Am I being too hard - what would you do?

[wilma-bride]

DD2 (14) went to a friend's house on Tuesday as their school was closed. She left the house shortly before 10am and was told she needed to be home by 4. At 3:30ish she texted me to ask if she could come home at 4:30 instead of 4 to which I replied 'yes but no later'.

At 4:20 I get another text saying 'Will be about 15 minutes late. Sorry'

The rule in our house is that if you're not home when you're supposed to be you get a day's grounding for every minute you are late - DD came home 10 minutes late in the end so was grounded for 10 days. I have already made one exception to this as we have plans to visit friends on Saturday so have said she can still come. However,as school is closed today she is begging to be allowed out with her mates. So far, I have stayed firm. She has cried, begged, pleaded and even offered to 'swap' her grounding for a 2 week computer ban which I have said no to.

So, ladies (and gents), am I being too hard on her? I would also add, in my defence, that there was no apology of any sort for the lateness other than the 'sorry' on the text.

 

[natalielongstaff]

you stick to your guns ! if she had been very aplogetic at the time it might have been different

 

[BRobson]

If those are the house rules Joh - you need to stick to them

Its tough being the baddie though

 

[craigs bride]

stick to your guns ..i ground my dd15 if she is home late and if she makes a habbit of we reduce her time in ..to an hr later !

 

[Snowy-girls]

I too would'nt give in.Once a rule/decision is made in our house it stays that way-no matter what changes are unforseen or otherwise(unless there is no other option-in your case Saturday)(hope that all makes sense).Rules are not (usually)meant to be broken,swapped,changed or otherwise(it sends out the wrong signal).
I believe(and i mean no wrong/harm in this)1minute late=1 full day grounded a little too strict,BUT we all have different ways of punishment for our children,and what one agree's with another won't.Stay firm,you made the rule+don't back down.x.

 

[jen_uk]

On the one hand I do think that that is quite strict, however, if you back down now it sends out the message that she can get her own way if she cries enough.

 

[Pinky166]

Stay strong Joh!! I can imagine that it is not very nice for you but once you break the rule once she will harrass you even more next time.

 

[mandymouse]

If those are the house rules Joh - you need to stick to them

I agree

 

[higgy66]

I agree with the others - once you've set a rule you can't back down as hard as it is.

Also - it's meant to be a school day so going out with her friends was a bonus anyway so it's not your fault you're in this situation now. Also if she didn't apologie when she came home then you really do need to make your point.

The next few days will be tough but if you stick to your guns you shouldn't have her coming home late again.


Good luck - and oh by the way - how hard was it not to trade for the 2 weeks "no computer" - just think - that would have meant more time for you dissing!

 

[orlandothebeagle]

DD2 (14) went to a friend's house on Tuesday as their school was closed. She left the house shortly before 10am and was told she needed to be home by 4. At 3:30ish she texted me to ask if she could come home at 4:30 instead of 4 to which I replied 'yes but no later'.

At 4:20 I get another text saying 'Will be about 15 minutes late. Sorry'

The rule in our house is that if you're not home when you're supposed to be you get a day's grounding for every minute you are late - DD came home 10 minutes late in the end so was grounded for 10 days. I have already made one exception to this as we have plans to visit friends on Saturday so have said she can still come. However,as school is closed today she is begging to be allowed out with her mates. So far, I have stayed firm. She has cried, begged, pleaded and even offered to 'swap' her grounding for a 2 week computer ban which I have said no to.

So, ladies (and gents), am I being too hard on her? I would also add, in my defence, that there was no apology of any sort for the lateness other than the 'sorry' on the text.

No, def not, a deals a deal!!!!!!!
Poor you,

 

[Chilly]

No don't back down Joh, she knew the rules. Send her to the naughty corner!

Although I do think they are very strict rules.

 

[Goofyish]

If that is the rule in your house then you need to stick to it. Backing down and making exceptions sends out the wrong message.

At least your DD let you know she was going to be late. It really gets me mad if DDs are late but can't be bothered to text or phone.

I also think a day per minute is a bit strict and very difficult to operate if your DDs are, say 60 minutes late! She would be grounded for 2 months!

 

[wicket2005]

In answer to your question, if you have a rule that is it, you don't change it when it is broken. However, rules do not have to be for life they can be changed if they need to be.

Personally I think that this rule is extremely strict, 1 minute late = 1 day's grounding. I understand about making rules but they do seem to be very strict. She did text you to say when she expected to be in and did apologise. I wouldn't have worried about the 10 minutes late as she had texted, I would have been far more concerned if she had not texted and ended up being an hour late or more, then I would have taken measures because they need to understand how you start to worry and the need to be responsible.

 

[Minniespal]

If that is the rule in your house then you need to stick to it. Backing down and making exceptions sends out the wrong message.

I agree

Although it's easier said than done sometimes standing your ground.

 

[emily1982]

This is just my opinion but....how often is she likely to have an experience like a snow day like this? Probably not very often. My friends and i were talking yesterday about being 13 and going down the park on our sledges. We remembered the exact day it was and who was there and it is one my best memories. At the end of the day though it's your house and you make the rules. But she did text you and alot of kids today wouldn't have done that. To me it shows she has alot of responsibility to have text. Instead of saying be home at an exact time, can't you say, be home between 4-4:30pm, but i won't let you stay out longer. As an adult its hard enough to drop everything and be somewhere.

 

[Cyrano]

If that is the rule in your house then you need to stick to it. Backing down and making exceptions sends out the wrong message.

At least your DD let you know she was going to be late. It really gets me mad if DDs are late but can't be bothered to text or phone.

I also think a day per minute is a bit strict and very difficult to operate if your DDs are, say 60 minutes late! She would be grounded for 2 months!

 

[wilma-bride]

Thanks for your comments guys and I have stuck to my guns. I do see your points about the rules being strict - that rule originated mainly because DD1 tends to push the boundaries just a tiny bit - can't possibly get home on the dot of 4.30, has to be a few minutes late so it was more to teach them a lesson in punctuality rather than anything else.

Emily, I appreciate your sentiments but she had a snow day on Tuesday and chose to spend the whole day in her friend's house watching Scuzz I imagine she would have done much the same today if I'd have let her out so I don't feel too guilty that she hasn't had a chance to get out in the snow.

Back to the rules - Tim, I understand what you're saying but I think if either of them dared to be 60 minutes late home then there would be more severe punishments anyway And giving her a computer ban instead wouldn't have given me more time to DIS - there are more computers in this house than you can shake a stick at

At least she's stopped sulking now - DH did joke this morning that DS would have to be careful not to trip over her lip when he walked past her.

 

[higgy66]

Well done Joh.

 

[Pinky166]

Good on ya Joh!

 

[jns]

Yes you are right to stick to your guns
well done

but I remeber a friend telling me her kid was nearly run over because they were late coming home and was more worried about the row she would get instead of watching where she was goings