Adoption transparency measure passes hurdle in NYS Senate

aprilgail

DIS Veteran
Joined
Nov 10, 2001
But what if your daughter wanted to terminate the pregnancy, or wanted to give it up for adoption?
I am fine with terminating - of course it is her final decision if she wanted to give it away but I would hope she would see how it effects the person given away and choose not to. At the very least I would push for an open adoption and no secrets.
 

EMom

<font color=red>Comes from a long line of all fork
Joined
Jul 2, 2007
I am fine with terminating - of course it is her final decision if she wanted to give it away but I would hope she would see how it effects the person given away and choose not to. At the very least I would push for an open adoption and no secrets.
So abortion is preferable to adoption? I’m so thankful DD’s birth mother didn’t think that way. You fail to realize that many, many adoptees are FINE, and not traumatized. They just aren’t the ones making noise,
 

DopeyDame

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jul 8, 2010
I'm sure lots of people here will ignore this or think it's more "PC gone awry"
but, for those who might be open to hearing it, I'd encourage you all to try to use Positive Adoption Language. Here's some suggestions: https://www.adopthelp.com/why-positive-adoption-language-matters/
Specifically, it would be better to use something like "make an adoption plan" or "placed for adoption" or something like that rather than "give away" or "give it up".
 
  • LSUmiss

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 8, 2014
    I'm sure lots of people here will ignore this or think it's more "PC gone awry"
    but, for those who might be open to hearing it, I'd encourage you all to try to use Positive Adoption Language. Here's some suggestions: https://www.adopthelp.com/why-positive-adoption-language-matters/
    Specifically, it would be better to use something like "make an adoption plan" or "placed for adoption" or something like that rather than "give away" or "give it up".
    I’m all for that, but an adoptee also has the right to view it how she/he sees it. So, if she/feels “given away” then no amount of sugar-coating language is going to fix that.
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    I am fine with terminating - of course it is her final decision if she wanted to give it away but I would hope she would see how it effects the person given away and choose not to. At the very least I would push for an open adoption and no secrets.
    Push? I would hope you have enough consideration, compassion, and understanding to not try and sway, guilt, or influence in a strong way if that were to ever happen.
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    I’m all for that, but an adoptee also has the right to view it how she/he sees it. So, if she/feels “given away” then no amount of sugar-coating language is going to fix that.
    I agree with the PP and with you. I do think to describe one's own feelings as given away would be different than discussing it with your daughter and using given away as a descriptor there.

    I don't think most would pick that apart but if one has really strong feelings about it I can see how saying "I would hope you wouldn't give your child away" can sound way different than using the type of wording the PP made reference to.
     

    DopeyDame

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 8, 2010
    I’m all for that, but an adoptee also has the right to view it how she/he sees it. So, if she/feels “given away” then no amount of sugar-coating language is going to fix that.
    Oh for sure! And I definitely take your point about not dismissing adoptee's perspectives. But "given away" sounds really dismissive of the birth parents' thought that (often, not always) goes into the process. And that phrase most typically comes from people not in any way related to the adoption triad.
     



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