Am I mean?

[conciergekelly]

Go! Have fun and enjoy a break. Life is too short and kids grow up so fast. DH gets a vacation from his job, so should you. You know what they say, if mom isn't happy, no ones is happy. I think you have the perfect solution.
1. You get time with your family in a later trip
2. You get time with DH on your adult trip
3. You get one on one time with your mother/son trip.
4. You get to go to Disney 3 times in one year!

 

[TenThousandVolts]

I voted that you should wait and go with the whole family but I am changing my mind. Go with your son and have a great time.

My brother has 2 children ages 4 and 5. The 4 year old has severe autism. Last year they decided to try wdw and the 4 year old was so overstimiulated by the whole experience they ended up spending a lot of time in the room (and at the pool- which both kids enjoyed). Anyway, we are taking their 5 year old with us on our next trip because we feel that she really will be able to exerience wdw fully with us and she wasn't able to on her family trip. (I love my DVC- I could never bring guests along without it) I always worry about my little niece, even though her parents are wonderful, caring and attentive. Her little brother demands so much of her parents energy, the 5 year old has taken on the role of the easy-going mommy's helper. She is such a good kid and I just want to give her a BIG treat. I can really see how this trip might be just what the doctor ordered for you and your son. So I would just think of this trip as a once in a lifetime "Mommy and me". Go and don't feel guilty.

 

[wildernessDad]

My DW and son are staying at OKW in March as they are going to a conference. My wife will have one up on me as we have never stayed at OKW before. I think that it's kind of neat that she gets to experience that on her own with my son, of course. I don't think they'll be doing too much Disney, but it will still be nice for her to experience OKW while she is there.

This side trip may increase her interest in DVC, which is what I am hoping.

 

[Cee]

If it's going to put you in the doghouse indefinitely it won't be worth it. If it
doesn't matter to anyone, then go. I've been on trips with just my one DD,
then the other DD, my DS is the only kid I've never had a solo trip with. I
hope one day to do that. He's 24 so I'd better get crackin'!

 

[castleri]

I voted that you and your son should go for a special trip with the just the two of you. You have already given up a special activity with him once. Don't let it be a pattern - Don't feel guilty for wanting to have this time with your son. Plan a family trip later on and a special trip with your DH but don't give up this trip with your son. I agree with the others who have said your DH has perfected the art of making your feel guilty - just how hard could it have been to take care of the two boys with two sets of grandparents for back up while you and the other son had a few hours to do the things he wanted to do? Last year we had a trip where the youngest son (age 20) came for a couple of days and one of our best days was when he and I did the Segway tour. THe other 5 adults and 2 children managed to entertain themselves for a few hours without us.
Go and give your son a trip that he will remember for many years to come. This same son of mine and I stayed at AK for a couple of nights pre family trip a few years ago and it is still his favorite resort even though we have never stayed there again. When he and his daughter ( due to arrive in late Oct.) are ready for that first WDW trip I will be using points for AKV you can be sure based on his love for the resort as a result of a Mom and son stay of only two days.

 

[jcpuppy.com]

Provided you won't spend your precious time with your son worrying about how things are going at home and what the reaction will be when you get home (would this be an issue?). I would say - go for it!!!



NARM

I don't think I will be a worry wart as that it is not my usual nature

My special needs kids(adopted girl and a boy twins) are numerically 10, but depending upon the subject operate around 5. Behavioral problems are the most trying. So much so , their grandparents took the one for 3 months about 2 years ago and has never offered again. The other they took for a month and called for me to come get her. The one is a retired school teacher so use to kids. My mom won't keep either for more than an hour or 2, as they are too much for her.

I get along pretty good with them now and am not bothered by their antics so much anymore, but it does bother me that the other son has to deal with them and he does a really good job, playing "big brother"

A trip won't put me in a doghouse for very long anyways, but I think when I get a chance to read everyone's responses to him, it will help my husband to understand better. He is normally pretty good and I usually get my way.
I agree with the poster who said I already gave up my one special event/day scheduled with my son. No reason to give this one up.

I would feel different if it was a "once in a lifetime trip" but we bought DVC last year, so are now able to take reg trips, so no one is being "left out" and not ever going to get to go there.

 

[Teyedoubleguhrrrr]

I guess I look at it this way - I have two daughters - 8 & 5. I do things with the 8 year old that I don't do with the 5 year old because she is older and is mature enough to handle some of the special things. I also make time for the 5 year old and do special things with her, too. By the same token, I have punished one without the other - even on special things. For instance, the 5 year old was misbehaving, so the older one got to eat out/get dessert while she did not. Was it hard? Absolutely, but worth it.

It is important as parents that we take time and give individual attention to EACH of our children - not just lump them together. Given what you have said about your family situation, I am sure your son has been very patient/sacrificing for the good of the family in the past. Reward him and let him know that he is just as special as his higher need siblings. You'll reward yourself, too, but the bigger point is your son, and I think your hubby needs to remember that.

 

[IndianaMouseLover]

Part of being a family means compromises. Not just on your part but for your DH as well.You gave him options, he complained, you changed you vacation he complained and pouted. It sounds to me like he has perfected the art of giving you a guilt trip. I'd try to talk to him about it, and then follow through on whatever you decide on. I think it may be time for him to make some kind of compromise.

I would second this thought. He has a choice to take it or leave it. I would go if I were you and it is HIS CHOICE to stay behind or go.

 

[KevGuy]

My opinion would be that we bought DVC to go as a family, not single trips. So like the three musketeers all for one, one for all, or not at all.

 

[Disney MAINEiac]

Though i would love to try i could never get away with a trip just me and 1 of my children.

 

[jcpuppy.com]

Though i would love to try i could never get away with a trip just me and 1 of my children.

why not? even if you "rotated" kids one, one trip and the next the next trip?

 

[iluveeyore]

Life is short - enjoy some time away with your son - my oldest is 18 now and moved in with his girlfriend, and although we love her I miss time with my son. Thankfully, I took my two sons and left my daughter home with DH and we went for March Break two years ago. They each brought a friend, but it was a wonderful road trip and we all shared a villa at OKW and had a blast. I also took just my daughter last March Break on a road trip to North Carolina, and just being in the car together and sharing hotel rooms and meals out was a wonderful bonding time for us - she still looks at pictures and tells her friends what a special trip it was. She's twelve now and it won't be long until she's grown and gone too.
So I vote take your son so he has some special memories of a trip he had with Mom to WDW. You're a DVC member, so you'll have many years of family trips ahead of you - the smaller trips with just a couple of you should be happy bonuses!!

 

[rocketriter]

I don't think the issue is travelling with or without hubby. Giving people the room to do things they want and avoid things they don't want is an acceptable part of family negotiations. For me the red flag is quantity. Are you folks really fighting about whether you go 2 or 3 times a year? If going that often causes friction, then you might consider a world full of other wonderful destinations -- DVC or not.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I don't think I will be a worry wart as that it is not my usual nature

My special needs kids(adopted girl and a boy twins) are numerically 10, but depending upon the subject operate around 5. Behavioral problems are the most trying. So much so , their grandparents took the one for 3 months about 2 years ago and has never offered again. The other they took for a month and called for me to come get her. The one is a retired school teacher so use to kids. My mom won't keep either for more than an hour or 2, as they are too much for her.

I get along pretty good with them now and am not bothered by their antics so much anymore, but it does bother me that the other son has to deal with them and he does a really good job, playing "big brother"

A trip won't put me in a doghouse for very long anyways, but I think when I get a chance to read everyone's responses to him, it will help my husband to understand better. He is normally pretty good and I usually get my way.
I agree with the poster who said I already gave up my one special event/day scheduled with my son. No reason to give this one up.

I would feel different if it was a "once in a lifetime trip" but we bought DVC last year, so are now able to take reg trips, so no one is being "left out" and not ever going to get to go there.

I originally voted for a family trip, but given these circumstances, I think you DO need alone time with your son. I now think you should do BOTH the family trip and your single trip with one son.

 

[Inkmahm]

I originally voted for a family trip, but given these circumstances, I think you DO need alone time with your son. I now think you should do BOTH the family trip and your single trip with one son.

Amen to that! Take the trip alone with your son. You BOTH deserve it.

 

[jcpuppy.com]

I don't think the issue is travelling with or without hubby. Giving people the room to do things they want and avoid things they don't want is an acceptable part of family negotiations. For me the red flag is quantity. Are you folks really fighting about whether you go 2 or 3 times a year? If going that often causes friction, then you might consider a world full of other wonderful destinations -- DVC or not.

I did get to speak to hubby last night about this, tho I was not able to read him the responses(he is away right now) Here are his list of reasons

1) money--- he wants to save for some more practical items, so traveling ANYWHERE would cause the same reaction.

2) The way I presented the trip bothered him. ie rather than saying "what is your opinion" , I was more like "we are going"

3) His time home, he wants to spend with me, that will be missed on that trip home, as I would be gone. Can you imagine 12 years of marriage and he has never slept in our bed at home without me , and says he would miss me

4) He thinks 1 trip a year on a vacation..ie Disney in our case, is more than enough. We went 10 years with never having a vacation to now me wanting a couple trips a year. I think something in the pixie dust causes addiction

5) he and the others would love to go, but he doesn't want to spend the money that way and 2 trips are silly.


I did present everyone's idea's and at first he was a bit hard headed, but then agreed to renegotiate how many trips a year, so that we don't face a debate again. Currently on the table is 1 family trip on odd years and 2 family trips on even years OR 1- 2 person trip(ie me and a kid or me and dh) and 1 family trip every year. I prefer this option, then I can go every 6 months

So, you guys can sit back and watch as the Disney world turns

I really like the idea of a trip with my son. I agree with others - in 7 years he will be thinking of moving out and mom won't be such a top priority. I already am mourning that day.

 

[lisaviolet]

A trip won't put me in a doghouse for very long anyways, but I think when I get a chance to read everyone's responses to him, it will help my husband to understand better.

Ooooh. I don't know OP. Did he know about this thread/poll ahead of time? If not, oh boy. In my opinion, it would take a very special man to hear comments about whether, when it comes down to it, he is being fair or being an #$@ about you taking a separate trip. I'm sure you are going to pick and choose what to say/read. But regardless I don't think I would share at all. Just my 2 cents.

Anyway, all the best to you no matter what you choose to do. I'm so sorry that life is overwhelming at times with the children.

It's an absolute no brainer to me. I would go on the trip. But of course, as the poll shows, everyone thinks differently on what is best for a family.

Good luck.

 

[lisaviolet]

I did present everyone's idea's and at first he was a bit hard headed, but then agreed to renegotiate how many trips a year, so that we don't face a debate again.

Hi OP,

I posted at the same time as you. I'm curious. Did you present them as your ideas or does he know this issue was posted as a poll? Oh boy. I could never hear responses to something so personal from strangers. If so, kudos to him.

 

[jcpuppy.com]

Mmmm....didn't think about it that way. I won't read him the responses. he knows there is a poll, but not the tally. I guess that is why his first response was to say dis folks can go jump in a lake.

Must be a female thing to ask for others opinions and ideas.

BTW I don't think he is being a jerk. I am no more right than he is...just have to figure a fair way to be married and so everyone involved can feel happy.

When he first stated how sad the family would be about not going I agreed, until I thought more about it. I personaly will miss having the family along, but at the same time I would enjoy being able to spend time with my son without having to divide myself up between kids and husband

 

[crisi]

I'd skip the trip and go to marriage counseling - maybe family counseling.

Sounds to me like you and your husband have some very different priorities. Who was the motivator behind adopting multiple special needs kids? - if he wasn't an equal participant in that decision, he may feel like he has more than done his part and been roped into a life he wouldn't have chosen if he didn't care about what you wanted so much. He has financial concerns - not uncommon at all for breadwinners who have special needs kids - special needs kids take a lot of long term financial planning. And it sounds like he works very hard to provide a financially stable position for you and your family. On the other hand, you recognize that you and your son both need some special time together where the needs of the special needs siblings aren't the number one priority - that isn't fair to you or your son to never be relieved of that - especially your son who didn't make those choices.

I think this is much bigger than "my husband doesn't want to eat at Boma" - its about short term vs. long term needs, about whose needs take priority and who had taken priority in the past. Whatever happens with this trip to Disney, those issues are going to remain and need to get dealt with.