Allowing your underaged teen to drink, your thoughts?

[WeLoveLilo05]

When I was 17 and 18 I always said when I had a child I would allow him/her to drink around me as long as he/she wasn't driving. How quickly my opinion changed after I had DD, as I would never allow that now lol.

My sis was showing me pics of her friends, wasted (her friends are between 18 & 19) with their parents at BBQs and such. There's a few with mom, dad, and daughter, all with a Bud in their hands, playing beer pong, etc. Also, I remember when my sis was in HS many of the parents would allow drinking in their house as long as no one left.

Now that I am older and wiser lol
I would NEVER allow this, what if something happened to one of these kids while they were drinking in your house? What kind of example would I be setting for my kids?

So....what are your thoughts?

 

[wdhinn89]

21 is the legal drinking age and they WILL NOT drink in my presence before that!!!

 

[Christine]

Hmmmm.....tough one.

My DD is almost 19, in college, and has told me that she has a drink or two at college parties. When I was her age, drinking was legal. So, for an "age" thing, it doesn't bother me but I don't like the thoughts of her breaking the law in public and getting in trouble.

Having said that, if I was having a *family* gathering, I might offer her a glass of wine, beer, etc. I would not offer it if any other underage people were around (her friends).

 

[Nik's Mom]

I personally do not drink, so I wouldn't have my sons drink around me when they are minors. And I would not want them to attend a party where a parent would pass my sons a drink. Not that I think anything is wrong with drinking. It is just not something that I do. Way too many alcoholics in my family.

I have a friend who served her teenage sons wine because she thought that if she allowed it, it would teach more responsible drinking habits. Well, when her 14 year old passed out drunk in class, she quickly realized that lesson wasn't learned. Her son and a friend got their hands on some alcohol before school and the results were not pretty.

So, how do you teach responsible drinking? I have no idea. I have some relatives from Germany and it is pretty common for them to serve wine to their children. It's just part of life for them. Then there is the case of my friend that I mentioned, and disaster happened there. So, who knows.

There was recently a woman in the Kansas City area who was arrested for serving alcohol at the birthday party/sleepover for her 13 year old daughter. A few of the girls got so drunk that they ended up hospitalized. That woman is a total idiot.

 

[agnes!]

21 is the legal drinking age and they WILL NOT drink in my presence before that!!!

To each their own but to talk about the legalities... in our state it is *legal* for a minor to have alcohol in their own home with parents present and the proviso that no unrelated minors are present.

And I'd like to mention that there is a difference between one family getting absolutely drunk together in a somewhat public setting and another family allowing their teenager to have a partial glass of wine with dinner at home.

agnes!

 

[hereyago]

I don't know. When I was 16 and on, I hung around older people, so I was able to get drinks if I wanted. HOWEVER, I only drank with one person that I could trust. I would also not drive and stay where I was and call my parents and say I was staying put because I had been drinking.


My DD is 11 and my childhood or lack there of has been a difficult at times process because I know what can happen if you give a kid too much freedom and the other end of the spectrum be crazy strict and see what can happen with that, so at times it is hard for me to say or think what I would do when it comes to her.

 

[DawnCt1]

One of my SILs "knows" that kids drink so she "collects" the keys are her DS and DD's house parties. This is how she "insures" that everyone is "safe". Of course she doesn't take into account the fact that the kid could have another key, use someone else's, walk out into the snow and freeze to death, etc. When we were at WDW (SoG) and they joined us for a family vacation, BIL bought his DS, then 17, a 12 pack of beer. DH went back to the room and found DS#4 and DN "sharing" some of the cans. He dumped them and locked up the rest. I don't care what they do on "their" vacation in their own civilian hotel room, but at SoG they need a sponsor to be there and DH is responsible for anything that goes on in the rooms he sponsors. Underage drinking is never acceptable IMO.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes I would allow my 17/18 year old to drink in front of me. I would not allow then to get drunk, or supply them with their own 12 pack but a beer, glass of wine or even a margherita wouldn't be a big deal to have at a family party. I grew up in a family that let us teens have a drink here and there, not really a big deal.

 

[shortbun]

no way, no how, not for any reason and I can not see why anyone would condone it. If you allow my kid to drink at your house, underage-expect the police. Seriously, it's illegal and you stand to lose a whole lot.

 

[Colleen27]

It depends on context. I will allow my kids to have a drink as teens in appropriate social settings, like a holiday toast or a glass of wine with a special meal, but I will also set common sense limits. I won't be enabling drunkenness and I will not under any circumstances be providing alcohol to any children not my own. And I absolutely will not be teaching, allowing, or participating in drinking games with my kids; I'm sure they'll experience those things on their own as young adults, but it isn't something I intend to introduce or encourage.

 

[Bluestars]

I would only consider allowing my kids to consume a small amount of alcohol in my home if they were over 18 and if it was legal in my state. I don't know the laws in my state, so they'll just have to wait until they are over 21.

I would never allow any of their underage friends to consume alcohol in my home. Besides it being an irresponsible thing to do, it is illegal and I would liable for anything that happened to those kids that night.

 

[wdwfan16]

I been allowed to drink since I was about 5. I have never been drunk my entire life and hardly drink now. I knew what the stuff tasted like and how to drink responsibly. I would do the same with my own child. At first I was drinking wine mixed with soda (7up) and then tried other stuff as I got older. If my dad had a beer I could ask for a swig and was never turned down. I am so not a beer person.

 

[punkin]

My DD is 17 (I also have an 11 yo, but that is not an issue yet). When we have a formal dinner where I serve wine (we do not regularly drink wine at dinner) I will allow her half a glass. That's about as much as I ever drink and my DH will not drink at all.

Now, what she does when I am not around I do not know. As far as I know she has never gotten drunk, but I also know that parents are always the last to know about their teens drinking habits.

 

[wdwfan16]

no way, no how, not for any reason and I can not see why anyone would condone it. If you allow my kid to drink at your house, underage-expect the police. Seriously, it's illegal and you stand to lose a whole lot.

You are so wrong on this one. Many states allow a parent to serve their underage children in their home or presence. The parent is only in trouble if they server other children or let their children get drunk.

 

[luvmy3]

no way, no how, not for any reason and I can not see why anyone would condone it. If you allow my kid to drink at your house, underage-expect the police. Seriously, it's illegal and you stand to lose a whole lot.

The OP asked if you would allow YOUR teen to drink, allowing another person's teen to drink at your house is a different thing all together and I'm willing to bet that all of us who would let our own have a beer in our presence wouldn't allow anyone elses kid to. I know I wouldn't.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Its kinda sad though b/c this is going on A LOT around here. Last year for my sis' prom the school said they had to be at the prom by a certain time and once they were in, if they decided to leave they were not allowed BACK in because they did not want kids going back to their limos or elsewhere, drinking, and then coming back to prom.
Well....a group of parents got wind of this news as a letter was sent home, kids and parents had to sign it and a group of parents decided that they were going to rent out another venue and have their own prom in which drinking would be allowed. Not sure if this all actually took place, my sis went to the real prom lol.

 

[njcarita]

You are so wrong on this one. Many states allow a parent to serve their underage children in their home or presence. The parent is only in trouble if they server other children or let their children get drunk.

Is there a website that's lists the laws in different states... would love to know what the law is in NJ???

 

[luvmy3]

Its kinda sad though b/c this is going on A LOT around here. Last year for my sis' prom the school said they had to be at the prom by a certain time and once they were in, if they decided to leave they were not allowed BACK in because they did not want kids going back to their limos or elsewhere, drinking, and then coming back to prom.
Well....a group of parents got wind of this news as a letter was sent home, kids and parents had to sign it and a group of parents decided that they were going to rent out another venue and have their own prom in which drinking would be allowed. Not sure if this all actually took place, my sis went to the real prom lol.

Well the parents who rented the other venue and supplied the alcohol to all those minors should have been arrested. If my child went to that school and told me that was planned, I'd report it to the school and if I had proof I would report it to the authorities. I can't believe that parents would think that was okay to do

 

[njcarita]

I just want to add.... I always allowed to drink at home when we were kids back in the 80's.... no big deal.... a half glass of sangria... champagne for new years.... annisete .. pina coladas....

I am now 44... have never been drunk a day in my life... and never "partied as a teenager"... because I couldn't understand what all the big deal was with alcohol......wasn't rebelling ....

that being said I have not allowed my kids to have a drink.... except for communion wine....

didn't realize it was legal is some states... with parental consent in your own home.... gives me something to think about if I live on one of those states

 

[wdwfan16]

Is there a website that's lists the laws in different states... would love to know what the law is in NJ???

I am searching for all states but I did find one for Oregon. http://www.oregon.gov/OLCC/docs/publications/oregons_alcohol_laws_and_minors.pdf

"Oregon law prohibits anyone, except a parent or legal guardian,
from providing alcohol to a minor or juvenile. A minor is any
person under the age of 21 and a juvenile is any person under
the age of 18. Parents or guardians may legally provide alcohol to
their minor child or ward and only in a private residence when
accompanying their minor child. A parent cannot transfer this
responsibility to another adult or provide alcohol in a public place. If
you allow your property and/or home to be used for a party where
minors, other than your minor child(ren), consume alcohol in your
presence, you may have to forfeit property and may be issued a
criminal citation."