Advise on trustworthiness please...

[Ilovefozzie]

I'm a little shell shocked and I'm not sure what to do. So if anything I'm about to say upsets anyone...I'm sorry! I don't mean to.

A little background. Several years ago my father passed away and a good friend of my intrduced me to another gal who's father also just passed away. She and I became best of friends. Immediately. When I got married she was one of my bridesmaids. She's also godmother to both of my children. She was my BEST friend.

Within months of my DD being born, this friend found religion. BIG TIME The church she joined started to take over more and more of her time and her pastor became VERY important to her. A lot of things would have "my pastor said this...my pastor thinks that..." It got to the point, where we couldn't have a conversation without God and Jesus becoming the main focus. She would preach to me constantly. Finally, one day she started yelling at me. I was going to H E double hockey sticks. And she wasn't going to be drug into the fire with me. I was the worst mother on earth and there was no hope for me. So, after talking to her pastor, she knew she had to get the "heathens" out of her life. This was about 5 1/2 years ago.

Now, this afternoon I get an IM from her. She's acting like NOTHING happened. She just hasn't talked to me in a while...she asked for my phone number which I couldn't come up with a reason to not give it, so I did. I am now confused and honestly a little worried.

What would you do in this situation?

Again, I really didn't mean to upset anyone. So please, don't take offense.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would guess she has seen the error of her ways, and plans to apologize to you. She just wants to do it over the phone.

I would probably give her a chance to redeem herself, but if she continues the way she was, drop her like a hot potato.

Good luck.

Denae

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well if she isn't falling over herself apologizing, I would call her on it and see what she says.
If she blasts you again then you can tell her to go to H E double hockey sticks.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

I would feel cautious as well, but if you were good friends once then I think it's worth the risk to see what sort of place she's at now. Hopefully she's calmed down and wants to renew the friendship on a level that you can both feel comfortable. Be prepared though, she may have a lot to unload on you. It's hard to say what motivated her to reach out. It could just be that you've been on her mind and today was the day that she made the move, or she's had a lot of change in her life and you are somebody she feels secure in opening up to. So I would just try to have an open mind, but don't feel bad if she starts up with the religion thing again and you'll just have to firmly tell her that it's not acceptable.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Let it go. Take your friend back (if you want to.)

My best friend went through a period where Jesus changed her life. She even told me that she thought her life was better (and easier) than mine because I didn't have a "close, personal relationship" with Jesus. This was back when we were young and she and her Navy husband weren't struggling as hard as DH and I were. I figured I'd wait it out.

A year later, she found out her son was autistic and her husband was cheating and she decided that maybe Jesus wasn't blessing her more than everyone else.

Now she laughs at herself and asks how I put up with her.

People go through phases. That's how I see it anyway.

 

[lillygator]

she hasn't talked to you for 5 1/2 years and is now IM'img you?

 

[Ilovefozzie]

she hasn't talked to you for 5 1/2 years and is now IM'img you?

Yep! I haven't changed my IM name in gosh....years and years and years. something feels off about it. I'm willing to give her an oportunity to talk. But I don't know how to go into listening. If that makes any sense.

 

[cardaway]

People get sucked into believing these pastors until they realize how off they are and come to their senses. Then they want everyone to forget it even happened.

You're not alone. I would let this person try and put it behind them and help them move on.

 

[Ilovefozzie]

Thanks everyone! I'll hear her out and if she doesn't address it I might. She lives 3 hours away, and my DD doesn't even know who she is. The DS asked about her about 6 months ago. She would by him childrens books, and he saw her name in them. But other than that they really don't remember her.

So if it doesn't work, ok. It's not like we would see her regularly in the grocery store.

Thanks again!!

 

[PhotobearSam]

So sorry that happened to you.

I had a "best" friend who stopped talking to me because I had somehow offended the sister-in-law of her brother's girlfriend. She never said anything but just drifted away from me.

I reached out with a Christmas card this year saying that if I had offended her in any way that I was truely sorry and I wanted to let her know I think about her often. I also said if she did not want me to contact her again, to just email me and say "get lost'

I never heard from her. this hurt because I was the one who let her move in with me TWICE when she went through break-ups and I would help her move, listen to all her problems and then she just dumped me. BUT I miss her and I would love the chance to say sorry.

Hear her out but don't just let her back in without an explanation. If she is sincere, it will take time but might be worth it.

I hope it turns out any way you hope

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

I believe in second chances. It sounds like she screwed up, but I agree that you should hear her out. Hopefully she just asked for your number so that she could call you and try to work it out over the phone which is probably a much better way than online. If this was once a great friendship, it has the potential to be once again if you are willing to be open-minded and forgive. I would be cautious at first but then maybe you can restore the friendship. I hope it works out the way you want it to.