Am I being unreasonable? (warning: LONG!)

[LaurenLC]

Our 2 month old nephew (husband’s youngest brother’s son) is being baptized next week. We were told about the baptism last week and received the invitation in the mail on Friday. We would love to attend, but we live in Chicago and the baptism is in Eastern Pennsylvania. It’s not economical for us to fly last minute and we’re not really interested in a 12+ hour drive each way for a VERY short trip (get to PA Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon). My husband spoke with his brother and told him how much we wanted to go, but that it just wasn’t something we could do. He understood, but told him we would be missed. I even spoke with my sister-in-law about it and she completely understood.

We thought everything was all well and good and then today we got an earful from my mother-in-law. She doesn’t understand how we could miss this event and is deeply disappointed with our decision. She also mentioned that my husband’s other brother and his wife would be attending and that we would be the only one’s missing it. My husband explained to her that we were disappointed too, but that we just didn’t think it was something we could do. He also mentioned that his other brother lives in Rhode Island (a 4 hour drive) and that he hasn’t even seen the child yet and we’ve been there to see him twice in two months!

She just went on and on, and my poor husband just kept repeating himself. He finally got tired of hearing it and said that we would see what we could do!?!?! I understand that his mother kind of broke him down, but I really just don’t want to do it. I traditionally have a GREAT relationship with my mother-in-law (it helps that we live FAR apart ), but this just seems unfair!

Do you think I/we are being unreasonable? It just seems so last minute to ask people to travel half-way across the country and the parents of the child are okay with it.

And not that it makes a difference, but our daughter is getting baptized on Easter and neither of my husband’s brother’s families will be going, nor did we expect them to come because A) it’s a holiday weekend and B) we live in Chicago and they live on the East coast.

 

[tlbwriter]

No, you're not being unreasonable at all.

And not that it makes a difference, but our daughter is getting baptized on Easter and neither of my husband’s brother’s families will be going, nor did we expect them to come because A) it’s a holiday weekend and B) we live in Chicago and they live on the East coast.

And are they getting the same whining treatment from your MIL?

 

[ols386]

I don't think you are being unreasonable, especially considering the distance that you would have to travel. If it's such a big deal to your MIL, maybe your dh would want to go on his own...without you and your children. If he could fly that would shorten his travel time, and would also save $ with him being the only one to travel to the location of the baptism.

Just a suggestion.

 

[clh2]

No you are not being unreasonable.

That is a huge last minute expense if you were to fly. It would also be a huge expense if you want to drive. (not only gas, but also tolls, wear and tear on your car etc.)

(I do, however, understand that you can't always "pick" the date. I've heard our church assigns a date after the parents have completed the baptism class.)

If you MIL brings it up one more time- ask her to fund the tickets and car rental.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

No, you're not being unreasonable. Christenings are, to my mind, one of those events you attend if you possibly can, but if you can't, you send a nice card the parents will appreciate now and something, often with spiritual meaning, that the child will appreciate as he/she grows up.

The only person who should decide if you can possibly attend, btw, is YOU!

 

[Hillbeans]

Just my 2 cents here, my opinion only:

I think your DH should fly in and stay overnight to attend the event and fly back home the next afternoon. It sounds as if he'll never hear the end of it for years to come if he doesn't attend.

And no, it probably doesn't matter that you just found out about it last minute, that won't be what was remembered, it'll be remembered he didn't go. There are some times in life when it's better to just pick your battles for the sake of family harmony.

Edited to add - Sorry!! I didn't read the last paragraph that they're not coming to your event!! In that case forget what I just said, LOL!

 

[dislaney]

No, you are not being unreasonable.

Just curious but how long have they known the date? Whenever I want people who are traveling long distances to come to an event for our family, I give as much notice as possible. This seems like a very short amount of time to expect people who live far away to attend.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Your mother-in-law is the one being unreasonable.

 

[Jennasis]

Nope. Not unreasonable.

 

[momof1princess]

OP, your MIL is the one being unreasonable here. in your shoes, i would stick with my original plan. if she doesn't like it, too bad. the brothers aren't going to your daughter's baptism either, and you don't seem upset about it, so since they're not upset with you all for missing this event, MIL needs to stay out of it.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

No, you are not being unreasonable, but you should not be shocked. MIL's are known for butting in and sounds like yours in the one who is disappointed that you won't be there, not your bil/sil. I wouldn't worry about. It will blow over.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Our 2 month old nephew (husband’s youngest brother’s son) is being baptized next week. We were told about the baptism last week and received the invitation in the mail on Friday. We would love to attend, but we live in Chicago and the baptism is in Eastern Pennsylvania. It’s not economical for us to fly last minute and we’re not really interested in a 12+ hour drive each way for a VERY short trip (get to PA Friday night and leave Sunday afternoon). My husband spoke with his brother and told him how much we wanted to go, but that it just wasn’t something we could do. He understood, but told him we would be missed. I even spoke with my sister-in-law about it and she completely understood.

We thought everything was all well and good and then today we got an earful from my mother-in-law. She doesn’t understand how we could miss this event and is deeply disappointed with our decision. She also mentioned that my husband’s other brother and his wife would be attending and that we would be the only one’s missing it. My husband explained to her that we were disappointed too, but that we just didn’t think it was something we could do. He also mentioned that his other brother lives in Rhode Island (a 4 hour drive) and that he hasn’t even seen the child yet and we’ve been there to see him twice in two months!

She just went on and on, and my poor husband just kept repeating himself. He finally got tired of hearing it and said that we would see what we could do!?!?! I understand that his mother kind of broke him down, but I really just don’t want to do it. I traditionally have a GREAT relationship with my mother-in-law (it helps that we live FAR apart ), but this just seems unfair!

Do you think I/we are being unreasonable? It just seems so last minute to ask people to travel half-way across the country and the parents of the child are okay with it.

And not that it makes a difference, but our daughter is getting baptized on Easter and neither of my husband’s brother’s families will be going, nor did we expect them to come because A) it’s a holiday weekend and B) we live in Chicago and they live on the East coast.

Your MIL is a busybody and your dh needs to tell her "I am sorry you feel that way".

What a naggy witch. Any respect I would have had for her would be over.

 

[shirleyb]

No, you're not being unreasonable. BTW, will MIL be at your daughter's baptism?

 

[portocall]

I would be upset too. But I have been on the receiving end of it by my MIL. No, you shouldn't even been expected to attend in the first place.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

If your not going because their not coming that is unreasonable.

Otherwise you have to make the decision with your husband and stick to it regardless of who has something to say about it.

 

[RadioNate]

I'd have your DH ask his mother to purchase the plane tickets if it is so important to her. Then I'd call her out on the fact that no one is coming to your DD's Baptism. Will she be flying them all in to?

You aren't unreasonable. She is.

 

[4nana]

Nope, you're not being unreasonalble, your MIL is ! Personally I think 2 wks is very short notice to expect someone to drop everything and fly or drive 12 hrs. to a baptism. Altho I realize baptisms are very special, sounds like you've been a very loving aunt and involved to have seen your nephew and family twice in last 2 mos. Best MIL realizes now, she doesn't call the shots, you and DH have a family and life also, there will be many family functions you may not be able to attend, but you'll be with them in spirit . BTW ~ your daughter, Brynn's, siggie pix are adorable xo's.

 

[manning]

Maybe FIL can do what mine did when MIL stuck her nose where it didn't belong. He told her "shut up and quit causing trouble!"

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You are not being unreasonable.

 

[shortbun]

Tell your husband to keep quiet and not worry about it. When his mom calls, just say 'we're still working on it, we really would llike to come' and then ignore it. She will have to get over it. Neither brother are coming to your son's christening? Why the double standard? Your husband and his brothers/and you and their wives are being reasonable adults and for some reason his mother is not. Ignore her and eventually the event will come and go. Send a nice gift and a beautiful note.