A cockroach biting my butt.... The End 7/21 #285

[whogirl'smom]

You've got me laughing so hard envisioning all those nasty winners invading your castle! Are the women screaming and flailing their arms b/c they're fighting over a piece of fudge?

Don't do this to us!!!!You come back here right now and finish this episode!!!!

 

[Ellasgirls]

We know you are here more than you post Mrs. Mr the King! Why were the arms flailing, Did you get the fudge, Was a fight broken up by Mr. The King WITH the kids on top of his shoulders....oh the questions! Maybe we will know the answers before I go to Disney in August (jk). You are hilarious and that is why you now have us as your groupies! Hail to Mrs. Mr. the King!

 

[Chris]

Oh now that is just mean! You make me wait forever and then leave me hanging again!! LOL!!!!
I'm thinking snake but I know I'm wrong! If it were me, it would be any type of insect and I'm screaming like a baby!

 

[Mr._The_King]

Oh now that is just mean! You make me wait forever and then leave me hanging again!! LOL!!!!
I'm thinking snake but I know I'm wrong! If it were me, it would be any type of insect and I'm screaming like a baby!

You are leaving in 13 days!! You lucky duck. I will have to finish this sucker before you leave Are you taking a trip report notebook?

 

[Mr._The_King]

We know you are here more than you post Mrs. Mr the King! Why were the arms flailing, Did you get the fudge, Was a fight broken up by Mr. The King WITH the kids on top of his shoulders....oh the questions! Maybe we will here before I go to Disney in August (jk). You are hilarious and that is why you now have us as your groupies! Hail to Mrs. Mr. the King!

I can tell you this...I will always get the fudge Girl, take me with you! I want to go in August. I don't want to finish it It is like leaving Disney all over. Why don't I live in Fla? It is all Mr. the King's fault. Can we count on you for a trip report?

 

[myrsfmly]

The unfairness of it all!! I can not handle the suspense! Evil I say!!

 

[WDW Fan]

You can't leave us hanging like that!!! Come back...

 

[moosemom]

Cruella!!!!

 

[Ellasgirls]

I can tell you this...I will always get the fudge Girl, take me with you! I want to go in August. I don't want to finish it It is like leaving Disney all over. Why don't I live in Fla? It is all Mr. the King's fault. Can we count on you for a trip report?

I started a pre-trip report but only 1 person looked at it .... it is just not up to the standards SOME PEOPLE have set here! I will try to do a trip report since we were in the free upgrade to OKW. Talk Mr. The King into going in August....FREE FOOODDDD....FREE FOOODDDDD....ALL THE CHICKEN YOU CAN EAT (and I bet FUDGE is on the snack list ). Please let us know soon why people were attacking the innocent Kings at the Happiest Place on Earth!

 

[Chris]

You are leaving in 13 days!! You lucky duck. I will have to finish this sucker before you leave Are you taking a trip report notebook?

I might just have to do that!! I've never done a trip report but it wont be nearly as good as yours!!

 

[square pond]

OH MY GOD!!!! This is the bestest, most funniest trip report I have EVER read!! You guys need your own t.v. show!!! I would watch every week!!! I am dying to read more!!! Pleas post quick I don't know how long I can wait for your next installment!!

 

[KimmyDisneyNerd]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME??? I must hear more. I saved this latest installment for me to read at home (not work) and now I'm just left hanging on the edge....
Please come back soon K?

 

[Mr._The_King]

This is absolutely amazing! I can't stop laughing !

Keep up the great work, I can't wait for more.

Thank you so much and please keep reading!!

Glad you had fun - now come back and tell me more! It's monday and I need a laugh - this is hands down the funniest trip report I have ever had the pleasure to snort diet coke through my nose at - you should really write for a living - kudos to you!

I am so glad you laughed!! And now I want a coke.(before it is snorted)

You've got me laughing so hard envisioning all those nasty winners invading your castle! Are the women screaming and flailing their arms b/c they're fighting over a piece of fudge?

Don't do this to us!!!!You come back here right now and finish this episode!!!!

Now fighing over fudge would be an acceptable reason. They would be amatuer fudge eaters of course. An expert like me has a more mission impossible/ninja stlye. I also bring my own theme music.

LOL!! Ok, you've got me hooked, subscribing.

Happy Subber dance

The unfairness of it all!! I can not handle the suspense! Evil I say!!

That is exactly what I was thinking before my colonoscopy!!!

You can't leave us hanging like that!!! Come back...

I am coming for sure

Cruella!!!!

I started a pre-trip report but only 1 person looked at it .... it is just not up to the standards SOME PEOPLE have set here! I will try to do a trip report since we were in the free upgrade to OKW. Talk Mr. The King into going in August....FREE FOOODDDD....FREE FOOODDDDD....ALL THE CHICKEN YOU CAN EAT (and I bet FUDGE is on the snack list ). Please let us know soon why people were attacking the innocent Kings at the Happiest Place on Earth!

Innocent is a loaded word You have me hooked with free Fudge and Mr. the King does love chicken, I will just bring a toothpick. I would read your trip report!!A lot.

I might just have to do that!! I've never done a trip report but it wont be nearly as good as yours!!

Please do it! I will be there to read it!!

OH MY GOD!!!! This is the bestest, most funniest trip report I have EVER read!! You guys need your own t.v. show!!! I would watch every week!!! I am dying to read more!!! Pleas post quick I don't know how long I can wait for your next installment!!

Seeing the Jiggler in living color is not for the faint of heart. HBO would probably show it, they will show anything. Thank you so much for reading and posting

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME??? I must hear more. I saved this latest installment for me to read at home (not work) and now I'm just left hanging on the edge....
Please come back soon K?

Kimmy!! I did this just to tourture you. I have the next chapter knocking around in my meager brain. Thank you so much for hanging with this crazy report!!

 

[square pond]

It seems there are many of us who are just dying to read more of your sidesplitting and at the same time.... on the edge of our seat gripping trip report.....so I think I speak for us all when I say we hope you get your "Jiggler" back here fast and keep us rolling on the floor!!!

 

[EeyoreLuvr07]

I can't take the suspense. These cliffhangers are killing me. It's like watching a season of 24...you must finish the story.

 

[castawaymam]

You get us hooked and wanting more...........but even with all of our whining we can't get enough of you TR.

 

[tigger536]

Just found this TR! Terrific! I was laughing my jiggler off! You have such a great writing style! More please!

 

[chaoscent]

I have never written a trip report. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why someone would give a hoot about my trip. Plus, writing doesn't come easy for me. I can do scholarly writing (I finished a disseration so I have some writing skills ) but not funny, creative writing. However, your report has inspired me. I am officially take a notebook with me to the world in Sept and promise to write a mini trip report. better yet. I will write it and send it to you and you can polish it up and post it. Thanks for the laughs. I am really enjoying your writing.
Penny

 

[Mr._The_King]

A woman begins screaming, another joins her. They are staggering through the crowd, right toward us. I am about to hand PS from my shoulders to Mr. The King’s arms, so I can help, figuring that they are injured or in distress. Then I notice that their arms are flailing. It looks like they are fighting. They are headed right for the Kings screaming and sobbing….


As the women draw closer…I find myself day dreaming about pool experiences . Well, not really, but how else will I work in a pool flashback?

Flashback* * *

During our August 2006 trip we claimed the Pop Century Hippy Dippy as our pool of choice. There is a phenomenon during Disney vacations. There is an “us” and ‘them” mentality. The grizzled guests that have been there a while and the fresh crop of park newbies. You come in as a fresh crop, likely to be horrified by the guests who have been in the boiler room August heat, who have become park warriors, Especially if you decide to have a leisurely soak in the pool before you go to any parks. You stuff a pristine jiggler in a swimsuit and give the girls a little fluff. You add your sunglasses, flip flops and sarong. Your fake tan is in place (it only looks like serious bruising in some places) you take your immaculate family down to the pool; edge gently in like baby deer . Ahhh, heaven. “Look at the play dough giraffe and elephant, see the finger prints?” We all raise a distasteful Grand Floridian type eyebrow at the sweaty, purple, panting guests straight from Animal Kingdom’s humid nightmare diving straight into the pool . Luckily, the heat and exhaustion gets to all of us, and in next to no time, we are sweaty warriors, scaring the newbies with our raccoon inspired sunburns, blistered feet and chaffed thighs . We dunk our steaming selves in the pool, talking loudly about bowel movements.

During that same visit Mr. The King and I had a special night out at Coronado Springs, leaving the kids with the grandparents. In the morning, they came over to enjoy the pool with us. The water slide and fantastic pyramid seemed like a great bunch of fun for the little Kinglettes. As we arrive the pool is surprisingly, empty. All guests are instead choosing to wait in lounges on the super sweltering pool deck. Mrs. The King and Grandma get all excited, we love empty pools! Lucky us! Grandpa and Mr. The King do not see the empty pool as a good thing. They have this ridiculous thing they like to use called “common sense”. It is really annoying to those of us who expect miracles daily . The life guards are making themselves scarce, so the boys go off to find out the official reason for the lack of marinating sweatballs (o.k.….guests) in the pool.

Grandma and I get to talking to a lady in a nearby lounge who has a young daughter. We are big talkers and can get a story out of anybody. The woman told us that her daughter had spotted a turd in the pool. Scarier still, the little girl is some sort of turd spotting expert because, where she went to summer camp, turd spotting and pool evacuation happened daily (She may have even gotten a merit badge in it). We made polite conversation, but we were wondering in our head why the girl was sent to the big toilet camp. Poor little thing. Needless to say, Grandma and I are dreaming up the various diseases you can get from pooped in pools. Salmonella? West Nile Virus? Cataracts? Don’t pools shut down for days after this type of situation? The boys are back. According to the Life Guards they were “Checking the Levels” Levels of what we wonder? Poop? Every stray leaf is looking suspicious, but the little expert is staying quiet, so we think there has only been one single turd violation. Grandma goes to speak to the Life Guards. She is on to them and their secret sun burnt language. “Checking the Levels” is code for “Dookie in the Pool ”. By now, if you have read this far, you know The Kings had great fun with this information. Musing, while we waited for Grandma –
“Geeze, I hope at least it was a baby”.

This comment then took us to the bad place. What if it wasn’t a baby??? Worse still what if it was a full grown man…

“Be on the look out for any adult that comes to the pool with a newspaper and a roll of t.p.”

If you were at the pool at that time you could recognize us as the group screaming laughing trying to hold themselves up on lounge chairs .

Grandma came back. She, who feels straight bleach is the only way to clean any thing (including all clothing white or dark), was satisfied with the answer from the Life Guards, and clears her grandkids for a swim in the toilet, I mean Moderate priced pool. We went in. And kept an eye on the turdometer girl. When she got out, we got out.

Ahh, pools. We love a good pool. The Kings were overjoyed at the invention of the Intex pool. The luxury of a pool for the price of a really large water balloon. It is our Hillbilly heaven. We have a really small one, but we have really big fun in it. My kids learned to swim underwater in that gizmo, and it cools the Jiggler down. Actually, I think it’s having to see the Jiggler on a daily basis that has inspired my neighbors to purchase very expensive privacy trees. Why not a fence you ask? Well if they had a fence then their dog wouldn’t be able to poop on my lawn. There we are with the poop again. I hope this isn’t my “theme” this chapter (or for my entire report… or life). Seems like it is though . Well we recently returned from a vacation to visit my in laws. Our Intex pool was now our Intex pond. We had run out of chlorine. As we all jump in I am brought back, by the smell, to the Lake of my childhood. We had a tippy dock and my friends and I were always on it when the ice cream truck rolled into the parking lot. We would sprint like Olympic swimmers and make it to the beach in time. I understand now, that the ice cream man needed us to make money, and was likely to wait. But, the worst part of the lake, was a sweet, giant German Shepard that liked to poop in the kiddie area (here we go again folks) And we learned to swim around the accidents. Hhmmm. Weren’t mom and I condemning another mother for letting her girl swim with poop? Mom? People in glass houses! (shouldn’t throw turds) Well, my fabulous pool should not look and smell like the lake. So I bought some shock for it. I put in a small reasonable amount. I was not pleased with the results. In goes half the bag. I was so delighted, clapping at my pristine water balloon. I proudly show Mr. The King what I have done.

Him: That is a real powerful smell coming from the pool, where is the bag?
Me: I hand him the half that is left.
Him: You put in enough shock for a 6000 gallon pool
Me: vacant happy look.
Him: Our pool is 600 gallons
This part gets past the blond, soaks in to the very small part of my brain that makes reasonable choices.
OOpps.
We are waiting to see if it eats through the liner. Fingers crossed.

End flashback* * *

Where was I? Oh that is right! The Kings were in the dark in danger!!!

Standing in the dark with my loved ones, I felt fear. If this situation gets big and more people are involved in the fight, it will be very hard to maneuver the family to a safe place. If panic sets in, anything could happen. I keep my eyes on the woman while holding PS. I can make sense of some of what they are screaming.
“Get her out!”
“We need to get out of here right now”
There is absolute terror in the one woman’s voice and the other is just screaming. They are almost in front of us. A tall gentleman standing with his family next to us grabs them with both hands.
“Stop, get away from her, let go”
The screaming woman bursts out in complete terror “NO don’t, we have to get out”
He physically pulls them apart.
“What is wrong” He says in a calm firm voice. He steps between them.
The screaming woman manages to say “She hurt her arm”
“Everyone open their cell phones, I need some light.”
Everyone holds their phones open. He sends someone for a cast member. The woman has a laceration. And both are soon whisked away. The man resumes watching the parade.
I never did get to thank him, because the parade ended soon after. From his quick reaction, I would guess he is a police man or more likey, a CIA agent. He prevented a panic. I have no idea if the women were drunk, or just overreacting. But it was scary. So thank you tall, quick thinking dude. All of us on the bridge really appreciated your leadership at that bizarre moment.

Then the lights go up. And the smoosh is on. We backtrack and find our naked double stroller. The crowd headed towards Main Street is shoulder to shoulder. We decide to go for it, just walk with everyone. Our sneaky plan of escape has failed. We must wait with everyone else (or so we think). After assessing the situation. The Kings decide to cram both kids in the double stroller, It was such a tight swarm of moving people I was afraid we would loose one in the swarm. I walked directly in front and Mr. The King pushed the stroller carefully. The bridge was chaos, no pattern of traffic. We lock eyes, getting out is going to be sucktastic.

P.S. I figured out how to put more pics, but they are not great. I added a few throught the report.

 

[whogirl'smom]

HA! I am first! The poop stories were just too, too funny! Last year at our city pool, DD was having swimming lessons when suddenly the pool was cleared out and you guessed it, it was poo in the pool. Here's the worst part--it was not from the 3 ft. end with the 4 and 5 year olds--it was where the middle schoolers were in the deeper end! They just poured 12 gallons of Clorox in and said you would have to wait 30 minutes to get back into the pool; uh, no thanks, we'll just wait till the next day so DD doesn't go blind from the Clorox. (Your mom would be so proud!)

The other part I found so funny, and for no particular reason was "hold your cell phones open, we need some light" . I'm still chuckling! Gone are the days when everybody had a lighter in their back pocket..

Ok, on with the show!!