A personal question about DH......

[momx2]

I don't usually post here and I have never posted something so personal. But, I feel I have no one to talk to. I am married with 2 DDs. I have been married 10 yrs. About 6 months ago, I realized that my DH had not said my name in a long while. I waited and waited and he never said my name. Finally, I asked him about it. He said that he realized that he hadn't in awhile. But he didn't want to draw attention to it, so he just decided not to say it at all. A huge arguement ensued and he promised the earth, moon and stars to change (we obviously have other problems not mentioned here) again, but guess what all these months later and he still won't say my name. I at a loss....... Any ideas???

 

[pearlieq]

I'm not sure I get it. Is "say my name" a euphamism for something I'm too dense to get?

Assuming it's not, that is kind of strange. I can't imaging what the deal is with that. I hope you two can work things out.

 

[Deb in IA]

How does he address you when he's talking to you?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would focus on the problems that are more pressing. Sometimes everything mounds up and you tend to zero in on things that are less scary to figure out.
I guess what I am saying it is a symptom of your issues not "the issue".

 

[Jennifer S]

What does he call you then?

 

[momx2]

No, you got, he doesn't say my name at all. To address me he just starts talking. But won't say my name

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I do not get it either....when he wants your attention, how does he get it??

Please do not say "Hey You." Something is not right here especially since he said he knows he has not called you by your name in a very long time....either that or I am missing something..

I see that you answered after I posted the above. Is it just the not using your given name the problem or are there other issues as well?

 

[mtblujeans]

My DH only says my name when he is unhappy with me so I dread hearing my name come from his lips!

 

[bananiem]

Edited after I read the post that explained a little more.
I think it's just a symptom of the other problems.

 

[Freyja]

I´m afraid I don´t wuite understand the situation and therefore not the problem. Have you asked him why he doesn´t say your name?

 

[momx2]

I guess what I am saying it is a symptom of your issues not "the issue".

Oh yes, we have other problems and have since forever. He has huge intimancy problems. Yes, I do believe this is a symptom of larger issues. But it is kinda my final straw in a way, because I feel like he is trying to make me a zero, like I don't exist. That's just the way I feel, he denies it of course. Truthfully, he is a wonderful father who is adored by our daughters, otherwise I would have been gone years ago. My DDs would blame me if I left and I can't take that.

 

[tialucy]

There must be more to it than him not saying your name.

 

[polyfan]

My husband never says my name- he usually says honey, in fact it is weird the few times that I have heard him say it.

 

[momx2]

No, there is no "honey" or "hey you" he just starts talking if he has something to say to me.

 

[zippeedee]

I'm not married, but I live with my best friend (well, until Saturday when he moves to CA). We really love each other in a friend way if that makes any sense. He and I had a long weird stretch where we never said each others names either. It actually still kind of startles me when he does call me by name.
I don't know if I can explain it, but it is sort of like over-familiarity. The longer you don't say it, the harder it is to start using it. I sometimes resort to the Edina from AB-Fab "sweetie-darling" that she used because she could never remember her daughters name, just to be goofy.
I obviously don't know what your other problems are, but I wouldn't read too much into the name thing, really!
Patti

 

[momx2]

I obviously don't know what your other problems are, but I wouldn't read too much into the name thing, really!
Patti

Maybe your right. He did say it made him feel weird to say it because it had been so long. Maybe there's nothing to it.

 

[disneymom3]

I'm not sure I get it. Is "say my name" a euphamism for something I'm too dense to get?.

It's a new code! Didn't you get the memo????


My DH doesn't call me by name all that much either. In fact I am not sure I remember him saying my name in a long time. He usually does it when he is very serious--like apologizing or something. I know he called me by name when he proposed! The thing I find odd is this whole "it's been too long and now it feels strange to say it" thing. that just sounds off to me.

 

[Microcell]

No, you got, he doesn't say my name at all. To address me he just starts talking. But won't say my name

My Dh refers to me as mom to the kids and my wife to anyone else. The only time he uses my name is calling to me to get my attention if I am in another room. He just starts talking if I am there or answer the phone and he knows its me. Never thought anything of it.

Why do you care? Is he talking to you? Might just be his speech pattern.


I had a friend that didn't care for a coworker because when she was at a different location and would call to give info we needed, she would not say Hi but she would cut us off because we had to say a mouthful and in my opinion she just wanted to save us the trouble. The friend thought it was impolite. I thought it was helpful. I think it is how you look at it.

 

[Microcell]

Maybe your right. He did say it made him feel weird to say it because it had been so long. Maybe there's nothing to it.

I wonder, do you have kids? I feel strange myself addressing my DH by his name because with a 7 and 3 year old he has become "dad" to me (meaning thier dad, of course)

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Now you have me thinking......after 36 years of marriage, does he call me by name. Actually he uses a term of endearment he has used for years or he says Honey.....hey I am lucky we still talk after that many years...

Maybe others are right, if everything is ok in your marriage...what is in a name??? If he is good to you, good to the children...and talks to you, everything is probably ok..