Adoption Story on Today Show

[Ceila]

He obviously knew he and the birth mom didn't have a relationship and that she didn't feel she could depend on him for anything.

How exactly do you know that she couldn't depend on him for anything? You're making an awful lot of assumptions here!

 

[timmac]

I think that people just want to pick and choose when fathers should or should not be involved. If they want money then a father should pay or if they don't want a father to be involved in the decision making then it is her body, her rights, or her baby her decision.

Exactly what I was getting at. To assume that the father should have no rights, especially considering he did go through proper legal channels in a timely manner, is simply nonsensical.

 

[handinpocket]

WHAT??? The young man was screwed over by the childs mother and the adoption agency. That child has every right to be with their own flesh and blood. The child is 3- by the time they are 6 they will have forgotten all about the other "parents". The bio-father has every right to that child!
Some women amaze me--they want things their way no matter what---if they want to keep the baby and the father doesn't he doesn't have a choice he is paying until the kid is 21....if she doesn't want the baby and he doesn't then he shouldn't have any say in that either and she can give the baby away with no say from him.... wow....

The Dis amazes me everyday. All those holier than thous that don't know how to mind their own business.....but when a young man has his child kidnapped....too bad, too sad, should have kept your winkie in your pants.

Unbelievable.

 

[Mkrop]

I cant beleive the adoptive parents dont feel wrong in keeping this child. This isnt like the guy showed up 3 years later, he filed FIVE days after the birth. I dont think I could knowingly adopt a child without consent from BOTH parents. I could not do that to the child.

 

[kellyg403]

I have been thinking about this story all day. I am really bothered by it.

I have to wonder how much the adoption fees were that this agency was given by the adopting couple? Was it free of charge? Was the mom given money or just the hotel room for a few days while they waited it out until the baby could fly.

I don't agree that marriage is the only 'legal' a father can be a child's legal parent. It takes a DNA test to prove you owe child support. It should take a DNA test to prove you have legal rights as a parent. I personally know that in VA, anyone can go to the health department and get the paperwork needed declaring paternity. Mom signs, dad signs. You drop it at the courthouse, you both swear to the truth and off it goes to Richmond to vital records. I am guessing at this point this is the step that is missing per VA laws I am familiar with. And with Utah having the 'child' legally they can ignore VA forever and a day. Like in a divorce, whatever state the child lives in is the state whose law take precedence. My only question is, can't the whole contract be null and voice since it was not a truthful statement by the mother?



Kelly

 

[mamacatnv]

From what I heard yesterday on the show, the Fathers problem with Utah is that because he had no clue where the baby was he failed to contest the adoption in Utah in the 20 day time frame that is allowed by Utah law. Since he missed the 20 day window Utah is stating the contract/adoption is legal and doesn't give a rats butt what was done in VA nor do they care what VA has to say.

I hope this guy takes it all the way to the supreme court if he needs to. If what we heard is anywhere near accurate this is legal kidnapping and its atrocious.

 

[Wall-E1]

I saw this story on Dateline last night. It amazes me how sick and twisted some people are. The birth mother and her parents are despicable pieces of trash. Their actions amount to nothing more than kidnapping. The adoptive parents are just plain evil. They were informed during the adoption process about the father, and are using their wealth to kidnap the baby. The attorney for the adoptive girls' parents is a complete sleazeball. he couldn't even look the birth grandmother in the eyes when she asked him how he would feel if someone took one of his kids. The attorney general for Utah is just as sleazy. His weak "the law is the law" excuse is a pathetic excuse from a pathetic man.

The federal court system really needs to step in on this since the judicial system and law makers of Utah seem not to have a moral compass, and are only interested in covering their own butts.

 

[Hannathy]

everyone that is outraged need to get laws changed. That however means that all birth certificates must have a father listed - which interestingly was argued against here on the DIS that Moms shouldn't have to name the father if they didn't want to, so which is it

Right now a man has two choices either marry before getting someone pregnant or don't get them pregnant if they want legal rights to the child. Maybe a 3rd cause it sounds like if he had filed that day, they wouldn't have been able to take the child, or perhaps drown up legal papers ahead of time.

Right now the Mom can do whatever she wants and that is legal. She could have had an abortion or simply not told him she was pregnant and he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.


He is very vocal now but I wonder if he did suggest getting married, or if he visited a lawyer before the birth to see what needed to be done to assure him his child, or to set up child support? Wonder how much money he gave her to provide for his unborn child? Did he supply the insurance to pay for the birth?

The movie Juno got raves, but did anyone notice she didn't ask the father what he wanted to do? She made all the decisions, where was the outrage then?

 

[mamacatnv]

everyone that is outraged need to get laws changed. That however means that all birth certificates must have a father listed - which interestingly was argued against here on the DIS that Moms shouldn't have to name the father if they didn't want to, so which is it

Right now a man has two choices either marry before getting someone pregnant or don't get them pregnant if they want legal rights to the child. Maybe a 3rd cause it sounds like if he had filed that day, they wouldn't have been able to take the child, or perhaps drown up legal papers ahead of time.

Right now the Mom can do whatever she wants and that is legal. She could have had an abortion or simply not told him she was pregnant and he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.


He is very vocal now but I wonder if he did suggest getting married, or if he visited a lawyer before the birth to see what needed to be done to assure him his child, or to set up child support? Wonder how much money he gave her to provide for his unborn child? Did he supply the insurance to pay for the birth?

The movie Juno got raves, but did anyone notice she didn't ask the father what he wanted to do? She made all the decisions, where was the outrage then?

IMO not a lick of these things are an argument in this case. Sure maybe as life tools maybe but not in this case.

It takes 2 to make a baby and it should take 2 to give the baby away. The intentions of the father have been clear since the onset and like PP have said the adoptive parents are hiding behind their money, their lawyers and some twisted laws. Disgusting.

 

[Wall-E1]

He is very vocal now but I wonder if he did suggest getting married, or if he visited a lawyer before the birth to see what needed to be done to assure him his child, or to set up child support? Wonder how much money he gave her to provide for his unborn child? Did he supply the insurance to pay for the birth?

The movie Juno got raves, but did anyone notice she didn't ask the father what he wanted to do? She made all the decisions, where was the outrage then?

On the Dateline show I saw last night, they discussed what happened leading up to the birth. The father did suggest marriage and there are text messages pertaining to that. The father did not get a lawyer prior to the birth because the birth mother was being deceptive and leading the father on about them raising the baby together. It wasn't until the day before the birth that she "disappeared".

It's been a while since I saw Juno, but I seem to remember a scene where she had a discussion with the Michael Cera character about the pregnancy and they both mutually agreed on the path she would take.

 

[sparklynails23]

Did they say anything on Dateline about the adoption agency covering the mom's medical care? I wondered if that was a factor.

 

[disykat]

He should have checked regarding his parental rights prior to the birth of the child. He obviously knew he and the birth mom didn't have a relationship and that she didn't feel she could depend on him for anything.

When our son was about to be born, we contacted the county, the hospital and the courts to be sure everyone knew we intended to adopt him. When his birthmom was in labor, we made more phone calls to the social worker in charge of adoptions in that county and the hospital just to be sure nothing went awry. Then, my sister went to the hospital and sat with the birthmom and watched over our newborn son just to make sure someone was there as our agent. I guess we were smarter than this young man but we had not even registered anywhere to adopt him. All our paperwork was done post birth and during our state's 6 month waiting period. The social worker told us the waiting period was to protect our son and make sure we were fit. The birth parents had signed away their legal rights to be his parents.

Young men need to know how this stuff all works. It was naive of him to have unprotected sex and it was naive of him to think he could just waltz in and claim custody of a child he'd had little to do with since conception. Men just can't go around and impregnate women willy nilly and then drag their feet in participating to parent. He should have been by her side, going to doctors visits...at least have contacted an attorney regarding his rights and requirements. It's a birthmom's choice and should stay that way unless the birth father makes PRIOR arrangements.

Clearly you didn't see the show. He wanted the baby and made that clear. The birth mother very suddenly disappeared at the end of her pregnancy and hid the birth from him. He was at the hospital looking for the baby, trying to find the mother, etc. The birth mother's family hid her in hotels with help from the agency they had found that "helped in adoptions where the birth father was not consenting to the adoptions." Once he was able to figure out the baby had been born he immediately filed in his own state. He, with help from his mom, was ready to take custody of the baby if the mom didn't want to be raising the baby with him. Meanwhile the baby was secreted out of state.

I might not have hand picked this guy as potential father of the year, but his baby was clearly STOLEN from him.

 

[aprilgail2]

I saw this story on Dateline last night. It amazes me how sick and twisted some people are. The birth mother and her parents are despicable pieces of trash. Their actions amount to nothing more than kidnapping. The adoptive parents are just plain evil. They were informed during the adoption process about the father, and are using their wealth to kidnap the baby. The attorney for the adoptive girls' parents is a complete sleazeball. he couldn't even look the birth grandmother in the eyes when she asked him how he would feel if someone took one of his kids. The attorney general for Utah is just as sleazy. His weak "the law is the law" excuse is a pathetic excuse from a pathetic man.

The federal court system really needs to step in on this since the judicial system and law makers of Utah seem not to have a moral compass, and are only interested in covering their own butts.

 

[sissy_ib]

Marry her ? or how about not having got her pregnant in the first place. Or go to a lawyer before the birth and get something in writing that he was going to adopt the baby or take custody however it has to be done in Virginia if he can't be on the birth certificate.

I didn't finish reading the thread. You don't adopt your own child!!! This statement makes no sense.

 

[alizesmom]

This is wrong on so many levels. A child is not a piece of property where possession is 9/10 of the law. For those who say the child should stay with the adoptive parents, what happens when the child grows up and finds out her adoptive parents did this to her bio dad? I can't see that turning out well.

 

[Hannathy]

I didn't finish reading the thread. You don't adopt your own child!!! This statement makes no sense.

I'm not a lawyer but evidently in Virginia if you aren't married you do have to sorta adopt your child. If this wasn't the case why did he have to file custody papers?

If he is old enough to get her pregnant he is old enough to know the legalities in his state. And the lawyer should have been secured and the papers ready to file the minute the child was born not days later.

If this was taking place when the child was still a baby then yes he maybe should have her but not now. She is a child and should not be taken from her parents as she knows them. He should be glad he knows where she is and is OK he could have absolutely no idea where she is or even that she existed.

And no Juno didn't ask she told him what she was doing and then she changed her mind and didn't consult him at all.

 

[StephMK]

So if the birth father had taken the child from the hospital & secretly adopted her out so he wouldn't have to deal with the birth mother, would everyone still be saying the child should stay with the adoptive parents? Even if the birth mother always wanted custody?

As upsetting as it will be for the child, it is not fair that the father isn't allowed to raise his child because she was essentially stolen from him. I agree w/the PP, that shows the character of the agency & adoptive parents. They were desperate enough to create this whole shady mess and they are to blame for putting this child through the probable hell to come.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I don't think a 3 yr old child should ever be taken from the only home they have ever known. Talk about early childhood trauma. I can't imagine.

The authorities responsible for overseeing adoptions should have remedied this early on. If the man truly was fighting for the baby right from the get go then the baby should have been returned.

But not now.

The problem here is that there are 2 totally sets of interests that need to be kept in mind. One is the interest of the child. Staying with the people who are currently raising her is probably in her best interest.

The other is the interest of society. If we establish a precedent that adoptive parents can drag things out in court and then win because the child has been with them "so long", then we're setting ourselves up for many more of these cases, and many more incidents where children and families are hurt.

Unfortunately, while I agree that a transition will be hard for the child, the need to prevent this situation from repeating itself takes precedence. The child needs to be returned and Utah's laws need to be seriously revamped to protect families.

 

[Wall-E1]

I'm not a lawyer but evidently in Virginia if you aren't married you do have to sorta adopt your child. If this wasn't the case why did he have to file custody papers?

If he is old enough to get her pregnant he is old enough to know the legalities in his state. And the lawyer should have been secured and the papers ready to file the minute the child was born not days later.

If this was taking place when the child was still a baby then yes he maybe should have her but not now. She is a child and should not be taken from her parents as she knows them. He should be glad he knows where she is and is OK he could have absolutely no idea where she is or even that she existed.

And no Juno didn't ask she told him what she was doing and then she changed her mind and didn't consult him at all.

You seem to be a wealth of misinformation.

The father petitioned the state of Virginia for custody of his child because the birth mother was keeping her from him. And yes, the father did know the legalities in his state. In fact, the state awarded him custody and ordered the baby be returned to him... two separate times. It is the state of Utah that is refusing to comply with Virginia's court decision. Virginia is the state where both parents live and where the baby was born, so naturally the father logically assumed that would be the state where he would need to take action with the courts.

All of this was taking place when the child was a baby. The adoptive parents and their attorneys have been using every tactic possible to keep this baby from the birth father, who wanted custody of her from the day she was born. That is the only reason why this baby has spent the first two years of her life away from her father.

And in Juno, she did discuss the pregnancy with Bleeker and he told her to do what she thought was right...

BLEEKER
So, what do you think we should do?

JUNO
I thought I might, you know, nip it
in the bud before it gets worse.
Because I heard in health class that
pregnancy often results in an infant.

BLEEKER
Yeah, typically. That's what happens
when our moms and teachers get
pregnant.

JUNO
So that's cool with you, then?

BLEEKER
Yeah, wizard, I guess. I mean do
what you think is right.

Anyway, the situation in Juno bears no resemblance to the situation that is happening in this man's life.

 

[Hannathy]

I brought up Juno because she said she was getting an abortion, then changed her mind without consulting him, meaning now he would have to pay child support when he thought she was not having it. She then picked out the adoptive parents on her own, much like this case, didn't ask if his mother wanted it or him. sound familiar?


I think it is very sad for the little girl and the man but should wake men up to the realities of having kids without being married. That they have very few rights if the Mother doesn't want them to have the child.