Advice needed on A.D.D. please! (LONG)

[luvtogo12]

My DS has shown signs of A.D.D for the past 3-4 years. I took him to a neurologist for testing and basically she said there was no need for medicine at that time as he was responding fairly well to our efforts as far as incentives, restrictions, etc. He was 11 at the time I had him tested, he is now going on 14. He is a very bright child and tested 2 years over his age in reading and math. This year, he is in a honors math class.

I really was thrilled with the Dr.'s decision as I was totally against any medicine of any kind as is my husband.

So, here we are, three years later and things are getting progressively worse. His grades are going down and basically have bottomed out. His behavior is more compulsive which gets him in a lot of trouble, his organizational skills are non-existant. He has one awesome teacher who has been working with him after school, getting him organized, helping him complete some class work, etc. That has helped to some extent but has not fixed the problem.

So............I am considering medicine out of desperation but my husband will not even consider it. His arguments are all legitimate and probably the same ones that the parents of kids with A.D.D./A.D.H.D have used themselves.

So,my question is to all the parents who have searched all avenues, what was your ultimate decision and how has it affected your child?

Please, no flaming from people who do not believe in the meds, I am depressed enough over this. For a very long time I was 100% against the meds, didn't want my child "drugged" , didn't want to take the "easy way" but I really am at the point where I need to consider something else.
He is a great kid with a big heart and I know he is not happy with his grades which affects his self esteem, which affects his school work,which affects his social life,which affects his.......................
It just keeps snowballing.
Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Marseeya]

I had the same reluctance to medicate my son when he was first diagnosed with ADHD. Somebody said something that totally changed my viewpoint.

If your child was diabetic, would you deny him the meds to control his diabetes?

I have ADD and suffer from depression myself, so I know how miserable it feels to be so disorganized and out of control. When I was on meds for ADD, I felt so blessedly normal for a change. Give your son a chance to feel normal. Being on the meds for ADD didn't solve all my problems, but it gave me the ability to focus, which helped me immensely.

 

[LBAK]

My DD has ADD and was medicated from 2nd-5th grade. By then I had had the time to figure out a plan of action and she matured a little and could deal with it a little better.

I would let your son try the meds. He's old enough to tell you how he feels when he takes it. My DD told me at the end of 5th grade that she always felt like she was on a rollercoaster. She explained to me that when she was on it she felt in control but when she was off it (weekends and summer) she felt wild. That was my decision for stopping the meds.

She used several different coping skills through high school. It was really tough don't get me wrong, but she graduated. Today she is a full time hairstylist and going to a community college.

So I would suggest a trial period for the meds. and getting some input from your son on how he feels. PM if you want.

 

[Mermaid02]

My son's ADHD meds make HIS quality of life infinitely better. You need to do what is best for your child- not what makes you feel good. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I too struggled with the idea of medicating my child- I cried when I gave him his first dose... but this is soooooo much better for him that how it makes me feel really doesn't matter.

 

[HOGFAN]

Usually the schools will offer some type of assessment for the condition. check into it. My DH was also against meds. Its a guy thing I think, admitting weakness. I was prepared to get a divorce if it meant getting my son the help he needed. Thankfully DH came around and son's life is SO MUCH BETTER. Grades and behavior much improved.

 

[eeyore kelly]

My son has ADHD and I resisted meds, but on the meds he is a happier child who likes himself more, who has more social skills, and does better in school and conduct, which makes him feel better about himself.

I have a little girl who has shown signs of ADD for two years now, and I have resisted getting her medicated, but it is getting to the point that if we don't her self esteem and school work will continue to suffer.

It is a hard decision for any loving parent. Hugs to the OP

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So,my question is to all the parents who have searched all avenues, what was your ultimate decision and how has it affected your child?

I had my dd on meds for a couple of years to get her through a tough time, 4th & 5th grade. She has a repaired heart defect and there is a risk with her taking the meds. (I did consult cardiologist prior to taking meds and she was on a low dose.) However...grades were NEVER an issue with her.

I put a high value on my child being able to learn. If that ever came into question I would do what is necessary, even if it meant taking a risk with her health.

You cannot go back and "redo" elementary, middle or high school. As a parent it is my job to make sure I exhaust all avenues to put my child on the best path.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I understand this is a very sensitive topic. But to be honest, I never understood why anyone would be completely against medication. As Marseeya said, for just about any other medical condition, it wouldn't be an issue. Of course I would try other avenues as well, but if I found ultimately that it would help my child to be more successful in school and life, I would give it. JMO.

 

[casey49781]

my ds is 5 now and he has adhd,,he is on meds and i feel terrible, has only been 2 weeks,,,but i think in the long run he will be a more happier child,with the least amount meds possible,,,i held off as long as i could,,,but when school started he was off in his own world,plus being a boy it takes longer to mature,,,hope and pray i did the right thing,,,,

 

[JESW]

My DS11 is an asperger's kid and not ADD but we had the same reluctance to medication. We went through many rough years with his behavior and it all came to a head when he was 9 and in the 3rd grade. We had him tested by a psychologist and he was diagnosed and we went through a psychiatrist and he was put on abilify. The IMMEDIATE change in his behavior was incredible!! He was able to focus in school and his frustration level went way down. His teacher at the time could not believe the change in him and how he was now able to participate in class. (The down side was that our son gained almost 60 lbs in one year!)

Fast-forward a couple years and he is now 11 and in 5th grade. The dosage of medication no longer helps the same and we did not want to keep increasing the medication as we just went through a nightmare this fall with my DH and medication his dr. put him on. So we are going a different route.

This is all new and I am still not able to speak intelligently on the sunject. But we had a Topometric brain scan done on our son a couple months back. It is new so our insurance did not cover it and we paid out of pocket ($800) It was amazing what the scan showed! When our son is faced with a task he does not want to do he basically shuts down - head on the desk, head banging, etc. The scan SHOWED the difference in brain waves when he was asked to do a task. It is much more complicated than what I am saying, but when the dr. was reviewing the scan with us we were amazed that she was picking up on a lot of our son's behavior.

We now have him on fish oil (omega-3) and we are weaning him off the abilify. DS also started nuero-feedback 3 weeks ago and that is supposed to help aspergers AND add/adhd and other types of people. Our dr. recommended 10 -20 sessions before we would see any significant change. Right now we are going through a rough time with him and we were also told that things might get a bit worse before they get better.

We are hoping with all we've got that this makes a BIG difference in his behavior. It is still so new so I can't tell you of our results but the dr. doing the feedback has said he gets results.

Good luck to you and your family.

Jill

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I guess the point of your dh being against meds has to be balanced with him being 100% committed to his success in school, lots of tutoring, patience, etc....
If your dh and you do that and then things are not improving, it is in his best interest to try meds.

 

[LisaR]

Have you tried a diet meant for kids with ADD? We follow the Feingold Diet for our son and (knock on wood) it is working. He still has ADHD symptoms but they are controlled. Maybe a restrictive diet for a 14 year old would be too tough and medication might be the only way to go. Our son has eaten like this for years and it is all he knows. We do not consume anything with corn syrup or dyes. 90% of what we eat is preservative free. We would prefer not to medicate our son because he has to take daily medication for other problems and I don't want to add anything else. If we had to we would but the diet seems to have worked with him for many years now. Good luck!

Lisa

 

[summerrluvv]

My son will be 7 next month and this his second month on medication. He is on a very low dose of adderall (5 mg) and takes it in the morning before school. The teacher said he is more focused, however he still gets distracted very easily. The important thing though is that he is showing improvement.

He hasn't had any side effects from the mediciation which I was the most worried about. He could probably use another dose in the afternoon so he is focused for homework time but I'd rather not have medicine dispensed at school and we don't get hom until 5:30, so I'm afraid the medicine would keep him up at night if he had another dose.

Good luck with whatever you decide, I know it's a tough choice.

 

[luvtogo12]

Wow...........thank you for all the replies. I dont feel so much like a thread killer anymore.

If your child was diabetic, would you deny him the meds to control his diabetes?

I have used this argument with my husabnd - I guess his problem is that since ADD/ADHD is basically a clinically diagnosed condition it does not hold the same merit as a medically diagnosed condition.

Usually the schools will offer some type of assessment for the condition. check into it

Two teachers did an assessment (they did not follow proper procedures and did get reprimanded for it) but the neurologist was not convinced that they were accurate. The Dr.said she has seen teachers greatly exaggerate on these reports. She did take some into consideration and weighed it against what I had to say. I was appalled at their answers and will not allow this to be done again. They went so far as to say he was small for his age............DS has never been small for his age.........always off the charts and at age 13 he is 5'10' and weighs 165lbs. When I saw that I laughed. They just could not give him an ounce of credit. It really seemed as though they just went down the list and checked off all the negative.

My DS11 is an asperger's kid and not ADD but we had the same reluctance to medication.

Pardon my ignorance but what is Asperger's? Also I have mentioned to my husband that maybe we could try the more nautral remedies.....diets,etc.
My problem with that is I need his help and commitment and I know how it will all fall on me. Obviously, I don't mind doing everything I need to do but I do have 2 other kids that depend on me as well. My husband is a good father and a good husband but in all honesty, getting a commitment from him and sticking to a plan is next to impossible.

I have ADD and suffer from depression myself, so I know how miserable it feels to be so disorganized and out of control. When I was on meds for ADD, I felt so blessedly normal for a change.

As an adult, please tell me how you feel on the medicine. My husband said if he ever decides to medicate our son, he would like to try the medicine himself. That is all good and well, howver, if he does not have a problem and there is nothing to "fix" I am not sure he will understand the benifits. Please correct me if I am wrong.

 

[summerrluvv]

As an adult, please tell me how you feel on the medicine. My husband said if he ever decides to medicate our son, he would like to try the medicine himself. That is all good and well, howver, if he does not have a problem and there is nothing to "fix" I am not sure he will understand the benifits. Please correct me if I am wrong.

ADHD meds are controlled substances so I don't think your husband will find a doctor that will prescribe him meds for something he hasn't been diagnosed with. There is a problem with teens abusing these meds because they are like speed. If your husband doesn't have a problem, the meds will make him hyper and aggitated.

 

[luvtogo12]

ADHD meds are controlled substances so I don't think your husband will find a doctor that will prescribe him meds for something he hasn't been diagnosed with. There is a problem with teens abusing these meds because they are like speed. If your husband doesn't have a problem, the meds will make him hyper and aggitated.

Thank you for the reply.

Wow.............very interesting. Thats the last thing I need...a hyper aggitated husband.
No thanks

 

[eeyore kelly]

I have been following and thinking about this post since I first posted a reply this morning. And I wanted to add something.

I have adult ADD and I am in college. Currently, I am on no meds because I do not feel overwhelmed and I finished the semester with a 3.8 GPA.

However, if I find my grades are slipping or I feel overwhelmed because of my ADD, I would get on meds quick, because my education is that important to me.

Now, if my education is that important to me, shouldn't my childrens be equally or even more important?

If I would give myself that break and extra help, why would I not give it to my child?

Maybe the OP could put herself in her son's place and ask what would she do for herself and get her DH to do the same. It's amazing what decisions you come up with when you mentally walk in your children's shoes. I am so glad this thread came up today. I helped me be a piece over my own DD and ADD and medication.

 

[Marseeya]

As an adult, please tell me how you feel on the medicine. My husband said if he ever decides to medicate our son, he would like to try the medicine himself. That is all good and well, howver, if he does not have a problem and there is nothing to "fix" I am not sure he will understand the benifits. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Sumerluvv is right that it will react entirely differently with your DH than it will for someone who has ADHD. I'm not sure how I can describe it, other than it gives me focus. For the most part, I can't sit still and my mind travels in a million different directions. There used to be this essay that summed it up so well. I can't find it, but I'll give you an example of how it goes here:

My house is a mess. I look over and see a pile of dirty laundry and get up to go wash the clothes. But wait! The dishes need washing. I go to wash dishes. But wait! The living room is a mess, so I'll go pick up in there. But wait! I remember that my drivers license needs to be renewed, so I'd better take care of that. But wait! Did I feed the dog? Ooh, isn't that a pretty flower... By the end of the day, I feel as if I've done a full day's work, but my house is still a disaster.

When I'm on the meds, I can organize my thoughts and prioritize them. I can do the laundry, THEN do the dishes, THEN pick up the living room. Without the meds, I see this huge mess waiting for me and it totally overwhelms me to where I completely shut down.

In the classroom, every single little sight and sound distracts me from the lecture. (I've been attending college as an adult) If someone's walking down the hallway, my attention immediately goes to them. Someone's tapping their pen on their desk. The guy in front of me is shaking his head. The girl to my left is playing with her hair. Someone behind me has the sniffles. It all competes for my attention and I can't focus on the professor! On meds, I am able to ignore all that and block it out.

Being able to focus and organize isn't the greatest thing in the world, though. I feel as though I've lost some creative element when I'm medicated. The world just isn't as interesting -- as it is, I can have a conversation with someone that goes all over the place, but when I'm medicated, my mind will allow me to stay on one topic. I actually like living in my mind for the most part, but it's very frustrating to try to deal with every day life.

I hope I'm making even a little bit of sense for you.

Oh, and one more thing. You say your son is almost 14... well, you don't necessarily need your husband's permission for this. My son is 14 and the last time we went to see a psychiatrist, I was informed that because of the HIPAA laws, my son has full autonomy in his treatment, meaning he doesn't have to share ANY of it with me. Of course, I have to buy the meds, but if he had the ability to do so, he could very well do it without my permission.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

luvtogo, I understand the reasoning behind your husband's desire to try the medication, but taking medication intended for someone else is never a good idea. Reactions to these medications are different in children then they are in adults. Not trying to be a wise guy, but maybe your husband's efforts would be better directed by putting himself in the struggling child's place; spend a day in his world, so to speak.

Here is a link which may be helpful to those looking for information. There is an Asperger's link here as well. Often some of these kids have co-diagnoses, i.e. depression or anxiety as well as ADD/ADHD, not uncommon at all. http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/disorders/medications.shtml We have a family member with Asperger's and the journey has been very difficult.

 

[summerrluvv]

For the most part, I can't sit still and my mind travels in a million different directions. There used to be this essay that summed it up so well. I can't find it, but I'll give you an example of how it goes here:

My house is a mess. I look over and see a pile of dirty laundry and get up to go wash the clothes. But wait! The dishes need washing. I go to wash dishes. But wait! The living room is a mess, so I'll go pick up in there. But wait! I remember that my drivers license needs to be renewed, so I'd better take care of that. But wait! Did I feed the dog? Ooh, isn't that a pretty flower... By the end of the day, I feel as if I've done a full day's work, but my house is still a disaster.

This sounds like me. My thoughts are so disorganized and I don't sit still for long and I'll start one thing and move onto something else and then go back to the other thing I started. I do sometimes wonder if I have Adult ADHD, but it doesn't interfere with my life too much so I just go with it. I did great in school when I was child and never had any issues, so maybe motherhood has just made me a scatterbrain.