A "Kitchen Pass"

[Mermaid02]

Do you "control" what your husband does on the weekends? My dh and his friends call having weekend plans (for themselves) getting a kitchen pass from the wife. Things like, going to a buddy's to work on the car or going hunting (during the season of course) or something like that- Man Time in other words. I do not really care what my dh does on the weekends. My husband is an adult who can do as he pleases. Sometimes we need to figure out who will be where for childcare but other than that it's all good. My dh's brother wanted him to do something Saturday as he got a "kitchen pass" but we have plans with my family. Mind you- we RARELY have plans with my family. Any other weekend in the foreseeable future and it would be no problem. I guess I feel kind of bad- but we already rsvp'd to this party and it's for an elderly relative who we both love and respect A LOT!

 

[Pumbaa_]

no, i married an adult who doesn't need a pass from mommy, i mean his wife to do things

the man i married can do what he wants when he wants. Then again,he would never shirk his responsibilities or be irresponsible either

 

[Mermaid02]

no, i married an adult who doesn't need a pass from mommy, i mean his wife to do things

the man i married can do what he wants when he wants. Then again,he would never shirk his responsibilities or be irresponsible either

I agree. But I don't think spending a Saturday afternoon with his buddies is shirking responsibilities. I think Moms and Dads both need to spend time with their friends.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't like the term at all, it implies that a guy isn't as dedicated to his family as the wife. Also that he is getting out of a unwelcome task. My attitude has always been, you're welcome as long as you want to be here but if not, you know where the door is, I'm no ball and chain. I don't tell my DH what to do. I'm not his mother and don't want to act like her. I do demand respect, as in tell me your plans first and make sure it isn't disruptive to our family. I do demand he put our kids first. But since he does both I never say boo.

 

[happygirl]

Me and my hubby both discuss our plans first befor e doing anything. I don't care what my hubby does and vice versa. We just want to make sure we are on the same pages

 

[MIGrandma]

DH and I do not control what each other does. I'm not his Mommy and he's not my Daddy.

DH goes hunting sometimes, or to NASCAR races (some are 4-day trips) or even just an afternoon of wandering around in a sporting goods store without me there harping at him "are you done yet?"

I do things with friends (overnight B&B's), or with my Mom or DD. Mom and I have taken trips together without DH. I don't have to "ask" his permission.

We take trips and do stuff together a lot, but it's nice to each be able to take some time for ourselves and do things without each other as well.

I don't want a "joined at the hip" marriage. We both enjoy our own space sometimes.

 

[Becky2005]

Considering I had never even heard the term "kitchen pass" - it apparently doesn't apply here. We will check in with each other just to make sure we aren't both leaving and say no one is home with the 6 year old, that would be bad.

If I have something really important to do, I tell him to not schedule anything on that day but otherwise, he's free to go hang out if he wanted to.

Then again, I have no problems leaving him either to go do whatever I want on the weekends either.

 

[wdwfan16]

We are both adults and make our own decisions. We both like spending time together and do so most weekends. We also do what we want on our own too. Easter weekend is big family time oin our family and is again this year.

Another who has never heard the term "kitchen pass".

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Kicthen pass is a well know term we military wives know
I don't care what dh does. I do like doing family thing and spending time with him BUT he makes more out of a kitchen pass thing then I do

 

[ZephyrHawk]

DH isn't really into "man only" things. If he wanted to go out with "the boys" I doubt I'd make him run it by me, but then I can't really imagine him wanting to spend much time without his best friend.

 

[klacey1]

DBF has a very close-knit group of friends that he sees all the time, but they mostly come over to our place. When they do go out, he just tells me when he's going out. I would NEVER expect him to "ask" my for permission!

 

[Chelley00]

We ask for each other for "permission?" (to use that word lightly) to go do something, but basically as a means to make sure the other one doesn't mind the responsibility of the kids for that time while the other is gone. We've found it just seems a little more nice than just saying "I'm leaving" and expecting the other to cover the childcare duty.

However, it works both ways, not just him asking me if he can go somewhere.

 

[Piecey]

We don't "ask" permission but we let the other one know what we're up to. Generally we'll remind each other if there is something conflicting and we'll try to work it out, but that is as close to "permission" as we give each other.

 

[remyandhollandsmommy]

I've heard of the term lol. DH and I do consult each other before making outside plans aka at our house as "play dates" but like others said its mainly due to having young children who require care lol. Plus we both have tons going on at any given time with said kids and other stuff as well as only one car so we like to make sure neither of us "forgot" if we were going to do something else.

Like this Sat, DH is getting a tattoo while I have plans with our girls to go shopping. His friend from out of town called this afternoon to request a "play date" with DH while he was in town. DH who has no concept of holidays (he says thats MY job lol) almost told him to come hang out on Sunday..I was like, that's Easter and we won't be home since we are going to YOUR mom's lol..so now they are hanging out at the tattoo shop on Sat which they both liked better anyways lol.

I will admit though that both DH and I tend to be joined at the hip...not because we "have" to be, but we really are best friends and would rather do fam things or hang out together than have "play dates" with our friends lol..

 

[Christine]

I think most considerate married couples ask each other "permission" to go somewhere just as a courtesy. To me, that does not define a Kitchen Pass. I do know of some married couples where going out separately is NOT allowed and is frowned upon. Maybe once a year they let it happen and it's some sort of big deal. THAT'S a kitchen pass.

I knew someone once that married very young and when I asked her to do stuff, she had a hard time with it because she felt that once you are married you should never do anything apart and everything should be done together. If something was done apart, then they felt something was wrong with the marriage.

 

[HunnyPots]

I've never heard the term. I actually encourage my husband to get out and do something fun whenever he has the chance. He works hard all week in a high stress job and needs some recreation - believe me, it's good for all of us! He usually asks if we have anything going on before he commits, but even if he doesn't, it's no big deal.

 

[golfgal]

I have never heard "kitchen pass" either. Dh will usually golf on weekends but then again, I am usually with him so it doesn't matter . When the kids were smaller he would go golf with the guys in the morning and the wives would go out in the afternoon so that worked well too. We usually just check in with each other to see if we have something going on but with so much kid stuff happening we don't have many totally free weekends either, which is fine because we like going to the kid stuff.

 

[shortbun]

We have nothing resembling that in our circle of friends or our marriage. I see you rejecting it and I think it's best your husband stop using the phrase around you. It's juvenile and it creates an adversarial relationship between spouses.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I have never heard of such a thing.


We don't have kids, so there's one less worry. We do plan things together and apart and sometimes we check with each other in case memory claims one promised event over another...

And sometimes we plan full weekends both together and separate from each other.

 

[Jennasis]

Never heard the term, but it sounds stupid. DH and I always inform each other of our goings on. Nobody needs a "pass" of any kind.