Am I being rude??

[disykat]

Call her directly and tell her the itinerary for the day. Ask her if that fits in with what she wants to accomplish or does she need to take her own car and meet you later.

I agree! How about leading in with "DD is so excited about having her very own shopping trip for her birthday!" Maybe even add "it's so cool you can join her on her special day." Then tell you know how busy she must be for her wedding and you'll understand perfectly if she has to bow out or do errands before meeting you later.

I don't think anyone needs to mention mom at all. It's a basic assumption that brides are busy before their wedding.

 

[Christine]

I think the itinerary is a great idea.

E-mail your sister or call or however you communicate and say:

Hey, I just wanted to touch base with you about Saturday. Since this is for the girls' birthday treat, I found out what they wanted to do on this day and here it is:

10:00 - 12:00: Shop at XXXXX Mall
12:00 - 1:00: Lunch at XXXXXX
1:00 - 2:00: More shopping at Mall
2:45: Go to XXXXX movie.

Then say: Sis, I know you busy. If it looks like a boring day for you doing "teen" stuff, I'll understand if you need to bow out because the girls are pretty set on what they want to do for their special day.

 

[foolishmortal]

i agree with previous posters, send an email itinerary (not super concrete but concrete enough)

hello all,

we will start off xxxxxxx's day of birthday shopping by leaving x:xx am, from there we will arrive at xxxx. from there a few hours of shopping with a stop for lunch about xx:xx pm and fro mthere onto the movie which starts at xx:xx pm, and then journey home.

If anyone has any questions or concerns about the itinerary please contact me as so we can hash them out prior as xxxxx is looking forward to her day out with you all.

signed,

xxxxxxxxx

 

[foolishmortal]

I think the itinerary is a great idea.

E-mail your sister or call or however you communicate and say:

Hey, I just wanted to touch base with you about Saturday. Since this is for the girls' birthday treat, I found out what they wanted to do on this day and here it is:

10:00 - 12:00: Shop at XXXXX Mall
12:00 - 1:00: Lunch at XXXXXX
1:00 - 2:00: More shopping at Mall
2:45: Go to XXXXX movie.

Then say: Sis, I know you busy. If it looks like a boring day for you doing "teen" stuff, I'll understand if you need to bow out because the girls are pretty set on what they want to do for their special day.

ahahaha we must have been typing at same time

 

[Muggle-born]

Yeah, I've got myself in a real bind. I don't want her to feel "unwanted." She's a generally great sis.
On top of that, mom told me about the "list" because I had mentioned my concerns to her a week or two ago, BUT she doesn't want me to mention this to big sis because it sounds like she's tattling on her. ("I wanted to give you a heads up...But don't tell her I told you.") So, how to bring it up, without letting her know she WAS tattled on.
And how to not step on toes, not just for my daughter and niece, but also her. I don't want to be the person who made the bride cry. Ugh!
I guess this is the "put on your big girl panties" time, huh?

The, you could make up some kind of itinerary-idea is great... and tell you sister that it needs to be ONLY those stores. If she wants to add on something, fine, as long as it's not a errand kind of stop (but you don't have to tell her that last part).

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I think you should speak with your sister and let her know that if she has wedding related errands to run she should go ahead and do them and then call you so she can find out where to meet up with you. Your DD is NOT going to want to spend her birthday outing running errands. I don't think you're being rude...this day is NOT about the bride.

This is what I think, have her meet up with you later maybe for the dinner and movie part.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

see next post

 

[disneydreamersx4]

I agree! How about leading in with "DD is so excited about having her very own shopping trip for her birthday!" Maybe even add "it's so cool you can join her on her special day." Then tell you know how busy she must be for her wedding and you'll understand perfectly if she has to bow out or do errands before meeting you later.

I don't think anyone needs to mention mom at all. It's a basic assumption that brides are busy before their wedding.

This

 

[SnowWhite607]

You should NOT "just get over it and go along." This is an event YOU designed and planned and invited people to. You get to make the rules and the itinerary.

Unless your big sis is doing all the driving (which would be supremely foolish! ), what forces you to go where she wants? She's in the car, you're driving, she says, "Can we just stop here for a second?", you say, "We can't today because this is DD's day -- sorry!" and keep driving. OR ... develop a "shopping / dining / movie itinerary" before the big day, e-mail it to all concerned, and let them know that "in order to stay on schedule and get done everything DD wants to do, there will be no deviations!" -- do it with a smiley face, or an overly-stern photo of a military general or something that indicates that you're saying it in fun, but are serious.

Has anyone seen "the list" of which your mother speaks? Do you know what's on it? Could it be that your mom has exaggerated what your sister has on this list and that it's not that big of a deal? I mean, if she knows that you guys are going to Mall X, for example, and one of her errands is IN Mall X and she can do it quickly while you and the other girls are in The Gap or whatever, that's one thing. If she's expecting you to go 20 miles out of your way to pick up her cake topper, that's something else.

I would call your big sis, tell her that mom said she had a list of errands for Saturday and you wanted to let her know how crowded the itinerary was and that there wasn't alot of wiggle room between things your DD wants to do. Ask if she wants to drive with you (noting that there will be no detours) or drive seperately, so that she can do her errands and meet up with you for dinner or the movie or whatever is last on the list. And then stick to your itinerary. If she's supposed to meet you at 3pm at the movies and she doesn't make it, then you go to the movies as planned and she joins when she can. Your sis can't ruin the day unless you let her, y'know?

But there is certainly compromise to be had here. There are a multitude of ways that sis can be part of DD's celebration without taking it over.

Yes, the above is what I would do. Or the email schedule. Great idea, and if you do it in a joking manner, you can come off NOT looking like a witch.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I don't think you're wrong. I'd call and say, hey I heard you still are running errands and have so much on your plate, and if you have to back out for this Sat Birthday Celebration day of shopping, we'd understand. I know that XXX (your daughter) is expecting the whole day to be about HER birthday, and since you have so much going on....I thought I"d just check with you again.....

personally I would be annoyed, frustrated and disappointed, if MY sister said yes and then ASsumed that she would be doing HER stuff on my DD birthday shopping day.
Good Luck and More importantly
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your daughter! Have a fun girls day!

 

[indimom]

Okay, crisis avoided.
I had a chance to send her a message this afternoon and finally got to talk to her about an hour ago. While she felt the need to ask if I was PMSing (aint that funny? ),and said she didn't know why it was such a big deal, she agreed to run her errands Friday night. She said if she couldn't get it done Friday, then she'd drive seperately Saturday.
I'm super relieved now since some of the things she apparently still needs to get is jewelry for the three flower girls and something to wear under the dress (I just can't see this being a quick stop??). I'm so glad I had two years to plan my wedding, I can't imagine still shopping for this stuff six days before.
Thanks everyone for giving me the guts to just say it like it was. Feel much better and looking forward to a fun trip this Saturday.

 

[JessicaR]

Okay, crisis avoided.
I had a chance to send her a message this afternoon and finally got to talk to her about an hour ago. While she felt the need to ask if I was PMSing (aint that funny? ),and said she didn't know why it was such a big deal, she agreed to run her errands Friday night. She said if she couldn't get it done Friday, then she'd drive seperately Saturday.
I'm super relieved now since some of the things she apparently still needs to get is jewelry for the three flower girls and something to wear under the dress (I just can't see this being a quick stop??). I'm so glad I had two years to plan my wedding, I can't imagine still shopping for this stuff six days before.
Thanks everyone for giving me the guts to just say it like it was. Feel much better and looking forward to a fun trip this Saturday.

Good deal! So, are you PMSing?

 

[laurie31]

I just found the thread and am so happy it's (hopefully) resolved.

Remember, for your DD to have CHOSEN this shopping day over a big party shows how big a deal it is to HER. She's the one turning 13. It's not fair to her to have her celebration be about someone else. I'm sure your sister doesn't want to have a birthday cake for your DD at her reception - lol!

My DD13 did choose the big party, btw. I didn't let her have 13 guests, but she had a spend the night party with the works. She was so excited about "becoming a teenager." I have already offered the "shopping/spa day with one friend" option for her 16th! LOL

I hope you all have a great time, and don't forget the camera! Just because it's not a traditional party, it's still her birthday celebration!

 

[indimom]

Good deal! So, are you PMSing?

Well if I had been when she asked me that, this story might have had a very different ending...

 

[disykat]

While she felt the need to ask if I was PMSing (aint that funny? ),

You're a bigger person than I am. That comment would have gotten "no, that's funny because I was going to ask you if you were bridezillaing " from me.

Definitely amusing that she tried to turn it around on YOU!

 

[Piglet4Ever]

Yeah, I've got myself in a real bind. I don't want her to feel "unwanted." She's a generally great sis.
On top of that, mom told me about the "list" because I had mentioned my concerns to her a week or two ago, BUT she doesn't want me to mention this to big sis because it sounds like she's tattling on her. ("I wanted to give you a heads up...But don't tell her I told you.") So, how to bring it up, without letting her know she WAS tattled on.
And how to not step on toes, not just for my daughter and niece, but also her. I don't want to be the person who made the bride cry. Ugh!
I guess this is the "put on your big girl panties" time, huh?

You have to decide which is more important to you . Stepping on a few toes, or giving your daughter the birthday experience you promised her.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Kind of a long story...
My daughter just had her 13th Bday. I suggested taking her and my niece (who turned 14 three days before her) shopping for a new outfit and out to a movie. She wanted a birthday party with 13 friends at the local park. I told her she had to pick one option, so she decided on the shopping trip with her cousin.
I have three sisters, two local. When my younger sister heard about this, she mentioned that she had planned on taking the girls shopping also, so we decided to go together and make a real day of it. Then, I went to my older sister (niece's mom) to ask if niece would be able to come.
My big sis is getting married (second marriage for both) on the 24th. I planned the shopping trip for this Saturday (one week before the big day) because it was our only open weekend this month.
When I told her about it, she commented that if she could drop her two boys at their father's house early Saturday, she could come too. Okay, Great.
But the more I thought about it, the more worried I got. She's got a lot on her plate planning for the wedding, working, finding a new house, keeping up with three kids and their activities. So much that I kind of wondered if she really had an entire day to devote to the girls' shopping. On top of that, she has been known to sort of adjust plans to suit her in the past. (I need to be home by 6 or can we just run here real quick.) So, last Wednesday, I double checked with her, was she SURE she had enough time to go with us for an entire day, shopping for the girls, dinner, movie? She said yeah, but wasn't very specific and I didn't know how to ask without being rude.
So, this morning, my mom called and commented that big sis had "a list" for our shopping trip on Saturday. Pretty much confirming my fears that she might want to run and errand here, run and errand there.
Am I wrong to tell her AGAIN that this day is for the girls, not her. That she shouldn't come if she is wanting to run errands. I feel like a jerk, but I let my daughter choose between a shopping trip just for her and a party, and this is what she picked. I know she (and I and possibly niece) are going to be dissapointed and annoyed if we spend all day (or even half the day) looking for wedding stuff.
So, be honest, tell it true? Am I wrong?? Should I be brutally honest and tell her we are not running errands? Or should I just get over it and go along and get along?

have her drive seperate.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Okay, crisis avoided.
I had a chance to send her a message this afternoon and finally got to talk to her about an hour ago. While she felt the need to ask if I was PMSing (aint that funny? ),and said she didn't know why it was such a big deal, she agreed to run her errands Friday night. She said if she couldn't get it done Friday, then she'd drive seperately Saturday.
I'm super relieved now since some of the things she apparently still needs to get is jewelry for the three flower girls and something to wear under the dress (I just can't see this being a quick stop??). I'm so glad I had two years to plan my wedding, I can't imagine still shopping for this stuff six days before.
Thanks everyone for giving me the guts to just say it like it was. Feel much better and looking forward to a fun trip this Saturday.

I am not a beat around the bush kind of gal. I don't have the patience. Glad you worked it out.