A step program for those thinking of having kids

[PaMom001]

Hey, the worst I've had so far [knock on wood] is an emptied TUB of Vaseline smeared all over DS, his clothes, his bed... his toys... all while I was asleep and DH was in charge. DD hasn't been destructive [yet].

 

[southern_redhead]

Ah, yes, I'd have to agree with step 12. DS11 was very attached to me (being my first baby and all I took him EVERYWHERE) and would sit outside the bathroom door HOWLING while I took a shower. I have never showered so fast in all my life, and forget taking a relaxing bath LOL

And, I agree with the PP about "I'm DONE!!" It was a running joke in our family that my youngest would ALWAYS have to poop as soon as we sat down to dinner.

How about training for a preschooler that can't fall asleep all alone...Lie down, tell yourself you'll stay awake until you hear them snoring, fall asleep and wake up in the morning (check all that apply):
A) panicked that you've overslept
B) with a kink in your neck and a crick in your back from being contorted in a twin bed with a sleeping child
C) with an angry husband who had to sleep alone
D) with drool in your hair (that your seriously hope came from the sleeping child)

 

[LIDisneyFan]

Things are truly funny when they're based in truth.

btw-I have 2 goats if anyone needs to borrow them (mine are past that stage).

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

And the most favorite part about being a mom:

Step 13: Visit with your sick friends when they have a stomach bug. Change their clothes, wipe their forward and be quick with your hands when they go to hurl. You must catch all or a portion of it in your hands, shirt or whatever available body part! Then you must clean both of you up, comfort the crying friend and NOT get sick on top of it!

I knew I was truly a mom when I caught my first vomit with my shirt thinking "Oh please don't hit the carpet!"

 

[lilianddomsmom]

STEP 12: Have someone either become your "go to the bathroom" buddy or stand out side the bathroom door knocking continuously.

don't forget the mommy what are you doing? mommy why did you lock the door? can i come in mommy?

 

[tink20]

how about poop? you need a tape recording of someone yelling "WIPE ME!", or "I'M DONE!" or something to that affect - at least a few times a day. OH, and yes, start learning to go to the bathroom yourself w/ either the door always open, or an audience, or a sick child ON your lap while you're doing your thing.

thanks for posting the original - good laugh!!!

Your post made me think of my worst moment: DD was potty training, I ran in Walmart to return an item, all I brought in was DD, the item and my keys. We are in the return line, DD poops in her undies, then sits on the floor, poop gets all over the floor. I had no wallet, and no help...I was so embrassed. I went to the bathroom, cleaned her up as best as possible, threw away her undies and wrapped the shorts and DD up in the Walmart paper towels (they come out of the dispender long, thank goodness) I told DD this story recently and she just laughed and laughed. I can laugh now, too!

 

[IdesOmarch]

This is a little out of date. YOu have to learn the names of Sponge Bob and his buddies, Patrick, Gary, Squidward etc., and Wonder Pets (you will need to know how to sing the theme song) Max & Ruby, Dora, Diego, and Kiah-Lam.

 

[pearlieq]

Thanks for reminding me to pick up my pill refill today!