Am I right or wrong? A vent

[mylilnikita]

Hi
First of all, I have great neighbors who after Hurricane Isabel pitched in together. One of the neighbor's wives, I like, but I got upset about this: I give to charity in the way of clothes household goods, toys a couple times a year. I have given the neighbor's daughter who just turned 5 and needs major discipline. Anway, the wife asked me if I had anything to give to her church that was going to donate the items for less fortunate, so I was all about that. My dd7 is growing every time I turn around got her toys that she doesn't play with and clothes that don't fit and we gave a couple bags to the wife. Well, not long afterwards, I go over there and the little girl is wearing my DD's clothes and has a few toys that were in bags. So the wife says does the stuff look familar and I say yea. She said she figured I wouldn;t mind if she took some stuff. In the past I have passed down Dd's old bike and her jeep power wheels when she got too tall for it and a few toys or clothes, but I actually handed them to her and said I wanted her to have them. I tell her that I gave the stuff so other people could have them.
So she asked me today if I had some things that I could donate for where she works at is doing a garage sale and givng the proceeds to a charity and I say no, because right now I don't and she got all huffy with me and says it is for charity. I tell her I gave some stuff to AMVETS a couple weeks ago and I have nothing to give right now. Now, my house is lived in, but her house, you have to follow the path because she is a pack rat. Heaven forbid if there is ever a fire, seriously. So I told her she can get rid of some of her stuff that just sits there. Now, was I right for getting upset at her taking stuff when I was donating it soley to the charity? It just really ticked me off. Like, Hello, get rid of all your junk and your kid's junk instead of adding to it. Plus after I told her to get rid of some of her stuff she talked about how I shoudl have gotten my puppy, Sasha a white and tan german shepard because it isn't what I need right now. I have another dog, Nikita 7 years old, Dd is 7 and I take care of Mom's stuff as well. At least my dogs are not in a pen, not socialized and a cat that stays outside even in the freezing cold with a pet carrier and a pet bed inside. I feel better now, thanks for reading.

 

[worm761]

just because you really sound like you need one.... and to answer your question...we are never wrong for the way we feel. it is the way you feel, so be it. but i happen to agree with you. she should have given all the stuff to the church for a donation. i probably wouldn't give her stuff to donate again. just because of that incident.

 

[beckmrk04]

I would be ticked off too, if I thought the stuff was going to charity and then it didn't get there. But, it's one of those things where I almost kinda feel bad for her. Some people just need lessons in social skills and behavior. You don't ask for donations to charity then look through and take out all the good stuff for yourself. I don't blame you for not giving her anything else.

 

[mylilnikita]

Thank ya'll. Glad to know it wasn't me being mean. I should have added that her daughter has alot of toys she doesnt play with even her old baby toys. And the parents both work,and their house and cars are paid off so it is not like the child goes without. Thank you for your input. And no, I will not be giving stuff again to her.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

That lady is really out of line. I'd feel the same way if I were you. You trusted her to give the things to charity, and instead she helped herself to the items she liked. That's crazy.

I wouldn't put my trust in her anymore.

 

[disykat]

I'd feel the same way. I once had a neighbor who was donating baked goods to the same charity event that I was and offered to take what I had made. She later told me she hadn't gotten around to baking, so she didn't go deliver and they just ate what I made themselves. It definately changed the way I felt about her and I didn't trust her after that. If she had called me and told me she wasn't going to be able to deliver I could easily have done it myself.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I would be upset too and I think you did the right thing.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

That lady is really out of line. I'd feel the same way if I were you. You trusted her to give the things to charity, and instead she helped herself to the items she liked. That's crazy.

I wouldn't put my trust in her anymore.

I agree.

How would you feel if she had asked you to donate cash to a charity that she was working for and later, found out that she took half of the money and used it to pay some bills!?!?! By taking your donations and using them for her own personal use, she was incredibly dishonest...and in my opinion, stealing from charity. That is lower than low!

I wouldn't trust her anymore either!

 

[VSL]

I agree.

How would you feel if she had asked you to donate cash to a charity that she was working for and later, found out that she took half of the money and used it to pay some bills!?!?!

That's a good point.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think you are lumping alot of frustration into this one "issue".

I would say to never give her a thing again. It sounds as if she just wants your stuff, honestly. What she did was disgusting.

Now to get "huffy" about it is just over the top "Spoiled Rotten Attitude" or "Entitlement"....(I had an old neighbor like that. She felt we should just give her stuff because she had 4 kids.)

Making the comment to her about giving her OWN stuff, was a little out of line. Of course you know that she should do it and taking a jab at her probably felt good. Not that I blame you.

 

[mickeyfan2]

She was wrong to take anything from the bags that you donated to her church. If she bought them from the church that would be different. It sounds to me like she use the charity thing to get stuff for her DD.

 

[EthansMom]

It was rude of your neighbor to open up the bags of your donated items and go through them, not to mention actually taking items out for her own use! And then to get huffy when you don't have any items for the latest charity? Please! Sounds like she was hoping for another bonanza of free toys and clothes for herself.

I get moderately upset that I have given my SIL tons of clothes for her DD and have never gotten any of the clothes back so that I could take them to Once Upon a Child or Goodwill. But at least, those are items that I have GIVEN not that have been stolen out of a charitable donation.

You gotta wonder about people who would take stuff from the poor.....

 

[scrump]

Hi

Now, was I right for getting upset at her taking stuff when I was donating it soley to the charity? It just really ticked me off.

This has happened to me, too. I was in college, and there was a clothing drive in my dorm. I donated some clothes, but a couple of days later, I saw a friend of mine wearing one of the shirts I gave away. She also figured that I "wouldn't mind." I was really put off, too, so I understand how you feel.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

She was wrong to take items you donated in good faith for her own use.

I had a fundraiser garage sale last year and got sooooo much stuff. Well my 2 girls (5 and 3) decided to go "shopping".

The did keep the items but I also paid for them. Some thought I was silly for doing so. My thought is, if I hadn't taken them I would have sold them and gotten money for my charity....so the only HONEST thing to do was pay for them. If the people who donated wanted me to just keep them for our use--they would have said so. (And I was honest regarding what should be paid for the items and I did let my friends know that is what I did).


What she did was dishonest. I wouldn't donate to her anymore. Offer to deliver items yourself to the charitable organization next time.

As far as her stuff---probably could have phrased it better--but since she was copping attitude over you not giving when you usually do...I don't hold it against you that you went off.

I'm more than happy to donate when I want to...I get pi$$y as well it is expected of me and when I couldn't I get snapped at. That is NOT what charity is about.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I can't believe she did that! It really took nerve!!! I'd be majorly P.O.'d. That was just wrong on so many levels.

I'd be giving her the parade wave and keep about my business after that.

 

[Disney Doll]

Basically what you have here is a neighbor who stole from charity and then got mad when you "called" her on it, so to speak. And by not giving her items to donate to another charity thing she asked you about, you, in essence, "called" her on it.

Her nasty reaction was probably due to embarrassment at her behavior and getting caught. And she should well be embarrassed too!!!!!

I wouldn't be giving her anything else to donate. If she asks about donations, then ask her where the donation drop-off is and take the items there yourself.

As far as you getting snippy back...guess what, if a neighbor I had trusted to bring charitable stuff to a donation center stole it, I'd get snippy too.

I'd distance myself from this gal...sounds like trouble.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I agree that she was in the wrong for taking the donated items and I would never donate items via her again and I would be truthful (in a polite way) with her about that). She shouldn't have even opened the bags that you were donated, but if she couldn't resist and saw something really cute she should have bought them from the church or at least told you that she saw the item(s) and asked you if she could have it because she really thought it was cute. Still not the right, but better than what she did.

I also think that you are lumping lots of issues in this one issue. What does the girl having discipline issues have to do with the clothes? You are within your rights to not give the woman any more clothes to go through, I mean donate , but I wouldn't comment to her on her house (even though I understand your point that she had a lot to go through).

Maybe she feels beyond hope that she can't get it together with her home. You can give you www.flylady.org website to help her out, but I suppose that would be tacky, too.

 

[froglady]

As someone mentioned, it would be different if the items were going to be sold to raise money, AND she paid for them so the money went to the charity.

When I was young, single, and spent way more on fashionable, trendy clothes, I would give anything I was "finished" with (maybe it just wasn't the height of fashion anymore) to my mother for her charity's frequent garage sales. There was one woman involved who looked for my items (we were the same size) and got first dibs on them, but she could not buy them until they had already been priced by someone else, so that the charity didn't lose money on it. I thought that even that was a little unfair, but had I just given them to her, the charity wouldn't have gotten anything, and I felt uncomfortable asking her to come over and pay me for them so I could give the monet myself. (Plus it would have required setting up a mutually convenient time, etc.)

 

[mylilnikita]

My talking about her daughter was accidently left in there because I had written other stuff and didn't proof read all the way. But her DD still has toys from when she was a baby, so why not give those things away? Why not teach the daughter to give things she doesn't want or need to other kids? They bought a new bed, but still had the mattress and bed frame in the hallway weeks after they got the new bed, why wouldn't she donate those, they weren't really old and they have a pick up to take the stuff. She had said she keeps everything, clothes with price tags still on it. They have 3 vehicles, only 2 they drive regularly, the other just sits in the yard only to get driven at least once a year to get inspected. I have offered in the past to help her clean and declutter, but she doesn't want the help. If there is a fire, they will have to walk along a path, becasue stuff is piled high and every where. She has 4 days a week off from work, but she doesn't clean, if she had roaches, they would be driving little dune buggies to get around there is so much dust. My point is she didn't need anymore stuff. If she is going to ask people to donate, she needs to get her stuff together and do the same. I didn't say anything until after she got huffy with me and I am not politically correct. I don't care what anyone does with their stuff, but don't get into my life about what I should have or do or whatever, i.e. getting my new puppy. I am a single parent, I work, take care of DD7, my Mom, a house, 2 cars, all the bills and get child support far and few between payments, but I do not go through bags to get what I wanted first. If I am going to ask people to donate stuff, I would donating right along with them.

 

[froglady]

This is a little off topic, but she may have a psychological problem. Did anyone else see the Dr Phil show about pack rats? It's not just a matter of disorganization. Some of these people actually feel physically ill if you take away their "stuff." It's as if each item, no matter how insignificant, is a piece of themselves, and they will be "reduced" by getting rid of it. It's as if you take away, or they get rid of, too much of their stuff, they'll cease to exist. They're so afraid of reaching that invisible point, that they can't part with anything.