Advice/aaarrrgggghhh My Ex Is Killing Me!!

[irishbosoxfan]

I asked my ex back in January about getting my 2 boys for some time this summer and to take them to WDW---Well he hemmed and hawed and finally my DS11 was allowed to go but we had to wait and find out if DS14 will have summer school---(SS was going to be an option if he managed to bring his grades up for the last quarter and cost $400 OR not an option if he continued on the path he'd been on) Well SS is not an option so he will be a freshman again next year==EX was supposed to talk to him and let him know what the info was and find out if he wanted to do SS anyways to get a leg up on next year and call me back Thursday=No call==So I've been calling him since Thursday and this *!#&& won't call me back!

Right now there is 5 of us going not including my youngest===The travel agent said to wait to find out if oldest is going before changing the reservations that way there is less chance of something getting screwed up===We did buy both boys a ticket from Ks to FL so they will be on the same flight as us=====BUT i still need to get them tix from Mass to KS,add them to the dining plan change all of our reservations for meals and probably other stuff I'm forgetting right now!!!

What would you say to his answering machine or say in general to get the EX off his butt and understand that it's everyones vacation he's messing with?

 

[CarolA]

Is it possible that your ex feels that DS14 may not deserve a WDW vacation based on his school performance?

Anyway, what does your agreement say about visitation. Personally that's what I would recommend you use. The only other option would be to leave him a message saying you are only buying tickets etc for your younger son and see if that motivates him.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Unfortunately my agreement(if you can call it that)says when it's convenient for him so thats out---As for not deserving,I don't know,I would like to think it'll brighten up his angst!!

I left 2 messages saying I got tickets for both(thinking that'd make him call-haha)and needed to make sure the times were going to work with his schedule.

 

[agnes!]

A couple of ideas, some serious some *not*...

I would send him a certified/return receipt letter or USPriority Mail with tracking or something similar.

If he screws this up so badly that the kids can't go or that the trip is messed up, take the trip to his house instead and make him explain it to them to their faces.

Hmmmm...the answering machine is not working...is there anybody in the family who is on friendly terms with him, like an older relative who will help you out? Maybe call him up and ream him a new one?

Or you could always run a scam. Send him a letter from another address, saying he's won a prize. Tell him to report to a particular address, like a lawyer's office or something. Then be there to meet him with the appropriate paperwork.

good luck,
agnes!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

He just moved to the North Shore so no family close by---I'm thinking I'll just call and leave the dates for the flight I want them on---And include a crapload of extra days==See if that lights a fire under him!

 

[Microcell]

If I recall correctly he has the kids, and I am happy to hear he would let them go! I bet he does not think he deserves the trip, and neither do I!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

Ok I tried calling him last night 5times over 4 hours and no answer---I don't know what to do---If we drop the cash for the cheaper flight I can get now and they dont come I'm out $100 each ticket BUT if I wait till I can talk to him and he agrees with the dates then buy the tickets it'll probably be more---I wish I was close enough to smack him upside his head!!

 

[disneymom3]

Well, how long have you been trying to get ahold of him about this? If it has just been a couple of days then maybe you should relax a little. If it has been longer is it possible that one or both of the boys don't want to go and he is avoiding telling you that? I know that is hard to think about, but maybe they have plans to hang out with their friends or go camping or something along those lines.

If I might ask, how did you end up with such a crappy custody agreement?? When it is convenient for him sounds like a huge recipe for disaster!

 

[OhMari]

It sounds like your is doing this on purpose. Can you call the grandparents and see if they could relay the message to your ex. Otherwise if the plane ticket is refundable I would go ahead and get them, you can always cancel.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I know my youngest wants to go-my oldest wants WDW but not KS--I told him that I don't get to see them so I want to be able to see them for as long as possible and if he isn't willing to spend the time with me then WDW would be out and he could come visit another time when that wouldn't be an issue.

I've tried since Thursday night to get in touch with him--This was agreed upon Sunday when we had talked last because I told him I need the final count for the TA and so I can get their plane tickets.

I looked into the refundable tickets but one ticket would cost me the same amount as both of them flying nonrefundable.

 

[disneymom3]

Wow, that is a hard decision to make then. Sorry don't have any advice but I do want to wish you luck in working this out.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I'm on the brink of tears--I hate that he can still do this to me---I just talked to my DH who is at work and he asked if I'd gotten in touch with him yet==We agreed on a no go date and tonite is it that's why I've been going nuts trying to get in touch with him---My Dh and I had talked about it and we both agreed if he wouldn't give us final confirmation by 2 months out then the boys wouldn't come---Now I'm so mad at my ex I could spit--I just don't know how he can do this and be ok with it!

 

[hentob]

They are YOUR children. You want to spend time with YOUR children. I don't understand why you have to clear this with anyone?

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I called tonite and my DS11 picked up--He told me that my EX told them not to answer the phone when he seen my number on the caller id---When I was talking to DS about whether he still wanted to come he said"yeah but I don't know if I can because dad says he doesn't trust you"----AARRGGHHH--Doesn't come close to how I feel but what else is there....==I'm supposed to call back in about 10 minutes or so(I asked if an hour was long enough maybe I should have asked if he'd actually answer the phone?)

I don't know if I should just give this up now go upstairs and cry so the girls can't see or fight with this SOB until I'm hoarse---Every year I fight and never get anywhere I don't know why I thought this year would be different

 

[luvdzne]

I hate to ask, but why would your husband not trust you? Maybe the troubles your ds is having with school is that he is having a hard time dealing with the stress that is happening between you and your X. It makes me so sad when a parent feel the need to bash the other parent to the kids and put them in the middle. It puts the child in an awful position Sorry I don't really have any advice except talk to a lawyer. Good luck!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I have no clue what my ex meant by that and as for my DS14 I'm pretty sure his lack of contact w/me has something to do with it---All I can do is keep calling and let him know I am there for him---EX says he neversays anything bad about me to them but after my DS11 conversation tonite and what I heard on the other end from my EX before DS covered the phone I hate to say thats not true.

 

[Snow Brite]

I have no real advice for you but to offer a hug. It would seem it is time to revisit your custody agreement and have a specific time planned out in advance for your summer visit instead of him getting to decide. I frankly have never heard of this before. Although it might not register with your ex I would also have a calm rational discussion about how it is SO important for you both to only say good things about each other and that your children NEED this from you both.

At some point it stops being a fun trip and starts being stressful, anxiety-ridden and NOT fun. You seem to be reaching that point. Maybe it would be better to pick a different time for them to come visit at home this summer? You could go do something fun around where you live and maybe you would get more time to talk and bond with them in a lower key environment. You just sound so frustrated and stressed out I know I would have a hard time "having fun" under those circumstances.

 

[MoniqueU]

I hate to say it but maybe you better be canceling your WDW trip and using that money and your time on concentrating on getting a better custody agreement or custody of your children back.

 

[hentob]

I hate to say it but maybe you better be canceling your WDW trip and using that money and your time on concentrating on getting a better custody agreement or custody of your children back.

I have to agree with this.

I posted yesterday and didn't know the full story. I went back through the archives and realize that this has been going on and on for years with your children.


Something is missing. I would work all day, every day to get my custody of my children. My soul would be missing without my children. I would never be able to remarry without having that chapter of my life "fixed" (fixed meaning me going to bed under the same roof as my babies, my flesh and blood. My Life.). Heck, I wouldn't even be able to pay for a marriage license for Hubby #2, b/c every measly penny of that would be going into "The Good Lawyer Fund".

This isn't about Disney. You seem so angry that they can't accompany you to WDW. You need to scrap the vacation and fight for your children. Soon, it will be too late. They will be grown-ups wondering why their mom didn't have their father in court day in and day out just to have them in her arms.

He (your ex) may very well be a jerk. But, you need to get SOOOO angry, and SOOOO determined about this situation, that WDW isn't even a concern for you.

BE STRONG! FIGHT!

Edited to add--This is the thread which I am basing some of my information on::::

http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1031246&page=1&pp=15



Also, what is done, is done. But I would have NEVER married a man whose career would keep me from my children. My heart breaks for your little guys. They were basically babies when this all happened.

You have to own some of this, OP.

 

[Microcell]

I seem to recall that OP can't get her kids back because her new DH is in the military and could move too much to provide a stable home, unlike the dad, who is stationary in MA.

I am a child of a parent who left me to go to Kansas too ironically. That is why I remember the original thread so well. I wondered during that thread just what was so great about Kansas.

I guess it was not Kansas in my dad's case, just the wife that went along with it. Funny, she was not so great to me.