All Star Cheer WWYD? vent long.. sorry

[Familyof4lovesDW]

My DD5 is on a All Star Cheer Team. I was nominated to be the team mom. You think cool, right, WRONG! I was the one who had to get the money to buy the coachs present (which one parent still did not give me, not one I am talking about in either situation, but I know they have money), was suspose to be who the gym contacted to call the other parents and let them know about competitions, practices canceled, provide goody bags at the comp, etc. The first comp in Jan I sent everyone an email about what I knew. After the first competition I was never contacted about anything and the gym was texting another mom (1 butt kisser)because she always let us know when to be there and when the practices were canceled (snow days). So I brought goody bags to the first 2 comps (they were back to back weekends)to give the kids, but since the gym was not contacting me and was contacting the other mom, I assumed she was the team mom. I also found out they all went to work at an event to put money into ther kids accounts so they would not have to pay for the comps. Myself and another mom were not invited. There are only 6 parents for this team. Last weekend we had a comp and I did not bring goody bags, since I am never included, and they contact the other mom. There was a month between comps. At our practice a mom (now friends with butt kissers) got snippy with me, while I saw another mom trying not to laugh in her reflection and said " Are you bringing goody bags or not, I do not think it was fair you did not bring them and if you did not want to you could have told us and one of us could have brought them, are you bringing them this week or do u want one of us to?" I told her to bring them. They got something at last comp. I was sitting close to the owner at the last comp and she handed something to give the girls to another mom (biggest butt kisser bff to butt kisser 1) and told the lady who brought them who the other team moms were? (The person that brought something was not from our team, but another team in the gym). I always knew the other moms were talking about me, and her laughing proved it! There were several members from the other teams in the gym, to make spirit stuff (of course I was not invited lol) so I did not want to make a big deal in front of everyone about how I did not think I was the team mom. I could not beleive that mom had the nerve to get so snotty, exp infront of everyone! The kids are ages 3-5 I really do not think they know they are suspose to get anything, and they did just not from me, but if it would been handed to me not the other mom would she had said something. So I guess I am only team mom when it comes to spending my own money on stuff So since this is the last comp I do not want my DD to be on this team. The parents obvisouly talk about me. It is so political and unless you kiss their butt they do not include you, but I already paid for next month. So do I talk to the gym and ask for my money back for April, if they say no ask if they will let her do a tumbling class instead of being on the team, or suck it up and take her to the next three practices (one they are closed and one I am not planning to go to anyway) then quit, or be out the money I paid for April? Thanks for reading sorry so long this has been building up for months : )

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

We don't do cheer, but we do All Star for dance.

Our last comp was for today. All of our financial stuff was signed via contract at the beginning of the year. So even if I hated the year and quit as soon as our commitment was over, I'd still be responsible for next month's tuition.

As it stands, no more comp and they get to do fun stuff next month--so I wouldn't quit even if we had issues among the adults.


As for being Team Mom...if you were team mom and you dropped the ball on your duties regardless of reason, it wasn't very nice. You shouldn't have assumed anything.

Team Mom's at our events--are the ones who check attendance on the kids and gather them when it is their time to compete. It isn't just about the fluff.

I would have to ask about your dd's overall experience and use that to make your decision.

You shouldn't let butt kissing mom's ruin it for you. Sorry that you had such a bad experience in that regard, but I don't feel you should pull your dd early unless she has had enough and can't stand it anymore.

Either way--double check your paper work from the beginning of the season. You may be obligated to pay the April tuition regardless of your decision.

 

[Ceila]

OK, that is really hard to read without paragraphs.

From what I can tell, you were told you were team mom, but sometimes the gym called another mom to pass along information, right? So instead of keeping up with the other responsibilities of your role, you stopped doing them (such as the goodie bags)?

Sorry, but just because someone else ended up doing part of your job, it doesn't mean you should drop other parts without officially handing it off to someone. And just because they're very young and wouldn't know if they didn't get their goodie bags is no excuse to not do them if that's part of the team mom job. Some of them probably do know and look forward to getting them.

I really find all of this to be a bit over the top for kids who are still in preschool anyway.

 

[Familyof4lovesDW]

Thanks for responding Lisa Loves Pooh, I totally see where you are coming from about not bringing the bags. That was not really right, they just tick me off so much and no one ever thanked me for them (but am I the team mom or is it the one they always contact?). I almost asked when the mom said something to me, but the one who always calls everyone was not there and I did not feel it was right, when she could not comment, and a lot of people were there (I do not like confrentation). DD is getting tired of it and says she wants to do soemthing else instead. She has been doing it since June. Our paperwork just says you have to stay until the end of the competition season. I was planning on staying before the last practice until the end of April so I did not get stuck spending my own money on the coaches present again and not getting reimbursed for them, the banquet is in may and you have to pay for the whole month. So do I tell them next week and see what they let me do or tell them at her last practice, before they charge me it is her last day? I am glad you experience has been a lot better than mine.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Not sure, that is really up to you.

I can't say that I thank our Team Mom for each and every thing she does--that can be too much. But a general appreciation for her efforts will occur at the end of the year.

My kids are 9 and 7 and while it has been hard work, they say they woudl do it again if they could (we are moving). But they will do all the summer workshops. Plus their coaches have already told them about Banquet and my kids dont' want to miss out on that.

After watching today's competition--I can honestly say that all the kids seemed tired. It's hard work. I wouldn't drop your dd just yet without letting her know what she will miss.

As far as the present--we were told a suggested amount, but in this economy--we were also told to do what was comfortable. I've never had any moment where a gift was bought for a coach that wasn't covered with the cash received. So I wouldn't have put in so much money to make up for what the others didn't provide.

If you have your dd quit, you should let them know at her final practice that you won't be returning the next year and would prefer to not pay for April and then see what they say.

 

[swald91]

I think this should be a VOLUNTEERED position myself. It always seems to be a mother/father that wants to run it all anyway...You will always run into parents that will talk about you behind your back as well. Did you know all the responsibilities they expected out of you? If you did, I would've told them no thanks-don't have the time to dedicate to it-if every person had to take their turn -I would hope that my kid was just not interested anymore. JMO on the matter....

 

[Familyof4lovesDW]

Celia, sorry about the paragraphs you are right, I went into ramble vent mode. They call the other mom every time, not just sometimes. When we went into it they told us one thing and it ended up being way more that what they lead on expecially for 3-5 year olds.

Lisa Loves Pooh, They told me I was the team mom right before christmas and I did not see the other parents before the party to get the money and the owners told me I had to get the coaches something. There was another team mom but her dd was only 3 and decided it was too much for her. DD was really liking it then and it was before all of the drama started. When the other mom handed my dd the thing from last comp I made her tell her thank you, even though it was not actually from her.

I guess I was wrong for not taking the bags, but I feel like that they only think I should do things when it comes to money and not any other aspects of being the team mom, like the gym contacting me and not someone else.

The one time I let them know about the comp was info I found on the comp website myself not what the gym told me. They have contacted the other mom every time and never contacted me. She is the one who asked if we were okay with paying the amonts for the comps (that we were told would be free at the beginning), when practice is canceled, when to be at the comps, etc. I asked the mom how she was finding everything out an she did not answer that, but answered the other things I asked her.

 

[Magic Mom]

Celia, sorry about the paragraphs you are right, I went into ramble vent mode. They call the other mom every time, not just sometimes. When we went into it they told us one thing and it ended up being way more that what they lead on expecially for 3-5 year olds.

Lisa Loves Pooh, They told me I was the team mom right before christmas and I did not see the other parents before the party to get the money and the owners told me I had to get the coaches something. There was another team mom but her dd was only 3 and decided it was too much for her. DD was really liking it then and it was before all of the drama started. When the other mom handed my dd the thing from last comp I made her tell her thank you, even though it was not actually from her.

How does your daughter know about the drama? She doesn't need to be involved with any of it especially at her age.

It was right for her to thank the person who gave her the goodie bag regardless of who made it. That's good manners. If that person didn't make them, then your DD could have thanked that person as weel.

 

[Familyof4lovesDW]

swald 91 I agree it should be a volunteered position. Only myself and the mom they contact were staying at the practices every time (yes people left their kids and left that young, I could not beleive it either) and she said I had more time therefore they said it was me. This was before her bff joined, which is when I think the problems started, she was nicer before she was coming.
There is another parent who stays, but she was not at the practice that I was nomitated and thought I was sending the info not the other mom, until she asked me how many phone numbers I had and realized they were not from me. She also was not sure if I was team mom or not and seems to feel the same way I do about things, since we are singled out, not in the "in group" since we are not included in anything.

Magic Mom DD has no idea about the drama. I was talking about the drama between the adults not the kids. I am not sure who actually made what was given to them.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

My DD5 is on a All Star Cheer Team. I was nominated to be the team mom. You think cool, right, WRONG! I was the one who had to get the money to buy the coachs present (which one parent still did not give me, not one I am talking about in either situation, but I know they have money), was suspose to be who the gym contacted to call the other parents and let them know about competitions, practices canceled, provide goody bags at the comp, etc. The first comp in Jan I sent everyone an email about what I knew. After the first competition I was never contacted about anything and the gym was texting another mom (1 butt kisser)because she always let us know when to be there and when the practices were canceled (snow days). So I brought goody bags to the first 2 comps (they were back to back weekends)to give the kids, but since the gym was not contacting me and was contacting the other mom, I assumed she was the team mom. I also found out they all went to work at an event to put money into ther kids accounts so they would not have to pay for the comps. Myself and another mom were not invited. There are only 6 parents for this team. Last weekend we had a comp and I did not bring goody bags, since I am never included, and they contact the other mom. There was a month between comps. At our practice a mom (now friends with butt kissers) got snippy with me, while I saw another mom trying not to laugh in her reflection and said " Are you bringing goody bags or not, I do not think it was fair you did not bring them and if you did not want to you could have told us and one of us could have brought them, are you bringing them this week or do u want one of us to?" I told her to bring them. They got something at last comp. I was sitting close to the owner at the last comp and she handed something to give the girls to another mom (biggest butt kisser bff to butt kisser 1) and told the lady who brought them who the other team moms were? (The person that brought something was not from our team, but another team in the gym). I always knew the other moms were talking about me, and her laughing proved it! There were several members from the other teams in the gym, to make spirit stuff (of course I was not invited lol) so I did not want to make a big deal in front of everyone about how I did not think I was the team mom. I could not beleive that mom had the nerve to get so snotty, exp infront of everyone! The kids are ages 3-5 I really do not think they know they are suspose to get anything, and they did just not from me, but if it would been handed to me not the other mom would she had said something. So I guess I am only team mom when it comes to spending my own money on stuff So since this is the last comp I do not want my DD to be on this team. The parents obvisouly talk about me. It is so political and unless you kiss their butt they do not include you, but I already paid for next month. So do I talk to the gym and ask for my money back for April, if they say no ask if they will let her do a tumbling class instead of being on the team, or suck it up and take her to the next three practices (one they are closed and one I am not planning to go to anyway) then quit, or be out the money I paid for April? Thanks for reading sorry so long this has been building up for months : )

Just curious. Why didn't you just ask for clarification about your duties after the first competition? Wouldn't it have been far easier to go to the owner or the coach and ask why you weren't getting the information to text to the parents rather than being suspicious all season and then just dropping the ball?

The one thing I know from our team moms is that you can't wait to be invited to stuff or wait to get the information. Our team moms work their butts off. They are always in contact with the powers to be, gathering information for the team. They go seek the information in order to get it to the team. If they don't get contacted, they do the contacting to get the information. As for phone numbers, I know our team mom cornered us and asked us all for all our contact info. She did not wait to get it from the organization. That is part of the jobs of our team moms.

If the owners/coaches had to send you the information, they might just as well have sent an e-mail to the whole team. At least in our organization (not cheer, but similar), the team moms are there to relieve that pressure off the owners/coaches. They get the info. Perhaps that mom was getting the info herself and passed it on.

 

[Magic Mom]

Just curious. Why didn't you just ask for clarification about your duties after the first competition? Wouldn't it have been far easier to go to the owner or the coach and ask why you weren't getting the information to text to the parents rather than being suspicious all season and then just dropping the ball?

The one thing I know from our team moms is that you can't wait to be invited to stuff or wait to get the information. Our team moms work their butts off. They are always in contact with the powers to be, gathering information for the team. They go seek the information in order to get it to the team. If they don't get contacted, they do the contacting to get the information. As for phone numbers, I know our team mom cornered us and asked us all for all our contact info. She did not wait to get it from the organization. That is part of the jobs of our team moms.

If the owners/coaches had to send you the information, they might just as well have sent an e-mail to the whole team. At least in our organization (not cheer, but similar), the team moms are there to relieve that pressure off the owners/coaches. They get the info. Perhaps that mom was getting the info herself and passed it on.

ITA
OP, there might have been some miscommunication at the beginning, but if you agreed to be the team mom, then you should have contacted those people to clarify. It was your responsibility.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

As for the year-end present for the coach, I would contact the parents NOW, and let them know you are collecting in advance to buy the present. Recommend an amount each parent could contribute, and tell them you are planning to buy the present in two weeks with whatever funds you receive by that date. Arrive at the next practice with a checklist, and check each parent off as they give you money.

If someone says "I'll owe you", just apologize and say that you've had issues with that in the past, so now to be safe you will only spend funds that you've received in advance. However, if you do it early enough before the end of the year, they will still be able to bring their money next week (or the week after) if they'd like to contribute.

Lastly, stick to spending the amount you receive! Then, you're not spending anymore than your fair share, and you won't need to feel resentful.

 

[Familyof4lovesDW]

They told me when they said I was team mom that someone from the gym would contact me when they found info aout about the competitions and when practices were canceled then I would contact everyone. The comp info is posted only a few days b4 the events and that it it is not always accurate so wait to hear from them b4 confirming anything.

What happens on every team but ours is they involve the team moms. They contact the team moms about the info then get the info out to the team. They have all of my numbers and my email, just like they do everyone elses. They were giving the other mom the info about how much it was for the comps and to find out if everyone wanted to do it or not and when practices were canceled. None of this really started happening until after the first two comps.
The thing about not getting to put stuff in my DD's account I heard the other moms talking about it after they did it and I did not know anything about it. I was upset they did not offer the same opprotunity to everyone on the team, not just ones they are close to. If I was the team mom why was I not ever notified about anything, and is why I was upset buy it. They were treating me different thann the others. Thanks for giving your opinion it is nice to see what others think that are not attached to the situation to help me see what I cannot by my fustration.

 

[goofy!]

My DD5 is on a All Star Cheer Team. I was nominated to be the team mom. You think cool, right, WRONG! I was the one who had to get the money to buy the coachs present (which one parent still did not give me, not one I am talking about in either situation, but I know they have money), was suspose to be who the gym contacted to call the other parents and let them know about competitions, practices canceled, provide goody bags at the comp, etc. The first comp in Jan I sent everyone an email about what I knew. After the first competition I was never contacted about anything and the gym was texting another mom (1 butt kisser)because she always let us know when to be there and when the practices were canceled (snow days). So I brought goody bags to the first 2 comps (they were back to back weekends)to give the kids, but since the gym was not contacting me and was contacting the other mom, I assumed she was the team mom. I also found out they all went to work at an event to put money into ther kids accounts so they would not have to pay for the comps. Myself and another mom were not invited. There are only 6 parents for this team. Last weekend we had a comp and I did not bring goody bags, since I am never included, and they contact the other mom. There was a month between comps. At our practice a mom (now friends with butt kissers) got snippy with me, while I saw another mom trying not to laugh in her reflection and said " Are you bringing goody bags or not, I do not think it was fair you did not bring them and if you did not want to you could have told us and one of us could have brought them, are you bringing them this week or do u want one of us to?" I told her to bring them. They got something at last comp. I was sitting close to the owner at the last comp and she handed something to give the girls to another mom (biggest butt kisser bff to butt kisser 1) and told the lady who brought them who the other team moms were? (The person that brought something was not from our team, but another team in the gym). I always knew the other moms were talking about me, and her laughing proved it! There were several members from the other teams in the gym, to make spirit stuff (of course I was not invited lol) so I did not want to make a big deal in front of everyone about how I did not think I was the team mom. I could not beleive that mom had the nerve to get so snotty, exp infront of everyone! The kids are ages 3-5 I really do not think they know they are suspose to get anything, and they did just not from me, but if it would been handed to me not the other mom would she had said something. So I guess I am only team mom when it comes to spending my own money on stuff So since this is the last comp I do not want my DD to be on this team. The parents obvisouly talk about me. It is so political and unless you kiss their butt they do not include you, but I already paid for next month. So do I talk to the gym and ask for my money back for April, if they say no ask if they will let her do a tumbling class instead of being on the team, or suck it up and take her to the next three practices (one they are closed and one I am not planning to go to anyway) then quit, or be out the money I paid for April? Thanks for reading sorry so long this has been building up for months : )

Welcome to Allstar Cheer. We have a fun cheer parents thread where we share our kids' accomplishments and frustrations. I will come back and edit with the link.

Is this your first year? Then kudos for attempting team mom your first year. I don't know if I would have been able to do it the first year as it is so overwhelming. My kids play lots of sports, they swim competitively, play club lacrosse, football and basketball amongst others. Nothing, and I mean nothing compares to the intensity of allstar cheer.

I won't address the communication issues as that seems to have been covered.

I wouldn't be so quick to think the other moms were excluding you from fundraising or other activities. I know in our gym and many others that I am familiar with, you have to belong to the allstar fundraising booster club to be able to participate. It is an optional thing run by the parents. But in order to be offered fundraising opportunities, you had to attend the first meeting, sign up and pay the small annual fee. In our gym the fee helps cover all admin costs.

To further confuse things at our gym, we have three parent clubs. One booster club and two 501c3 charitable organizations. One 501c3 runs the bingo program exclusively and the other one is dedicated to fund raising for the special needs team. New parents aren't always aware that these groups exist and since they are separate entities you have to become a member of each club individually. The parent booster club offers all sorts of fundraising opportunies from selling candy to working professional sports teams concession stands. So any fundraising you see going on in our gym is most likely initiated by the booster club for booster club members. Just last weekend, they had an opportunity for parents to earn money for their athlete's accounts by working a large car sale that involved driving cars back and forth from the dealerships to the NFL stadium parking lot.

I am the president of one of our 501c3 fundraising organizations, hugely involved in the gym, assisting our team mom when she is overwhelmed and even I didn't know of this lucrative car opportunity because I am not a member of the allstar booster club. So, I am guessing you were not purposely excluded.

I would inquire at your gym if there is a booster club that you need to become a member of in order to be able to participate in fundraising. My guess is that you were not purposely excluded, just that you and the other mom are not members of the booster club and therefore were not notified of fundraisers. One of the many confusing things to learn and navigate that first year.

As for butt kissing moms, yes they exist. However, I think the more likely scenario is that once you begin to become familiar with cheer and how it works, the coaches and owners become familiar with you and trust you and communication becomes easier. Coaches and owners are worked hard during competition season and sometimes it is just easier to mention something to the experienced parent. I wouldn't take it personally. As you become more familiar with the sport, you will naturally become more involved as you will have more knowledge.

Now for the not paying April. You said your contract says you pay through the competition season. I would be finding out what determines the competition season. We pay monthly, but it is not really a month by month fee. Our gym takes all the costs for one season, divides them up by how many months our season is and that becomes our monthly fee. So, just because we would quit in April we would still be obligated for the April fee as it is part of the yearly fee. Does that make sense?

If you are really unhappy with the gym, then tryouts for most gyms are starting in the next month. The new Allstar season starts in May for most gyms. Tryouts are usually end April or sometime in May. I would research gyms in your area and move your daughter to one that seems better suited to your family. Were there any gyms that caught your eye at competitions? Go check them out. Since it is the end of the season now is the best time to make that switch. Try not to switch after the season starts as that just breeds contempt when the coaches have to rework the routine with your daughter missing.

I don't blame your daughter for being exhausted. Allstar cheer is one heck of a demanding sport especially for a 5 year old. But it can be so rewarding if the gym is a good fit.

Good luck and come on over to the cheer parents thread and let us know how you are doing.

Edited to add the link to the cheer parent thread:
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2183386&page=18