Am I A Bad Parent???

[dislal]

My DD11 is in a classroom with a boy who just lost his father in a hunting accident the boy was right next to his father. This is the first year that she has been in with this boy (5th grade) and she wants to go to the funeral home with friends of hers tonight and I won't let her and now she is mad at me. We donated money at school for him and I bought her a nice sympathy card to mail to him. Would you let your child go to the funeral home????????


Please keep this boy in your thoughts and prayers my heart just breaks for him.

 

[Mom2Nick]

If my child wants to go to support the boy - absolutely I would let them go. I would sit down and give them a graphic detail of what they may see(although I would disgourage them going to see the body) and I would be next to them the whole time.

I think it's GREAT that your child wants to go - please reconsider it - I am sure that poor boy could use all the love and support he can get How horrible.

 

[DVCLiz]

My DD11 is in a classroom with a boy who just lost his father in a hunting accident the boy was right next to his father. This is the first year that she has been in with this boy (5th grade) and she wants to go to the funeral home with friends of hers tonight and I won't let her and now she is mad at me. We donated money at school for him and I bought her a nice sympathy card to mail to him. Would you let your child go to the funeral home????????


Please keep this boy in your thoughts and prayers my heart just breaks for him.

Of course I would let my child go to the funeral home to pay her respects to her friend and his family. It wouldn't matter if the child was new to the school - they have had a whole semester to get to know each other.

Are you bothered that she might see the body? That would be the only reason I could think of not to let her go. If so, I would certainly go with her and monitor to keep her away - there is no "forced" viewing at a funeral home that I am aware of. She could speak to the boy and his family and not have to see an open casket.

Otherwise of course I would let my child go.

 

[GJM]

Yes I would let me DS go. I would explain everything before he went, if I wasn't going with him.

I think it is great that the kids want to show their support to a classmate.

 

[mudman]

That's a tough one... Has she ever been to a funeral before?
Is she expecting to go only with friends and without you? If so, I wouldn't agree to that either.

What a sad situation for that family.

 

[HeatherH]

You're not a bad parent, but if she wants to go pay her respects I would certainly let her do so. I think it's a mature and thoughtful gesture on her part, and that's the kind of behavior I encourage.

Why would you not want her to go? She seems old enough at 11 to understand what will be going on, and that it could very well be quite emotional, but that's just part of life and growing up.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Would you let your child go to the funeral home????????

Yes.

 

[Rora]

If my child wants to go to support the boy - absolutely I would let them go. I would sit down and give them a graphic detail of what they may see(although I would disgourage them going to see the body) and I would be next to them the whole time.

I think it's GREAT that your child wants to go - please reconsider it - I am sure that poor boy could use all the love and support he can get How horrible.

I have to agree, especially with the bolded part.

However, if you feel really against this, then stick with your gut. I do think it would be a nice gesture though. Poor kid.

 

[Tinkerbell424]

Your not a bad parent. I can see why you wouldnt want your DD to go to the funeral.
But I would let her go. A friend is a friend, no matter how long you've known them. I went to a funeral 2 weeks ago for my 2 friend's mom. I've known them since 7th grade and wasn't really close to them, but I felt like I needed to pay my respects and be there for my friend.

Please re-consider for your daughter, if you feel comfortable letting her be at a funeral.

I will keep that boy in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I think it's nice that she wants to go and be there for her friend. Esp. if he is new to school it must be even harder for him. I'd let her go.

 

[C.Ann]

Has she ever been to a wake or funeral before? If she has, I would not hesitate for a minute to allow her to go.. It shows a level of maturity - not to mention compassion - that she would want to do this for her classmate..

What do you find bothersome about it?

 

[SpecialK]

I'd have to give it some thought. I have a fifth grader and I know how easy it is for someone that age to follow the crowd. I think I'd tell my child that if she wanted to go, I would accompany her. Going alone with friends would not be allowed.

 

[BelleBoo&AmisMum]

If it was something they felt was important, yes, I'd let them go.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Do you feel like your DD doesn't know the family well enough so she doesn't really belong there, or do you feel like she thinks it is a social gathering? (Since you said she wants to go with her friends I am not sure what she thinks will be taking place?) Are the other kids going in a group or are they all going with their parents? If my DH passed away I would NOT want a group of DS's classmates showing up unless there was an adult there with each child.

I think your DD's motivation for wanting to attend would be the deciding factor. If her reasoning is "Everybody else is going!" then she does not need to go.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I would let her go and I would probably go with her. I do agree, you may need to explain that if this is an open casket, it may be hard to see.

As a child who lost her father at age 7, I think it will really help that boy to have his friends at the funeral home. I didn't have one friend who came, it was a long time ago and again, I was just 7. But my brother's friend came and my sister who was 15 had several friends come. Knowing what a kid that young goes through when they lose a parent so unexpectedly, I would want to go with my child or have them go with another parent.

 

[*BTMRR*]

Not wanting her to go certainly doesn't make you a bad parent.
I would let her go though, but I would go along (or make sure that there is another adult who is going to supervise her and her friends). I would worry that a group of unchaperoned 11-year-olds, no matter how mature, might get silly, or overly upset, or something because it's such an emotionally charged situation. It seems like it would be good to have an adult there to shepherd them through.

 

[TinkerbEllnor]

I probably would not let her go with a group of friends, but I would take her myself, especially if she has never experienced it before. I would want to be close at hand if her emotions run high, if she has any questions, and to teach and ensure appropriate behavior.

My own parents shielded me entirely from death growing up. I was not allowed to attend any funeral activities until after I was 18, including family members. It left me feeling completely uncomfortable and unable to relate to anyone that has lost someone close to them for a long time. It also has affected my career. I went into nursing but have had such extreme reactions when a patient dies that I had to leave hospital nursing and find a nursing job that has minimal deaths.

Hugs to your DD and prayers for her classmate. And, no, you are not a bad parent, you have your DD's best interests at heart- that makes you a good parent.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Yes, I would let my child attend but I would probably attend as well. My thoughts and prayers go out to that poor boy who witnessed his father dying.

 

[claudia]

Yes. I think it is wonderful that she wants to be there for him and offer her support.

 

[brockash]

My DD11 is in a classroom with a boy who just lost his father in a hunting accident the boy was right next to his father. This is the first year that she has been in with this boy (5th grade) and she wants to go to the funeral home with friends of hers tonight and I won't let her and now she is mad at me. We donated money at school for him and I bought her a nice sympathy card to mail to him. Would you let your child go to the funeral home????????


Please keep this boy in your thoughts and prayers my heart just breaks for him.

I would, but because she's only 11, I would make sure I was there with her. I don't think I'd let me 11 year old go to a funeral by herself, but I definetly try to go with her to support her friend.