Adoption questions?

[WDWAurora]

Ok, we're thinking this out, since the old fashioned way, and everything short of invitro hasn't worked for us, despite the fact that we're young, everything's fine, etc. We're saving for invitro, but...we're thinking maybe we should adopt instead. So...

Can you just go to an orphanage in another country and adopt straight from there? We would LOVE to go to where DH's father was adopted and find a child (and I have cousins adopted from the same country).

Do you have to use an agency?

Let me put in here, I'm not really interested in American adoption-I'm too afraid of it due to a lot of horror stories...not that international adoptions can't go wrong, but I just can't do an American one.

How long did it take?


If you don't mind sharing, how much did it cost? Did that vary on country, agency, etc?

What should we know that we don't even know to ask?

I understand about the social worker visits to the home, and honestly, I'd be fine if they just showed up tomorrow. I understand the purpose of the visit and I'm comfortable with it. If we decide to adopt, even if I wound up pregnant during the process, we would still go through with the adoption-it's not something we would change our minds on if we started the process. We wouldn't be opposed to sibling pairs, although I would prefer younger children (obviously, I would love to adopt a newborn, even though I know that's not exactly as easy).

Any input would be great. Please know this is not something we're taking lightly, and we definitely want children in our home, as evidenced by the fact we've been trying for our own for over 2 years. We're not going in on a whim, I guess is what I'm trying to express, but I want us to give all our options (IVF, adoption, no kids, etc) consideration.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Hi! I'm an adoptive mom. We adopted domestically, so I can't really help too much with the specifics on international adoption, but I wanted to say good luck!

We chose to adopt over trying egg donation, because the odds were better and it was much less expensive. We are so glad we did, because we can't imagine our life without our awesome dd!

Like I said, I'm not real up on international adoptions, but have some friends who did it, so here's what little I know.

I believe you need to use an agency. I believe that some countries only allow certain agencies to arrange adoptions there. Even if you don't "need" to use an agency, it's a good idea to do so, because you get their expertise. They've already figured it all out, you might as well have someone help you out, rather than do it on your own.

Different countries have different wait times. China used to have a wait of a year or so, but I've heard it's up to three years now. China requires a trip of about 2-3 weeks to adopt. Korea doesn't require a visit to the country, there are hosts who will bring the child to the US for you. Russia requires two visits, a few weeks apart, IIRC.

I would suggest going to Adoption.com and reading through their forums on international adoption. They have country-specific information on the most common countries that US parents adopt from. Make sure the country you want to adopt from is compliant with the Hague Treaty. Guatemala, for example, has shut down adoptions for the time being, until they become compliant.

Good luck as you start this wonderful journey!

 

[MKB419]

Hi,
I just want to say good luck on your adoption journey, My dd&ds are both domestic adoptions and are siblings. Please do not believe the horror stories. It can be done. That being said only you and your husband know what situation is best for you. My best advice is Research as much as you can. In NJ there is a group called Adoptive Parents Committee which does pre adoption workshops I would see if there is some type organization like that. There is a good website adoptions.org with good foriegn and domestic information. Amazon has alot of books on the subject. Read as much as you can and talk to as many people as you can you will find the best situation for your family . I know this is preetty general info you can PM me if you would like more specfic onfo. Best of luck
Mary Kay

 

[Chernabog#1fan]

Hello,

My husband and I are currently adopting from China. They will tell you that the wait is around 3 years right now, but we have already been waiting 3 years and they tell us it will be another 2 or so. Due to that, I would not recommend going that route. If you do decide to go with China, they do require you to use an agency. The agency we chose is one of the least expensive, but one of the best. The cost was about $19,000 when we started, but due to the wait, everything has expired. This means it will cost us about $4,000 more. This is including the 2 week travel to China.

I am currently looking at starting a domestic newborn adoption and the cost I have been quoted is about $25,000. My husband and I have always wanted 2, so this way we could hopefully bring them home close together.

Please know that currently there is a $12,000 tax credit if you adopt. This is set to expire at the end of 2010 unless it is something that Obama decides to make permanent (fingers crossed because I really am depending on that to help with the cost). Also, most companies have an adoption reimbursement program. There are some amazing web sites developed for researching adoption. I am not sure that I am allowed to post them here, so if you would like any help at all, feel free to PM me.

One last note as you do look young in your picture (I mean that as a compliment), most countries require you and your spouse both to be at least 30. Just wanted to throw that out there because we would have started the adoption in China 4 years earlier, but I had to wait. Makes me so angry because we would have had our child by now if we had been able to adopt earlier, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

Best of luck to you and your husband!

 

[Katy Belle]

Have a look at this http://www.holtinternational.org/

Holt International is the Agency one of my Dear Friends used when adopting her two beautiful daughters from Korea.

Generally I think it costs around $20,000. Look at their site...it varies greatly per country.

Her first daughter was only 4 months old when she came home. Her 2nd daughter was 17 months old.

I know that she was very pleased with Holt.

Good luck on your journey!
Katy

 

[WDWAurora]

I'm specifically looking for information on adopting from Germany, due to DH's dad being adopted there, but can literally find nothing. Is there a reason for that? Do they not allow international adoptions? I guess we'd love to do it like his grandparents-go over, and do everything there. I know things have changed a lot in those 50 years, though!

We are somewhat young...I'm 26 (27 in August) and he'll turn 28 in October. Bummer about needing to be 30-we're definitely ready for kids by now! We've been married 4 years in August, so we're not newlyweds or anything. We own our own home (well-with the bank, of course) and have no significant debt (I consider mortgages and a car payment to be normal debt, that everybody has-no credit cards or anything, that's what I mean, I guess). That would stink if they made us just sit around for another few years. We've already been waiting so long-we had hoped to have 2 by now.

Ok, sorry for the stream of consciousness post.

 

[lemondog]

I don't know that Germany allows international adoptions. Never heard of Americans adopting from there.

To answer your question, you definitely need to use an agency. We adopted our oldest from Russia 7 years ago. She is now 7 years old, and it was a wonderful experience. Make sure you do your research and go with a good agency. And start saving! Our adoption was around $30,000, and that was back in 2002. Good luck!

 

[laurie31]

http://library.adoption.com/articles/international-adoption-germany.html

It sounds like it's possible to adopt from Germany, but very difficult.

Good luck on your journey to parenthood, no matter how you get there!

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

We adopted from Ethiopia. It took about 6 months (which is NOT the norm). It is usually over one year. At the time all the people waiting ahead of us were requesting children under 2 years and we were open to a child older than 2 so we jumped ahead to the front, but even that doesn't happen all that often.

Cost varies by country AND by agency. For Ethiopia at that time with our agency it was around $18,000. The cost is not as prohibitive as it might first appear because you get around $12,000 back in the form of a federal tax credit and usually a state tax credit (ours was I believe $2,500-$3,500... I can't remember). Some companies also provide adoption assistance, and there are many grants available. The money does not all go to one place, at one time. It's more like $200 for this state fee, $350 for this federal clearance, $1,000 for social worker visits and homestudy paperwork, etc. So the longer your process the more time you have to save the money and the more spread out the outflow of money is. And then you get most of it back the next time you file taxes following the adoption. In the end our adoption cost less than having our bio ds (factoring in some minor infertility treatments like clomid, and some complications causing hospital stays).

Our adoption was complete before we met our child. That might sound scary, but I purposefully opted for a place where we did NOT meet the child beforehand. I just could not consciously go chose a child knowing that meant I was NOT choosing another child (I was just imagining how awful that would be for the children there for months without being chosen, watching new kids arrive and be chosen immediately). In our case the agency had our profile, we were placed in line, and as children came to the orphanage they matched the child to the profile following the order as best they could while providing the right match. Our son was referred to us within 1 day of arriving at the orphanage, so he was only there as long as it took the court to process our paperwork and designate us as his parents (about 6 weeks).

I would not opt out of domestic adoption due to horror stories. Believe me they are out there for International adoption too... many of them. Whichever country you chose that culture will (or should) become a strong part of your family. We opted for Ethiopia because I have worked a lot in East Africa and my heart was there. I just knew that was where my child was (as crazy as that sounds)... and he is soo my child. He just could not fit anymore perfectly into our family, than he already does. Ethiopia also allows for contact with the birth family. We were able to meet my sons father and remain in contact with him. That was extremely important to us, and I believe it will be to my son as well.

First I would go to the state dept website and look at adoption requirements for countries. There might end up being much fewer that you can adopt from then you think (for example we could not adopt from many because I was under 30 at the time, and some because we already had a boy and a girl). Then once you have an idea which countries you are qualified for, join a Yahoo group (groups.yahoo.com) for adoption from that country. There are multiple Yahoo groups dedicated to each country, choosing an agency, and specific agency adoption programs. It is most helpful to talk to those people who are currently in the process and using the agencies you are considering. Then start interviewing the agencies you like based on your Yahoo research. You do not have to use a local agency. Our agency was in MA and we are in CA. We used a CA based agency for our home visits, and the MA agency for our Ethiopia placement. This type of arrangement is very common in international adoption, as not all states will have established programs for every country.

The two biggest mistakes you could make are choosing an agency based on cost or timeline. The very last thing you want in an adoption is an agency that might cut corners. In our case our agency had one of the very longest timelines, and was one of the 2 most expensive. However the child to caregiver ratio in the nursery was almost double other facilities, and we felt much more comfortable with the ethics behind how the agency obtained the children who were placed for adoption (if an agencies timelines are too short and they are placing many children in that time, the question has to be asked, how are they getting those children).

Anyways, I hope that helps you get started. Adopting our son (along with having our other two children) was pretty much the best thing we ever did.

 

[Katy Belle]

http://permanent.access.gpo.gov/lps11558/travel.state.gov/adoption_germany.html

When searching did you see the info in the above link? It looks like international adoptions from Germany are rare.

Just FYI one of the reasons my friend chose Korea was that the babies stay with Foster Parents, rather than in hospitals or orphanges.

Good luck!
Katy

 

[Chernabog#1fan]

Hi, I did look into adopting from Germany as I was born and raised there for the better part of my childhood. My father was in the military and stationed in Berlin and then Ramstein. There was very little info to be found about adopting from Germany due to the fact that they normally just have in country adoption. That is actually what is slowing China down is because they opened up domestic adoption there.

Due to the fact that you are younger than 30, and believe me, I know it is not fair to have to wait, you may want to consider domestic adoption. It also looks like Ethopia and Korea allow married couples at least 25 and up to adopt, so those are other options.

 

[WDWAurora]

Thanks for all the input. With his dad and my cousins being from Germany, I just really feel a tug there. I hadn't found anything on German adoption in my searches, so the information you guys found was helpful. We are old enough and have been married long enough for Germany, so that's a plus! I may need to get my sister in law to interpret some of the legal-ese to me, though!

I looked at the Holt website. I wonder if they get any typically developing children? I work with special needs students, and I'm just not sure if I want to knowingly take that on to begin with. If we find out later soething is wrong, that's one thing, but, selfish as it may be, I want to have the shot of a healthy first child. I know that can change at any point, but...I hope that makes sense. Special needs adoption is something I would consider, but not right now. It definitely makes sense given my career path (school psychologist).

 

[SandrA9810]

Why not try for russia or someplace close by???


Kari was adopted through an agency. And she'd love to have an adopted child as well. Kinda like paying it forward. But that's not going to happen for us... at least not in the near future of a few years. (I don't think).

And from the stories I've heard from her mom. Apparently it didn't take quite as long as they expected. I think it makes a difference if you go with a private agency or adopting from the state.

And look into work benefits. Many companies help out the soon to be parents with certain expenses.

 

[Katy Belle]

Thanks for all the input. With his dad and my cousins being from Germany, I just really feel a tug there. I hadn't found anything on German adoption in my searches, so the information you guys found was helpful. We are old enough and have been married long enough for Germany, so that's a plus! I may need to get my sister in law to interpret some of the legal-ese to me, though!

I looked at the Holt website. I wonder if they get any typically developing children? I work with special needs students, and I'm just not sure if I want to knowingly take that on to begin with. If we find out later soething is wrong, that's one thing, but, selfish as it may be, I want to have the shot of a healthy first child. I know that can change at any point, but...I hope that makes sense. Special needs adoption is something I would consider, but not right now. It definitely makes sense given my career path (school psychologist).

I'm not sure if Holt has only special needs kiddos... my friend's first daughter has a "short arm" as her 'special need.' Not a big deal to my friend, or the girl for that matter. No hand, but does have a thumb bud, arm ends right below the elbow. Her other daughter has a medical issue, but they keep it pretty quiet and it is not a big deal in the every day life of her daughter. So...even though they are 'special needs' they were very easily handled.

 

[MouseTrip07]

Congratulations on your decision to consider adoption! We are an adoptive family...our children were both born in Guatemala. My DH and I were also "younger" when we adopted the first time...I was 28 when my DD7 came home.

I completely agree with Tink&Squirts Mom to PLEASE check out the state department's website on intercountry adoption. Familiarize yourself with some of the terms & requirements before contacting an agency. Here is the website:
http://adoption.state.gov/adoption.homepage.html

Also, it looks like adoption with Germany is possible but rare. According to the state dept, there have only been a few in the last 5 years. Here is information specific to adoptions between the US and Germany:

http://adoption.state.gov/country/germany.html

I would also agree that, whether you choose international or domestic adoption, you are treading on emotionally turbulent waters. I think many of us who have adopted internationally (myself included) could tell sad or scary stories that have led to the biggest blessings of our lives.

I'm certainly not trying to discourage you...because whatever, wherever you choose, the road to family is a rewarding journey!

Best Wishes,
Jennifer

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

If you are looking to have a child in your home soon, I would think about fostering to adopt. Are you open to toddlers? There are many slightly older children in the US looking for parents, if you are wanting a child very soon.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

At the preschool I used to teach at we had one family that adopted two girls from China. The first adoption was a nightmare as they were supposed to fly to China on Sept. 11. Needless to say it ended up being delayed. But their little girl was worth it. The second one was smoother, but it took forever (at least two years, and this was about five or more years ago).

Many countries will require you to travel to those countries for the adoption. Some don't. I'm thinking I read an article about a couple who adopted a Korean child and did not have to go there but I'm not for sure I remember the country right.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I had a boss that adopted two beautiful Korean children using Holt. The children are perfectly healthy with no special needs.

 

[JESW]

You said you didn't want to adopt through the US, BUT...you may want to look into the foster-to-adopt program. There are so many kids of all ages in the foster care program that are available for adoption. My brother and his wife adopted FIVE kids last year through the program after becoming qualified to be foster parents - they made it clear from the beginning that they wanted to adopt and wanted children who were free to be adopted. One son is from one family and then one boy and three girls are from another family - ages (at the time) 2, 3, 8, 12 & 16.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do!

JILL

 

[Jynohn]

We have been considering adoption as well, and I've been doing research for the past year to decide which was the best program for us. We have ultimately decided to go with the China program, as it's very stable and predictable, but as others have pointed out, the wait is extremely long. We have two biological children so we don't mind waiting, but I imagine if you're a young couple eager to start a family, it might be too much to wait 5+ years for a referral.

We also looked into the Korea program, but I wanted to let you know that there are rumors of it closing soon, as Korea is starting to encourage domestic instead of international adoption. The agency we initially chose closed it's Korea program the week we applied.

I have heard good things about the Ethiopia program, so that may be something to look into. Russia is also stable, but extremely expensive.

Be very careful when researching agencies. I was seriously considering several that I later found out were extremely disreputable, and some have since closed their doors, leaving families heartbroken and out thousands of dollars. There are some good yahoo groups you can subscribe to that will help you sort out the good agencies from the bad.

Best of luck in your decision!