Advice Needed

[SharonS]

In October, I am taking my cousin and her husband to WDW. I am a DVC member and have booked 2 studios..1 for them and 1 for myself. I am single.

I am getting worried already about this trip. I think I am going to end up spending it alone instead of with them. When talking about things, my cousin says that I won't see them before 9:00, and then they have to eat after that. I usually arrive at the parks when they open. She says they will just meet me. Then, when they do, they will want to do all the 'big' attractions that I have already covered in the morning.

She is also saying how they book dinner reservations for 8:30-9:00 pm at EPCOT all the time and how we have to go to this restaurant and that one. I told her that I am not a big meal person. I wouldn't mind going to sit downs at lunch, but often I don't like what is on the dinner menus in the countries. I am not being difficult, I just don't tend to eat foods with a lot of spices or sauces.

I'm not saying they have to spend all their time with me, but since I am providing the hotel, I certainly thought they would spend some time. I get the impression that she does not want to compromise at all on how they 'usually' do things. I don't know if I should say something or not. I often travel by myself, so I'm not worried about going my own way.

 

[CRobin]

That's a tough call. I would certainly contend that your cousin is being a bit on the control freak side here, given that you're footing the bill for the room. I feel the same as you on the big dinners (not to mention the associated price tag)

We have taken other couples with us, and I have always made it clear that it's our vacation too, so a bit of compromise is in order. If you're going after 10/18, the Food and Wine Festival is going on at Epcot; you can nosh your way around the World Showcase for about $ 5(while they're doing their 8:00 PM sit down), and then catch up later.

And singles get into Test Track a lot quicker than the rest !

Good luck, and enjoy YOURSELF !

Grand Floridian 1994
Yacht Club 1996-1999
Beach Club 2000
Old Key West 2001

 

[eva]

I think that this is always a tough situation. We took my MIL on our last trip (she invited herself we did not ask) and I was crying by the end of the trip. My MIL is a lovely woman and paid for nearly all the meals. But my husband and I never had a free minute together at all. We tried everything we could think of to have a little free time together. We even went over and toured the VWL thinking that she would have no interest and we could sneak away for a romantic lunch. Unfonunately she said that she couldn't think of anything else to do. We have two teenage daughters that go on their own a lot and we were really looking forward to a little romance. I rarely even got to sit by my husband on rides or during meals. We didn't mind using our points for her studio but we did want a little free time. Maybe your sister is just letting you know that they want a little time together. Hopefully that is just it. We sure expected to have my MIL along most of the time, but every minute for 7 days can be a bit straining. We are late risers too and it was tough when she would call our room at 7am wanting to know if we were ready. Maybe you could get up early and go to the parks then meet up with them later. Ask them what they really want to ride and do a few other things before you meet up. Maybe you could suggest that you take turns choosing restaurants so everyone is happy. Be sure to give them at least one dinner to themselves. Hopefully they are not using you for a free room. If they really want to go with you then they should want to spend some time with you. I know whenever 2 families go on a vacation BOTH families should be a bit flexible. You shouldn't always have to be the one bending over. If it were my cousin I would be honest with her and tell her how you feel. Unfornunately my husband's family is just the opposite and he wouldn't say a thing to her. I had a really tough year in 2000 and I was really looking forward to that trip. I think that I cried for a whole week afterward. Luckily we are DVC members so I knew there would always be another trip coming up. Our next trip is in May and it is just my husband and myself. YIPEE!!

(Sorry this turned into my own little pity party.)

 

[mattsdad]

Arrange to do one joint activity together during the day if their likes are so different from yours. This could be lunch, or certain rides at certain times, or a snack, or a drink at the bar. But don't get in the position that they are totally bossing you around so that you are angry and resentful, because what good is spending points or money on that kind of dysfunctional vacation? compromise, change your schedule a little, example, don't go so early to the parks, eat breakfast with your cousin, but they have to compromise too

 

[eva]

All of you can eat lunch together and then you can eat around WS while they are at dinner. That is one of our favorite things to do. It is definitely something that you can do on your own. Grab something like a bread bowl of stew at UK or egg rolls from China and take in a couple of performances around WS. And of course there is always the shopping. It does sound like your cousin wants it her way. I still think that I would have a heart to heart with her.

 

[Lesley]

To me your situation sounds ideal! I am afraid to invite anyone to come with us because of the kind of situation that Eva reports....being stuck with our guests constantly.

It sounds like you may have invited your cousin in order to have company on your trip and see this may not happen....is that it? If that is the case perhaps you can find another single person to join you in your room? Or just come to terms with this being a primarily solo trip?

Ah, its situations like this that make me afraid to invite guests! So far I've only asked my parents to join us sometime...I know we have the same expectations of each other.


Lesley


1979 Contemporary
1992 Off-site
1994 Carribean Beach
1999 Fort Wilderness and Coronado Springs
2000 Polynesian and Old Key West
2002 Boardwalk Villas

 

[Lisa P.]

SharonS, is it possible for you to sit down together before the trip? It's all about expectations. You could write down some of the things you recall that she's mentioned on a paper and ask her if they are accurate as her expectations. Then show her a paper with your desires for the trip.

When you both see them side-by-side, it may be easier for both of you to see compromises that can work and how it's important for both your desires to be considered. Perhaps, you could also talk about wanting to respect one another's needs for privacy vs. desire for companionship. You may find it puts you both at ease going into the trip.

The only time we didn't do this (4 days, extended family reunion on my DH's side), we got a lot of grief for not joining in the 24-hr group thing. We wanted our own family time, with just 4-6 hours a day involved in extended family crowd activities. But others' feelings were hurt, having expected we'd be there all day, every day. No one is right or wrong - it's just different expectations.

Any trip where we've traveled with just one other family, we've always discussed needs for privacy vs. companionship at the outset. Habits in sleep, meals, spending, drinking and activity level are helpful to discuss ahead of time too. If it turns into an argument - better at home than at WDW!!! And it can turn into such fun planning and wonderful anticipation of the trip!

 

[Dean]

I'm afraid it doesn't sound like a fun trip for you. Your paying the way and way before the trip, you're already getting difficulties. I think you have some decisions to make. None of your choices are ideal. Aborting the trip is likely to cause more trouble than it's worth. I'd say the best is likely to sit down with them and explain that you are feeling uncomfortable and that you feel a compromise is in order. From what I've heard so far, you have the risk of one or more people getting upset no matter what you do or don't do. Good luck.

Dean

 

[rbuzzotta]

I wish you good luck! We went with my DD's best friend and her parents last June. We stayed at the WL and all they did was complain, complain, complain! This cost too much, the weather is too hot, the pool too crowded! on and on and on! It was the worst WDW vacation of my entire life! They had to do everything with us but when we told them we wanted to eat at a certain restaurant it was too expensive. At one point we made up an excuse and left them and park hopped! The 5 of us (me, DH and DD's 2,4,9) got so much done and enjoyed ourselves! We left to come home 3 days before them and they moved to the All Stars Resort, it wasn't until then that they realized how wonderful WL really was. Too late too enjoy!

I wish you the best of luck on your trip. Would it be possible for you to take along a friend to share in your joy of WDW?

Rosemary
Off-site every year since 1985
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[tiggersnj]

It's obvious you have a problem. Although you do not mind going your own way, it sound like you invited your cousin and her husband for company. If I were you I would have a sit down with your cousin and discuss what things you could do together. I can understand them not wanting to get up until 9AM after all it's also their vacation as well as yours. I think you should make it clear that you are using your points for them and the least they can do is make some time for you. If you and your cousin are close she should respect your feelings, heck even if you aren't close she should respect your feeling. I would think twice before asking them again.

 

[dianeschlicht]

One thing you might try is do a 1 or 2 Bed room unit so you would have a shared space to enteract. If you do the 1 BR, be sure you get one that has the separate door into the bathroom. By the way, you are the hostess, so you get the master!

Disneydiane

 

[SharonS]

Thanks for all the advice. I'll probably have to talk to her. I didn't do this trip for them so I could have company. Most of the time I travel by myself, and am perfectly comfortable doing that. I have been to WDW, CA, New Orleans, and Hawaii on my own.

I did this for them because I felt I had to take them once. I guess I am a little hurt that after providing the room, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of consideration of what I might like to do. When I mentioned that I hoped they would spend some time with me, my cousin stated that she wanted to spend most of our time together. Only problem is, it seems she wants that time on their terms. The thing that concerns me is she tries to always say that her husband does this and needs to do that. I think it is more her. Whenever we go anywhere, her husband is just along for the ride, and she pretty much controls everything.

A 1 bedroom definitely would not work, as it takes them forever in the bathroom! Kind of reminds me of the amount of time teenagers spend in the bathroom...LOL. I got the 2 studios so everyone would have privacy, regardless of how much time we did or didn't spend together during the day.

Sorry to ramble. Thanks again for the advice. I think when we get closer, we'll have to sit down and talk. I am considering taking someone else with me for this trip.

 

[Jenn]

It sounds like they are taking advantage of your generosity with the room.

If you truly want to spend time with them, would you be willing to go along with your cousins itinerary? (As a planner myself, this would be tough for me I admit!) If you get up earlier than them, maybe you could head to the park that they are planning to attend and do a couple of attractions they are not planning to do (not the thrill ride attractions). Talk to them about which attractions they are NOT doing so you aren't wasting your time re-doing stuff with them. Then, meet up with them and hang for the day until dinner time. Maybe then you split up again for a couple of hours while they eat and you do whatever you want. Then get back together for the night parades, shows, etc.

Jenn

 

[spruce]

Sharon, all I can say is that I've taken my friend his wife and 3 kids. My mother in law. My mom and sister and her 2 kids.
In my efforts to show them the best in a short period of time, we had full days. My wife and son love the parks and tour like I do, but, generally I've found that guests don't have the same idea as us regulars. My sister didn't even have a clue. My mom was a trooper and toured with this in mind...she wanted to see as much as possiable and realized she was a guest. My sister thought she owned the place and that she was on vacation and had no trouble saddling us with her children while she proceeded to be loud, obnoxious and drunk.
Go, enjoy yourself and remember that compromise or outright ignoring your guest may be the only way to survive your trip.....spruce

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[TampaDisneyFreaks]

Good Luck with your problem. We have sepent some weekends at Disney with some VERY picky friends. Thankfully it was just a few weekends and not using our points (this was pre-DVC membership for us). It really comes down to how much time you want to spend with them and how badly you want to keep the peace. Since we go to WDW so much more than they do, we mostly went along with what they wanted to do (while trying to interject our wants). We had an OK time, but it would have been better by ourselves!Try to reach a compromise or try to take solace in that you can go back yourself and have a wonderful later on without them.

 

[SueOKW]

"She pretty much controls everything..."

Yep - this is going to be one tough trip unless you guys decide what you have in common enough to do. Honestly - you're putting them up at a class place, but they don't recognize that somehow. Happens to us a lot in life too.

You've got lots of great suggestions - I agree with the side by side papers.. somewhere in there you guys will find a way to spend some time together - but not necessarily with her in control. I have a very controlling friend - so bad, that I have to limit what time I spend with her.

You know you will have fun with or without them - but don't let her dictate your movements... as long as you don't necessarily dictate theirs - at least it won't end in tears like Eva. Honestly - that had to be the longest week EVER. I hope you enjoy your May trip Eva! And Sharon - good luck - I will be looking forward to a report - it will provide excellent insite for many of us!

Sue

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[mickeyc]

Keep in mind all of you are on vacation. Try to work out common interest prior to the trip and general timeframes. We usually vacation with others and those that want to go to the park early form one group. The others that want to come later form another group. Since we have two way radios we usually agree to meet at a central location. We have found the radios to be very useful. A little communication goes along way. Enjoy your vacation--I think it will work out!!!

 

[MN_DizNut]

hhmmmm....sounds like your only real choice is to take someone with you to do the fun stuff while your cousin is getting her own way...Octtober is a good month for me!!



Jon

WDW '85 offsite
DL '85
DL '87
WDW '89 offsite
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WL Mar '97
WH Feb '99
DCL/Poly Jun/July '02

 

[normr]

OK Sharon, even if I have to force myself to go to that damn WDW AGAIN, I volunteer myself to accompany you on your trip.u i

 

[heymagic]

Sharon,
Lots of good advice! OK if I add my 2 cents? I'm a grandpa with 4 grandkids with one on the way. I might have mentioned that a time or two before! If you can find a child to take with you, say 9 to 12, who hasn't had the opportunity to see WDW before, you might get a double sprinkling of Uncle Walt's best Pixie Dust. It might be a little difficult to set up, I know, but that would be my suggestion for what it's worth.

Love,