Am I being unreasonable?

[dis-me]

last year my bday was pretty dull so BF and I have been planning a few things for this year. My bday is midweek so we had planned some nights out with our friends the weekend before and a nice short getaway the weekend after. It's the first year we've had the money and time to celebrate together. And for his b'day we are going to Disney World....

I'm a pretty undemanding girlfriend - I don't want material things, don't make huge demands on his time, nothing like that.

He calls me just now and we were chatting away and he suddenly say's "I've been invited to a charity ball - my company were giving the tickets to clients and had a spare, asked if I wanted to go. Do you mind?"

So of course I say of course I don't mind...when is it?

"erm....the weekend after you birthday"
"the weekend we were supposed to go away?"
"well we could go away the weekend before?"
"the weekend we were supposed to go out to celebrate with our friends?"
"oh....yeah...."

Now I should point out this event will have absolutely no effect on his job at all - he isn't client facing so it won't be a networking event - they literally just had a couple of spare tickets offered them round. Plus he socialises and networks regularly anyway and has not missed an event yet. The tickets are already paid for too so he wouldn't be contributing to the charity.

Needless to say I was not ok with that - maybe I am being over-sensitive and hormonal but I really don't ask for much from him. The night we had planned with our friends was with other couples - so not even something I could really go ahead and do without him.

Am I totally unreasonable to think (I haven't said it to him...) that he probably shouldve looked at the date and instantly known he probably shouldve said 'sorry, I have plans for my girlfriend's birthday'....should it have got as far as him even having to ask me if I minded???!!!!???

I know some ladies out there understand where I'm coming from!

 

[mickeyboat]

Well, I can't say that I understand. My birthday just isn't a big deal to me anymore, and whether we celebrate it on my birthday, the weekend before or after, or two weeks later, I don't care, as long as I get presents! BTW - my birthday is coming up, too, mid-week. happy birthday to us!

I would really just be happy that your boyfriends really wants to do something special for your birthday, whether or not it is close to the day.

And hey, make the charity ball part of your birthday celebration! You don't have to go out of town to go away together, or to make it a special night.

Denae

 

[DMickey28]

I personally don't think you are being unreasonable. How about reminding him it's your birthday and that you were really looking forward to it and is it something he FEELS he HAS to do? Based on his reaction to you saying...

NO Honey, I really wanted to go away for my birthday weekend alone with you. Can we still do that instead?

... then I might get very mad.

men can't read our minds and have a very hard time understanding how things range in importance to us. You need to calmly let him know and gage your response on his reaction to that.

GOOD LUCK..

 

[dis-me]

Well, I can't say that I understand. My birthday just isn't a big deal to me anymore, and whether we celebrate it on my birthday, the weekend before or after, or two weeks later, I don't care, as long as I get presents! BTW - my birthday is coming up, too, mid-week. happy birthday to us!

I would really just be happy that your boyfriends really wants to do something special for your birthday, whether or not it is close to the day.

And hey, make the charity ball part of your birthday celebration! You don't have to go out of town to go away together, or to make it a special night.

Denae

Denae - I should add that I'm not invited to the ball - just him - I wouldn't be able to go

Happy birthday to you!!

 

[mickeyboat]

Denae - I should add that I'm not invited to the ball - just him - I wouldn't be able to go

That changes my answer. If it is something he really doesn't have to do, and really doesn't want to do badly, I would be upset, especially if it would be difficult to change the weekend plans we had already made.

Denae

 

[LadyBears]

Denae - I should add that I'm not invited to the ball - just him - I wouldn't be able to go

Happy birthday to you!!

I wouldn't be upset, I would be LIVID!! It's one thing if you were also invited & you could both go, make that part of your celebration, then just make your weekend away another weekend, but under the circumstances.....this is a family friendly board, so I can't say here what I would be telling my DH!!

 

[diznygirl]

I wouldn't be upset, I would be LIVID!! It's one thing if you were also invited & you could both go, make that part of your celebration, then just make your weekend away another weekend, but under the circumstances.....this is a family friendly board, so I can't say here what I would be telling my DH!!

What she said!!

Yes, he should have seen the date, and declined the invitation to the charity ball. He goofed big time, and needs to grovel.

 

[dis-me]

What she said!!

Yes, he should have seen the date, and declined the invitation to the charity ball. He goofed big time, and needs to grovel.

phew, im glad it's just not me. im fuming right now. I can't even begin to calm down.

 

[Frantasmic]

Is he the type who uses a Palm, Outlook Office, or any other type of electronic or paper organizer to organize his life?


If so, then you have a legitimate beef with him for not marking off the time as a reminder.

If not, then he just forgot like most guys do. It's a sad fact of life but that's just how most guys are. We need to be reminded.

Ask most guys here who remembers most of the birthdays, anniversaries, etc. in their coupled life. Guys really only have to remember (in their minds) a couple of dates related to whom they married, etc. after that we are generally just clueless.

 

[momrek06]

Ahhh...dis-me...How old are you and your DBF? My DS and his DGF are 24&22yo (they have been together 22 months)...DS rocks HER world and DGF rocks HIS world. My DS "is so into DGF" that immediately he would have asked the date of the event and then he would have said NO, that is Diana's bday and we have plans"...and then he would have added to whomever asked..."how could I even go to a BALL on any date that didn't include my DGF, anyway"?

I am older (52yo) and I could care less of my bday...but when you are much younger and dating a bday is a BIG DEAL.

How would he feel IF you informed HIM, that your work-related events are going to interfer with his bday Disney trip and it will need to be RE-scheduled...not cancelled BUT re-scheduled????

I am with you...LIVID.

 

[momrek06]

Ask most guys here who remembers most of the birthdays, anniversaries, etc. in their coupled life. Guys really only have to remember (in their minds) a couple of dates related to whom they married, etc. after that we are generally just clueless.

Not necessarily...like I said, my DS is so into his girlfriend that on the 17th of EVERY SINGLE MONTH, she gets flowers delivered to her!!! That is the date of the month they first officially started dating. (I actually think it is a little much) and if that date falls on a weekend, then it is a weekend FULL OF FUN AND EXCITING EVENTS...from trips to NYC or to the coast of Maine, Cape Cod and even a trip to Atlantic City and on and on....

YES, LOVE CAN BE IN THE AIR ALL THE TIME!!!

 

[disykat]

I'd be mad that we had made plans and he was totally blowing them off to go by himself to something optional with coworkers. The fact that it was my birthday would just be an excuse to be even more irritated - but what I'd be mad about was his backing out of our plans.

I'd also question why he wanted to go to a ball - which, unless I'm mistaken, is entirely about dancing - stag.

 

[Frantasmic]

I qualified my message throughout so as not to offend anyone. Read all my generallys, most, etc.

No one, and by no one, I had in mind ME, should be harmed from reading my thread.

I have been married for 18 years, been together for 21 years and I remember 2 events: the anniversary of our first date and our wedding anniversary. The rest she takes care of, which is good because I'd forget.

Except my kids birthdays. Good thing DS is so close to mine or I'd forget.

P.S. To original poster, obviously DBF has career goals that you may not know about or you two haven't discussed how important his job is to him. You may want to discuss that with him now that he has committed this mistake.
And from a guys' perspective, GENERALLY, the birthday celebration covered two whole weekends. It was a bigger spectacle than he could remember, so it sounds like he has other things on his mind.

 

[momrek06]

I qualified my message throughout so as not to offend anyone. Read all my generallys, most, etc.

No one, and by no one, I had in mind ME, should be harmed from reading my thread.

I have been married for 18 years, been together for 21 years and I remember 2 events: the anniversary of our first date and our wedding anniversary. The rest she takes care of, which is good because I'd forget.

Except my kids birthdays. Good thing DS is so close to mine or I'd forget.

P.S. To original poster, obviously DBF has career goals that you may not know about or you two haven't discussed how important his job is to him. You may want to discuss that with him now that he has committed this mistake.
And from a guys' perspective, GENERALLY, the birthday celebration covered two whole weekends. It was a bigger spectacle than he could remember, so it sounds like he has other things on his mind.

Oh, Frantasmic: I understand you completely...but you are married...I bet when you were dating your DW, you remembered all the important dates in her life such as HER bday....!!!!

I understand as we get married and dates DO get FORGOTTEN, understandably BUT not when this is allll soooo newwww to a couple...they want to know everything about each other and besides the DATE that they met and started their relationship...the next date they ALWAYS remember is each other's birthday!!!

To me, it is tooo sooon into their relationship (dis-me and her DBF) for him to be "kicking to the curb" her bday and even her for the evening....

 

[horseshowmom]

It doesn't sound like he "forgot". When she questioned him, he knew it was the weekend after her birthday.

Honestly, I'd be more hurt than angry (but I'd be pretty angry too). I can't really say what I'd do. I doubt that I'd be in the mood to go away with him knowing that he chose to make plans without me for that weekend and that he was going with me because I "threw a fit".

I definitely don't think you're being over-sensitive.

 

[Frantasmic]

I agree, thus my advice regarding their need to sit down and discuss a few things.

In the guys' defense though, two birthday events in one week to make up for a slight last year in birthday celebration...guys just don't think like that.

 

[momrek06]

I doubt that I'd be in the mood to go away with him knowing that he chose to make plans without me for that weekend and that he was going with me because I "threw a fit".

Wow, that right there is a GOOD point, dis-me!!! Hhmmmm!!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm a pretty undemanding girlfriend - I don't want material things, don't make huge demands on his time, nothing like that.

If you are dating for marriage then this is the time to work this out. You have to be able to go to him and discuss your frustration & work it out.

 

[momrek06]

I agree, thus my advice regarding their need to sit down and discuss a few things.

In the guys' defense though, two birthday events in one week to make up for a slight last year in birthday celebration...guys just don't think like that.

Yes, I certainly think they definitely need to sit down and talk things out.


BUT, I think you are selling your gender SHORT here...yes, there are males out there that are typical guys like yourself BUT they do remember dates. I have one of these living in my house.

 

[JR6ooo4]

then he would have said NO, that is Diana's bday and we have plans"...

don't offer more info than needed. People at work may not think much of birthdays and celebrations. Just say your time is already scheduled and it can not be changed.


Yes he should have passed on the ticket... especialy single ticket. What is it... an open bar there?

Mikeeee