6 year old apprehensive - not excited

[ancestry]

Has any one else had an experience with one of their younger children not being overly excited about going to Walt Disney World? If so, how did you handle it? Do you do anything to get them to be less apprehensive and more excited?

Background: Next month DH and I are taking our youngest two children -- 6 year old twins, one boy and one girl -- to WDW. This will be our first family vacation together since the twins were born (DH and I have older children from our previous marriages but they are not coming with us). My 6 year old son tends to be very apprehensive of new situations. He does not like change, doesn't particularly like being in new situations or being around people he doesn't know. He is the exact opposite of his twin sister (and the rest of my children) and is very much an introvert. He prefers being by himself and becomes easily "drained" when he is around a lot of other people. He father is very much the same way, but as an adult my husband has learned to handle things better.

Anyways I thought my son was handling the trip planning and conversations very well and seemed to be excited about the trip so far. However, this morning his sister informed me that he doesn't want to go on the trip. I asked him about it and he said that she was right. He wouldn't give me anymore information as to why. I know it is because he is always very apprehensive of new situations and new experiences. He will literally make himself sick worrying about things that are new to him.

I've done everything I can think of to prepare him on what to expect. He has watched every Disney park video that I can get my hands on -- the Disney planning DVD, all of the Travel Channel Disney shows, etc. I don't know what else to do for him. I want him to be excited about this and to look forward to it -- not to be dreading it. I'm also concerned that his apprehension is going to send him into a melt-down when we get there.

Ironically he is my dare devil when it comes to rides. He is a roller coaster nut so it isn't apprehension about the rides but rather apprehension about strange people and new situations.

I've tried to assure him that he will be with mom and/or dad at all times. It isn't like school or other experiences where he has to be seperated from us but that didn't seem to help.

We leave in 46 days. Any ideas or words of wisdom?

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Have you tried showing them the movies? Relating things you do everyday to your upcoming trip? What about talk about the type of rides there are for him to do? I was worried that my DS would be afraid of some of the rides so I showed him some on YouTube (ppl took videos of the rides and posted them online). That seemed to help a lot. It got him excited about some rides and there were some he was not interested in at all so we skipped over them on our trip.

 

[KristyBDJ]

I agree that watching ride videos will help him. For my kids it's to help them not be scared of the rides, for your DS it might give him a lot to be excited about. I think kids just dont have a concept of what WDW is so it's hard to wrap their heads around. When we went last year, our DS was 6 and he sounds much like your DS in that he doesn't like change and gets a little funny about new situations. Anyway, he was really excited to go but I think he was looking forward to staying in the hotel the most. I showed him videos, maps, etc which he was excited about but he kept thinking it was this small place with a few fun things to do. Anyway my point is at that age they just don't comprehend it until they are actually there. I think he will be fine and once he sees everything with his own eyes you won't have anything to worry about...he probably won't ever stop talking about it after that!

 

[KristyBDJ]

me again... also try to get him excited about meeting his fave characters...of course there is Mickey, Goofy, Donald, etc.(he may or may not like) but there are also Playhouse Disney, Monsters Inc, Toy Story, lots of villians, CARS, Pirates and my son's fave.....Power Rangers! That may help also.

 

[MaryKLady]

Here's one for ya'... my DD5 HATES the characters. Mickey, Minnie types freak her out. The only ones she'll get remotely close to are the princesses bacause they are real people. I've even explained they are "just costumes on people like Mommy and Daddy"...but she wants nothing to do with them at all. We don't do autographs or character meals but she doesn't mind them on stage or in a parade, just not near her. Ask your son, that might be the thing that is making him feel like he doesn't want to go.

 

[MaryKLady]

BTW- once he gets there I bet it will change. My DD5 didn't get it at all until she saw it for herself. Now she wants to go every vacation...that would be four times a year, I don't think so

 

[MaryKLady]

I showed him videos, maps, etc which he was excited about but he kept thinking it was this small place with a few fun things to do. :

Great idea, get maps. My DD loved planning out what SHE wanted to do and see. I let her mark all over them with stickers and markers, she loved it.

 

[AwaitingMagic]

My middle son is like this as well - he was worried about the whole thing and didn't seem excited at all. He's not a daredevil and was not happy about the characters. I focused on the things I knew he would like - the pressed pennies, the lego store, swimming, Indiana Jones and Star Wars. He did really well and even rode some things that I couldn't imagine him going on - he also had a really bad day and, looking back, there were things I could have done to avoid it. He loved the park maps, the spray mister fan and all of the things I thought he would. He's not in a big rush to go back though - he'd be perfectly content hanging at the hotel and swimming all day. Actually, both of my boys were like that - the pool was their favorite part. I guess sometimes it is the simple things! At any rate, I hope your son does better than you think he will too - bribe him up with the things you know he'll love.

 

[jodifla]

you know, some of it just might be that he needs the practice. You say this is his first vacation at 6. You get better at things by doing them, and less fearful.

Hopefully the joy of the rides will propel him through.

 

[kitsch4]

A lot of people (including me) like to prepare their kids and get them excited about the trip by inundating them with all things Disney. Not that that's a bad thing! Do you think, in your case, though, that this is causing more anxiety? Perhaps you can just not push the Disney stuff so hard on him. Maybe leave a book/movie out, and if he's interested, he'll pick it up on his own. Will he talk to your daughter about his anxieties? Maybe she can help. Good luck!

 

[talulabelle]

He may have seen something (like the character meets or something) on one of the videos that triggered his bad reaction. With kids that age, they will pick one thing that they don't know enough about and decide that is something they want to avoid. If you try some gentle questioning about when it was that he decided he didn't want to go, he may confide in you what is bothering him. Then you ease his fears.

Sort of related was when we were moving to our new house, all of my kids were excited about it including my almost 6 year old. On one of our visits to the house just before moving in, my 5yr son suddenly burst in tears and annnounced he was not moving in that place, no way, no how. He would cry when ever we talked about it. He would not tell me what had changed his feelings about the place. I was concerned and thought it had to do with leaving the old friends in the old neighborhood and tried to EVERYTHING I knew to try to convince him he would find new neighborhood friends, still see the old ones, and everything would be great. I made sure he knew we were all moving there together etc. He was still just clamming up and crying and saying he hated the place. After taking him to the house and asking him what it was he didn't like or what had changed his mind, he walked over to a black smudge of paint on a baseboard. He pointed to it and said he was scared of the mice that might live in that mouse hole! He thought they would come out when he was asleep and run around his room. I walked over confused and realized he thought the black spot was a hole in the wall. I touched it and showed him it was just a smudge a paint and there were no mouseholes. He looked surprised, breathed a sigh of relief and said he liked the house again! After that, he was totally happy-go-lucky about it! No issues at all! Before showing me the hole, he didn't want to talk about what was bothering him, because he just didn't have the verbal skills to communicate his fears.

So think about when it was he changed his mind. If it was after watching a video or similar, maybe watch the video with him again, and talk about the things that excite you about it. Maybe tell him about something that scares you, like a roller coaster or something. And ask him what bothers him about it. Maybe given the right "set up" to the conversation he can tell you what it is that bothers him. Then you reassure him that his fears are unfounded.

 

[DisLaw]

I have a child like this and my best advice is to just step back, stop trying to make him excited about the trip, and just follow his lead once you get there.

My DD13 has always been this way and I used to chalk it up to being just a pain in the neck but it really is all about anxiety! For all of our disney trips with her that go back to when she was 1 1/2 we just let her do as little or as much as she wanted. I never forced her to greet characters, she hated fireworks, but she loves roller coasters so once she was old enough we did TOT and RnR coaster, space mountain, etc.. I feel terrible now but I look back on pictures of when she was really small and all you see is pictures of her crying! Crying on the carousel, crying when she got splashed at Sea World, crying when Goofy was near her, crying during the fireworks....So lesson learned, don't try to force things that you or even your other kids think are fun, to him they may be too much.

So, don't stress yourself about it. Let him have his vacation and just go with the flow. And, horrors of horros!, he may not really enjoy Disney vacations. I know, shocking right! I have to say my DD is not as into it still as my other kids who really just love it and would go every year. But that is just her personality.

 

[NHdisneylover]

A lot of people (including me) like to prepare their kids and get them excited about the trip by inundating them with all things Disney. Not that that's a bad thing! Do you think, in your case, though, that this is causing more anxiety? Perhaps you can just not push the Disney stuff so hard on him. Maybe leave a book/movie out, and if he's interested, he'll pick it up on his own. Will he talk to your daughter about his anxieties? Maybe she can help. Good luck!

I have a child like this and my best advice is to just step back, stop trying to make him excited about the trip, and just follow his lead once you get there.

My DD13 has always been this way and I used to chalk it up to being just a pain in the neck but it really is all about anxiety! For all of our disney trips with her that go back to when she was 1 1/2 we just let her do as little or as much as she wanted. I never forced her to greet characters, she hated fireworks, but she loves roller coasters so once she was old enough we did TOT and RnR coaster, space mountain, etc.. I feel terrible now but I look back on pictures of when she was really small and all you see is pictures of her crying! Crying on the carousel, crying when she got splashed at Sea World, crying when Goofy was near her, crying during the fireworks....So lesson learned, don't try to force things that you or even your other kids think are fun, to him they may be too much.

So, don't stress yourself about it. Let him have his vacation and just go with the flow. And, horrors of horros!, he may not really enjoy Disney vacations. I know, shocking right! I have to say my DD is not as into it still as my other kids who really just love it and would go every year. But that is just her personality.

I know you are excited about this trip and you naturally want to share that with your children. As a mom of a very anxious 12 year old I have to agree with these PPs. Leave the DVDs and brochures you have somewhere he can see them and look through them if HE wants to, but otherwise just drop the topic all together for now.
Now that DD is older she flat out tells people that the more they talk about something that she is anxious about the harder it is for her to think about anything else and the more anxious she gets. She hates that; she says she never gets to forget she's anxious.
So, my advice is to just let it go and not mention the trip to him again until you need to start packing. Even then be more matter of fact. Ask what shirts he wants to take but don't say "won't it be fun to . . ." It sounds to me like you have unintentioanlly put him under enornmous pressure to react how you want him to react to the idea of this trip.
Pushing him to enjoy the trip and be excited about it will only add to his anxiety; he is probably wondering how disapointed in him you will be if it turns out he does not like WDW. He should know that while he needs to go with the family and behave and not be whiney and you think he will love WDW it is totally okay if it turns out this is not his thing. Odds are he will love it if he has the chance to--but if he is so worried about your reaction to his reactions that he can't relax and enjoy himself then you are both in for a rough week.
Just one last thought--if he is generally this anxious about new situations then for hte NEXT trip may I suggest you wait until about 2 weeks out to tell him you are going (long enough to get used to the idea but not too long to stress).
I hope you all 4 have a wonderful time

 

[ancestry]

Thanks everyone for the good suggestions!

Just to clarify this isn't his first vacation -- it is our first official vacation together. I returned to school shortly after the twins were born and just finished my master's degree. For the past several summers I studied in Europe (Russia and Slovakia). While I was gone the kids did vacation with dad and/or both sets of grandparents (in New York and Pennsylvania while we live in Maine) but those vacations didn't involve air travel or hotels so this is a bit different.

I'm really looking forward to it and to spending an entire week uninterrupted with my two munchkins and husband!

 

[okeydokey]

I would stop mentioning it. Be completely neutral and natural about it as if it were no big deal. To you it's exciting to plan and see the videos, maybe to him it's nerve wracking. When you mention the vacation, use a calm and neutral voice. Maybe he's picking up on your nervous energy about the trip.

 

[KristiMc]

Do you think it could be the flying part that is getting to him? Since you said he likes rides - maybe he is afraid of the travel part.

 

[AngelBabyJana]

We have had a similar thing going on with our two youngest kids DS5 & DD10. They both seemed anxious whenever Disney was brought up. They are used to traveling, and they both love going on vacation, so I found it odd for them to be acting like this.

I tried talking to them, but couldn't get them to open up about what was bothering them. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when we were going to Disney On Ice that I realized the problem. I noticed that DS5 didn't have any Mickey shirts that fit him anymore, so I got into the tote in my closet to get him a Disney shirt (been putting new Disney clothes in there for our vacation). Anyway, he noticed where I got the shirt from and started crying, saying "Please not today, I'm afraid to go on the airplane, can't we drive instead?" We told him it was just Disney On Ice and that our Disney vacation was still 5 months away, he looked so relieved.

After that, DD10 opened up and said that she too was afraid of the airplane (neither of them have flown before), and also she dreaded the fireworks (she has always been afraid of fireworks and dreads the 4th Of July every year).

At least now I know what their issues are so we can try to find a way to make them feel better about things. In the meantime I've stopped bringing Disney up as much. I left out the kids guide to Disney and my Disney binder full of notes about events and different restaurants that we are considering. I've found both of them looking things over, and asking questions. So I know they are excited about the trip in general ...... now if only we could conquer our fear of airplanes & fireworks.

 

[Dani C]

You might try to give him more time to think about what is bothering him about the trip. When you are talking with your family (don't isolate him but include everyone) about the vacation, tell them all something that has been of concern to you (such as what the weather will be like during the trip, nothing too tramatic but still a concern) and what you thought you might be able to do to help lessen your concern (such as checking weather reports shortly before leaving so you know you are taking the right clothing). Then ask them to each think about what they might be concerned about and ways that you, as a family, can lessen those concerns as well.

Also consider thinking about things that each person is really looking forward to on the vacation so you can better plan the time you will spend. Maybe your son would like to spend an afternoon at the pool with his father while your daughter might like to go with you to have her photo taken with Tink. (Note: The thinking can be done while each person is on their own and then you can always get together to discuss it again when it is closer to time to go. Notebooks for older children or blank paper to draw on for younger children can help them record their thoughts so as not to forget them when it comes time to again discuss.)

Make it a point that this is a family vacation, which means that it is for everyone in the family and each person gets to choose something that they want to do. But, also make it clear that it is ok if he or anyone doesn't want to do something that his sister or someone else wants to do by saying something like " I think you and I could stand on the bridge so we can see your sister's face when the flume hits the water. What do you think?"

It could be anything bothering him from fear of getting lost in the crowd to fear of flying or even the general large crowds of people that he doesn't know. By giving him the opportunity to think about what is bothering him with the understanding that, as a family, you will decide how to eliminate or lessen that fear, you are taking the burden off him.

Good luck and have a magical vacation!

 

[brergnat]

It's so hard with kids this age. My son is almost 5 and I just went through this, but with Disneyland. We are AP holders and we go ALL the time, since he was born. He's been there more times than I can count (like, hundreds). He also has autism, so his ability to communicate is not the best sometimes. He has always LOVED going to Disneyland, but a couple of weeks ago, the mere mention of it sent him into a complete panic attack.

It took me a week to pry it out of him...and it came down to him being scared of "big rides", Big Thunder Mountain, to be specific. He had ridden it two times, about 2 months ago, and seemed to love it at the time, so no indications that he did not like it, but I suppose something clicked in his mind at some point afterwards and he became terrified of it. So, anytime I mentioned we were going to Disneyland, in HIS mind, he was thinking I was going to FORCE him to ride the "big rides" (which I would never do).

I had to explain to him that I would never make him ride anything that he did not want to ride, and that we would only ride what HE wanted. He said to me "Max wants to pick small rides." And, now, he's back to loving Disneyland.

That anxiety and fear came COMPLETELY out of left field. I would never have guessed what was setting him off. I had to, literally, sit down with him and go through EVERY ride that he has ever gone on and ask him "do you like _____ ?" and wait for a "yes" or "no" answer. When I got to Big Thunder, I knew I had hit the jackpot when he had a COMPLETE panic attack...

You just have to try and pick his brain, and find out WHAT is causing the anxiety. It might mean sitting down with him and just going down a list of ALL the things related to the trip (leaving home, plane ride, hotel, sleeping in a strange bed, eating in new restaurants, the parks, the fireworks, the buses/boats/monorails, characters, etc) until you find "the trigger". You'll know it when you get to it...

Good luck!