Ahhhh I"m Going To Rip My Hair Out!!!

[Cosi Bella]

OK PEOPLE, how flippin hard is it to find a wedding date that works for at least your immediate family!?!?!

We've had to change our tentative wedding date three times for people in my family to be able to attend. It started with my sisters husband, and his new job and graduation next June (if you guys remember that, and my decision to move it from August to June and then from June to May). OK so now I'm so excited to be getting married next May, and we picked May 17th as a tentative date... I called Heidi Pickert and told her of the new plans (multiple times), and she was like "If this crazy girl doesn't pick a date and stick with it..." lol just kidding, but seriously! So ok, we have our tentative date, yay!.... NOW DF says our SIL (on his side, brothers wife) has finals next year that week!!! 18th-22nd... not only does SIL have finals that week, but so does his cousins who go to the same college... !! OMFG I CAN"T WIN!!! ahhh. NOW what the frick am I supposed to do? Keep changing my plans! I feel like no matter what, we're never going to find a date that just works!

Ok here's my options:

Move the date back in May to the next weekend. but here's the problem with that: that is memorial day weekend. LONG lines in the parks, and EXPENSIVE plane tickets. NOT really a good option

Move the date to the last week of May... 28th/29th.. something around there. this is mid week. Seems dooable, as no one will be in school (no kids are going to the wedding so I dont have to worry about grade school), and we avoid memorial day weekend. I hope I will be able to get a date for that week, I'm worried that this is a popular time to get married in Disney... dont know why.. I just am

 

[lurkyloo]

Hmmm... I say do Option Two. I hear the crowds are still OK before school lets out in June, and the weather too!

If it makes you feel any better, we had to change our date b/c of guests too. We originally picked President's Day thinking that all our teacher guests would have it off. But then it turned out that some of them actually didn't get it off, including my college professor brother (who was my Man of Honor, so he was kinda crucial to the wedding) who actually had to give finals that week.

Plus we started to realize how expensive everything would be at Disney over the holiday, and how crowded. So after the Save the Dates had already gone out, we had to send a new batch with our new date. Then our old date kept showing up on our floral proposal, and we lost UK Lower for our dessert party - grrr! (Eventually we got it back through persistent bugging of our sales coordinator )

 

[hope1826]

Hi Cosi Bella,

Ok, the last week of May will be better than Memorial Day weekend, but not much more. THe lines will still be drastically longer than early to mid May and the Resort rates and flights will all cost more too.

I really think you should pick the date that works for you and your DF first, then kind of break up your list into Super VIPS (like parents and siblings and best friends), then VIPs (like cousins and friends).

When we chose our date we checked with all of our guests and they all said they would definitely make it. It turns out that about half of our original 46 guests backed out for various reasons, non of which were because they were busy. Two of my cousins (one is a senior in high school from NY, one is graduating from grad school from TN) actually arranged to take their finals at schools near Disney so that they could attend our wedding. The ones who didn't back out were our parents, siblings, very best friends and closest cousins. I would have been so angry if we had chosen our date based on EVERYONE else, to have them back out a month before.

If your guests really want to come, they will find a way to come, regardless of the day you pick.

Nikki

 

[Swmhc]

Yep...I agree, go with the date that YOU want and that your nearest and dearest can make. You will NEVER find a date that will work for everyone so no point in driving yourself nuts about it. I would agree that earlier in May would be better if possible. That or shoot for September, which seems to be pretty consistent with the free dining plan.

 

[OceanGdss]

I agree with those above me, pick a date that works for YOU. DF and I picked a date without discussing it with anyone and we've stuck to it. A few have said it might be a problem, but we responded with "Oh dear, I'm sorry, well let us know if there's anything we can do to help you find a way to make it." And amazingly, their other engagements disappeared and now they can make it. Honestly, this is NOT to sound snooty or anything close to it, but it is YOUR wedding. If you are going to invite more than 2 other people, then you will NEVER find a date that is perfect for everyone. Just pick one, and stick to it. And confirm it a year (or 8 months) out, and then everyone else can figure out how they will make it. Besides, everytime you change it for one group/person, there will be another group/person that will be put out. You just can't win...

But you will figure it out and we are all here to help!!

(PS~ advice from an avid WDW go-er and Florida resident...May is crowded, and the beginning of our rainy season, September would be the best option..i know someone threw it out there before me...but the crowds are low and the weather beautiful..HTH!!)

 

[BaBeeCee14]

I agree with everyone else. Bottom line is to pick a date that you want and that works best with the people most important to you. You will go crazy trying to accomodate everyone. Especially this far out - everyone is going to tell you "yes I will be there" and then as you get closer and closer to your date - they all start dropping like flies.

DF and I picked a date that we wanted and stuck with it. The guests that really want to be there, will find a way to come. The ones that didn't - weren't going to come no matter what date I picked anyway. Good luck!

 

[Cosi Bella]

Hmmm... I say do Option Two. I hear the crowds are still OK before school lets out in June, and the weather too!

If it makes you feel any better, we had to change our date b/c of guests too. We originally picked President's Day thinking that all our teacher guests would have it off. But then it turned out that some of them actually didn't get it off, including my college professor brother (who was my Man of Honor, so he was kinda crucial to the wedding) who actually had to give finals that week.

Plus we started to realize how expensive everything would be at Disney over the holiday, and how crowded. So after the Save the Dates had already gone out, we had to send a new batch with our new date. Then our old date kept showing up on our floral proposal, and we lost UK Lower for our dessert party - grrr! (Eventually we got it back through persistent bugging of our sales coordinator )

Ok that makes me feel better! I'm sure there have been plenty of brides that have had to change their date... once, twice, three times... and FOUR! lol. This is crazy. I think we're going to go with option two! BUT before we call disney and change anything, we're going to check with all of the family members that are in and involved with this wedding and make sure it works for them! Thanks lurky!

Hi Cosi Bella,

Ok, the last week of May will be better than Memorial Day weekend, but not much more. THe lines will still be drastically longer than early to mid May and the Resort rates and flights will all cost more too.

I really think you should pick the date that works for you and your DF first, then kind of break up your list into Super VIPS (like parents and siblings and best friends), then VIPs (like cousins and friends).

When we chose our date we checked with all of our guests and they all said they would definitely make it. It turns out that about half of our original 46 guests backed out for various reasons, non of which were because they were busy. Two of my cousins (one is a senior in high school from NY, one is graduating from grad school from TN) actually arranged to take their finals at schools near Disney so that they could attend our wedding. The ones who didn't back out were our parents, siblings, very best friends and closest cousins. I would have been so angry if we had chosen our date based on EVERYONE else, to have them back out a month before.

If your guests really want to come, they will find a way to come, regardless of the day you pick.

Nikki

Hi nikki,

I really really want to do May 17th, just so that I don't have to call Heidi AGAIN and change it! BUT, unfortunately, since my SIL is a BM, and we changed the date for my brother in law who is a groomsmen, we have to be fair and try and accommodate her too.... I guess! lol. this is so annoying. I don't mind moving the date really, its all the same to me, but I just don't want to keep calling Disney and changing the date with them, they are going to think we're nutz!

Yep...I agree, go with the date that YOU want and that your nearest and dearest can make. You will NEVER find a date that will work for everyone so no point in driving yourself nuts about it. I would agree that earlier in May would be better if possible. That or shoot for September, which seems to be pretty consistent with the free dining plan.

I really have come to realize that we cant please everyone in choosing a date, much as I'd like to. Since sisterinlaw is a BM, though, we have to take her schedule into consideration too, given that we did that with my BIL. September (LOVELY time of year) wont work b/c BIL will be working at a new job and wont get time off, excpet maybe a day. ahh, the stresses of wedding planning. lol

Thanks for the help guys! Ok, i'm feeling a bit better. I have to call my sister and see what she says. Older sisters... they always have great advice!

 

[Cosi Bella]

I agree with those above me, pick a date that works for YOU. DF and I picked a date without discussing it with anyone and we've stuck to it. A few have said it might be a problem, but we responded with "Oh dear, I'm sorry, well let us know if there's anything we can do to help you find a way to make it." And amazingly, their other engagements disappeared and now they can make it. Honestly, this is NOT to sound snooty or anything close to it, but it is YOUR wedding. If you are going to invite more than 2 other people, then you will NEVER find a date that is perfect for everyone. Just pick one, and stick to it. And confirm it a year (or 8 months) out, and then everyone else can figure out how they will make it. Besides, everytime you change it for one group/person, there will be another group/person that will be put out. You just can't win...

But you will figure it out and we are all here to help!!

(PS~ advice from an avid WDW go-er and Florida resident...May is crowded, and the beginning of our rainy season, September would be the best option..i know someone threw it out there before me...but the crowds are low and the weather beautiful..HTH!!)

I agree with everyone else. Bottom line is to pick a date that you want and that works best with the people most important to you. You will go crazy trying to accomodate everyone. Especially this far out - everyone is going to tell you "yes I will be there" and then as you get closer and closer to your date - they all start dropping like flies.

DF and I picked a date that we wanted and stuck with it. The guests that really want to be there, will find a way to come. The ones that didn't - weren't going to come no matter what date I picked anyway. Good luck!

Thanks girls! I'm just so confused now! lol I'm trying to make it so that immediate family can make it. I've already moved the date three times, and now with this new bit of info, I am really confused! Its not so much that I have my heart set on May 17th, as I just don't want to keep changing the date... what to do, what to do. I'm going to have to sit on this one and think it through.
I love September, but don't want to get married then, is that weird? I always pictured June or august. Well, since August is too hot, and the brother in law couldn't be in our wedding if we did it then, that was ruled out. June got ruled out as too many things were going on then for him too. (we are really bending over backwards for him! but I love him to death and don't mind)... Now May is not looking good either. But you guys are right, I need to pick a date, and stick with it, or I'll seriously go crazy with worry about who can go and who can't! If something comes up after that, I am not going to give a tiny rats @ss about it!

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

The only people I asked if our date was ok with were our matron of honor and best man, everyone else had to deal with it. I said this is the date if you can make it great if not sorry for you or you can find some way to do it....lol.

I am not usually that tough

 

[Gillian]

Is there any chance of moving it earlier in May? That's such a nice time. School will still be in session but they'll be able to do more in less time because crowds will be lower.

Even late April is good. The 27th maybe?

 

[OceanGdss]

Is there any chance of moving it earlier in May? That's such a nice time. School will still be in session but they'll be able to do more in less time because crowds will be lower.

Even late April is good. The 27th maybe?

I agree, mid to late April is SO beautiful!! Especially with the Flower & Garden festival going on! And the weather here in Florida is amazing right now..a perfect 70-75 in the afternoon.

 

[DisBride2007]

Everyone has already given you good advice, but I thought I'd share my experience of changing the date as well. We were working with student schedules (including DH's brother who would be attending a college, but didn't even know which one - so we couldn't even try to accommodate that), and my sister and her husband who are in the military. We started out thinking October '06 (sis couldn't go), then Nov '06 (DH's bro couldn't go), then July '06 (BIL couldn't go), then March '07 (BIL couldn't go), then finally decided on Jan '07 and my BIL STILL couldn't go. We were very sad he couldn't be there, but like others have said you can't please everyone's schedule. Good luck with your decision!

 

[Lynn5700]

Oh my gosh how freaking annoying. I say do what you want but if you want my opinion for the best time in May I say choose the first or second week in may...it's a great time to go. trust me,I go every May.

 

[Lynn5700]

end of April is a great time too!

 

[pink_tink8i8]

ugh! How selfish of people. My family gave me a list of dates that would work for them and I immediately put my foot down. I mean I wouldn't so it around xmas (although that would be so cool) but I mean honestly. They should go when you say it is or they don't go. You don't need the added stress.

 

[Mama of Indybride]

My sweet DD changed her date to end of April (At DLR, not WDW) because the lines seemed so much shorter and what we always remember is when we go in May is Graduating and End of year classes everywhere!!!!

Huge clots of people in matching tshirts rushing into the line just before our group got there..

Yikes!

 

[OceanGdss]

ugh! How selfish of people. My family gave me a list of dates that would work for them and I immediately put my foot down. I mean I wouldn't so it around xmas (although that would be so cool) but I mean honestly. They should go when you say it is or they don't go. You don't need the added stress.

hey! we're getting married 7 days before christmas ...what are u trying to say??
LoL...just kiddin

we picked our date (and yes..it really is 7 days before christmas ) because it has history with other couples in his family, and we stuck to it...regardless.

 

[hope1826]

I really really want to do May 17th, just so that I don't have to call Heidi AGAIN and change it! BUT, unfortunately, since my SIL is a BM, and we changed the date for my brother in law who is a groomsmen, we have to be fair and try and accommodate her too.... I guess! lol. this is so annoying. I don't mind moving the date really, its all the same to me, but I just don't want to keep calling Disney and changing the date with them, they are going to think we're nutz!

Hi Cosi Bella,

I definitely understand wanted to include some of the most important people in your life and people you already selected as BM's and GM's, but honestly they need to work around YOU.

This was my situation... DF and I picked the date that was best for us in many ways. Both DF and I come from a family of teachers.

Both of his parents are teachers and my father is a teacher. Finals and AP exams are going on without them in all three of their schools and everyone understands.

Our 5 year old ringbearer is missing 3 days of school and no one is penalizing him.

My Matron of honor is in her third year of college and had 2 final exams scheduled for the day WE chose and 1 scheduled for the day after. She wanted to be at our wedding so instead of asking us to change our date, she asked her 3 professors to change their dates for her and explained the situation. Without a fight, they change her final dates, And she took her exams this past Monday and Tuesday and will be flying down with us today.

My high school senior cousin, is taking her final regents exams and needs them to graduate. Two were scheduled for our wedding day. She was easily able to move one to this Friday and her teacher in NY was able to make arrangements with a high school in Orlando for her to take the regents (final) exam) there on the morning of the wedding.

And yet another bridesmaid (cousin from Tennessee) is graduating with a Masters and without any hassle she was able to shift things around.

Not one of these people asked us to change our date. And not of one them had a difficult time rearranging their schedules to be with us.

Then on the other hand were the almost 2 dozen people who did NOT have scheduling conflicts, who said they were going, but never sent back the RSVP, but every time we called and asked they said "of course we are coming" and but ultimately backed out.

My brother, for example, had his hotel and flights paid for by my father. My dad also bought his daughters their flowergirl and jr. bridesmaids dresses. They were already cleared with their school to be at their aunt's wedding. And for months he was "definitely" coming, but he backed out a month ago and he isn't letting my nieces come with us.

There are also the seven strict Roman Catholics who backed out, when they discovered that we were not doing a RC blessing.

All of this is during only 5 months of planning.

My point is that you are planning for other people so far in advance and things always come up in everyones lives. It would be a shame if you kept changing dates for others and they weren't able to come anyway.

I don't know how long you have been reading the boards, but in the short time I have been here, there have been so many brides with people (BM's and GM's) drop out for so many different reasons. EEEkkkk one of our GMs and his son, the ringbearer may not be able to come in 4 DAYS, because the ringbearer is recovering from pneumonia. Life happens.

I think it is also very appropriate to say to your SIL (BM) that you are sorry, but while you did change the date for your BIL, you can't keep changing the date and if you do change it for her, where do you draw the line. What if others request the same thing over the next year?

Anyway, good luck with your choice.

 

[Lindsay22]

Please don't rip your hair out. That would not look very nice with your tiara!!
I agree with everyone else. Pick your top 10 people and work your date around them. If anyone else wants to come they'll figure something out!

 

[Cosi Bella]

Is there any chance of moving it earlier in May? That's such a nice time. School will still be in session but they'll be able to do more in less time because crowds will be lower.

Even late April is good. The 27th maybe?

I agree, mid to late April is SO beautiful!! Especially with the Flower & Garden festival going on! And the weather here in Florida is amazing right now..a perfect 70-75 in the afternoon.

Hmm, April might not work as well as May because said people will still have classes and finals approaching, although this should be the least of my worries, right!? lol. But more importantly, I don't really want an April wedding; I have always wanted summer. I really really want summer. May is close enough, and with the Florida weather, it will certainly feel like summer... May is the earliest I want to have the wedding, I don't really know why, I just do. This is so frustrating because I can't seem to find a day that works. I wanted June originally, but that's really not going to work b/c of my sis's hubby. Since we've asked him to be a groomsmen and he's important to us, we changed the date for him.

Everyone has already given you good advice, but I thought I'd share my experience of changing the date as well. We were working with student schedules (including DH's brother who would be attending a college, but didn't even know which one - so we couldn't even try to accommodate that), and my sister and her husband who are in the military. We started out thinking October '06 (sis couldn't go), then Nov '06 (DH's bro couldn't go), then July '06 (BIL couldn't go), then March '07 (BIL couldn't go), then finally decided on Jan '07 and my BIL STILL couldn't go. We were very sad he couldn't be there, but like others have said you can't please everyone's schedule. Good luck with your decision!

Thanks! I really have this stupid need to please everyone and its not working, and not healthy! lol. Ugh, I'm like Bree from Desperate Housewives, I have to please everyone and life has to be perfect or I'll lose it! lol. I'm going to figure this out, I will!!!

Oh my gosh how freaking annoying. I say do what you want but if you want my opinion for the best time in May I say choose the first or second week in may...it's a great time to go. trust me,I go every May.

oh geez this makes me want to keep my May 17th date!!!... what to do... what to do... ok, but just how bad are the lines at Disney at the endish of May? I've been there in June with all the little kids out of school and it wasn't terrible, long sure, but not terrible... I think I need to figure out what is most important: having the immediate family be able to make it, or have short lines in the parks... lol thanks for making it harder Lynn!!! JK JK!

ugh! How selfish of people. My family gave me a list of dates that would work for them and I immediately put my foot down. I mean I wouldn't so it around xmas (although that would be so cool) but I mean honestly. They should go when you say it is or they don't go. You don't need the added stress.

I feel like everyone keeps telling me what to do for my wedding, OMG I cant take it anymore! lol I'm going to go insane. I am also getting the "You cant have your engagement party then b/c of..." from people. WHEN WILL IT STOP?? lol.

My sweet DD changed her date to end of April (At DLR, not WDW) because the lines seemed so much shorter and what we always remember is when we go in May is Graduating and End of year classes everywhere!!!!

Huge clots of people in matching tshirts rushing into the line just before our group got there..

Yikes!

That does not sound good at all! I do NOT want annoying college girls messing up my wedding trip! really, I want a summer wedding, and moving the wedding to later in may would be closer to summer. But at what point do I draw the line? ( like nikki said!)

Nikki you give such great advice! thank you so much for your help!! I've only been around here since March, but seriously, I've gotten such great advice and help from everyone, you guys are so amazing and I don't think I'd have gotten through my initial dilemma without everyone's support! Its not the changing of the date that I'm worried about, its that I finally will choose a date after changing it 11d billion times, and then someone integral to the wedding will not be able to go... but like you said, if its really important to them, they will find a way to make it there, ... or they wont... that's their choice and their loss if they choose not to. this still doesn't make it any less stressful, you know? lol

Please don't rip your hair out. That would not look very nice with your tiara!!
I agree with everyone else. Pick your top 10 people and work your date around them. If anyone else wants to come they'll figure something out!

NO that would not look good with my tiara!! lol. OK top ten people... well since we both have a few brothers and sisters it will probably be more like top 16 ppl... I'm going to say that includes the parents, and our siblings and their sig others. SO, she is included in that category. The bottom line is, DF said that since I've changed the date for my BIL, he wants to accommodate his SIL, its only fair. I do agree with this, and I have to keep in mind that we didn't have a specific date in mind, we were trying to make this work for as many people as possible. I just don't like when people try and tell you how to do things for your wedding, that stresses me out! My mom actually told me to just move it back to June and do what I really want. but thats silly, then My BIL can't come and I want him there, just like I want my SIL there too... They are both important to us. We need to figure out what is going to work and then stick with it!

I think ultimately we are going to change the date ONE LAST TIME, and then if someone can't make it, oh freakin well! For DF and I, the most imporatant thing is that our immediate families are able to make it, and if that means long lines in Disney... well that's not the worst thing in the world!