Advice on handling this with my mom?

[ammag]

I want to preface this by saying I am disabled by an illness, s I understand my moms possible situation, just not how to handle it with her. When we went I just barely Madeira with renting an ECV, this time it's only 2 days and hopefully for money's sake I can handle it.

So anyhow, my mom is 2 years from a stem cell treatment for multiple myeloma, but it's left her with a lot of pain and fatigue, weight gain. Between the meds and the rods in her back and nerve damage, she's had a difficult time. She still works and does everything she wants to do and her pain is better, but she was visiting us last week and we walked a small zoo, probably under 2 miles total, slowly and made stops. She had a hard time and when we got back to the car she said that was too much for her. It might have been circumstantial (she sleeps on a blow up bed when here, it was super hot, late in the day etc) but I am concerned when she joins us at wdw.

I feel like she may have to consider renting an ECV. Hwever, she has major issues accepting illness, health limitations. I don't think she will be able to overcome her pride and accept that she will have a better trip if not in so much pain.

I need advice how to approach this with her..the only
Thing I've thought of is to say I want to get one for me to use if I need it, and she can use it too? Knowing her and the reactions she has had over the last 3 years she will tell me Its ridiculous that she might need one, then get mad at the suggestion. Bu there's no way she can handle the walking for 2 days. I don't want to cause an issue, she paid for our trip and we are paying her back, slowly over time. (Hotel and tickets only)

Should I bring it up casually, maybe saying its for me, then casually add, hey you could use it too....? I will ride in it even if I don't need if it would help her use it too.
Also is it really hard to use the busses with an ECV and a double stroller???? The trip is in November so I have time.....what should I do?

 

[Schmeck]

I think it's a great idea to take turns using the ECV. You could even tell her you need to walk a bit, could she drive the ECV for you?

Depending on the size of your group, you should be able to board the buses with the ECV and the stroller. The stroller would have to be folded up of course, as kids cannot ride in them on the bus. (Unless it is a medical stroller with appropriate tie down spots) If your group is large, some people can board with the ECV while others stay in the main queue.

 

[ammag]

Its DH, myself, my mom and two kids....if my husband gets. Anew job we will keep the rental car making it much easier, but idk yet....

 

[ammag]

Ok tonight she told me that walking three blocks on Fourth of July have her horrible pain. Now I feel panicked can she have a good trip or will it be awful for her????

 

[WheeledTraveler]

It sounds like she's going to definitely need her own ECV.

Cheshire Figament has a good "questionaire" that he suggests posters use to think about where their real hangup is with ECVs and showing why it honestly doesn't matter.

The other thing you can do to point out to her is that you want her to be comfortable and able to participate in everything and that even without doing more than getting into the park, she's going to need to be able to walk more than 3 blocks multiple days in a row. That's not counting any distances within the park or ride lines (which can be up to 1/4 mile with no way of shortening the distance walked). She may have no sense of how much walking is actually involved. The minimum that people walk in a single day at WDW is about 4 miles. That's taking it very slowly and not going on rides with long line distances. Most people's average is closer to 6-7 miles per day. It may only be 2 days, but everyone will be happier and enjoy themselves more if she has the ECV. Benches are getting fewer and tend to be full. I'd really suggest framing it in terms of how much it will help the entire group enjoy themselves. If there are grandkids going, tell her that it's important to them that she's able to get around with them and that they don't want to see her in pain.

 

[ttintagel]

Maybe it would help to bring up how much more fun it would be for the kids if Grandma was able to keep up with them. Otherwise the kids will have to slow down and not see everything they want to see, or go ahead without Grandma while she sits down and rests. Heck, maybe she might even take it more seriously if it came from the kids themselves - I know that would have been the case with my Grandma.

 

[ammag]

Good ideas. I feel so bad for her, her doctors think it will continue ot get better pain wise by then but it's still going to be tough. She has no real clue what it will be like. It's two days in the parks, lets hope she becomes receptive to the idea. I hate to cost more money for her, if my husband gets a new job I will rent it for her and keep the rental car. If not I can't really do it.


If you start your day then feel you need one, I've heard renta companies will deliver to the parks. Where do they deliver to? My husband would go pick it up for her bit would he have to exit the park?


She is entirely too prideful...maybe if I told her I won't tell anyone and make sure no pics on Facebook. I went through the anxiety a bit last fall, and somehow I avoided using one but once I was there, if I had the need I would have, no hesitation...I didn't want to miss out on anything! I think saying we will share it is the best way.....

Thanks for the help!

 

[Bete]

I think you need to have a serious conversation with your mom about the walking in the Disney parks. It's much more walking than a small zoo. Take the three blocks she had trouble with recently and multiply it 15 times for the Disney parks. I believe the average walking is about 6 to 8 miles depending on how long of a day you do there.

You can always park the scooter if mom wants to do a little walking or use it yourself. Can you save enough to treat for the scooter for her? It really will wear on your mom as the pain increases. Maybe, you can seek out the aid of her doctor to convince her it's too much walking at Disney for someone in her condition without a scooter. Having pain on a vacation is not fun especially when a scooter will help. Can the doctor give her some extra pain medicine to help in case her pain gets really bad? You don't want meds that will make her sleepy or whatever. Younger children may not have the patience for all of this at Disney, either. Kids have a hard time not getting self absorbed at Disney.

If you need to do the scooter on the bus I highly suggest that you bring the scooter on and off the bus for your mom. If it was more than 2 days then I would say it would be good for her to learn, but it's not worth the hassle to get mom to learn it all in a few days. She can try to go on and off the bus herself, but be prepared to help out. Your hubby will have to handle the stroller on his own. You can rent from Disney inside the park, but it will cost more renting from Disney like $20/ day more. If you rent in the parks then she has to walk back and forth to the bus and she will have to walk at the resort, too. You risk not getting a scooter in the parks, too; it's first come, first serve. if you go early you should be okay on renting in the parks. You can have her practice at home on the store scooters for free. The store scooters are more awkward than the ones you rent, but it will give your mom a feel for it.

It can be scary with the crowds to drive a scooter at the parks. People will dash out right in front of a scooter. You can guard a little bit against this by surrounding her on the scooter. There are ride queues that have a lot of twists and turns that require a lot of steering; you may have to help drive in those instances. If you want to go on Soarin' in Epcot that requires taking a scooter on an elevator. I definitely think you should take over for that situation.

When you rent an outside vendor scooter you are responsible for charging the battery each day. You need to keep the scooter in your room if you don't have a car. There are a few resorts where you may be able to leave the scooter outside your room, but that is not the norm. You don't want to run out of power. You have to take this part seriously. Also, you will have to make sure your mom turns the scooter off when you are watching a parade or fireworks or the shows. This can drain the battery.

If your mom's real problem is being scared of doing a scooter you may have to consider pushing her in a wheelchair. Can you handle the double stroller or the wheelchair in that case?

I wish I could be more positive, but you really need to get your mom prepared for this vacation.

 

[ammag]

Thanks so much for al,of the info. I am trying to, baby steps with her. She can stand in lines fine, it's the prolonged walking. Luckily it's two days and I think she can handle it but she is the type to get upset, refuse help then suffer. I really think she has never properly dealt with her cancer and following back and leg pain issues, she refused to ever join any support, see a therapist, etc. she has a big hang up about health things, like when I was a kid and got hurt or sick shed say get over it, or oh you're fine, etc. and not deal with things. So, working with a tough case here lol. She also had almost no health issues until then so it was a big shock for her. Honestly it's made her a bit mean and ornery all the time, and now she wants to divorce my dad. But that's a whole other situation lol. I am hoping this trip makes her happy.

Great tips about the scooter, how long do they need to charge? We can walk in front of her if needed, we will do rope drop but rent from outside company I think this cheaper and easier? We won't be going back for another 4 years with the kids, I don't want the kids to have to sit on benches all day either you're right AT&T them getting upset after awhile. I didn't really think of that so much....sigh. Getting more meds is definitely a good idea, will mention that to her. A few months ago I mentioned that of she wanted she can always take the Disney transportation (we all will, right ow not planning on having rental car past first day) back to resort to rest or if she doesn't want to get up so early we can meet her a bit later. She got annoyed and said o, of course I won't do that! I think she may sing another song after being in the park.

I feel like tis a fine line between managing her and giving my kids the chance to do lots fo things..wish we had more days but money is tight. I will look into renting it myself, but she has a lot more money than us. I will do what I need to do!

Thanks again....maybe I will email her some scooter sites and I am definitely using the idea that we will share it. We may have to, I never know.

 

[Tiggerish]

I do not want to sound harsh but if she will not use the ECV, then you will have to have a plan for your kids. If she wants to rest frequently, find a bench or other seat, get her settled and then take your kids and do the nearby rides and stuff. Or, if she needs a break, find a quick service restaurant, get her a coke, park her at a table and take your kids and do stuff with them for a while then come back for her. The kids can tell her all about the fun things they just did when you join back up as a way of keeping her included.

Do not let her be a martyr. Watch and if she is in pain, find a bench or a restaurant and insist she rests up. Explain that if she does it this way, she can be with her family all through the park but not subject herself to serious pain. Try to get her to understand that it hurts you and the kids if she is hurting herself.

 

[ammag]

Ok, thanks. I looked into it and looks like apple scooter for 3 days is only $80 and we can get a stroller? I can do that! The stroller alone would be $40 anyway.

 

[ammag]

Success!!!!!! She agreed I am so thrilled!!!! Itink she realized her limits shouldn't stop her from enjoying wdw. Nw let's hope we both don't need it lol thanks for the advice o worked .

 

[Bete]

I'm glad for you.

Have a great time with everyone.