5 y/o getting into trouble at recess

[scubamouse]

Please don't flame - I'm trying to fix something before it gets to be a real problem.

Our 5yo DS is getting into a lot of trouble at recess. We've talked to the teacher who says he's great in class but when the kids are all playing outside, he's getting into scrapes with other kids. It's really started since they came back from Christmas break but it's happening about 2x/week, his teacher is pulling us aside and saying he needed a time-out. It's been for pushing, hitting, spitting and today ... biting We pulled him out of school today for the biting after last week explaining he'd have to leave school if he acted up again. While the teacher mentioned all of the boys are acting up at recess, DS's acting up is getting more frequent. Up until recently, he's gotten nothing but raves from his teachers.

When we're with him at the park or he's out w/the neighbors, he never does this stuff. There seem to be one or two other kids who he gets into trouble with. I'm not sure it's fair to ask the teacher to try and keep DS and 'peter' apart but maybe it is (teachers chime in ) Sorry I didn't read the whole teacher's rant thread

We're a no-hitting no-one hits anyone house. Both DD and DS take swats at eachother from time to time but get time-outs for it or lose treats. We have zero tolerance. We've never hit either of them. DS also has not bitten since he was 15 mos old so that most upsetting.

I'm trying to get ideas for how to make sure he doesn't hit/swat/bite other kids when we're not around. DH is threatening to homeschool him if this doesn't stop soon! I really don't want him to get a 'problem child' label when he really is a good kid, if an imperfect one.

thanks

ETA - he looks so sweet in my siggy doesn't he?

 

[mickeyboat]

It must be this time of the year. My Emily's K class has been misbehaving (she claims it is the boys) by out of control behavior. The teacher has asked the parents to speak to their children, and has instituted a reward system, which has improved behaviors dramatically.

Emily has been a problem biter, and even at 5 she still sometimes gets pretty close to doing it to her sister. It is usually when they are in very close quarters (ie the bathtub) or when they are playing rough with one another. She wouldn't just lunge out at someone accross the room and threaten to bite. So what I am getting at is that your son might be playing too close physically, so that he acts up in a physical way when there is some sort of confrontation.

What activities are there in which the boys can participate at recess? Maybe you and the teachers could encourage activities where the kids aren't so close to one another. Does that make sense? They could play catch or use the swings instead of waiting in line for the slide.

Good luck. I know how frustratig it can be when your child is mis-behaving when you are not there to deal with it.

Denae

 

[Hannathy]

You are lucky in our school any physical contact is an in school suspension even in Kindergarten. Has the Principal said anything to him? Sometimes just being talked to by an authority figure helps. Is he losing his recess for this? One girl in my son's 1rst gr class lost an entire week of all recesses for throwing a snowball. I think you are right to get this under control now before someone really gets hurt and/or your son gets labeled bad by teachers and other kids and families. Those labels are hard to change. Now to stick up for your son does he say why he is biting I mean usually these things are not one sided. Are the other boys being nasty, are they pushing too and he just gets caught ? When I worked in the ER and someone came in with a dog bite I always asked so what did you do to the dog first ? Watch out to for your son becoming the easy to blame child 'cause he's always in trouble so they will believe me that he did it.

Good luck, Get the biting under control because human bites are really bad become infected very easily. and remember he is still very young and with help from home will learn to control his emotions better as he matures. And don't forget to give him a hug and tell him you still love him.

 

[scubamouse]

Hannathy - it's pre-K .

I don't want to not blame my DS at all but the same 2 boys seems to be on the other side of all the trouble. And DH and I keep saying 'when we sent him to this school he didn't do ANY of this stuff!' I mildly worry that this is the first year that his teacher has been teaching and wonder if she's up to it.

mickeyboat (so nice to see another Keith Urban fan BTW) he hasn't bitten ANYONE in almost 4 years. that's the thing that is flooring me!

I do worry that he's easy to blame. I know at home he can stand up for himself when DD throws him under the bus. I'm not sure how he is in school.

We have a mtg w/the head of the preschool on Thursday.

 

[golfgal]

I think it is perfectly acceptable and necessary to ask the teachers to keep these boys apart, at least for a couple days, to see what is really going on. If your son shows the same behavior with other children, then you have problem, if it is only with these one or two boys, then that is a different problem. It would be wise for the teacher to talk to the three boys together and explain that this kind of behavior is not ok at school and further behavior like this will result in losing recess. Often by talking to all three of them together, things will straighten out. If not, the the individuals need to be dealt with.

I would NOT use going to school as a punishment though. You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of troubles if you pull your son out of school when he misbehaves. He can be grounded at home or not be able to watch TV or what ever but DON'T take him out of school.

 

[scubamouse]

golfgal - he loves school so that's why it seemed like an ideal punishment

i'll try making sure the teacher talks to all 3 boys

 

[golfgal]

golfgal - he loves school so that's why it seemed like an ideal punishment

i'll try making sure the teacher talks to all 3 boys

I am sure it does but think down the road in second grade when he has a math test and he punches the kid on the playground so you take him out of school and wow, he misses the math test (or so he THINKS that will happen). Kids have a LONG memory.

 

[Aneille]

Just a thought in regards to the biting but another child may be a biter or was one.

They may have bit someone (not been caught) and your son saw it and imitated it or maybe another child in class is threatening to bite another child but never actually does it?

Just a thought.

 

[daisyduck123]

You are lucky...in my school, biting is an automatic home suspension.

I had one boy in my 1st grade class suspended twice for it last year...1 day for the 1st offense, 2 days the second time he did it.

His brother in Kindergarten was also suspended once or twice for it.

If this were a student on my playground duty time, I would keep an eye on him. If he starts to get to rambunctious...he'd sit out the rest of recess.
Maybe missing recess will prevent him from getting into trouble.

 

[DVC Daisy]

Oh - I so feel for you! You just described my DS years ago when he first started school.

I would suggest putting him in some kind of Martial Arts class. It worked MAGIC for us! Within a very short amount of time we had no further problems and it has been all good since then

Good Luck!

 

[DWDreams]

Have you asked him what prompted the biting etc..? Kids get in trouble, but I'd be concerned with the physical nature of this and agree with those who have said to ask the teacher to keep him apart from those he's getting into trouble with now. You say he's never acted like this before, and it wouldn't excuse bad behavior, but maybe there are influences from other kids playing a role here.Of course, the danger with this, especially if the other boys had their own role in the trouble, is not make him feel like he's the only one being punished.

He'll learn through what measures you take as his parent, but just make sure that each boy involved is made to accept responsibility for their own actions -- by their own parents and by the teachers involved. I say this because we as parents all react differently to this sort of thing and I often see those kids whose parents intervene more (react, punish, intercede, accept their child's role/responsibility) end up being a scapegoat for all continued trouble in school. Kids are perceptive and if they see one kid is an easy target to blame, they'll lay whatever comes on that kid foevermore, particularly if they have a teacher not willing to sort through these issues rather than assign full blame quickly. I'm in no way excusing things that have gone on, just wanted to throw this out as something to be aware of since you mentioned not wanting him labeled a problem child.