Am I A terrible mother for wanting this?

[princesslily]

I really want to take my 7 year old on a mommy/daughter trip! My MIL thinks that this is so wrong! I have a 15 yr old who has had many trips! I also have a 2 yr old. She has gone before also. But I want to do something special for my middle baby. The oldest gets so much attention because of sports, musical, show choir and driving. The baby has my attention all day cause I am a SAHM! I sometimes wish she would keep her opinions to herself.

 

[hereyago]

I really want to take my 7 year old on a mommy/daughter trip! My MIL thinks that this is so wrong! I have a 15 yr old who has had many trips! I also have a 2 yr old. She has gone before also. But I want to do something special for my middle baby. The oldest gets so much attention because of sports, musical, show choir and driving. The baby has my attention all day cause I am a SAHM! I sometimes wish she would keep her opinions to herself.

If MIL isn't paying for said possible trip, then she has no reason to open her pie hole.

 

[JUJU814]

Not unless I am too!!

I say do it!

I have three child...6, 8 and 18. My 18 year old had been many many times and has had it with Disney.

I am taking my youngest dd, age 6, next month for 9 nights. Daddy is taking a week off of work to spend 1:1 with ds, 8 (he has been three times and isn't a huge disney fan..he can't wait to go to Harvard Museum of Natural History..blech LOL)

I went through the guilt trip thing from family over taking just my dd but truly, I see nothing wrong with it and am thrilled to just take her. She desperately needs time alone with me as my son has so many issues that I've really given him so much focus that I feel I've neglected dd a bit.

It's none of you MIL's business. Do you have to tell her about it?? As long as you and dh are cool with it, that's all that matters.

I hope you go and have a magnificent time!!!

 

[shaylahc1]

I think it's a great idea! I have 4 children and I know what it's like to try and divide up your attention so many ways. In January I took my 3 daughters (but not my son) on our first ever Disney cruise. It was tough! Since we took advantage of a special deal and could only get 1 room, taking all 4 kids wasn't an option. DH stayed behind with DS and we made it a girls only trip. I know several friends were shocked that I left DS behind. But sometimes you just have to make those tough choices. DS is our baby and I'm sure as our DDs grow up and move out there will be plenty of vacations where he will be the only child in attendance

I'd say go for it!

 

[PrincessInOz]

I wish you were my mommy!!
I'm a middle child myself and always felt like the odd one out. My older brother got to do everything; and I was always "too young".
My younger brother got away with everything because he was the youngest; I had to be "more responsible".

Go for it! Your 7 yo will treasure the memories.

 

[Mathfailure]

Your older child is old enough to be reasoned with, and may like a different type of alone time with you at another time. My daughter would always think shopping at this point!

Your youngest will miss you but not the trip, and that will be okay.

Your middle will never forget this special time for just the two of you, so I say if possible go for it!

And other than your husband no one gets a vote on this, and really should keep their mouths shut.

 

[fakereadhed]

I have taken my youngest on 3 mommy and me trips so far. Wonderful memories and my other kids did not care. They're your kids. Your MIL already had her crack at parenting- now it's your turn!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

You have to talk to the rest of your family, not us.

I know I would be horrendously pissed off if my wife wanted to go to Disney World by herself or only with one child.

But I'm not your husband or either of you kids, so you shouldn't care what I think.

 

[MiniGirl]

You have to talk to the rest of your family, not us.

I know I would be horrendously pissed off if my wife wanted to go to Disney World by herself or only with one child.
But I'm not your husband or either of you kids, so you shouldn't care what I think.

Why? I go without my dh ALL the time. Truth is..... he is grateful that I go because he truly would rather not. He can only take so much Disney, so it doesn't bother him in the least. He also doesn't mind when I take just 1 of the girls. We both get some much needed one on one time with them, and both girls enjoy their special time either at home with dad or away with mom.

That said... we are close to the magic and take many short trips, so a quick overnight is not a big deal.

ETA: He is right though in that you should talk to your dh. His opinion really is the only one that matters. Do his feeling match Duck's feeling or are they closer to my dh's feelings. That is the determining factor.

 

[bellebud]

I'd go (I think it's a great idea!)... but I'd make it "ok" w/ the other kids, whatever that means for your family. Maybe you'll take the youngest, someday in the future, on a trip somewhere. And your oldest something special someday. I'm just thinking about how I'd feel growing up, having 1 parent take a sibling on a vacation w/out offering similar to the other siblings. I'd always remember it and not be like "oh, but mom drove me to so many soccer games, sibling needed and deserved the awesome disney vacation". I'd plan something for the older one (again - whatever would be special to that child).

 

[Chelley00]

Terrible Mother, checking in!!!


DD and I went to Disney in November to celebrate her birthday. Just us. We left all 3 brothers and Dad at home.


However, DH was all for me going (especially since he got to take vacation time to stay home and do fun things with the boys after school while we were gone) I talked with each of the boys first, and none of them really cared. DS16 and DS14 think they are too old for Disney anyhow, and we had just been there the year before. DS5 just said he wants to go when he turns 8

I did it for the same reason you did. With 2 older boys, we are constantly playing taxi for them, going to their sporting events etc. DS5 is still little enough to demand all the attention since he's the "baby". I felt like DD was being shoved aside, and when we asked what she wanted to do for her big birthday party (the older boys got huge blowouts for their 8th bday) she said she wished she could go to Disney, but knew we couldn't and she'd think about where else to go. After pricing it, DH was fully onboard, and so we went.

 

[Butterflies31]

Personally, I would do a smaller trip alone. Disney World is a big expensive vacation, I think for family all together. Do you think that the baby when she is older will ask where is our special trip. Then you will have to do one for that one. I would just realy think it over...

 

[littlbugmom]

I sometimes wish she would keep her opinions to herself.

Then tell her to! I don't mean you have to be nasty about it but if she's commenting strongly on decisions you and dh are making, she's out of line.


Spending alone time with each child is a great idea. With your oldest being 15yrs old, I think it would work out just fine. Let her know that alone time with her is just as important and invite her to think of something the two of you can plan.

I'm sure you will miss your youngest and she will miss you but this trip with her sister isn't going to impact the 2yr old any more than that.

 

[cseca]

I'm the youngest one in the family and my older siblings are significantly older than me. So my parents always feel bad that I didn't get to remember the big vacations they took when I was younger. Truth be told, it was never a problem with me. I guess what I'm saying is, you might feel worse about it than your child...

My suggestion would be to ask what special thing your middle child would want to do just with you. If the answer is disney world, then you can talk to your family about it. However, I'm big into fairness so make sure your other kids also get a special time with you somehow. Or go to WDW together but do something special with your middle child while you're there. Go do the boutique or spa or something like that. Your 15yo probably would want to do her own thing and your 2yo can spend a special daddy day.

That way everybody wins!

 

[Bren's Mom]

Our kids are 10 years apart. The older is my stepson, so time alone with dad is premium for him. I took little ds to Disney with my mom when he was 3. My dh was fine with this...he's not a Disney person, dss is in his teens now and wasn't interested, the two of them got bonding time alone together and ds got his first Disney trip and it was totally focused on him. Win-win!

This April if all goes well with dh's bonus the 4 of us will be spending the week at Universal. NO Disney, or at least no Disney parks. That might seem wrong to some, to be in Orlando with a 4.5 yo and not do any Disney parks...but this trip is focused on dss. Ds will love Universal, no doubt. And he will have other opportunities for Disney when his brother goes off to college and beyond. I don't feel guilty one bit.

Parenting isn't about fair or equal, imo. Kids are different. Sometimes, as in our case, they are in different stages. It's about making sure each child feels loved and special. If that means taking your middle child on a special trip...go for it!

 

[okeydokey]

How does your oldest feel? If it's not a big deal to her then I think it's a great idea.

 

[pyrxtc]

My youngest has been a few times without his siblings since we felt he was too young to leave home. My DD13 has been with me on a mother/daughter trip and my middle child, DS9, is the only one who hasn't been alone but he hasn't wanted to. But, he is the only one that will be going to Vietnam with my DH next on a 3 generation trip to see Vietnam for the first time for my DH.

I think so9lo trips with the kids are fine and good for all of you, as long as you don't always take the same child and leave the others out.

 

[ccgirl]

I think it's a great idea. As long as all children are treated fairly, there is nothing wrong with it. We do mommy "date nights" and daddy "date nights" with each of our children so they have alone time as well. My in-laws tend to over compensate for their middle child and his children - he gets EVERYTHING..oh, you need $5,000, here it is. But when I got laid off they said, oh, you may lose your house but it's okay to live in an apt. Sorry to digress.

I see nothing wrong with spending alone time with your children as long as you do it for each child. Which, it sounds like you do. Go and have a blast!

 

[PiperPizzaz]

You HAVE to give your MIL something to complain about, right?

I see your reasoning behind it and I think you should go and have a good time.

 

[princesslily]

I know my husband would be fine with it, I've asked before. My oldest daughther is my step daughter and she has had countless alone trips with her own mother and is okay with it. Yes, I will miss my baby like crazy!!! No my MIL will certainly not be paying for it!