Am I mean?

[jcpuppy.com]

We got done with our May trip and hubby swore we will never go during a busy time again. So, he asked me the different slow times and we came to the conclussion the next time we will try is Jan 08 as a family(2 adults 3 kids)
I make ressies and then hubby informs me he doesn't want to go again until Aug/Sept 08.
Hubby hates Boma's and AKL and in our May trip I had planned to do Boma's (with my one son) and the bush camp for him, as a special mom and me only thing(the other 2 kids are special needs and take up a LOT of my attention)
Well, let's just say it didn't work out and I had to cancel ressies for the May thing.
So, I decided I will do a 5 day son and me only trip to AKV etc.. in jan and hubby can watch the other 2. Now, hubby is pouting and says that it is totally wrong to leave him and the other 2 kids home when they all like wdw, but he still insists for a later in the year family trip. Part of the issue he is having is money. He would rather save the money for more practical reasons, so whether 2 or 5 of is go, he will moan. Personaly, I think his biggest moan is me going without him. The guilt factor is starting to work on me. I told him, he was welcome to take the other 2 on a him and them only trip whenever he wanted, but that didn't appeal to him .

So, am I mean? His work schedule is such that there are times I could easily go without him and with our ap's it wouldn't be a very expensive thing
I wouldn't mind the whole family going, but I know my fantasy of trying AKV and all that would be wasted if he tags along(nothing like someone unhappy for where they are staying to ruin things for others)
Should I just cave in? Open to ideas or suggestions

If I had my way 08 would look like this' son and me only trip Jan, hubby and me only trip aug 08(anniversary) and then a really nice family trip right after turkey day for the Christmas stuff...I realize there is a common theme , but hey my schedule is flexible

 

[dianeschlicht]

I'm one of those who think families should travel together, so I'm probably not the best one to ask. I will say that we LOVE January, May and early December....Not so much August/September. In August and September you have the WORST heat and humidity, and there's always that pesky threat of a hurricane. We have gone a couple of times that time of year and hated it.

 

[Figment2]

I think it sounds like a very special trip for you and your son to share.
I took many trips with just my Mom & I treasure every memory. My Mom loved to travel and my Dad was more stay at home.

If you can get through the guilt that will be laid on you, I say go for it!

Cyn

 

[Mike]

I'm one of those who think families should travel together, so I'm probably not the best one to ask. I will say that we LOVE January, May and early December....Not so much August/September. In August and September you have the WORST heat and humidity, and there's always that pesky threat of a hurricane. We have gone a couple of times that time of year and hated it.

I agree with Diane - our WDW trips are for the entire family. I wouldn't have it any other way.

It sounds like your DH should be a little more flexible about where you want to stay. Fortunately, my wife and I always agree on where we are going to stay. But if she really wanted to try a place that I wasn't too keen on, I would certainly respect that and go along with it without pouting. That is the least I could do for her.

 

[Luigi's Girl]

Forget Boma and remember Ohana. " Ohana means family and family means... nobody gets left behind!

 

[Deb & Bill]

I'd hate to leave my husband behind. That said, he's going in Jan for the marathon, but our son just started high school this week. So Will and I will stay home so his school work doesn't get messed up. Bill's going with his running buddy and they will stay at OKW in a studio for four nights. There is supposed to be a special medal for the 15th marathon, so that's why it's important for him to go.

We'll all go in June.

 

[CrzyforPiglet]

I'm split. I think it would be special for just you and your son to go but if you don't have the money for two trips - one just you and your son and a second family one then I say only do the family one. It isn't fair if the other 3 members of your family also love disney and you leave them behind but that's just me. Maybe you could compromise and have a special mother and son day during a larger family trip. I would let your hubby know though that aug/sept is really hot. If that's a factor for him maybe he'll change his mind about January. Good luck!

 

[JLitfin]

I will travel to Disney without my DH mainly because I'm a Disney nut and he's not. He would rather go to Disney every 2-3 years and I'm a every year kind of person. I go just about every January with my sister. Last year we had 6 traveling, her 3 kids and 1 of my sons, this year it's only going to be 4 of us, just her 2 girls. The other kids are now in HS. We do everything Disney, parks, DDP, DTD, etc, than when my DH and 3 boys joins me it's more of a relaxing at the resort next to the pool, cooking in, etc. kind of vacation. This is better for both of us since I always want to go to Disney and he doesn't.

Now when we go to Cancun, Aruba, Myrtle Beach etc. there's no way my family will stay home. They just love these type of vacations.

 

[sajetto]

I'm on your husband's side

 

[patsal]

Part of being a family means compromises. Not just on your part but for your DH as well.You gave him options, he complained, you changed you vacation he complained and pouted. It sounds to me like he has perfected the art of giving you a guilt trip. I'd try to talk to him about it, and then follow through on whatever you decide on. I think it may be time for him to make some kind of compromise.

 

[jcpuppy.com]

If it helps any, we bought DVC with the original plan of once a year family trip the end of august during our anniversary dates. However the wise woman that i am have carefully managed my points so i have extra. He never wants to go for more than a week, feels that is plenty of time, plus we have to work around his vacation time.

Generally I wouldn't go without him, as Disney has been extra special for the 2 of us, but I must admit the appeal of this son and I only trip is really calling to me.

As far as compromise, he would stay at AKV and eat Boma's, but without saying anything I know he would be unhappy.
And as far as taking one day out of a family trip and spending it with my son, that is what i tried in may, but I had to deal with a pouting husband then too. He didn't want to be stuck with my mother, his parents and the other 2 kids without me.
It was awkward with our schedule, so I canceled all my ressies(Boma and Bush camp) and caved in.
Generally, I pretty much always get my way, so have throw hubby a bone every now and then

Such a hard choice!!

 

[jemiaule]

If it were me I would take the trip with son in January. The attempted guilt trip would not fly with me either since I see absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Your husband does not want to go when you do. He does not like AKL. He does not like Boma. You want to take a trip and do things he hates. If he would compromise and do the things other family members like while on a family trip this January trip may never have come up.

Do you think the issue is he does not want you going without him or he does not want to take care of the two other children by himself while you are gone?

 

[jcpuppy.com]

If it were me I would take the trip with son in January. The attempted guilt trip would not fly with me either since I see absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Your husband does not want to go when you do. He does not like AKL. He does not like Boma. You want to take a trip and do things he hates. If he would compromise and do the things other family members like while on a family trip this January trip may never have come up.

Do you think the issue is he does not want you going without him or he does not want to take care of the two other children by himself while you are gone?

I suspect highly it has to do with the 2 other kids. They are a challenge. He helps as much as he can, but I suspect that is also why he put a damper on the May trip where I was suppose to do things the ak things.

I think I will try and dig deeper. He has no problem with our upcoming he and I only trip, so the "family" thing is not quite 100% is it?

he is also away from home a lot, so for me to leave when he gets home, means extra time we won't see each other..that part is a bummer

 

[jcpuppy.com]

Ok, I decided to put it to a vote. I left the poll open just 10 days. This will hopefully make a fair choice for hubby and I, and I think he and I can both respect the vote.

So, put in your vote

Son and I only trip with a family trip later

Or stay home with hubby and do a family trip later on

 

[patsal]

So let me get this straight...your DH is ok leaving all three kids with someone and going alone with you. He is ok leaving you to go to work for extended periods of time while leaving you with the two boys who need a lot of attention. He wants what he wants when he wants it--ie resort, time of vacation, places you eat. It is ok for you to not do things you'd like to try because he doesn't want to? If I have that corect then I'm betting he is trying to make you feel guilty because he doesn't want to watch the two boys. Big deal they are difficult, they are difficult for you as well. They are his children and he is not "watching them"-what's up with that anyway--oh how wonderful your husband is watching the kids--heck you do that all the time no one says oh what a great Mom she is watching her kids!?! Anyway i digress. Stretch your points, wnjoy a vacation that yould like, let him play your role for a few days with the other kids and maybe he'll learn that he needs to compromise a bit--go when you'd like to occasionally, eat somewhere becasue you'd like to, etc.

 

[jcpuppy.com]

So let me get this straight...your DH is ok leaving all three kids with someone and going alone with you. He is ok leaving you to go to work for extended periods of time while leaving you with the two boys who need a lot of attention. He wants what he wants when he wants it--ie resort, time of vacation, places you eat. It is ok for you to not do things you'd like to try because he doesn't want to? If I have that corect then I'm betting he is trying to make you feel guilty because he doesn't want to watch the two boys. Big deal they are difficult, they are difficult for you as well. They are his children and he is not "watching them"-what's up with that anyway--oh how wonderful your husband is watching the kids--heck you do that all the time no one says oh what a great Mom she is watching her kids!?! Anyway i digress. Stretch your points, wnjoy a vacation that yould like, let him play your role for a few days with the other kids and maybe he'll learn that he needs to compromise a bit--go when you'd like to occasionally, eat somewhere becasue you'd like to, etc.

Mmmmm....I think you have summed up my suspicions and in a much better way than i was able.
BTW didn't you know husbands are glorified babysitters

 

[patsal]

Mmmmm....I think you have summed up my suspicions and in a much better way than i was able.
BTW didn't you know husbands are glorified babysitters

Sorry, go regroup and enjoy trying something you'd enjoy without guilt

 

[kimberh]

I voted to take the trip, you need to have special time with all 3 children, not just the two that require most of your time. I think watching the kids is the biggest factor.

 

[NARM Forever]

Provided you won't spend your precious time with your son worrying about how things are going at home and what the reaction will be when you get home (would this be an issue?). I would say - go for it!!!

It's so hard to parent children with special needs and the able sibling often does not get the attention that they deserve. With your husband away often you must not much of a break to recharge your batteries, this trip will help you to do that and have the added benefit of giving your son some much needed one on one time.

Good luck with your decision.

NARM

 

[spiceycat]

go with son. He deserves your full attention - especially since he won't be around forever.

bond now.

your husband sounds like a controller to me. He should learn the art of compromise (sp).

quit looking at your husband needs and consider your child. He has probably given up much of his life for his brothers.

he deserves your time just like his brothers.