last night. We both really like the idea of me working for the district since that way I can still be here in the afternoons for the kids. They are capable to stay home alone, but in the end, I feel that for us, me being here in the afternoons is a huge plus and not something I want to give up at this time if at all possible. For the next two years, I have to find something near to home, that has the same schedule as the kids. Dd is open enrolled and cannot walk to and from school due to distance and other factors (she'd have to cross a four lane street with no light plus she'd be walking all alone and at 12 I am just not ready for that). So I think working for our district would be ideal and I think maybe I am onto something. Its a huge district so I need to only apply for jobs that are near to me. Surely something will come up. I have several friends who work for the district and they all say its low paying, but not having to commute, dress all that nice and being on the same general schedule as your kids is worth the lower pay and it evens out. It can take awhile to get in, but once you are, you are in the system and can work your way up. So even a job in food service would be fine with me. Its a start. Now once dd is in high school, then my horizons widen. She can walk to school so I won't need to be working around drop off and pick up.

Still keeping my hopes up for that one position. I mean if I could come up with a job that fits my criteria, this one does in all areas. Close to home, perfect hours, right next door to ds' school and only a couple of miles from dd's. And a half mile from my house. When we have blizzards and the kids start late, I can still get them to school. And its only 240 work days a year. So I'd get off their Christmas, Fall and Spring Breaks (this according to my friend who is actually familar with that position). And its in Early Childhood which is my background and an entry level job. So we'll see.

At least now I have filled out that long online application, so now when I see job postings, I can just submit my already in the system application form. Nice and easy!

We didn't walk last night, it rained and dd had a bunch of homework. But I am planning to go the rec center today. Food yesterday was not stellar but it wasn't horrible either. I was so busy with that online thing I forgot to eat lunch which produced a train wreck hunger attack around dinner time!

Denise: Thanks so much for the good tips. I have a good friend who works in HR and recruiting and she has told me she'll help me do a resume. I think I am always apologizing for being a stay at home mom because I have a couple of friends who call me a "Bon Bon Eater". It started out funny, now it makes me feel sort of paranoid that other people think that. I think women are just so hard on themselves and each other. I know no men who second guess everything they do, eat, where, shop, etc!

Tracy: Thanks Wish Sis. I did think about Walt saying that and you know what he's right! It was just overwhelming filling out that job application. Being a government position, it was pages and pages long and there was no place to really put in the things that I am proud of. But when I get an interview, I can do some better selling of myself.

Lisa: I think we women always feel like we are short changing something. In today's times, its really scary to be on one income and I think Dan and I both feel so much more vulnerable than we used to. And don't ever feel like you shorr changed your family, I can tell by just what I read you put your family first. You wear a lot of hats and you do it well!

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a LOT better today and actually feel pretty positive that something will pan out that will earn me some money, some experience and still let me be close to the homefront and those responsibilities.

 

[eyor44]

Amy, you sound much better today. I'm glad. You'll do it, you'll see. You are right, just getting your foot in the door is sometimes the way to go.

You said your DD is "open enrolled". What does that mean? I understand about not wanting her to walk home by herself. It's just not safe these days.

Hey, you don't have long until your next trip. I just noticed that. You've got to start getting ready for that one soon.

 

[toystoryduo]

I agree with Lisa. You do sound much better today. I am sending lots of prayers and your way for that school job. It sounds like a really good fit for you.

Hope you have a good evening!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Lisa, open enrolled means I have my daughter in a school within our district, but not the school that is our "home school". Our home school is pretty much a nightmare, ds had a bad experience there, its huge, almost 2000 kids and so I found a much smaller, much better school with a great principal and a wonderful group of teachers. Like night and day! However, since its not my home school, she can't ride the bus so I have to take her and pick her up. Its only about a mile and a half, but she'd have to cross a four lane, busy street by herself. She'd be walking the opposite direction of the other kids who live in the neighborhood by that school. So I take and pick up and that's why I got to thinking the district job would be perfect. I did talk with a friend of mine who works at the district, she said they are getting between 100-200 applications for each posting. But I am just going to keep checking daily for job postings and sending in my application. And keeping an eye out for other part time stuff. I plan to just really spread the word around to anybody I know because I think its a lot of who you know in this job market.

Food today much better. I have my crockpot chicken going. Didn't make it to the gym again, I have waited all day long for the roofing company to come and inspect my roof and pick up the check, but of course its after 3:00 and they are still not here. Maybe dh and I can walk tonight, right now its pouring rain and lightening, but that may clear out. If not, well tomorrow is just around the corner. If the roofer doesn't show up today, he can just work around my schedule, this "I'll be by sometime on whatever day" isn't cutting it for me. Second time this has happened. You'd think he'd want his money!

 

[eyor44]

Thanks for the explanation of your DD's school. I kind of thought that might be it, wasn't sure. Totally understand about wanting a job so you can continue to take and pick up. I go in early and DH drops off at school, but they ride the bus home and I am there when they get home.

YAY for food, blah on rain. Unless you need it. We were really praying for it here, but we have had enough now, so are getting a break for a few days.

Praying that you get a job that will work for you.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I had a good day today. I went to the rec center, got a lot done, made dinner, and finally (I hope) finished back to school shopping. Should have bought stock in Office Max. Now its time for bed, I am wiped out!

I need to start posting my food again, I just get off track with that and get lazy. I do think it helps. But tonight, well its not happening!

Thanks for reading.

Oh and no word on the job apps I submitted as of yet. Still keeping those fingers crossed.

Lisa: We have had the wettest summer in years. I think our decade long drought may be ending. Thanks for the well wishes on the job, between the economy, my lack of recent work experience and my limited scope and hours, it may not happen for a couple of years. But then again, life always seems to open a door when you least expect it! I need a "Ginny". Ginny was one of my mom's best friends, when my dad passed in 1972, my mom had to go back to work after a 13 year hiatus. Nobody would hire her until one day she applied at a hospital and a kind woman decided to give her a chance. They became lifelong friends and that job opened up a lot of wonderful opportunities for my mom over the next 25 years. So I know it can happen!

 

[toystoryduo]

I'm glad you had a good day yesterday!

Congrats on finishing the back to school shopping! We got some school supplies for my cousins this year and I was amazed at their lists. I never gave it much thought since we homeschool, but some school lists are miles long. I bet you're glad it's done!

Sending for your job applications. I hope you hear something soon!

Have a wonderful day!

 

[eyor44]

I need a "Ginny". Ginny was one of my mom's best friends, when my dad passed in 1972, my mom had to go back to work after a 13 year hiatus. Nobody would hire her until one day she applied at a hospital and a kind woman decided to give her a chance. They became lifelong friends and that job opened up a lot of wonderful opportunities for my mom over the next 25 years. So I know it can happen!

I had a "Ginny". That is how I got my job. An instructor from college sent me on an interview and I was scared speechless. All I could do was shake my head a lot and say yes occansionally. She was impressed with my college scores and the instructor recommendation. I even failed the typing test, but my instructor faxed in some from class. Guess I actually had two "Ginny's", they made all the difference in the world to a scared kid who suddenly found herself a divorced, single parent.

Completely understand the relief on finishing school shopping. Some things the teachers ask for can be rather difficult to find. I often wonder what stores they shop at.

Sounds like you got a lot done today and had a good day.