About to become a SAHM advice?

[brockash]

I think I'm about to become a SAHM, or at least for while. My DH is in the Army and we'll be moving aways from my family soon. I have a DS (7) and DD (almost 2.) I've worked my entire adult life, and I'm not really sure how I'm going to deal with being a SAHM. My DS was in daycare as a young child, because I had to work and we were not near any family ect., and I still, right or wrong, feel very guilty about it.

For the last 4 years, we've been lucky enough to live very close to my mom and sisters. My mom works at the same school my DS attends, so she's able to take him to school and watch him until I get off. My DD goes to a babysitter right now (a very close friend of the family, and she's the only child there.) My mom picks her up after she's done at work and watches her as well until I'm off. I've been so incredibly fortunate to have this as an option for our family for the last 4 years, but soon we'll be moving.

I really don't want to put my baby in daycare for the whole day, and I don't want my DS to have to go after school. I also think that with DS in school now; it would be much better for me to be home and to be able to have more time to work on homework ect.

I guess my question is; does anyone have any advice on the transition of becoming a SAHM, and how not lose your self-confidence. I know it sounds stupid, because honestly there's nothing more important than giving your children the very best life possible, but I can't help but to be very scared that I'm going to somehow "lose" who I am and my sense of confidence. I think I will for sure need to have a schedule/routine for each day, but I did that while I was on maternity leave with both kiddos, but other than that, I'm lost. TIA!

 

[mjkacmom]

SAHM's need other SAHM's, or else we'd go nuts. Take some mommy and me classes, and hook up with other moms. Start a playgroup. Schedule your days the same way you'd have a schedule at work.

 

[mandanjeremy]

I went through the same thing a few months ago. I had worked the entire time (with the exception of my 6 wk maternity leave). I recently left my retail managment job to go back to school, and stay home with DS, and I struggled with the same things(self confidence) too. I would say remember to take time for yourself, whether its a long bath a night, or and hour or two at the gym, or whatever it is you like to do. We're really lucky to live very close to family, so I never have to take him to daycare. This really helped me a lot, and once I convinced myself that it was ok, it helped me lighten up too. The routine thing was rough for me for a little while because he has always been with my grandmother while I worked 8 to 6 everyday, so I mainly just dealt with getting him up and bathing and putting him to bed. But youll get the hang of it. Just listen to your kids and trust your heart...it'll be fine. It was the best decision DH and I ever made. Days at home with my boys are far better than my old job.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I can't help exactly. I have not worked as an adult. DH and I married when i was 17. He was in the Army. Our first post was only for 3 months so I didn't bother getting a job. At the next post I was not finding a job and then SURPRISE! baby on the way. I always knew I wanted to be home with my kids, so I have been home since. All I can tell you is the feeling of never missing anything is amazing. I think sometimes about getting a job now that my kids are in school all day, but then I think about the school functions (day) that I might miss, the vacations and summers I wouldn't be with them, and so far we have opted for me to stay home. A few weeks ago my DD9 had rollerskating at school. I went to watch and while there she fell, not bad, but enough to hurt. She was upset and I was holding her and when she got up to go skate again she said I am so glad you were here mommy, I wouldn't want anyone to hold me when I fell but you. Moments like that are priceless. I hate not being able to give them as much as their friends have, but at the end of the day they too would rather have mom then stuff.

Not trying to offend anyone who works, everyone should do what is best for their families, but for mine, this is it.

So my best advise, enjoy it, it goes so fast!!!

 

[Elmo888]

What the PP said. Find a group and meet other SAHMs. Try Googling your town and "mom's club" or "early childhood pta" or "mops" (mothers of preschoolers). Those are three groups in my area, and I'm sure that there are others. Or just hang out at the park and meet people! With your older one in school, you might be able to meet some SAHMs there and find others with 2 year olds.

I think that it really takes some time to adjust - just like anything. It takes a while to be comfortable, get a routine, find some good friends, etc., just like anything else. It is difficult at first, but you can still have intellectual pursuits and not just talk kids 24/7. I think that you don't lose your self confidence by still doing stuff for yourself - some simple, like getting dressed!, and some not so simple, like having some time away from your kids (whether it is going to meetings, night out, or walking aimlessly around the mall).

Enjoy yourself.

 

[brockash]

I can't help exactly. I have not worked as an adult. DH and I married when i was 17. He was in the Army. Our first post was only for 3 months so I didn't bother getting a job. At the next post I was not finding a job and then SURPRISE! baby on the way. I always knew I wanted to be home with my kids, so I have been home since. All I can tell you is the feeling of never missing anything is amazing. I think sometimes about getting a job now that my kids are in school all day, but then I think about the school functions (day) that I might miss, the vacations and summers I wouldn't be with them, and so far we have opted for me to stay home. A few weeks ago my DD9 had rollerskating at school. I went to watch and while there she fell, not bad, but enough to hurt. She was upset and I was holding her and when she got up to go skate again she said I am so glad you were here mommy, I wouldn't want anyone to hold me when I fell but you. Moments like that are priceless. I hate not being able to give them as much as their friends have, but at the end of the day they too would rather have mom then stuff.

Not trying to offend anyone who works, everyone should do what is best for their families, but for mine, this is it.

So my best advise, enjoy it, it goes so fast!!!

I do see this as a huge thing. On the occassion that I have been able to take off to do a school things with my DS; I feel like wow, who is this adult like kid? I feel like I have no idea about his school life- I ask, but I always get the oh nothing new, this is the special I had today, no one was absent stuff. When I have been at school in the daytime with him, I'm just amazed at how old he seems and the things he's around and does (good and bad.) That is when it really hits me, that I really have no clue about a good part of his every day life. Sure we do his homework every night, read every night, go to his sports stuff and I go through his back pack every night. I see the work he's done, the grades he's gotten, but there's still just so much missing. I always thought about basically only babies, when ppl. talk about not missing anything (like first steps/words ect.) but to me seeing him "in action" as a person apart from me is so amazing and I really don't see any of it. It's sad when I think about it, but it does give me something to really look foward to if/when I do become a SAHM.

 

[ashlansmom]

It will be an adjustment for you, but you will be ok! When you move, find out if there is a moms club in town and join, there will be plenty of free activities all week long for you and the little one while the older is at school, and often there are moms night events without the kids. You will have a ton of moms and friends for your kids at your fingertips this way. Also join the library - find out when storytime is and take your little one. If you can afford it, find a gym class or a music class you can do with the little one. THe key is to go where other SAHM's are... make friends and then you can have them and kids over for playtime, tea, coffee, meet out shopping etc. All the other SAHM's are looking for companionship during the day just like you will be and they are all looking for something to do with their kids to get out of the house and break down the mundane routine.

One thing I find VERY important, and that I don't get to do enough, is to get out alone!! Or with my husband, no kids. You should really try to get out a night every couple weeks to do something for you, shop, meet a friend for cocktails and apps, something! You need to preserve your adult conversation and your adult to adult time. If you are religious, find a church, another great way to meet other families and moms, and often activities abound. Good luck and enjoy!

 

[brockash]

Thanks everyone for the encourging advice. I really do think it's for the best for our whole family, but it's just a big change for me, but I know the rewards are soooo worth it.

 

[kacaju]

Make sure you get up every morning and get dressed. Just because you are home it doesn't mean you lounge around in your pj's until noon. I agree with others, find other Mom's who are home.
If your older one takes the bus, see if you can pick him up from school. This way you can let him hang out on the playground and it will give you a chance to talk with the other parents. Volunteer to help out when you can at his school

 

[floydfamily4]

I never thought I would be a SAHM but now I know it was and is the right decision for our family. I agree with the PP's that finding a moms group is critical. Don't feel like you have to join the first one either. Try out a few different ones. Pick up the local family magazine and there is usually a listing in the back for moms groups, etc. Find one that looks good in the description but then see how it "feels" when you meet the moms. Try to talk to other moms when you are out with your baby. I took my twins to the library every week for book babies and eventually got to connect with a couple of other moms who were always there as well. This is a big transition but you can always transition back. You can't get this time back. If you have peace but just a little anxiety, I say go for it and believe in God (or your faith) for the rest. I could go on but I won't. Be encouraged and know that you are not alone!

dawn

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I have to agree with the PPs who said get up and get dressed, you feel so much better (and get more accomplished) when you do, and make some time for you and your spouse. Even now with no kids in the house during the day. I get dressed a bit later, but because I now do an hour and a half of Wii Fit every morning and then get showered. Also, we still have a weekly date night. It may just be a movie rented from Redbox by the fire after the kids are in bed, but we do it every week. Our marriage is better for this.

 

[mamagoose]

I had to make the same decision last year, and I felt tremendous guilt over it. But once my decision was made, I never looked back. I knew I did the right thing--and my kids are older than yours. It will be important for you to have a network of other SAHM friends whether through an organized playgroup, or just getting to know some other moms from your son's school. My husband was worried that I would get bored, but I am always amazed at how fast each day flies by. Good luck with your move!

 

[dyna]

I have been a SAHM for 32 yrs never drew a paycheck in me life. When my older DD's was little in my area there was no such thing as play groups moms day out or anything. I survived maybe because stayin at home was all I knew.

Even now with the youngest being 18 just as sure as I plan to take a day out to myself something almost always happens that I can't go. When I go on spur of moment even then chances are someone has needed me for something.

Restaurants with the playground can be another source for finding playmates for the kids an friends for yourself, along with the play areas of mall an the park. Speaking of free play areas esp in winter I'd load my preschoolers up an we'd go to play area at mall I'd take a book to read an they played a couple hours in the play area rule was they had to stay on the carpet of play area or inside play area. They was able to get rid of lots of extra energy an I got to relax a bit an read.

The trick is when you see another child or family of kids playin at playground whether it an indoor or outdoor where ever strike up a conversation with mom if the kids seems to be compatible with yours if NOT let that one go. After talking with mom awhile offer to exchange numbers so you can plan to meet at playground again in the future. Once that works out a time or 2 invite her over for coffee while the kids play.

Join the local YMCA they have activites for all ages then also volunteer in the child care at the YMCA chances are you be able to take your little one with you an you might meet some other moms with kids this way too...

BORED at home all these years NEVER always something I need to do LONELY NOT TO OFTEN but then I used to being alone easily get overwhelmed in crowd of ppl.

 

[jodifla]

I had sort of the opposite experience. We moved and I was a SAHM for a year, but it really wasn't for me.

I really enjoy what I do though. It was a career, not a job. So I went to work again part time, and I'm glad I did. We use my money largely for the fun stuff. It keeps my skills fresh, and takes some of the pressure off my husband.

So, if you find the SAHM life is the perfect fit for you, there are other options as well besides going back full time.

 

[arielmomma]

Being a SAHM will be a big adjustment, but it is worth it. I never saw myself as a SAHM. I have always worked and gone to school and wanted a career and someday I will have one. My husband and I truly believe that staying home with our children is what is best at this time. I must admit, it took me some time, but I wouldn't change a thing. I love being there for every important moment in their little lives. They are the center of my life. Don't get me wrong, I have occasionally taught a semester a local college and I belong to some playgroups and organizations, but I can keep my children as my primary focus. Although being a SAHM isn't for everyone, it can be a wonderful opportunity.

 

[ncmomof2]

I became a SAHM seven years ago when I my first was born. Expect a little guilt at the beginning that you no longer bring in a paycheck. I did some babysitting in the first year to help get over that. Find other mom's that will help keep you sain. Find a MOPS group in your area, that was a big help to me. I met lots of nice moms that way. Also, find something for yourself that is rewarding to you. I scrapbook and sew. The scrapbooking is important to me because I am keeping family memories. And the sewing is rewarding because I can give someone something I created.

 

[halikatak]

I've been a SAHM for 6 months now. I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly! I went from being a zombie, to angry for always being a zombie, to happy that I can be here for my baby! I blame it all on lack of sleep!

My advice to you is enjoy yourself. Don't feel guilty about putting the baby in the swing so you can chill out for awhile. Try to get out of the house at least once a week - go to Target or the mall! Go to mommyandme.com and find local play groups!

Good luck! I love it and am glad that I am able to stay home.

 

[koolaidmoms]

I love being a SAHM. I am also able to do some work on the side too. Does you job allow you some flexible work that you may be able to do at home during naps or at night? I only work tax seasons as a tax preparer and I only take as much work as I want. This is really ideal for me. (Helps pay for WDW!)

Moms groups saved me when my children were young. I am still friends with many of them even though my baby started kindergarten this year. I found places to volunteer with my kids. I also did a mini-homeschool type schedule that worked for us. We would do "field trips" to zoos and museums, lessons in colors - we would all wear orange and eat orange foods all day or letters cut out letter C's and do C things or eat C foods. We had great fun and I miss it in many ways. I still do "Mommy school" on breaks and over summer vacation.

Have fun! It's the best job I have ever had and I am so glad I have been able to do it!

 

[tmccullough]

Been a SAHM since 1996... when my 2nd daughter was 3. Before that, I attended college full-time and after that, worked full-time. I too was worried what my day would be like and if I would lose myself in all of it. Well, I never looked back and absolutely never regret making that decision to be home. Since then, we added 2 more daughters to the equation. We now have one out on her own and 3 at home and I love every minute of it. They are all in school now and honestly, I still have had no desire to go back to work. When they were little, it was fun to take them to story time at the local library, take walks and collect colorful leaves to show daddy at the end of his work day, go to the park,etc. I honestly can say that I have LOVED every minute of it and in a paradoxical way, I discovered that I never lost myself... I only feel better as a person than when I worked full-time and left them with grandparents. I regret that I wasn't able to do as much with my oldest daughter because I worked... I've since apologized to her about it. Oh, and almost forgot, when DH & I both worked full-time we could NEVER afford Disney... we have since gone 5 times!!! Thanks Uncle Sam... nice tax break! HTH and trust me that you'll never regret being your kids' Mom... if you have a chance, listen to Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the radio or on her website.

 

[DRS_Are_Best]

I became a SAHM after returning to work after my twins were 6 months old. I had a 2.5 year old at the time as well. Day care was costing me $900+/week.

We had just bought a new house and were still settling in -- my transition back to work was much more complicated the second time (after the twins) than it was the 1st time (ds started day care at 4.5 months). We also don't have any (reliable) family in the area, so day care (or similar) was the only option if I was to work. But I was thinking, "well, after things settle down a bit, maybe I should think about being a SAHM". After I had that thought, it just took on a life of it's own, and a few days later, I put in my 2 weeks notice.

My feeling was, I tried it. I went back to work and it was no longer the right thing for me to be doing. Working was definitely the right thing to do after my older ds was born, but going from a family of 3 to a family of 5 (with all kids under the age of 2.5 [at the time]), it was no longer my best choice. I have no regrets -- and that means A LOT!!!!!

My suggestion to you is to contact MOMS Club International and see if they have a chapter in your area. This is a group of local SAHMs with kids of all ages and they have various activities during the day and evening for you and your kids. It's been a LIFESAVER for us -- we've joined playgroups, found new playgrounds we didn't know about (including our all time favorite one), and sometimes they get advance notice of upcoming events or exclusive opportunities at local kid gyms and the like. My local chapter also does a Moms Night Out once a month (I haven't been able to take advantage yet [nighttime is BAD in my house] but am looking forward to when things settle down enough that I can take advantage). MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) is another organization that people like, but I've never contacted them so I have no first hand experience.

If you are seriously thinking about it, I'm guessing you will probably go for it before long. Just be sure not to "burn any bridges" in the workplace so that if things don't work, you can't go back. It's a hard transition for everyone -- your kids as well as you -- but for us it was DEFINITELY the right thing to do!!!!!!

Good luck, either way!!!!!