advice needed (long)

simba928

<font color=teal>The Tag Fairy wants to know how y
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Oct 15, 2004
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Sorry this is so long. I tried to keep it short, but that never works with me. LOL.

I know this guy that used to live down the street from my grandma (she moved recently). We used to walk home from school together every day from the time I was in 6th grade to 10th grade (last year). I personally think he is the most ignorant, arrogant jerk I have ever met, and thats being nice. He is constantly cracking racist or anti-semitic (sp?) jokes. Some of my family is Jewish and he knows this. He will crack a Jewish joke or say something ignorant about Jewish people and when I don't laugh, he'll say "Oh yeah, I forgot you were Jewish, sorry" And then he'll say something else 30 seconds later. He did this every single day. My grandma's dog was sick. She couldn't get up by herself, let alone walk. I had to carry her outside, then hold her up while she went to the bathroom, then carry her back. She was virtually dead the last week of her life. That last week, he came up with a very ignorant nickname for her. He still refers to her as that name and everytime I see him he'll ask hows the (insert name) dog. He knows that she died a year ago! He came up to me after a band performance and put his arm around me. I flipped out on him and told him to get off of me, don't touch me again ever.

Anyways, a friend of mine likes him. She never told me though because she knows that I can't stand him. She said she was afraid I would get mad or freak out or something. She has a class with him this year. They never met before this year. She knows how big of a jerk he is to me and how much I can't stand him. Yesterday we were at the mall and he "happened to be there". He met us in a store with a couple of his friends. He stood there and kept saying "Hi Simba, Hi Simba, Hi Simba". I ignored him, but he kept going on asking about my grandma's dog. They left with another friend of mine to go off by themselves. He almost asked her out there, but they were with a ton of people with them. He will most likely ask her out within the week. I seriously cannot stand this guy. She is way too good for him. He is a complete jerk. I know that who she dates is up to her and I really don't have a say in that. She knows what I think and thats all I can do about it. I am trying to be nice and supportive to her when she talks about it. I really am. Its just hard because of how much of a jerk this guy is to me. She says he is totally different around her.

Anybody have any advice about this? I would have to atleast tolerate him in the mornings before school. Thank goodness he isn't in our lunch or else I would have to move tables. I sit next to my friend, but I couldn't stand to be forced to sit next to this guy for 35 minutes. At least in the mornings, I could walk away if I needed to.
 
Is it possible that he's interested in YOU? He sounds very immature...maybe his remarks are a way of getting your attention? He probably is comfortable with you since you have grown up together and maybe getting together with your friend is a way to keep close to you? I wonder this only because she says he's different around her...?

I know it's hard when your friend dates someone you can't stand - I went through that when I was just a very little bit older than you. My friend actually MARRIED the guy though (shudder!!!!). It is rough to see someone you care about with someone who truly doesn't deserve them. Know that you did warn her, it is probably short lived and afterwards she'll know what a jerk he is...!
 
I know it's hard when your friend dates someone you can't stand - I went through that when I was just a very little bit older than you. My friend actually MARRIED the guy though (shudder!!!!). It is rough to see someone you care about with someone who truly doesn't deserve them. Know that you did warn her, it is probably short lived and afterwards she'll know what a jerk he is...!

Hopefully he's not interested in me. I actually considered that earlier, but I really don't think he is. I hope not for her sake, though. She would be devastated. Lets cross our fingers on that one. LOL.

Oh my gosh, please don't tell me that. I'm hoping that it will really be short lived. If she marries the guy, I really don't know what I'd do.
 
The best thing you can do is let your friend figure it out for herself. Since she already knows how you feel and still likes him, then I don't think anything you say at this point will make a difference to her. Eventually he will show his true colors to her. Just give it time.
 

Careful asking for advice here. I've learned asking for advice on forums is not a good idea.
 
Disneyfever: Hopefully he will show his true colors sooner rather than later. I just need to figure out how to deal with/tolerate him in the mean time. LOL.

kdm31091: LOL. I just read your post. Not going to state my opinion on the topic, but :grouphug: to you.
 
They are not going out yet....I would just hang tight and see what happens. Don't do anything quite yet.
I think what you are doing now is pretty good.:thumbsup2

As long as you have Plan B....aka different friends to hang with, in the event she is stuck like a band-aid to this guy, you will be fine.
 
I would hang out with her when he isn't around and find somewhere else to be when he is. Thankfully he's not in your lunch period so it should be doable. If your friend is a good friend, she won't be expecting you to hang out with him around. She already knows how you feel about him.

psst - I think it sounds like he might be interested in you as well! Ugh.
 
Yeah, my first thought was "he likes you." Blech! High school boys are such nimwads. They actually think being obnoxious is the way to win the girl. Of course, his friends probably think he's hilariously funny which only perpetuates his behavior.

I agree with the previous posters--hang out with your friend when he's not around, find something else to do when he is. He'll show himself sooner or later and then you're friend will really need your support. Don't say anything else to her about it--she's not listening, she thinks she's in love.:rolleyes:
 
I'm an old lady compared to you (44), but here's how I'd handle this.

First, you have to decide which means more to you...your friendship with this girl or avoiding the annoying guy.

If this guy is SO annoying that you will avoid him at all costs, then here is what I would do...

Your friend knows you do not like her potential boyfriend. If she tries to "force" you 2 to be together, I would very calmly tell her that you prefer not to be in his company, because of his behavior towards you, so you will be happy to hang around with her when he is not going to be involved. I wouldn't comment on the fact that you think he's an idiot and so on. I would just say "I do not like the way he treats me, so I will choose not to hang around with him. When he is not going to be around, then you and I can do things together." He will be her boyfriend, not yours, so you should not be expected to "tolerate" him to keep your friend's friendship, especially since she is not going to avoid him to keep your friendship. Be aware that this will probably color or possiby ruin your friendship, because young girls, unfortunately, tend to be so excited about having a boyfriend that he becomes all-encompassing and their leave their friends by the wayside. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and learned a very hard lesson from it too.

Conversely, if your friendship with the girl is more important, then, my dear, I am afraid that you are going to have suck it up and learn to deal with the guy.

Only you can decide which is the path you will take.
 
Thanks everyone! Yall gave some really good advice! If anybody else has anythihng to add, please do it!

I talked to her about it last night. I promised her that I would at least be civil to him, but she couldn't be mad at me if I had to just walk away from him. She told me that she knows we don't get along and it is hard for me to tolerate. She promised that she would try to make sure he doesn't talk to me. Unfortunately, we are in the same circle of friends. I am closer to a few people than she is so if I need to, I'll take a couple of them and walk away. Everyone knows how I feel about this guy, so I would just need to give one of them a look and they would automatically go away from the group with me. I wouldn't need to say anything. She promised me last night that as soon as something happened with him, she would call me. I'm glad she told me about him, though. Thats why I'm trying to be cool about it.
 

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