Am I cynical or is this tacky?

[mom2grace]

Originally posted by krissy3483
I would send a card with a nice note inside, bubbling about how excited you were to finally hear from her....and twice even! I would definitely make it a point to let her know what she was doing, although I don't think I would come right out and say it. If she is one to take a hint though, she would definitely understand your point.

Great idea, then buy a gift for yourself!!!

 

[AlexandNessa]

Thanks, everyone! I was a bit ticked off when I got the invite, and I thought maybe I was over-reacting!

You guys have made me feel better -- I just love some of the ideas here. I especially like the idea about waiting 20 months and then sending a newborn outfit! Or maybe waiting 20 months to respond saying sorry I couldn't come.

I really do not want to send a gift, and you all have assuaged my fears that I'm not being selfish by not sending anything. I may wait till after the baby is born and then send a card -- and I may just take my sweet time doing so!!

 

[HollyJoy]

It sounds to me that she is just interested in getting gifts. I think you should just send a nice card wishing her well and skip the shower and gift. There are some people in the world that just don't make for good friends. She sounds like one.

 

[Disney Doll]

I like krissy's idea.

I'd write something like...

"Imagine my surprise when I received a thank you for the wedding giftwe gave you 2 years ago, and just a few days later, a baby shower invitation!!!! Two cards in a short time!! What fun!!! While I am thrilled that you are expecting, unfortunately I won't be able to attend your baby shower, but I do send all the best wishes I can, and can't wait to hear about your beautiful baby!"

I just love that drippingly sarcastic but they can't fault you because it says nothing mean tone.

 

[Serena]

Tacky, tacky.

I'd send congratulations later, if you feel like it.

 

[buzzz1]

TACKY ! TACKY ! TACKY !!

If I did anything at all.... it would be just to send a
Congratulations card.

There is NO excuse for someone not being Thankful in a timely manner......

 

[liznboys]

Originally posted by Disney Doll
I like krissy's idea.

I'd write something like...

"Imagine my surprise when I received a thank you for the wedding giftwe gave you 2 years ago, and just a few days later, a baby shower invitation!!!! Two cards in a short time!! What fun!!! While I am thrilled that you are expecting, unfortunately I won't be able to attend your baby shower, but I do send all the best wishes I can, and can't wait to hear about your beautiful baby!"

I just love that drippingly sarcastic but they can't fault you because it says nothing mean tone.

LOL!!!!! I love that! I change my answer to this one!!

You'll have to tell us what you end up doing....and how she reacts too!

 

[Kimberle]

I would send a card, about a month after the baby is born.

"Congrat's on Andrew's safe arrival. So sorry I missed your shower. We seem to be having trouble with our mail as I just received the shower invitation."

Warmest regards.
xxxx

 

[OceanAnnie]

Originally posted by Kimberle
I would send a card, about a month after the baby is born.

"Congrat's on Andrew's safe arrival. So sorry I missed your shower. We seem to be having trouble with our mail as I just received the shower invitation."

Warmest regards.
xxxx

Or you could say, "We seem to be having trouble with our mail, as I just received the shower invitation along with your thank you note from the wedding!" (Isn't that awful?)

 

[Missy1961]

Originally posted by OceanAnnie
Or you could say, "We seem to be having trouble with our mail, as I just received the shower invitation along with your thank you note from the wedding!" (Isn't that awful?)

That's it! I would not send a gift. Just a card.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
I hear what you are saying and my first thought was that she doesn't even deserve a card...BUT, I would send a card to make it very clear that I am aware of her tactics and there will be NO GIFT. If there is no response at all she could think you didn't receive the invite...I would want her to know that I purposely was not attending and not sending a gift.

 

[Keli]

What your friend did really was tacky. But I have a feeling if it were me I'd just ignore that and go ahead and send a small gift for the baby anyway. Somehow I think I'd feel good about how I handled the situation if that is what I did.

 

[goofygirl]

I'd just pretend I never got the invitation.

Should they call you later and ask why you didn't show say "What baby? What shower? I never got an invite." Play dumb.

Then, if they still pester you about it (to get a gift out of you), say your congrats, say that you are busy and have to go, and then "forget" to send a gift.

Who needs "friends" who only contact you when they want something out of you?


Then you'll hear from them again 12 years from now I suppose when the kid is 12 or 13 and its time for the bar mitvah or confirmation (don't know what the religion is) and they need gifts.

 

[Disney01]

Okay, I am not the most tactful person and I do not understand the people who are responding to send a gift anyways! Why? You're not friends with her...Why would you send a gift?

But, what I would do, is I would send her a box of Thank You cards appropriate for a baby shower, some stamps, and a pen. I would include a Congratulations card, and make a small donation to a children's charity in lieu of a gift and send a card from the charity. Just to get my point across.

 

[krissy3483]

Originally posted by Disney Doll

"Imagine my surprise when I received a thank you for the wedding giftwe gave you 2 years ago, and just a few days later, a baby shower invitation!!!! Two cards in a short time!! What fun!!! While I am thrilled that you are expecting, unfortunately I won't be able to attend your baby shower, but I do send all the best wishes I can, and can't wait to hear about your beautiful baby!"

That is EXACTLY what I was going for! The sarcasm is just dripping from it, yet it's perfectly pleasant at the same time.

 

[denisenh]

I find it interesting to try and figure out what your friend was thinking. She is either a dummy, thinks you are or just doesn't care how bad she looks (or how you feel) and figures she take the chance on appearing tacky if it means getting a gift.

I would probably send a card as a common courtesy or maybe a short note but I wouldn't send a gift under the circumstances.
A gift should be given from the heart, something that you want to do, not something that you have been manipulated into doing.

It sounds like you are a nice person, to be worried about doing the wrong thing or feeling "funny" about not sending along a gift, so don't lower yourself to her standard by being mean spirited or rude in return.
But I think some of the replies here are just hilarious.

 

[Hillbeans]

I've been guilty myself of sending thank you's out a few weeks late, but 20 months for wedding thank-you's?

This ploy sounds like a "money grub" to me. Send a card with your congratulations and leave it at that.

 

[AlexandNessa]

Thanks, everyone! Some of these responses really have me cracking up. It's been quite uplifting reading some of these on what's turned out to be another miserable rainy day.

Now, I just dread calling her sister (who is throwing the shower). She is pushy, and I'm trying to remember her schedule so I can just leave a message when she's not home instead of having to explain why I am not coming to the shower.

Why don't people set up hotmail accounts or yahoo accounts to give people the option of sending an RSVP via e-mail instead of calling? Hmmphhh! Not enough people do that around here!


Still think I will send a congrats card sometime after the baby is born. I don't even know when she's due. Perhaps I won't send a congrats card at all. Maybe I'll just wait till the holidays, and be sure to address their Christmas Card to all 3 of them? The possibilities are endless!

 

[BrerMom]

Originally posted by Disney01
... I would include a Congratulations card, and make a small donation to a children's charity in lieu of a gift and send a card from the charity. Just to get my point across.

Oh, that is goooood!

 

[ballroombelle]

Oh my goodness that seems TACKY!

I think a polite card of congratulations is all that is required. (Or your charity idea is fantastic!)