Am I wrong for feeling this way? Venting.

[IheartMickey]

A month ago one of my mom's friends came to stay with us because she broke up with the boyfriend she lived with. She's staying in my bedroom, and I'm sleeping on the sofa. I don't mind the sofa, I slept on it a lot before she came.

My mom and I live on a limited income and we don't have any room in our budget for extras. We don't give Christmas gifts to each other, and we don't go for holidays by anyone's house because we don't have the money to buy gifts. This past month with Thanksgiving my mom budgeted wrong when grocery shopping for the holiday. The past two weeks we've had $30 to live on. My mom makes dinner every night and her friend only buys what she needs for herself to eat breakfast and lunch but dinner she counts on us. She works full time and doesn't have rent or utilities to pay.

The other day we ran out of food for dinner so my mom's friend picked up one package of chicken breasts, one can of string beans and a bottle of soda. That lasted two nights for dinner. She went over to her mom's house for the weekend and will be back Sunday night expecting dinner and we won't have anything to make. I don't get my check until Wednesday so we won't have money to buy food until then.

Am I wrong for feeling like she should be contributing to the house in some way? She's been here a month now and talks like she has no plans on leaving. My mom won't ask for anything but I feel like if I was in her position I wouldn't need someone to ask. In fact before we moved here we drove down and stayed at this woman's sister's house and went out and bought a bunch of groceries (including steaks), bought her a carton of cigarettes, paid for her daughters birthday cake and gave money all for letting us stay at her house for 9 days. We had it better back then, that's how we were able to do that.

Anyway, am I just feeling unjustifiably annoyed or would you too?

 

[luvmy3]

I just want to make sure I am understanding this, your mom's friend who I assume is an adult has taken over your room for the last month because her boyfriend broke up with her? She works full time and doesn't contribute to the finances?
I think feeling annoyed is the last thing you should feel. I think you should be down right POed, and feeling used and taken advantage of. What kind of "friend" does this to a family that is already struggling financially? Tell your mom to tell her friend that its time for her to either pay half the bills, or move out and actually support herself.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

She's mooching, no two ways about it. Tell her she needs to either pay rent in the form of groceries or money or she needs to move on, because you honestly just can't afford the extra food or utilities.

Of course, it's easy for me to say, it may not be so easy for you to actually do.

 

[IheartMickey]

Yes, she is a grown adult. She is my mom's age(49, I'm 27) My mom did mention the other day about money towards the extra that will be on the utility bill but she burst out crying even having to ask about that.

 

[Baliezer]

Wow what a deal! Can I come stay with you too? I am kidding. Of course she should be contributing. She should be paying towards the utility bills and the rent as well. I am shocked that she has been able to live with you for a month now and has has not offered to help at all. Especially when she sees that you are barely making it.

 

[clh2]

You gave up your room for someone mooching?

I would be ticked off too.

You've done this friend a favor. Now give her a deadline.

One month should be more than enough time for that person to gain some equilibrium back into their current situation...and figure out a plan. The plan - shouldn't involve mooching.

And - in case I haven't been clear to this point - no one can take advantage of you and your mom - unless you let them.

(now - I also agree with a different poster - it is going to be far easier for us to give advice on this topic - than it will be for you to get this problem fixed.)

 

[abdmom]

My 2 cents. Discuss with your Mom who will do the confronting. Call the moocher-friend tonight, don't wait until tomorrow. Tell her that you cannot afford to support her and that if she wishes to stay with you longer, she will need to pay x amount. The amount should be about 50% of your rent +groceries+utilities. If she agrees, tell her to bring cash tomorrow when she comes back. Good luck.

 

[IheartMickey]

She's afraid to say something until we get the utility bill and get the money from her for that. We know what our last bill was, so however much over that amount it is my mom is going to ask for. My mom is afraid that if she asks for any extra money now that she'll take off and leave us stuck with the extra on the utility bill.

 

[LilyWDW]

We would be having a sit down to lay things out as soon as possible.

1) Set a date she has to be out and stick to it!

2) Say that for her to stay until that date she will need to start putting money towards the utilities and food budget.

3) If she refuses to do number 2, then you tell her she needs be out within the week.

Yes, it is harsh... but this woman is using you at this point. You need to put your foot down.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, she is a grown adult. She is my mom's age(49, I'm 27) My mom did mention the other day about money towards the extra that will be on the utility bill but she burst out crying even having to ask about that.

Okay she is using your mom and you, and she will continue to until your mom speaks up. I know it is easy for us to say that when we aren't the ones that have to do it, but it is the truth. People can only take advantage if you let them, and if your mom doesn't do something about it, then its just going to continue.
Good luck

 

[Scurvy]

I think you are completely justified in being annoyed. I would be extremely angry in your situation. The woman sounds like a mooch and freeloader and there's no way I'd allow someone like her to stay in my home. However, there may not be much you can do about the situation. Are you currently paying rent or do you own part of the place you're living, or are you living with you mom while she pays all the rent or owns the house? Unfortunately, that will make a difference. If you are paying rent, then you need to say something about the situation. You are being deprived of your room for the sake of this woman and that's unacceptable. Would it be an option for you to move out? If so, you could tell your mom that you intend to do that if her friend is going to continue living with her. Then your mom could decide whether to kick the woman out or not.

 

[disneyfreakk]

Yes, she is a grown adult. She is my mom's age(49, I'm 27) My mom did mention the other day about money towards the extra that will be on the utility bill but she burst out crying even having to ask about that.

At first, I thought you were a kid. And while I thought you had every right to be mad about your situation, it was your moms buisness, not yours.

However! Now that I see that you are an adult sharing an a place with your mom (assuming you two split the bills) There is now way in heck that you should have been kicked out of your room! The "friend" should be sleeping on the couch.period. I think you have been more than gracious, but at this point I would have a sit down with your mom and tell her that the friend needs to leave, or I would be finding other living arrangments!

Sorry your in this mess!

 

[IheartMickey]

My mom and I both pay the bills. I get more money per month than my mom does actually.

 

[Bob NC]

1) She should be on the couch, not you.

2) Most of the time the people being used in the situation are far more worried then necessary on bringing up the subject. She knows she's getting a huge favor, she knows she's using you. When you mention that she needs to pay her fair share, she will most likely just go ahead and do it. She knows she should have been doing it all along, but, she'll use you as much as she can.

 

[EMom]

Geez, why didn't your mom give up HER room to the moocher? It is, after all, HER friend. Her freeloading, cheap friend.

There are 3 of you there. She needs to contribute 1/3 of rent, 1/3 of utilities, 1/3 of shared food, etc. And let her sleep on the couch a while.

Maybe her boyfriend got rid of her because she was a leech????? She will never leave if you let her have it this sweet.

 

[Scurvy]

My mom and I both pay the bills. I get more money per month than my mom does actually.

Then at the very least you need to take your room back. If your mom wants her friend to have a bedroom, she can give up her own. Otherwise the moocher needs to be on the couch. And if she finds it less comfortable than the bed, maybe that will encourage her to go find a place of her own.

 

[Grammyof2]

This woman is not going to stick you with the utility bill because she already has. Waiting for the bill to arrive and asking for money will probably bring the same outcome. You will get nothing.

I agree that she should be notified before tomorrow that in order to return to your home you need (whatever amount of cash your mother decides upon) the CASH in hand when she returns. Otherwise she cannot return. Period.

Trust me when I say chances are she won't return and you won't see cash but you probably weren't going to see any cash anyway. Cutting your losses now.

As hard as it is your Mom probably realizes she has been taken.

This is as classic as it gets moocher story. I have seen it numerous times and the outcome is always the same.

Hopefully I am wrong and everything will turn around but please make her pay NOW or don't return. I hate to see you end up in a worse situation.

 

[IheartMickey]

It was my idea for her to have my bedroom. I said i slept on the sofa most of the time anyway so it didn't bother me. After a month, sometimes I just want some privacy but I don't feel like I should complain because the friend is gone for work from 8-5 and then stays with her son, mother, or sister on Saturday nights. They all live in the area.

 

[luvmy3]

It was my idea for her to have my bedroom. I said i slept on the sofa most of the time anyway so it didn't bother me. After a month, sometimes I just want some privacy but I don't feel like I should complain because the friend is gone for work from 8-5 and then stays with her son, mother, or sister on Saturday nights. They all live in the area.

So she has other places she could stay? I would be kicking her to the curb ASAP!

 

[wilderness01]

With all respect, it seems like you are making excuses for her. As long as you do that, or justify her behavior, she will continue to use you and your mother. I would kick her out now.