Advice on taking a "frugal" mom to WDWQ

[Disney Dad Canada]

My main concern with our next trip is my Mom. I love her to death, buy she drives me nuts. In addition to being celiac and lactose intolerant, which greatly diminishes the food choices (of course through no fault of her own), she flat out refuses to try any new foods (for example, she's 67 and tried a kiwi for the first time a month ago).

Add to that she's "frugal", as in bring your own cheese slice to McDonald's to avoid paying the extra 40 cents for the cheeseburger "frugal". I've bought her nice things in the past, and she didn't like them because she got so worked up over their costs (even though she didn't pay for them), and I don't want her to miss out on the fun we have at WDW. (Plus I don't want to be charged with manslaughter if she "starts in" on me about the costs.)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as to how to "educate" my Mom for the trip to avoid embarrassment and frustration. For her eating issues, I've already printed out a list of foods she can have that was sent to me from Disney. I just want my Mom stop worrying and enjoy the trip.

 

[mikelan6]

I just want my Mom stop worrying and enjoy the trip.

I have a feeling your mom is going to worry no matter what. If she's a worrier and enjoys being frugal, then let her be.

I would suggest that YOU do what you want, enjoy what YOU want and don't stress about mom. She'll be fine.

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

I have a feeling your mom is going to worry no matter what. If she's a worrier and enjoys being frugal, then let her be.

I would suggest that YOU do what you want, enjoy what YOU want and don't stress about mom. She'll be fine.

That's all in good until the first meal. Even though we're getting the dining plan, and I explained to her how it works, I DREAD getting our first bill. The suggested tip will be more than they've ever PAID for a meal.

 

[mikelan6]

That's all in good until the first meal. Even though we're getting the dining plan, and I explained to her how it works, I DREAD getting our first bill. The suggested tip will be more than they've ever PAID for a meal.

Don't show her the bill.

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

Don't show her the bill.

Then I pay for all the tips?

 

[mikelan6]

Then I pay for all the tips?

For your sanity's sake ... I would.

 

[klam_chowder]

I feel for you - love my mom to bits too but she's crazed about costs. It took a couple of trips til I found an easy solution years ago and stick to it when I travel/visit with her. Just don't show her the bill, and pay for everything. After a few meals she'll get the idea and will settle down on it. Yes, I know it costs but for all that my mom has ever done for me for my entire life, it's the least I can do for her. I want to cherish the time I get to spend with my folks and not bicker - spending the $$ is more than worth the decreased stress for me

As for her diet restrictions - just let her eat what she wants even tho it may seem simple/boring to you. People enjoy different flavors; her having something she's familiar with may help her ease into the stress of travel.

Good luck - you're so lucky to be able to travel with your folks!

cheers,

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

As for her diet restrictions - just let her eat what she wants even tho it may seem simple/boring to you. People enjoy different flavors; her having something she's familiar with may help her ease into the stress of travel.

There's a difference between eating boring and being so restrictive that you won't eat a thing. When they come for a visit and I suggest a restaurant, over half the time I get , "Oh we don't eat there, there's nothing we like".

I undertans this attitude at specialty restaurants, but she won't even step foot into a Red Lobster. Denny's is about as "fancy" as they get.

AS for paying for everything, I'm jts worried that my mom will fuss whether they are paying or I do. WHAT WAS I THINKING?>???

 

[sjsjbrook]

Are they paying for their portion of the dining plan?

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

Are they paying for their portion of the dining plan?

Yes, we are staying with my DVC points at an SSR treehouse, put for everything else they are paying their own way.

 

[WaltD4Me]

My sister's MIL is just like this. She lives 3 hours from my sister and her family and when they go visit her she insists they eat every meal at her house because it's too expensive to eat out. It drives my sister crazy because she isn't that good of a cook! She had to finally put her foot down and tell her when they come to visit they are going to eat out one night or they aren't coming. When they went on a family vacation to Cancun in a time share, MIL wanted to cook every meal in the condo, my sister and BIL told her they were on vacation and they were not eating in the condo every night, if she wanted to that was up to her, but not to expect them to do the same.

 

[Gigi22]

If you are staying at SSR and using your DVC points, is there a way you can put the meal tips on your KTTW card? That way, mom doesn't see the bill, or the amount of the tip. I believe that with the DDP after the points are taken off your KTTW, you get a bill that shows the item amounts zero-ed out--could you show your mom that bill? It is a subterfuge, but it might be one you need to adopt to ensure that everyone (you too) enjoys their vacation! The explanation for the zero amount bill being, of course, "We all bought the dining plan, so the cost of the meal has already been paid." If you take that approach, with a bit of 'selling' the DDP to your mom, she might enjoy shopping for 'bargains'/best bang for the buck at the various Disney restaurants! (Or something like, "Mom, with DDP we can eat hamburgers, or we can eat steak. Personally, I prefer steak--what about you? We have already paid for the meals, and we don't get money back for not using all our DDP credits--they just expire when we check out.")
I sympathize with the OP, my mom was a very frugal lady too--but she did like a meal out!

 

[cathcuc]

What about having your parents pay a fixed amount of the tip for each meal? Not sure how many of you there are but what about $10 to $20 for each meal and then you put in the rest. That way they feel they are contributing and you have part of the cost covered. Another idea is to have them cover the tips of certain pre-selected, less expensive meals. That way the sticker shock won't be as bad.

Try and have a great time. I don't love dining with my in-laws either. They have very limited likes and half the time even those wind up "not tasting good". I can sympathize with you because when you've planned for so long and you're taking people to a place you've carefully chosen and that you enjoy, it's frustraing to have people pick on it and visibly act miserable. I have just given up. You can do your best to cater to everyone's taste but you can't be responsible for everyone's happiness! Good luck.

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

If you are staying at SSR and using your DVC points, is there a way you can put the meal tips on your KTTW card? That way, mom doesn't see the bill, or the amount of the tip. I believe that with the DDP after the points are taken off your KTTW, you get a bill that shows the item amounts zero-ed out--could you show your mom that bill? It is a subterfuge, but it might be one you need to adopt to ensure that everyone (you too) enjoys their vacation! The explanation for the zero amount bill being, of course, "We all bought the dining plan, so the cost of the meal has already been paid." If you take that approach, with a bit of 'selling' the DDP to your mom, she might enjoy shopping for 'bargains'/best bang for the buck at the various Disney restaurants! (Or something like, "Mom, with DDP we can eat hamburgers, or we can eat steak. Personally, I prefer steak--what about you? We have already paid for the meals, and we don't get money back for not using all our DDP credits--they just expire when we check out.")
I sympathize with the OP, my mom was a very frugal lady too--but she did like a meal out!

Un fortunatly, it's not just a matter of her not seeing teh bill. My dad handles the money (she was a stay at home mom), so she never sees bills. It's just a "feeling that it's too expensive".

 

[stitchlover]

I think when you are dealing with a parent who is set in their ways and has a set pattern of behavior the best you can do is manage YOUR behavior and your reactions to this parent. You aren't going to change her.

If I remember correctly you are a widower with three children. If picking up the tips on your own is a bit of a stretch then I would do as another poster recommended and come up with a set tip amount that they should pay at each meal. I remember the other day you had a thread about your ADR's. You can easily go through the menus and guesstimate what the bills are going to be for those dinners and from there guesstimate the tips. I would add them all up and get an average per meal and tell your father this is his tip amount.

You can easily anticipate what her behavior is going to be. Work on what your reaction is going to be towards her. Take a deep breath, count to ten and remember you are in the happiest place on earth. Don't let her reactions bother you especially since you know in advance they are going to cause a rise in your blood pressure.

I hope your family has a wonderful time.

 

[sjsjbrook]

Wow.

With the meals already paid for, you really are in a pickle.

My advice is to let them know how much you paid for the day for the dining plan, and how much they should expect to tip in advance. This way they can stew on it here, but it will not be a surpirse there.

Plus the amount it costs for the day once they realize what they are getting, ( it is a bargin) You could even break down what it would cost without being on the plan, plus if you are going to a character meal you could focus on them being part of a show.

That said you won't be able to stop them from ordering the cheapest thing on the menu. At least at buffets you will not have that issue.

 

[WaltD4Me]

Un fortunatly, it's not just a matter of her not seeing teh bill. My dad handles the money (she was a stay at home mom), so she never sees bills. It's just a "feeling that it's too expensive".

Is this their first trip to Disney with the grandkids? Maybe you just need to sit your mom down and talk to her. Tell her Disney is a place the kids love and you want everyone to have a good time and not be constantly worried about how much it costs, which is why you got DDP, which basically means it's already paid for. Maybe you just need to be honest with her and explain how important the trip is to you and the kids.

I don't understand why it would be such an issue though if you have DDP, since it's pre-paid and she was okay with that, why would it be an issue once you get there? Maybe you can just sit and down and really explain DDP so she understands how it works and that the prices really don't mean anything because it's already paid for. Tell her the prices are for "other people" who don't have DDP.

 

[kaligal]

If you're all that concerned about your mom's impressions of the prices and her comfort level eating in some of the restaurants, why don't you just do what she would like instead of the Dining Plan.

Go offsite. Eat at Dennys, Golden Corral, Bob Evans, what-have-you.

In this way, mom will be pleased and you can relax.

Plus, you can save a lot of money by buying the meals and getting a cheaper hotel rate.

It's either that or suck it up and deal with your mother. That sounds mean, but I mean it in a non-mean way. We've all had to suck it up and deal with our moms at some point.

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

I don't understand why it would be such an issue though if you have DDP, since it's pre-paid and she was okay with that, why would it be an issue once you get there? Maybe you can just sit and down and really explain DDP so she understands how it works and that the prices really don't mean anything because it's already paid for. Tell her the prices are for "other people" who don't have DDP.

Let's put it this way, when I showed her pictures of the SSR treehouses, even though I said several times that it's at no cost to you, I will be paying for it, she said "It's too fancy for us, we'll find a Day's Inn close by". It took my dad a month or so just to convince her that a free room in a nice hotel is a good idea.

I'm not trying to make her out as a bad person, I love her dearly. I just know her "hot buttons" of thriftiness and refusing to try new things clash with my vacation plans of being pampered and trying foods you wouldn't get anywhere else. I've already picked "meat and potato" restaurants to please her, so hopefully she can meet me half way and deal with the prices.

I think what I'll do is ask my Dad for $20 per table service meal ahead of time then charge evrything to our room.

 

[Disney Dad Canada]

If you're all that concerned about your mom's impressions of the prices and her comfort level eating in some of the restaurants, why don't you just do what she would like instead of the Dining Plan.

Go offsite. Eat at Dennys, Golden Corral, Bob Evans, what-have-you.

In this way, mom will be pleased and you can relax.

Plus, you can save a lot of money by buying the meals and getting a cheaper hotel rate.

It's either that or suck it up and deal with your mother. That sounds mean, but I mean it in a non-mean way. We've all had to suck it up and deal with our moms at some point.

Nice idea in theory, but my kids are as crazy about the Disney dining experience as I am, and I'm not willing to compromise my vacation experience by eating out off site. I'm not insulting people who do, but if I'm that close to Le Cellier's cheese soup I'm gonna do my damndest to get some. Plus we won't have a car, and taxiing to Denny's is both financially and morally wrong.

In the end I think I'll jst eat and wear ear plugs to dinner.