Adoptive Families Advice Please

[brymolmom]

My best friend is very close to adopting her foster sons - aged 8 and 13. I have been telling her for a year that I would be throwing them an ADOPTION CELEBRATION PARTY when it finally comes around. Looks like that party is going to be in the next couple/few months. So I need to start planning...And have a few questions.

1) I want to get them a nice gift...Was thinking of one of those wooden signs for near your front door that says "THE SMITHS est. 2011". Now, they have been with her for almost 3 years....So my question is whether or not this is appropriate to put THIS YEAR on it, even though they have been a family for much longer. It's just going to be made OFFICIAL this year. Thoughts?

2) For the invitations.....I am thinking about something like
There are two new Smiths!
Come join us as we celebrate the finalization of the Adoption of boyname1 and boyname2.
Date, time, etc.

Do you think this wording is appropriate?

3) I am thinking of one of those cakes with a picture on it - a picture of the 3 of them. For wording on it....just something like THE SMITHS....Or maybe FOREVER FAMILY? Other suggestions?

4) Do you think I should mention gifts at all? Honestly with the way these boys eat Wegmans gift cards are likely the best gift out there.

Any other cute ideas that I am not thinking of?

It's going to be a BBQ cookout here at my house with lots of game setup around the yard and pool available depending on weather. Probably around 30 - 50 people.

 

[wintershawl]

My best friend is very close to adopting her foster sons - aged 8 and 13. I have been telling her for a year that I would be throwing them an ADOPTION CELEBRATION PARTY when it finally comes around. Looks like that party is going to be in the next couple/few months. So I need to start planning...And have a few questions.

1) I want to get them a nice gift...Was thinking of one of those wooden signs for near your front door that says "THE SMITHS est. 2011". Now, they have been with her for almost 3 years....So my question is whether or not this is appropriate to put THIS YEAR on it, even though they have been a family for much longer. It's just going to be made OFFICIAL this year. Thoughts?

2) For the invitations.....I am thinking about something like
There are two new Smiths!
Come join us as we celebrate the finalization of the Adoption of boyname1 and boyname2.
Date, time, etc.

Do you think this wording is appropriate?

3) I am thinking of one of those cakes with a picture on it - a picture of the 3 of them. For wording on it....just something like THE SMITHS....Or maybe FOREVER FAMILY? Other suggestions?

4) Do you think I should mention gifts at all? Honestly with the way these boys eat Wegmans gift cards are likely the best gift out there.

Any other cute ideas that I am not thinking of?

It's going to be a BBQ cookout here at my house with lots of game setup around the yard and pool available depending on weather. Probably around 30 - 50 people.

If it isn't going to be a surprise, I would get your friends opinion on wording in regards to what she would like. The way you have it is fine though because that is exactly what the party is for.

For the sign, instead of "The Smiths"... how about "the Smith family est. 2011." That is just at thought.

For the cake, What you have is good, or a simple congratulations!

I wouldn't mention gifts. People can make that decision on their own. If they were to ask you, you could suggest they get gift cards or presents that would promote family activities.... movies, shopping, eating..... any other fun things to do in your area.

 

[Jazcat]

as adoptive parents I love your ideas. I don't know about the year for the gift but how sweet. I love the idea of forever family on the cake, I wouldn't worry about gifts maybe some will bring a girft but I would ask for card with a memorable note the the family. I wished we would have gotten a card for our adoption, we just went to dinner with a few people when our's was final I kinda thought we would get a card so that the one thing I would want. Your support of your friend is great yay you so don't have support so I think it is grear.

 

[RedRosie]

As fos/adopt mom, I would agree that you should check with your friend about putting the year on a sign. My kids recognize the date that they came home with us, not the year the judge finalized the paperwork. It's wonderful that you are doing this for all of them. Getting the legal stuff finalized is such a huge relief and really is a time to celebrate...not everyone gets that.

 

[jdb in AZ]

You might get a nice binder with 9x12" clear plastic pages/sleeves and encourage guests to write a note to place in the binder. Some of the guests will probubbly be "into" scrapbooking and they can really get creative. Since this isn't an infant adoption it won't be easy to find ready-made cards that really apply to the occasion.

 

[brymolmom]

Thanks everyone. I did want the gift to be a surprise but the party is not, but I guess I really should check with her first - OR maybe I could just get two made - one with the original year and one with this year and let her choose which to hang!

I LOVE the scrapbook idea!!! I could even put some pics in of them as a starting place....get some CONGRATULATIONS stickers, etc. And we can add pics from the party afterward.

Any other ideas - keep them coming!

 

[DopeyDame]

First how very nice of you! I'm sure your friend and her sons appreciate having such great support.

Like some of the previous posters, the only part of your plan that would concern me is the date on the sign. I love the idea of "The Smith Family" - it's simple and says everything that needs to be said. Like a pp said, finalization was awesome and a huge relief, but the date we really celebrate long term is when DS came home - that's when we became a family, not when some judge said so. I'd also hesitate to put any date on the sign - just celebrating their "family-ness" is the key, and the kids (especially as they become teenagers any day now) may not want their past announced to the world on their front door all the time, ya know?

Everything else sounds fabulous! Again, you are so sweet to do all this, and I'm sure they will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I wouldn't put a date on the sign.

I know for my 12 year old he goes through phases when he's really open about his adoption, and others when he prefers to keep things private. Sometimes those two states switch back and forth within a short period of time. I want to make sure that he knows that it's his story and he can choose how and when and how much to share.

I can imagine that a date on the sign would lead to lots of questions, and that most middle school and high school aged kids would sometimes find those questions intrusive.

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

When we adopted one of our boys, we had a cake that said "We are Family" and had everyone's name around the edges in different colors. I don't like the taste of the edible sheet they use for pictures so we chose not to do that but I've seen it done a few times and it always looks great.

A gift card to a professional photography shoot would be a great gift idea. I'd go with a local pro as opposed to any of the chain shops like Sears or Penney's as you get better pictures with better poses and there's no feeling of being rushed.

Congrats to your friend!

 

[dhardawa]

It is very nice of you to throw this party! My son is adopted from foster care and I had planned to have one, but by the time came for the adoption, I was so irritated with the system that I just wanted to go home.

If you go with the sign, definitely leave off the date. My son was adopted in 2009, but he was my son the day he came home and I never think of our family coming together at his adoption. If you want something more memorable of the adoption, I have seen things like planting a tree so you can watch it grow and the roots deepen like family does, ornaments (I really like these: http://shop.manyheartsonebeat.com/product.sc?productId=141&categoryId=16), a framed poem (I had The Gift of Life done in calligraphy and framed for myself), jewelry for the mom, etc.

I would ask her what she likes on the invitations. She has had years to think about it and may have something in mind.

I would leave the edible image off the cake. They can taste funny. I would probably just go with "Congratulations" on the cake. Again, ask her. I find the term "Forever Family" kind of silly, but that is just me. I know most other adoptive parents like it.

I would not mention gifts at all. That is tacky (unless you are saying "no gifts please"). If people want to bring a gift, they will.

 

[kate_wdw]

I wouldn't put a date on the sign.

I know for my 12 year old he goes through phases when he's really open about his adoption, and others when he prefers to keep things private. Sometimes those two states switch back and forth within a short period of time. I want to make sure that he knows that it's his story and he can choose how and when and how much to share.

I can imagine that a date on the sign would lead to lots of questions, and that most middle school and high school aged kids would sometimes find those questions intrusive.

This is such a good point!

 

[cam&phoebsmom]

I made a painted slate sign for my sister than she has hanging her house that says:

People that love you are FAMILY

A pleace to live is a HOME

Having both is a BLESSING

You could do something like that and just include all of their names or "Smith Family"
We adopted both of our kids but do not consider their finalization dates as importantly as the day they came into our lives.

 

[brymolmom]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. You guys are the experts!

I never thought of the privacy thing and that the kids might not want to share the date with everyone - so great idea to leave the date off.

I am not much of a cake eater - so didn't realize the pictures on the cake taste funny - I will definitely stick with just Congratulations!

I love jewelry idea for the mom....maybe I'll get her a mother's necklace or charm bracelet with a birthstone for each of the kids.

Great thoughts and ideas! THANK YOU ALL!

 

[crisi]

My family was established on my wedding day. Not the day my son came home, or the day we finalized his adoption, or the day his sister was born. I love my kids dearly, and they complete my family, but they weren't necessary to having one. The implication to those that struggle to have kids is that they aren't a family until they have them. Bad message to send. Especially if their previous childlessness was not from choice.

The invitation wording is spot on though.

Since the boys are older, you have to decide if this is a shower for the parents (in which case grocery card gift certificates are wonderful) or one for the boys (in which case, buying them age appropriate gifts) or the family - in which case, getting them things they will use or enjoy together make sense. Like tickets to a ballgame. Or the movie theatre. Or gift certificates to the pizza place. (Babies are easy - you can "pretend" the toy is for the newborn, but we know its for the parents ) I wouldn't mention gifts, but be prepared with an answer.

 

[disykat]

Like Crisi, I'd prefer something that recognizes they've already BEEN a family. Something like "Smith family, together forever."

 

[Bren's Mom]

How about something like this for inside the house?

The Smith Family
John, Jane, Joe and Jake...together forever​

Or something like that.

http://www.familyplaque.com/gallery/6.html

Or a personalized frame?

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Family-Photo-Frame-Personalized/dp/B003QTB2DG

 

[2shortpeopleruleme]

How about something like this for inside the house?

The Smith Family
John, Jane, Joe and Jake...together forever​

Or something like that.

http://www.familyplaque.com/gallery/6.html

Or a personalized frame?

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Family-Photo-Frame-Personalized/dp/B003QTB2DG

This is what I was thinking as well! I would also get her input into the wording on the invite. You are such an awesome friend to want to do this for your friend and her boys!

 

[YO's Mom]

There is an organization called "Celebrate Adoption" - a group of professional photographers who offer free photo sessions to adoptive families (must have finalized adoption in the last 12 months). It looks like there is a participating photographer in your area. What exactly they offer varies by photographer. The wonderful woman who did our photos gave us 4x6s of every shot she took, plus 20% off anything I wanted to order. And of course, no sitting fee. It is a great deal. I cannot insert a link, but if you google "Celebrate Adoption photographers" you should find the web site!

 

[brymolmom]

There is an organization called "Celebrate Adoption" - a group of professional photographers who offer free photo sessions to adoptive families (must have finalized adoption in the last 12 months). It looks like there is a participating photographer in your area. What exactly they offer varies by photographer. The wonderful woman who did our photos gave us 4x6s of every shot she took, plus 20% off anything I wanted to order. And of course, no sitting fee. It is a great deal. I cannot insert a link, but if you google "Celebrate Adoption photographers" you should find the web site!

WOW! This is excellent. Thanks for the tip I'll look into it.