Agoraphobia

[DizFan101]

Hello,
I feel like I have agoraphobia because I don't know how to cope with current issues or issues that I will be facing in the future (near and far). I have a lot of fears and I feel like everyone wants to put them against me when I am upset.

I feel angry all the time because I don't know how to cope. I can't read a book to take mind of stuff. Can't watch a movie. I feel like if I am wasting time being afraid of everything.

The thing is that i went through life being "me." Being who I was, happy, excited for the next day, always doing something even if it was the same thing day after day.

Now I just feel bored all the time doing the same things day in and day out. I don't know how people go to one job day after day and do the same thing Whether it be paper work or dealing with people.

I can't deal with people any more after an incident but I know I will have to deal with people in the future due to a court case that is pending. I am hoping it will settle but since it has been 5 years I highly doubt that it will settle.

Nothing brings me joy...Not even Disney.
I always thought I would love Disney World but now I just don't know who i am any more because I always am judging myelf. I'm 25 years old and still watch Sesame Street (no i don't have kids). I still watch pbs kids because I can't deal with all the negativity on the news. I know the things on the news doesn't deal with me, but it COULD.

Anything could happen and I feel like if someone told me The world was going to end tomorrow, I would believe it. My mom says there's either science or religion to believe in...I don't believe in either. Studies are always changing and I don't know why God creates things in order to take them away.

I don't enjoy disney world any more because i always go with my mom and I know there will be a time when she won't be around any more.

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Anyway, more issues...
For some reason (i dunno why), My dad asked me if I wanted to go to Vegas in May and invite a friend. I dunno why i said yes with my known issues. My past trips haven't been that fun... September 11, I forgot most of my clothes except for my nightshirt and the outfit I was wearing....February 2012 I got sick with a foot infection and was in bed the entire time. But then again i had some fun times, but when I was a kid i now remember getting a stomach virus when i was there but i got through it because of my mom.

Anyhow, back to the current issue. I'm afraid of what my friend will think of me. . We've been corresponding through texts/letters and I feel like I'm 2 different people now a days because I can write forever (like i'm doing now), but when it comes face to face I don't know what to say, like I need to keep the conversation going or it will become awkward.

But the hardest part is being interested in what people say. I'm not interested in what I have to say myself. I know my friend might read this and apologize for any hurt feelings but it's the way i feel.
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can any one help?
My doctor has diagnosed me w/ severe depression & PTSD.
My life is a nightmare 24/7.
I will believe anything and can come confused if too many people think i have x,y,z.

 

[Heluvsme]

This makes me so sad for you.

You said, at the end of your post, that you would get confused if people said you had x, y, or z because you would believe them---well, I would never dream of diagnosing someone on the internet, and I would hope no one else would, not even a professional--a diagnosis would involve face to face meetings and intensive evaluations.

My advice will probably seem simple, and I don't mean to simplify what you're going through, I myself have not been in your shoes, but you mentioned a diagnosis of depression and PTSD, are you still seeing the therapist who diagnosed that? Medication can help, but would probably be much more effective if combined with talk therapy, maybe even group therapy in your case, so you could see that you're not alone and meet people who suffer day to day with similar issues.

In between though... does ANYthing bring you joy? Anything at all? Whatever that answer is, do it.... you said writing is easy for you... how about writing, much like you did here.... who knows, maybe someday it could be published and might help others in your same situation!

Take care hun, I do hope this lifts soon, I can only imagine how down you must feel, and how hopeless this must all seem.

Dawn

 

[DizFan101]

This makes me so sad for you.

You said, at the end of your post, that you would get confused if people said you had x, y, or z because you would believe them---well, I would never dream of diagnosing someone on the internet, and I would hope no one else would, not even a professional--a diagnosis would involve face to face meetings and intensive evaluations.

My advice will probably seem simple, and I don't mean to simplify what you're going through, I myself have not been in your shoes, but you mentioned a diagnosis of depression and PTSD, are you still seeing the therapist who diagnosed that? Medication can help, but would probably be much more effective if combined with talk therapy, maybe even group therapy in your case, so you could see that you're not alone and meet people who suffer day to day with similar issues.

In between though... does ANYthing bring you joy? Anything at all? Whatever that answer is, do it.... you said writing is easy for you... how about writing, much like you did here.... who knows, maybe someday it could be published and might help others in your same situation!

Take care hun, I do hope this lifts soon, I can only imagine how down you must feel, and how hopeless this must all seem.

Dawn

Nothing brings me joy.
I just feel everything is a waste of time. In 40 or so days I am going to vegas with my family and a friend and i know something is going to go wrong. i just seem to worry since I feel so down in the dumps. Every day I shop. Nothing interests me. Like I FINALLY found plain t-shirts. I searched everywhere Target/Kmart/lanebryan and 3 walmarts and found the ones I was looking for in a different one. I just wish something would go my way and I can appreciate it. i always feel like i am going to make a mistake.

I am trying to make some $$ prior to vegas but i just feel so down in the dump and tired all the time I just feel like why bother cuz I don't want anything any way. I don't need anything. If i could just have my old life back where something meant something and things made sense.

I ask

- how do people enjoy life if they have water bills to pay?
- how does kids bring joy to one person if they have to worry about paying insurance?

i just don't know how people just go through life looking happy to other people. They make living so easy.
To me, life is a waste of time because you just die in the end any way

 

[Heluvsme]

Sweetie, I'm not saying anything you don't already know, but you need to talk to a professional.

My nephew committed suicide a year and a half ago, if he had put out a message like this, we would have possibly been able to get him to talk to someone and it would have ended differently. From your post you have a dad that is active in your life, and at least one friend--the one you were talking about going to Vegas with, I can GUARANTEE you that you matter to them!!

How do we find joy when we have responsibilities? Yes, I have to pay my water bill, but I have clean, drinkable water, that magically comes out of a tap when I simply turn a handle. A lot of countries in this world dream of that. How do I enjoy my children when I have to pay insurance on them? Easily! I see their smiles, their faces, I get to hug them... there is no price that would make me question my decision to become a parent.

When you start to think about things that get you down, do your best to spin it---turn it around, if you do this enough you might start believing it.

And I maintain this---please go talk to someone. Call a hotline. Call your dad. Call your friend. I don't even know you and I care about you. I think every life is worth living, every life deserves happiness.

And hey!! On the bright side.. you found the t-shirts you were looking for!! Smile!! It's a small thing, but that's what will get you to start this shift, finding joy in small things. A drink of coffee, a yummy cupcake, a joke on a TV show... life is made up of a million little things that can make you smile.