A Tragic, Needless Death....

[DawnCt1]

I am going to type this out, and at the end, I will decide if I will hit "submit". We live in a small town. Everyone knows everyone. All of our kids knows a brother, a sister, or the "person" involved. It affects everyone. Three of my sons attended a funeral today. Two knew the person; either because he graduated a year or two before or a year or two after. One knew the oldest brother. Someone knew his sister. Everyone knew one of his friends. It was the worst day for all of them. All said they were speechless. They couldn't find words. They had a hard time even guessing what to say. The parents of course are devastated. No doubt, they will never recover. How his family can get past this, ever, is unfathomable. A 23 year old young man with a history of despression, decided in a very violent manner, to end his life. I am sickened. For those who think that suicide is a very personal decision. It isn't. It affects everyone that ever knew you, saw you, loved you, cared about you and would have been there for you if you have just let them know. I am posting this because there was a poll a week or two ago about this very subject. It is a crushing blow to those who you leave behind. They will always ask, "did I do enough?" "Is it my fault?" What if only?" There are no words to comfort the bereaved. There is nothing that can erase the visual memory of the family member that finds you. It is a pain that doesn't end.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I can't imagine the loneliness and dispair someone must feel in order to take their own life. I had an uncle who committed suicide and left behind 3 beautiful children.

 

[Inigo]

 

[clh2]

This is very sad.

My SIL's son from her first marrriage also ended his life - 20 years ago. The parents...just don't get over it...EVER.

 

[DawnCt1]

I can't imagine the loneliness and dispair someone must feel in order to take their own life. I had an uncle who committed suicide and left behind 3 beautiful children.

I am not always sure its just a matter of loneliness and despair. I think that it has to be anger that one turns towards themselves. It is murder, no matter how you look at it. I had a cousin who was only 19 when he committed suicide. His mother and father have long since passed away, but his siblings, who were only young children, not even teens, still ask themselves why they couldn't have "figured it out". He looked at family pictures the night before, told them he loved them, but they were children. They couldn't have known. It wasn't in their experience. They will always feel "responsible" although they shouldn't. It is such a selfish act. With young people, they haven't lived their lives long enough to know that things can get better. I understand that. But anyone who even thinks about it should think about the damage that it leaves in its wake. ss

 

[DawnCt1]

Thanks everyone for the hugs.

 

[Diva of Dragons]

It really is tragic. I feel so bad for anyone who has been affected by suicide.

I will say, as I did in the other thread....When I was clinically suicidal, many years ago, it was a compulsion. I had no desire to actually do myself in, or hurt myself in any way, even though I was critically depressed. I had NO control over the suicidal thoughts. I literally did not trust myself NOT to jump off a cliff.

In my case, it scared me and I told someone and was able to get help. Not everyone knows that can get the same help.

I'm not excusing it. I just hope that people will have as much compassion for the person in pain as the ones left behind.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I don't know anyone who has contemplated suicide who enjoyed it. Rarely do they make the choice to feel so low that there is no other option. They are completely overwhelming, the feelings of despair and hopelessness. If you can't understand that, talk to someone who has been there, or who has been close to others who have been there. I honestly can't understand how people can call it selfish...in most cases, the person sees no other way out. They would do ANYTHING to be happy and enjoy living. It's hard to explain unless you've been incredibly close to someone dealing with incredible depression.

I just don't see it as selfish. I see it as incredibly sad.

 

[Angelhalo]

For once....I agree with you Dawn. And, I am so sorry to hear of this loss for your town and for this person's family. Having worked in the funeral industry, I have seen families dealing with the aftermath of a suicide and it is always horrible.

 

[surfergirl602]

I am so sorry for your family's loss. Hugs to all those involved.

 

[jfoofj]

I'm sorry your family is going through this, and so sorry for the family of the young man who commited suicide. One of my brother's good friends shot and killed himself when he was 23. That was 11 years ago, and my brother still struggles with it. My brother was a pallbearer at the funeral along with 5 other good friends and that image of them carrying their friend's coffin still brings tears to my eyes. His mom found him, that poor woman, I don't know how she found the strength but she actually comforted all of her son's friends at the wake and funeral. I will never understand why people feel like they have to take their own lives, it is truly a horrific act. Please encourage your kids to talk to someone if they need to, it helped my brother a lot. Take care.

 

[Jess1965]

I am posting another a new name because of the personal nature. Unless you have been clinically depressed, it is hard to understand what it is like. You feel so hopeless, like you are in a black hole. I once did take an overdose of pills because I just wanted to end it all, didn't want to face everything anymore. It felt like something was making me do it, as someone else said, a compulsion. After I did it, I got scared and called for help and was taken to the hospital. It's easy to pass judgement and say it's selfish but unless you have been through it, you don't understand the hopelessness. When you are there, you just don't "think". Of course I'm not condoning it, you should get help before getting to that point. Today I'm healthy and am sorry I put my family through the ordeal. I'm just trying to say unless you have been there, don't pass judgement. It's a sickness.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I know from personal experience the toll suicide takes. However, I do not think anger should be directed at the person who took their life. Imagine the despair one must feel to take their life. There is nothing selfish about it.

 

[TwingleMum]

Dawn~ I understand your angst. Suicide is often very difficult to grasp especially when the person kills themself in a violent way and lets a family member "discover " them. You often think that the person who committed the act was a jerk or full of hate towards themselves or the other person. I have seen a kid hang themself in front of the front door so the 1st thing Mom or Dad sees is them hanging there. One kid video taped himself preparing, whistling the whole time making sure the camera angle was just so, another case the suicide note was so horrible and full of venom towards his loved one it got 'lost'. These are the cases that you often think to yourself why not just OD on sleeping pills in your car in a hospital parkinglot or somewhere the family doesn't have to look at and relive everyday. I'm sorry that your sons and town are dealing with this , it isn't easy.

 

[jfoofj]

I hope my response didn't come across as passing judgement, that wasn't my intention at all.... I was just expressing the fact that I didn't understand what suicidal people go through... I don't. I can't even imagine the depth of depression a person must feel, my heart goes out to anyone ever in that situation.

 

[FireDancer]

Sorry to hear about your situation Dawn. I worked in the funeral industry when I was putting myself through college so I saw a lot of suicides, even if I didn't know them personally. I agree with you on the selfishness of it. This is especially try when it is done in a public manner. When someone jumps off a building or in front of a train they are subjecting everyone that has to witness the suicide to their own personal horror.

When I was in 8th grade one if the kids that was a year ahead of me killed himself on Valentine's day because his girlfriend dumped him. I've been dumped, and while it is no fun I would see suicide as a bit of an over-reaction. I feel most sorry for the family and friends because while the person who killed themselves managed to end whatever pain he or she was in that person managed to move it all onto the people they love.

This subject is always very heated, and I don't mean to upset anyone who has had any first hand experience, it is just how I feel.

I find it all very tragic.

 

[TLSnell1981]

You must remember.. a person, who commits suicide, is not in a rational state of mind. Selfish? I used to think so. Now, I kind of believe they died from despair, hopelessness, fear... They think there is no other way...the pain is unbearable.

No person can fix another. You can not make a person get help. Those left behind are angry, hurt, sad... full of regrets. Grief counseling may offer some understanding, closure, peace...

You and your community are in my prayers. I'm so sorry ya'll are going through this.

 

[portocall]

As someone who found her father 15 years ago I can attest that you just don't ever get over it and the image never gets erased.

I am sorry Dawn, for the grief that your town and the family is feeling right now.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

Dawn,

I am so very sorry to hear of this loss. I unfortunately have known a few family and friends that have taken their lives. I was young for a few of them and to this day I still don't understand.

This past Weds. a young man in our town took his life as well, too young 19 years old. From what we have "heard" he came out to his parents and then that evening took his life.

My sister and several of her friends went to highschool with him and are just devestated. I feel for your kids Dawn, I know this must be very hard for them.

 

[Amelia Peabody]

As stated by others, if the person is able to realize the pain and suffering they will cause, they are probably not going to kill themselves. If however, ALL they are ABLE to see/feel is their own pain, there is a very good chance that they will attempt and possibly succeed in getting away from the pain. It is a physical presence pressing on you from all sides - in essence, preventing you from functioning as a rational being.

This is why I tell people to seek a professional to talk to when there is something going on in their lives even when it's "small". Not that I want company, but they can recognize the signs and perhaps redirect those intrusive thoughts to a more healthy direction. If it is disturbing your thought patterns, it's worth mentioning to your PCP. They can direct you to the proper person all in a non-judgmental way.

Therapy has such a skewed image. Too tired to explain what I mean - hope you all get it.