A new amusement park coming to Orlando...Oliver Stoneland!

BarryHom

DIS Legend
Joined
Aug 20, 1999
Messages
14,159
We have discovered a new amusement park being built in Orlando. It will be located on the Lockheed Martin property that Universal Orlando sold a few months ago…


He showed you conspiracy in “JFK.” Rebellion in “The Doors.” Greed in “Wall Street.” The agony of war in “Platoon” and more agony of war in “Born on the 4th of July.” This summer, witness his latest creation…

It’s Oliver Stoneland!

We interviewed Oliver Stone at the future site of Oliver Stoneland.

“It’s my own amusement park. Let me be the host as I usher you through reality…my reality. A magical place, where the objective is not to escape, but to confront,” Stone said.

Stone showed us a mock-up of a future ride. Stone said, “Inspired by hit movie ‘The Doors’ is a feverishly psychotic maze called Mr. Morrison’s Wild Ride. It’s an enhanced trip through depression, self-delusion, and crazed egomania. You will feel the fire that is Morrison. The height requirement is 40 inches, but we let people shorter than that ride anyway. At Oliver Stoneland, we question authority. Each bathtub fits a family of four, but beware, this ride may remove your will to live. Morrison was the lifeblood of a generation that was sucked down the bathtub drain of the apathetic 70’s and into the materialistic cesspool of the next decade, but the ride’s a gas.”

Stone showed us a model of the future amusement park. “If you’re into communications, why not try Talk Radio Town, where you and your family can broadcast your own radio show and get killed afterwards,” said Stone.

Stone talked about some of the shows. “If it’s musical merriment you want, don’t miss Platunes, a rabble-rousing salute to a war we’ve never stopped fighting, as performed by the Combat Rollers. And with show-stopping numbers like ‘Viet-Wow!” who’s gonna protest? The Combat Rollers are true professionals. They’re cynical, angry, fed-up, and great skaters. I was very lucky to find them,” explained Stone.

Then Stone showed us the entrance of the park. Stone said, “Start your day out at Main Street 1964, where the American dream died just after Kennedy did. While you’re at the park, be sure to take a trip down Little Wall Street, where you have to avoid the falling stockbrokers. Where’s Charlie Sheen when you need him?”

Stone showed us another ride. Stone said, “If you’re in a really adventurous mood, why not give the Born on the 4th of July Bumper Wheelchairs a go around? It’s 90 solid seconds of clanking metal and bitter regret. I believe that you need to ride it a number of times to fully feel the frustration and anguish of the Vietnam vet!”

Stone shows us the model of the park again. “If you’re in a different mood, try Late ‘60s Land, where the atmosphere is bitter and discontented, but the salad bar is all you can eat,” explained Stone.

Stone showed us future plans. “Coming in the future, experience the wonders of the Hall of Conspiracies, where every hour on the hour, I will expose the fabrications of the government with animatronic robots. Sure, they’re only robots, but aren’t we puppets tied to the strings of corruption?” said Stone.

Stone continued, “Future expansion plans include a roller coaster, manufactured by the famous coaster manufacturers, Intamin. This coaster will be based on my hit movie ‘Natural Born Killers.’ Experience rage, fame, gratuitous violence, and have your picture taken on the ride for a quality souvenir.”

Stone concluded, “On your way out, you’ll be able to visit and have your picture taken with Oscar, one of our highly coveted pals. So come and enjoy the distortion of reality that is…Oliver Stoneland!”


Oliver Stoneland is set to open in the summer of 2006. Celebrities tentatively invited to participate in the opening are Ben Stiller and Robb and Elissa Alvey.



By the way, remember what today is! :jester:
 
*LOL*

The minute I read "built on the land that Universal sold" I KNEW it was a trick!!!

NO WAY would Universal ever sell a morsal of their land!:teeth:
 
LOL! Funny article Barry. Thanks for sharing.
 

If you want to see Oliver Stoneland, you can get "The Ben Stiller Show" on DVD. It's 13 episodes for $19.99...you can't get the Sorparnos for that! :)
 














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