Am I crazy or is she?

[chris1gill]

OK, I didn't ask about an escape plan, let's make that clear

But my daughter was invited to a girl's home for a birthday party sleepover. I don't know the parents, we're new to the area. I said she could go, but I made it clear that my husband and I would be over to visit. No way was I dropping DD off to somebody's house when I'm not familiar with it. I didn't ask to see the basement which is where they have their family room and were going to sleep. But we visited for a nice while both when we dropped DD off and when we picked DD up. We were being friendly but we were also making sure that DD was going to be properly supervised in a safe environment...

 

[Heidict]

I think the request is a bit unusual, but I wouldn't deny them or cancel the sleepover,

There could so many reasons why they are requesting this. Maybe the little girl had a family member or friend that died in a fire or she could have just seen something on the news about someone dying in a fire and is now scared about it. Maybe the mom is paranoid. Who knows.

 

[jama]

Actually, I have always wondered why more parents don't question things when kids are getting together the first time... like guns in the house? etc.
I think only one dad has ever asked me about such things and my kids are 11 and 13 years old.
As far as fire safety... I know there have been several kids in my surrounding area that have died in a fire while spending the night at a friends house...
I would make sure your smoke/fire detectors are ok... she will probably ask.
I would take it as a compliment.. she feels comfortable enough with you to voice her concerns rather than just saying no. And you know if your child goes there she will be watched closely.

 

[CEDmom]

Personally I'd be more concerned if there were guns in the house than an escape plan in the event of a fire. I do think it's odd but not enough to cancel the sleepover. Since this child has been to your house I'm guessing she's been in your DD's room so I think this is coming more from the mom than the child. My DD8 has fire safety at school but I can't imagine her initiating something like this.

 

[Doesney]

After reading some of the replies, maybe I was being a bit harsh on her I guess I have never been in the situation where I had to inspect first. The girls are 8/9 in 3rd grade. The weird thing is that she is coming prior to the sleepover. Geesh, what if dds bedroom doesn't pass muster, I wonder what will happen.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

After reading some of the replies, maybe I was being a bit harsh on her I guess I have never been in the situation where I had to inspect first. The girls are 8/9 in 3rd grade. The weird thing is that she is coming prior to the sleepover. Geesh, what if dds bedroom doesn't pass muster, I wonder what will happen.

That's what seems odd to me, too. There's no reason she couldn't just check it out at dropoff.

 

[chris1gill]

After reading some of the replies, maybe I was being a bit harsh on her I guess I have never been in the situation where I had to inspect first. The girls are 8/9 in 3rd grade. The weird thing is that she is coming prior to the sleepover. Geesh, what if dds bedroom doesn't pass muster, I wonder what will happen.

I'm sure your DD's room will be fine... I'm sure she is just coming to ensure your home is safe. I would NEVER assume anybody's house is safe at that age, but I too am often incredulous that people just drop their kids off at anybody's house without even knowing the parents or the house. My daughter is 10, I have to meet the parents and see the house in general. I don't go looking around it, other than where we are seated and having a conversation...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That's what seems odd to me, too. There's no reason she couldn't just check it out at dropoff.

Because maybe if she has some concerns she doesn't want to be put in an awkward situation and has to tell her DD that she is not allowed to stay?

 

[luv2crash]

I wouldn't cancel the sleep over.

Maybe something traumatic happend in the past.

Our neighbors down the road from our house burned and the entire family died except for the mother. Someone driving by picked the Mom up (she was walking to get help) and brought her to our house. My son was sleeping in the family room after watching a movie so he witnessed all the sad drama. The daughter who died was in my sons class and the little boy who was her cousin and sleeping over was in my daughters class.

This left a lasting effect on him. He was 10 but slept in our bed for weeks, we had to take him to a child psychologist and he had to take something to help him sleep. We installed a small fire extinquisher in his bedroom and he would take it with him when he slept over at my moms or anywhere.

He is great now but it was really sad for awhile.

I would welcome them into my home and show them around.

I agree it is a little strange though.

 

[ELLE-TN]

Personally I think the mother is just doing her job as a mother. I too have fear of housefire and have taught my kids what to do in case of the event at our home. We have smoke alarms in every room.

When my kids are invited to spend the night I have a few rules I go by.

(1) DD is not allowed to spend the night anywhere there is a brother.
(2) I always ask do you have smoke alarms and have you changed your battery lately. I also ask about guns and alcohol.

So call me crazy. But my kids are precious to me and can't be replaced.

 

[becka]

(1) DD is not allowed to spend the night anywhere there is a brother.
.

I don't get this. Just because a kid is a boy they can't be trusted to be around girls? I find it sad that someone would feel this way. DD has a big brother and I would be saddened if I learned my DD could not have a friend over just because she made the "mistake" of having a brother instead of a sister. Real nice...

Do you also make sure there are no fathers, uncles, grandfathers, etc.. present as well or is it just brothers that bother you?

 

[Mkrop]

Personally I think the mother is just doing her job as a mother. I too have fear of housefire and have taught my kids what to do in case of the event at our home. We have smoke alarms in every room.

When my kids are invited to spend the night I have a few rules I go by.

(1) DD is not allowed to spend the night anywhere there is a brother.(2) I always ask do you have smoke alarms and have you changed your battery lately. I also ask about guns and alcohol.

So call me crazy. But my kids are precious to me and can't be replaced.

I assume I know why you are doing this but then can your DD stay over a house where there is a dad present? Or play on teams with a male coach, or have a male teacher.

I appreciate you are enitilted to protect you child as you see fit but why only brothers.

 

[kribit]

I think 8 years old is too young for a sleepover.

 

[Lintasare]

I assume I know why you are doing this but then can your DD stay over a house where there is a dad present? Or play on teams with a male coach, or have a male teacher.

I appreciate you are enitilted to protect you child as you see fit but why only brothers.

The brother comment makes no sense to me either. I have a brother and my friends were allowed to stay over. I was also allowed to sleepover at friend's who had brothers too. And my parents were protective of me as well. Hopefully we can get some explanation.

 

[Mkrop]

The brother comment makes no sense to me either. I have a brother and my friends were allowed to stay over. I was also allowed to sleepover at friend's who had brothers too. And my parents were protective of me as well. Hopefully we can get some explanation.

yeah I slept over many friends houses who had brothers, many older too and usually they wanted no part of or were annoyed by their little sister and friends mere existence.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

Seems a little strange to me but I'm probably crazy...

and what's up with the poster who won't let her daughter stay anywhere there is a brother? That one just boggles my mind

 

[CheshireVal]

Younger brothers? Older brothers?

All brothers?

Weird.

 

[Rhonda922]

Did the other mom say why she wanted to do this? If I ever say something kind of odd like that, I would definitely give a reason for it.

 

[mickeyboat]

First - lots of 8 year olds (including mine) are just fine at a sleepover. I think it really depends on the kid.

Second - while I think a blanket rule about no staying over where there is a brother seems out there, sometimes people have rules for their kids because of personal experiences in the past make it difficult to feel comfortable in certain situations.

For example, my girls will never have a male teen babysitter - I was molested (a little strong of a word, but most people would consider it molestation) by a teen boy babysitter when I was 6 years old. I cannot imagine every being comfortable leaving my kids with one now. That feeling would not seem rational to someone who had not experienced what I did.

Denae

 

[kribit]

Seems a little strange to me but I'm probably crazy...

and what's up with the poster who won't let her daughter stay anywhere there is a brother? That one just boggles my mind

I wouldn't be concerned about a young boy, but I don't see the need for sleepovers at such a young age. I think my first sleepover was 12 years old and I didn't have that many after that.