Am I a terrible Aunt for kicking my neice off my computer??

[debden]

Now I've had my low price,low memory computer for quite awhile.I use it for surfing the internet to find travel deals and e-mail friends.That's it.I don't download anything on my computer because of the low memory that it has.
When my sister and her family come down I stay off the computer for the 2 hours that their here so they can enjoy the internet also since they can't afford to get the internet on theirs.Ok.No problem.The only thing I ask is that they NOT download ANYTHING on my computer.Well last week I found downloads hidden in a file that my neice has been doing.So I deleted them off.
She was looking for them yesterday and I told her that I deleted them because she was not suppose to be downloading anything on my computer in the first place and she started calling me names! In front of family and friends no less! Her mom and dad were standing right there and did not say word to her.
I was sooo angry and embarassed but I did not say anything but she will find out when she comes down for dinner next Sunday that she is not allowed to use my computer any longer.
Am I being unreasonable or mean??
Any comments are welcomed.
Debbie

 

[hentob]

She was looking for them yesterday and I told her that I deleted them because she was not suppose to be downloading anything on my computer in the first place and she started calling me names! In front of family and friends no less! Her mom and dad were standing right there and did not say word to her.
I was sooo angry and embarassed but I did not say anything but she will find out when she comes down for dinner next Sunday that she is not allowed to use my computer any longer.
Am I being unreasonable or mean??
Any comments are welcomed.
Debbie

How old is she?

She called you names? In your own house? Because she wasn't allowed to do something you asked her not to do? And her parents said nothing as she berated you?

And you are still allowing them to come to your house for dinner next Sunday?



No, you are not a terrible Aunt. You are treating yourself terribly, however, by allowing such disrespect to occur in your own home.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Now I've had my low price,low memory computer for quite awhile.I use it for surfing the internet to find travel deals and e-mail friends.That's it.I don't download anything on my computer because of the low memory that it has.
When my sister and her family come down I stay off the computer for the 2 hours that their here so they can enjoy the internet also since they can't afford to get the internet on theirs.Ok.No problem.The only thing I ask is that they NOT download ANYTHING on my computer.Well last week I found downloads hidden in a file that my neice has been doing.So I deleted them off.
She was looking for them yesterday and I told her that I deleted them because she was not suppose to be downloading anything on my computer in the first place and she started calling me names! In front of family and friends no less! Her mom and dad were standing right there and did not say word to her.
I was sooo angry and embarassed but I did not say anything but she will find out when she comes down for dinner next Sunday that she is not allowed to use my computer any longer.
Am I being unreasonable or mean??
Any comments are welcomed.
Debbie

Not unreasonable or mean, you have the patience of a saint not to have slapped the brat!!!!!! As for her parents they should have said something or is being a foul mouthed ill behaved brat ok in their eyes. I do know that slapping her wouldn't be socially acceptable but when you look at the behaviour of some children you wonder why.

 

[poohandwendy]

No, you are not being unreasonable or mean. Sounds like she needs to learn some respect and that her parents are not going to do anything to teach her. That is a shame. She (and they) should be ashamed.

 

[Evil Queen]

You were right and don't feel bad.

I also have a slow computer and I download some stuff, but know what I'm putting myself into.

First of all, she should had respected your rules. Then to yell, etc., that just is horrible.

I would make the computer off limits, until A) she tells you she's sorry and means it in front of everone that was there, B) her parents tell you the same C) she can prove without a doubt she can follow rules.

Stand your ground. Just because her parents allow it, you shouldn't. But that's just my 2 cents.

 

[debden]

Yes.And I agree with what all of you have posted.My neice is 14 yrs old...believe it or not.I try to bend and be flexible but your right.She was downright disrespectful and I agree she shows no respect for me at all.
And for my sister and my BIL to just stand there and not say anything really burns my hump...excuse the phrasing.
I guess if my sister and BIL want her to have the internet they'll have to get it in their own house now.
I didn't want to make a scene at the time because it was my nephews coming home party.I've mentioned it a few times here that he just got back from being in Orlando,FL for 2 years.He's grown into such a great young man I did not want to spoil his day.
Thank you for your replies.It's help me to feel better about kicking her off...
permanantly.
Debbie

 

[pyrxtc]

kick her butt off and dont give in. I would also call and ream my sister out for letting her talk to me that way. I would not have taken it no matter who's day it was. I will not be disrepected, in my house no less.

 

[tiggger1]

how old is she? Is she a teenager? I would have been livid if that happened to be after I asked her not to download anything. What did she download? a game, AIM, Yahoo messenger? not only can they slow down your machine they can also cause viruses if not downloaded properly. Also I would be more upset if this child yelled at me and her parents did nothing!!

 

[debden]

kick her butt off and dont give in. I would also call and ream my sister out for letting her talk to me that way. I would not have taken it no matter who's day it was. I will not be disrepected, in my house no less.

Yes,You are right.I should have said something right then and there.
Debbie

 

[Obi-Wan Pinobi]

Wow, low memory or not she should not be downloading anything into a computer that isn't hers because you have no idea how clean those files are.

What really ticks me off is that the parents stood there and said nothing to her as she berated you in your own home. Another set of parents that feel their child can do no wrong I guess.

 

[golfgal]

Not only would I not let her on my computer again but I would be telling her that in no uncertain terms that she does not talk to me that way. I would then tell her parents that until she apologizes and means it, they aren't welcome in your home. If they don't do something about her behavior, she is in for some serious trouble.

 

[Southern4sure]

Why in the world would you think your a bad aunt? I think you did the right thing no matter what the age is of your niece. If you feel like your niece might try to get on the computer, set up a users and password system so she cant get pass trying to sign on.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I agree with what's been posted, however, I would not wait until next Sunday to tell her. If I were you, I would call my sister and tell her that I was disappointed that the neice downloaded the stuff to begin with, shocked that the neice talked that way, and even more disappointed that they didn't say anything to back you up (or at least reprimand her) when she was speaking to you that way. I would then tell my sister that the neice wouldn't be allowed to use the computer. I don't know that I'd never allow her on it again, but at the very least I would ground her from it for a period of time like I'd do with my own children.

Do they always let the neice speak that way without consequences or do you think your sister maybe didn't speak up because she knew the neice was downloading stuff?

 

[mickeyfan2]

Well the parents let you niece call you names in front of them? Now there is where the problem starts. You are correct in not allowing her to use it on her next visit. I keep it off limits until she apologized and promised to follow the rules.

 

[tmt martins]

I had to password protect my computer and DD's .My family lives in the upstairs of my DM's house she has a hair salon on the ground level and living area on the lower level. The kitchen is on the same level as the salon and it's all common area.

So I come in one day and my printer is asking for ink( now I didn't decide to have 3 kids or marry a lazy wife that refuses to work ) but I just gave my brother a printer as I upgraded mine to match DD's .

Come to find out DN needed to print about 75 pages of solid blue background for a school project .Also downloaded and saved stuff into MY DOCs' all this without even a phone call or just picking up DMs Nextel that was sitting at the bottom of the steps.
DB later told me that they knew they didn't have enough ink and figured that since mine was new they could just do it here.

Oh and I didn't even get a THank You from either one.
Boy this onehas me fired up I better get to work 41 days until my relief

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i owuld not let her use the computer again and her parents arent doinf her any favors for letting her think its ok to talk to people like that
especially family thats helping them

 

[Hannathy]

While I understand not wanting to ruin the day, I wouldn't have tolerated that. I would have said at the least you will not talk to me like that and walked away.

She would be off my computer for a while, maybe not permanently, because kids do make mistakes and if they learn from them should be given a second chance, but it would be a while. If the internet is so important she can use schools or the Library. And as you know you can get computers very cheaply now and basic internet is affordable, Maybe your Sis and neice need to work toward getting her a computer.She is old enough to work for one. I'm not sure how she has made it so far in school without one but it will be pretty hard to do well in high school without one.

Good luck, you are teaching her more than the internet.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

I agree with what's been posted, however, I would not wait until next Sunday to tell her. If I were you, I would call my sister and tell her that I was disappointed that the neice downloaded the stuff to begin with, shocked that the neice talked that way, and even more disappointed that they didn't say anything to back you up (or at least reprimand her) when she was speaking to you that way. I would then tell my sister that the neice wouldn't be allowed to use the computer. I don't know that I'd never allow her on it again, but at the very least I would ground her from it for a period of time like I'd do with my own children.

Do they always let the neice speak that way without consequences or do you think your sister maybe didn't speak up because she knew the neice was downloading stuff?

this would be the best way to handle it
if they dont agree with you tell them they dont need to come over for now

 

[hentob]

OP--If it is at all possible--What names did she call you? Did she swear at you? What exactly did she say? I am curious as to what she said as her parents stood there and did not reprimand her

Now that I see her age, I see that she is old enough to understand the rules and WAY too old to be throwing a temper tantrum.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Now that I see her age, I see that she is old enough to understand the rules and WAY too old to be throwing a temper tantrum.

Not sure about the temper tantrum part. My teens seem better at having them than what they were at 2-3yo's. And they can sure have a mouth on them!

What would bother me more than the teen with a temper is the parents who didn't say anything. My teens will certainly try and get away with things and will get mad when called on it (especially my 15yo), but he does have consequences for that behavior. And if the OP lives close to her sister/neice, the neice probably viewed the aunt as a parent figure. Still, though, for the parents to allow that kind of talk is awful.