A sincere THANK YOU!

[GoofieRuthie]

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over
the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed,
and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue
on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I
need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their
cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive nor send packages by UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within
five minutes.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates is sending me for
participating in his special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor!


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will
us your head for target practice at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon.
(I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of
my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician.)

Merry Christmas.....Happy New Year.



I think we've all had one or more of these sent to us. I mean, I couldn't let that pigeon get me!!!

 

[Dan Murphy]

And Merry Christmas.

 

[inaminute]

I've sent it to all of my 144,000 closest friends. I want to keep that damned pigeon away from me!

 

[Albertan mom]

And a happy New Year!!

 

[GoofieRuthie]

And Happy Holidays.......