4 year old behavior

[Jenn Lynn]

Lately DD has either been tuning me out or flat out ignoring me when I ask her to do something. It usually results in me raising my voice which I really don't like to do. A lot of the time I can't deal with it like I normally would because I am BFing DS, trying to get him to sleep, etc. He takes up a lot of my time which I know is hard for her since she was an only for 4 years.

Is this typical 4 year old behavior? Is this attention getting behavior? I am finding 4 to be a really hard age. She is defintely testing boundaries and having her world changed significantly is huge. I don't want to excuse the behavior, but I don't know if I should be punishing her for it either. She usually responds well to me having a talk with her. She is sensitive that way.
I am still adjusting to having 2 kids so I don't think I should expect so much from her. KWIM?

Help! I need advice!

Thanks for reading.

 

[Twinkles6892]

Lately DD has either been tuning me out or flat out ignoring me when I ask her to do something. It usually results in me raising my voice which I really don't like to do. A lot of the time I can't deal with it like I normally would because I am BFing DS, trying to get him to sleep, etc. He takes up a lot of my time which I know is hard for her since she was an only for 4 years.

Is this typical 4 year old behavior? Is this attention getting behavior? I am finding 4 to be a really hard age. She is defintely testing boundaries and having her world changed significantly is huge. I don't want to excuse the behavior, but I don't know if I should be punishing her for it either. She usually responds well to me having a talk with her. She is sensitive that way.
I am still adjusting to having 2 kids so I don't think I should expect so much from her. KWIM?

Help! I need advice!

Thanks for reading.

Are you kidding me? I was an only for 7 years, and I'm still adjusting to the "new baby" lol, and he's 8. I'd spend as much time as you can with your DD, and let her know what just because you have a new prince, doesn't mean that she isn't still the princess.

 

[grinningghost]

I don't have much advice to give, as I only had one child, but I do know that 4 year olds are difficult sometimes. They're just getting old enough to realize they can "know everything" if they feel like it.

Good luck - this too shall pass.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Yes, that is normal for the age and situation. My DD is doing pretty good right now.

We use 123 magic. It works very well for her. I normally just say "that is one." and she changes her toon.

Good luck.

Here is a link for you.

www.parentmagic.com

 

[Dan Murphy]

She'll come around in her early 20's, Jenn.

 

[oogieboogie]

I count down from 10 and the kids know that I mean business when I start counting down.

If I tell them to go to bed and they don't, I'll count down from 10 to 1. If I get to 1 and they're still not in bed, they know they'll start to lose things, like computer time or video games time or things like that.

You need to be firm with her. If she's ignoring you, try the countdown or countup method, and be firm with the consequences.

Good luck... they'll grow out of it eventually... sometime when they're 30. My kids are 7 & 4 so I'm still there with you.

 

[erinz]

I remember when my daughter was 4, and I was talking with a friend who's daughter was also 4. And we both asked ourselves the question you asked!

I was reading alot of parenting books at that time and as I recall, they said that the 4's were a difficult period. Sort of a "mini adolesence".

I recommend reading those books that talk about each age. Like each book is about a specific age. But I can't remember the author......or the actual name of each book. But the age of the child is part of the title.

Anyone know the books I'm talking about?

 

[Hillbeans]

Jenn Lynn, it is attention getting behavior.....we're in similar situations with 4 year olds and babies at home, and i'm sure your daughter is just trying to test your boundries.

Things will get better, but you do need to try and stand firm. If she needs a "time out" or whatever it is you do, then by all means do it. Things will get back to normal soon, at least that's what I keep telling myself also!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Jenn Lynn, it is attention getting behavior.....we're in similar situations with 4 year olds and babies at home, and i'm sure your daughter is just trying to test your boundries.

Things will get better, but you do need to try and stand firm. If she needs a "time out" or whatever it is you do, then by all means do it. Things will get back to normal soon, at least that's what I keep telling myself also!

I keep telling myself the same thing! One day at a time.

 

[grlpwrd]

I have 3 dd's in school while I'm home with our baby girl and big brother who is 2.5yo. I'm going thru with it all over again. I just try to be compassionate and consistent. I, too, use 1 2 3 Magic ... until they got older.

Twinkles, you are too cute! Sorry, I called you Sparkles.

 

[bananiem]

That was something we used to notice at the child care center I worked at. It must be something to do with the 4 year old brain. When new siblings joined families in the 1-3 year old rooms or the kindergarten/school age rooms we didn't notice much difference in behaviors. But kids in the 4 year old room always seemed to have an adjustment stage. Some lasted longer than others. Can she hold a book for you to read while you're nursing Eli? Is there time at night when dh is home that she can count on it being just the two of you?

 

[snoopy]

Luke did this when Drew was born. It was his way of getting the attention on him. It wasn't always possible, but when I needed his attention I put the baby down, looked him directly in the eye (even if that meant putting my hands on his face and holding it still) and spoke slowly so he could understand what I needed. He simply wanted my full attention, and at 4 ignoring me was a sure way to get it.

 

[snoopy]

Oh, and I should add that neither of my kids ever had what is typically referred to as the "terrible twos" (or threes). Both had terrible fours and fives though!