Age Differences in Relationships

[NMAmy]

I think that it really depends on the people involved. DH is 11 years older than me and we're perfectly suited for each other. He says I keep him young.

We did meet when I was in my 30's and he was in his late 40's. It's never caused a problem for us.

 

[Snow_White]

I'm 26 and my husband is 31. We've been dating since I was 16 and he was 21...needless to say, my parents weren't too crazy about the age difference then, but they've since gotten over it I really must say that if someone lied about their age to me, I would not think too highly of them. A relationship is all about honesty and that sort of lie is not getting the relationship started on the right foot.

 

[mickeyboat]

It definitely depends on what each person is looking to get out of the relationship, and in which stage each person falls at the moment. I would never set an age difference limit in stone, because I think if the right conditions and right people are involved, any age difference can work.

My father will be 61 this year, his wife turns 37 (I think). She is only two years older than me, but that's a subject for another thread.

They seem really happy together, but I think she has given up a lot to be with him. She has given up having children, because he is finished, both emotionally and physically. She has given up her current lifestyle, because he has recently retired and they have moved from an up and coming suburbia to a retirement community. She faces the possibility of living with an old man for a long time, who might possibly develop the typical health issues which come with old age.

My dad gives up on the dream of growing old together with someone.

Denae

 

[GEM]

DH is 4 years younger than me, and it's never been an issue at all. I certainly don't consider a difference of four years to put him "outside my age bracket".

We grew up with pretty much the same experiences, etc. and we definately have plenty of common ground. Like someone else said, where you are in your life makes a big difference, as well. I certainly wouldn't have dated him when I was 18 and he was 14 - but at 29 and 33 there's not any difference at all.

 

[Pixiedust34]

Age is just a number. Maturity level is what counts.

That is true. Dh is 12 years older than I am. We don't pay much attention to our actual ages.

 

[F1Julie]

I think it depends on what you are looking to get out of the relationship. If you're looking for something fun without a long term future, dating a younger guy would be fine. If you are looking towards marriage, I'd date a slightly older guy. I'm 28 and my boyfriend is 34. That seems to be a good range for us. I find that guys are in their 30's treat women better and definitely more mature. Most men aren't ready to settle down before that. I got married at 21 to a guy that was 22. He thought he was ready for marriage and had me convinced, but he really wasn't. We split up after 2.5 years of marriage.

 

[Mandabella]

DH is 4 years younger than me, and it's never been an issue at all. I certainly don't consider a difference of four years to put him "outside my age bracket".

That's our age difference as well, with him being the older one. It really isn't a factor until we are discussing pop culture or something. He'll mention ANYTHING about the 70s and then I'll give him a blank stare to which he replies "oh that's right, you are too young to remember XYZ." Or I'll tease him about knowing the existence of party lines and growing up w/o cable or MTV.

Then of course I freaked him out one day when I told him that when he was a senior in high school, I was in the 8th grade.

 

[rt2dz]

The older you get, the less the age difference matters. If you are at the same stage in life, age doesn't really matter. If a 17 year old was dating a 27 year old, that would be an issue in my book because that 17 year old is still in school and young where as the 27 year old is past normal schooling years and should be in the workforce, etc. Now a 27 year old dating a 37 year old isn't that big of a deal because they are 'mature' adults in a similar stage in life (out of school, working, assuming they are self supporting, etc, etc).

Get to the other end of the spectrum and you have an 80 year old dating a 27 year old, that would bother me because again, they are at different stages of life.

This was what I was pretty much about to say. The only other thing I was about to say is that how well a relationship works is dependent on how much you have in common. Not only where you are in life, but morals, religion, thoughts on money (ie, saving & how to spend), some similiar interests (ie, travel), etc, etc.

My DH is only 9 months older and sometimes I think we're too close in age--not that I'd ever trade him in... But if he were a few years along in his career my ticking biological clock wouldn't be such an issue. It just depends on how you look at things. I had dated one guy 1 year older, other than that the guys I used to date were 2-8 years older. For me, I found 3-4 years older to be perfect.

But hey, my sister has been with her DH since she was 17 (they married 2 weeks before her 26th birthday) and he is 9 years older than she is. Their relationship was rocky in the beginning because he used to say she was too young. At 21 she wasn't too young any more. Oh, and before the first date, he insisted on meeting my parents, telling them his age, getting their approval (even though my sis was a high school grad) and getting her home early.

 

[LittleMissMickey]

Thank you to everybody for responding to this thread! Keep 'em coming!

I just recently started dating again and my friends laugh at me because I seem to go for the "older men." I typically don't like guys around my age (24) because they just seem immature and they seem to think they are really funny -- but they're NOT! I'm sure some of them are, but I can't seem to find them. I don't care if you're losing your hair, I just want someone who is going to make me smile. (Did that sound like future song lyrics to anyone? Think country...) Anyway, it's a shock to my brother, I think, when I tell him I'm going on a date with someone his age (31) and a shock to my friends if I tell them that I found out a guy that I was out with was older than that, even! (They really get on my case if I say that I actually liked him)

So, keep your opinions coming -- it helps to know that maybe I'm not weird!

 

[luvnstuf]

Well... I'll reply to this one. I am 21, and I have been with my fiance going on 5 years. (That put me at 17 years old and a senior in highschool) Now, my fiance is 29 years old (that would have made him 25 years old) BUT to top that, he has his too kids that are 10 and 8, which put them at 4 and 5 at the time. I moved in the day I turned 18 (and was still in highschool). My parents let me, they didn't necassarily like it, but in there eyes he was better than the people I used to hang out with (which he was, 100% better than any one), so they saw me as doing something good, and moving up hill.

I don't really see age as a big difference, yeah when I was still in highschool it was kinda weird telling people how old he was, but I grew to love him and his kids so the age don't matter. (I do like making fun of him though now, cause next year he's 30!!!)

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

I am 41 and DW is 36. When we started dating I was 28 and she was 22. Even then it didn't seem like a big deal. We were just soul mates. FWIW, until I met her I always dated women who were my age or a bit older.

 

[AtlantaSue]

I'm 38 and DH is 50. We were 28 and 40 on our wedding day. It has never been an issue for either of us!

 

[mrsheppo]

I think it completely depends on the individuals involved. There is 10 years difference between DH & I. We met when he was 50 and I was 40 and we have been married for 8 years.

My oldest DD & her DH are 12 years apart. She was 18 and he was 30 when they started dating. At first I was wary about it, but they are actually very well suited to each other. My son in law is only 12 years younger than me but he always calls me Mom. A lot of people at work look at us funny until we explain the relationship.

 

[Gary M]

I'm 10 months older than my DW. We have been married 34 years.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I am 31 and hubby is 37.

We were 18 and 24 when we got married.

 

[kdibattista]

DH is 8 years older then me... it's never been a problem for us.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I'm 39; DH is 43.

I've dated guys 12 and 13 years older than me...but I always felt like I was the mature one in those relationships.

Heck, Anna Nicole made it work...

 

[MOMOFMNM]

dh is 41 and I am 29 (soon)


we were and are both in the same stages of life...his dd is the same age and so on you get the picture.

He treats me like a queen and loves me for who I am...and I am very lucky to have found him.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think it depends on the people involved, but I have known an awful lot of people who had the May-December thing happening, with a 20-something woman marrying a 40-something guy, and all of a sudden you have a woman who is planning her life, wanting a fmaily etc. and a man who is planning his retirement.

DH is 4 years old than I am. I probably would have drawn the line at 10 years age difference.