Adoption Help @ Disney

[Tink2000]

I have asked for help with this on the Dinning board and got great help but thought I would ask a few more questions here. We are foster parents of a 16 yr old and her 16 month old baby and we have a 10 yr old ourself, 3 girls.
We are wanting to adopt both of the girls but have to wait until the end of the year. We are all taking a trip to Disney in Dec. and I would like to ask them formally to join our family. I am thinking dinner at the castle. Since we will have 3 princess. I want to make this the most special day. Any suggestions?

 

[Shmily1]

That is so sweet!! The castle seems like the perfect place to take your princesses. Maybe you could have a specialty cake made that says something like Family on it and then ask her.

 

[punkin]

Are you sure that asking her in a public place is a good idea? Have you discussed this with her before or is this going o come out of the blue from her perspective? Teens don't always react the way you'd expect them to. Good luck. I think you are doing a wonderful thing.

 

[joyjoy]

I think it's a wonderful idea. The castle is nice, but how about 'Ohana at the Polynesian with the whole "'ohana means family" theme? I'm sure the staff would work with you on a special cake presentation. Good luck!

 

[Pigeon]

Honestly, I wouldn't do this in a public place. It sort of reminds me of men who propose in a way that really puts the woman on the spot.

I would do the discussion privately and have reservations made (that could be cancelled if necessary) for the celebration dinner later in the evening.

 

[castmemberb4]

I think it's a wonderful idea. The castle is nice, but how about 'Ohana at the Polynesian with the whole "'ohana means family" theme? I'm sure the staff would work with you on a special cake presentation. Good luck!

This is exactly what I was thinking.
It might be more meaningful for her
Godd Luck You're doing a great thing.

 

[Ana~n~Joseph]

I have asked for help with this on the Dinning board and got great help but thought I would ask a few more questions here. We are foster parents of a 16 yr old and her 16 month old baby and we have a 10 yr old ourself, 3 girls.
We are wanting to adopt both of the girls but have to wait until the end of the year. We are all taking a trip to Disney in Dec. and I would like to ask them formally to join our family. I am thinking dinner at the castle. Since we will have 3 princess. I want to make this the most special day. Any suggestions?

This is soooo sweet! I think the castle is a beautiful setting. I agree with a PP, how about getting a cake done and presented to them? Also, present the girls with matching necklaces, rings, etc?

 

[kamik86]

Honestly, I wouldn't do this in a public place. It sort of reminds me of men who propose in a way that really puts the woman on the spot.

I would do the discussion privately and have reservations made (that could be cancelled if necessary) for the celebration dinner later in the evening.

Just like proposals I think this is only ok if you KNOW the person is going to be ok with it. For example my husband knew I would say yes when he proposed, because I was with him when he bought the ring so he could get one I liked. Then he took it and was going to propose with it later so I was expecting something like this (which he majorly disappointed me on but that is another story altogether). If you haven't talked to this girl about joining the family before then I wouldn't do this. If you have but just haven't let her know you have official plans to do so then it would probably be ok.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Another vote for asking in private, with plans for a celebration afterwards if the answer is yes.

Are you planning to adopt both the 16yo and her baby? Is the 16yo willing to give up her parental rights?

 

[punkin]

Just like proposals I think this is only ok if you KNOW the person is going to be ok with it. For example my husband knew I would say yes when he proposed, because I was with him when he bought the ring so he could get one I liked. Then he took it and was going to propose with it later so I was expecting something like this (which he majorly disappointed me on but that is another story altogether). If you haven't talked to this girl about joining the family before then I wouldn't do this. If you have but just haven't let her know you have official plans to do so then it would probably be ok.

That's exactly my concern. I hope, OP that you are not just springing this on the poor girl with no advance warning. If she generally knows that an adoption is coming and this is just a formal announcement, then it is a fabulous idea (I would go with O'hana for the symbolism-but the castle is great too). Otherwise, I can see this turning really bad.

 

[design_mom]

Another vote for asking in private, with plans for a celebration afterwards if the answer is yes.

Are you planning to adopt both the 16yo and her baby? Is the 16yo willing to give up her parental rights?

I agree with this. Especially since the teen isn't just making the decision to allow herself to be adopted, she's also making the choice to relinquish her daughter, who would then become her sister. I think it would be a very mixed-emotions sort of thing, even in the best of circumstances.

Unless you are 100% sure that she'll be over-the-moon thrilled and the question is really just a formality, I think I'd choose a private setting for the discussion... with a celebratory dinner to follow assuming everything goes how you think it will. I think the Castle or Ohana's would both be nice options for the dinner.

 

[Rora]

Another vote for asking in person and then celebrating at the Royal Table or Ohanas...

 

[Magic Mom]

I have asked for help with this on the Dinning board and got great help but thought I would ask a few more questions here. We are foster parents of a 16 yr old and her 16 month old baby and we have a 10 yr old ourself, 3 girls.
We are wanting to adopt both of the girls but have to wait until the end of the year. We are all taking a trip to Disney in Dec. and I would like to ask them formally to join our family. I am thinking dinner at the castle. Since we will have 3 princess. I want to make this the most special day. Any suggestions?

It sounds like you want to make it really special, but what if the 16yo doesn't respond how you think she will? Wouldn't it be better for her if you asked her in private and then gave her some time to think about it?

 

[Pigeon]

My thoughts after reflecting on this for a bit...

I know you were probably hoping for a different type of response here, but I just want to say that I understand your desire to make this a special moment for your family.

But this is a gigantic and weighty decision, both for the 16 year old and for her child. It should be one she makes without the subtle coercion that doing it in a public way will bring. I don't think you are trying to coerce her at all--you are trying to make a wonderful family memory. But the repercussions of her decision are huge and she should be free to think it over privately and come to a well-reasoned conclusion, not a spur of the moment, fairy-tale thing.

I hope it all goes well and that she accepts your generous offer.