3rd day of school and already dealing with the homework attitude!!

[BWVDenise]

My 4th grader is already starting with the "I HATE HOMEWORK" and slamming his books around. It is only his second night of homework!!!!! I can't help him because he becomes extremely hostile, even if he is asking me to help him. When I ask him to adjust his attitude, he denies having one.
Can some wise, experienced parent who has been here, please, tell me what to do (short of sending him to a military academy! ) Please help!!!!!

 

[mickeyboat]

Is there an after school program he could attend where they would help him with his homework. Maybe he would be more receptive to help from someone other than his mother. I know my kids (onlt 4 and 5) always behave better for someone else.

Do you think there is a possibility he has some sort of learning disability which makes doing homework more difficult for him than it should be?

Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[KarenC]

My son was like this all through grammar school. When he got to high school, his grades really suffered because of this. We dealt with procrastination and hostility for years! I was talking to his pediatrician about an unrelated illness and mentioned how he couldn't miss any school because he was already struggling. The doctor asked me some questions and suggested my son be evaluated for ADHD. Sure enough, he had the inattentive version (hence no hyperactivity problems that teachers would have complained about). Since we've begun treating him for it, there has been a remarkable turnaround. Last quarter he made the honor roll.

 

[JESW]

Ah yes...my world too with my 9 year old 4th grade son! He has Aspergers so that affects the homework greatly, especially the writing parts. At least with his ISP he can print instead of doing everything in cursive, which is what they are expected to do.

I hate homework too. I can feel myself getting tense right before his bus arrives home and I find out what he needs to do. So far tonight he has thought of 10 sentences from his spelling list. I wrote them down and now he has to copy them in his notebook. He also has math but I am saving that for DH to help him with.

Sorry...no great words of advice...just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Jill

 

[MsMulan]

It may be that he is fustrated with not understanding the homework. This fustration can easily lead to attitude. I know this is easier said than done (I have a DD8 at home and drama is her mainstay), anyway does your son have a routine to follow when he comes home ie. snack, unwind time, quiet place to study. If not you may want to with his imput start a routine for him (children really desire schedules deeeep down). If this along with your help does not help his attitude, I would look for someone on the outside to help him with the work. They may be able to pick up on signals of why he is having such a hard time.

Also give his teacher a call and express your concerns. See what is going on in the classroom and how you all can work together to make it better. My best advise is to take care of it now and not let it progress to middle/high school.

Hope this helps some.

 

[Ratpack]

As a teacher of fourth and fifth graders, I like to give the suggestion of
1) give the child some wind-down time at home. These students have been sitting and "quiet" for 6 hours or more during the day.
Don't start homework directly after school. Set a time ex.) 3-4:40 is play time. At 4:30- Homework will start and be finished before dinner.
2) Set a timer (microwave, etc.) Allow 20 minutes per assignment. At this age, homework time should not be more than one hour. Believe me, If I told a child "You will not go to recess unless this is completed in 15 minutes..." their work is completed in no time. Set boundaries- stick to it.
3) Set a routine- 3 days into school...this is the roughest time. The child is getting back into routine with a new situation/teacher. The work should all be review from third grade really- so repitition is probably what you are seeing. If your child is "in the know already" it may be boring for him. Children need routine- start it immediately and your child will follow soon.
4) IF it continues, please talk to the teacher. Let her know what you are seeing and suggestions for your child. It may be that he is not completing classwork making more homework for himself. Something will need to be done about the classwork at that point.
Give it time...changes are hard for kids- but your support at home it the most important part to your child's education success. WE only have 180 days to make an impact...you have the other thousands of days. Use it wisely. Be calm, but yet firm. IT will work.
Hope this helps!

 

[disykat]

Great post, ratpack! You sound like a great teacher.

 

[swanmom]

Another suggestion.........my DD would always put off doing her homework and take way-too-much time to complete it when she did it. I finally figured out that she would start out OK but if she encountered a problem she couldn't solve or a question she couldn't answer, she would 'freeze' there - working on the same question over and over, getting more and more frustrated (and getting nothing else done.) When we made a plan for her 'skip' the unsolvable questions and continue with the rest of her homework, she was at least able to see that she had accomplished something. This usually left only a few problems at the end that she needed help with.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

yep, I have one of emotional kids who is now 14. It may seem like a silly suggestion, but if you have a place in your house that you can hang a punching bag, it can be really valuable during the preadolescent years to give them something acceptable to get the punching urges out. Otherwise, a pillow in their bedroom also works.

We have a signed contract --- "I am allowed to be frustrated.
I am not allowed to slam books and yell at other family members.
etc etc etc"

I've also found that the parent in the situation has to remain calm. "I can see you are angry but you are not allowed to pound my dining room table, please go sit quietly in the green chair for 2 minutes and then I will help you work that math problem." I personally lose my temper with his temper tantrums way too often and it always just escalates the situation. Sometimes I really need to learn to walk away also and go find my acceptable outlet.

 

[BWVDenise]

Thank you all for your suggestions. He came back and apologized to me, which is a first (so maybe there is hope!). I also reminded him that his allowance is directly related to his attitude toward his homework (something we established at the beginning of last year, and it was a good year). I did ask a neighbor about an after school type of thing and she said there isn't one. Hopefully he will get back into the swing in the next few weeks and it will be a non-issue.