3 year old & Strangers

[Jackson4]

Not a Disney question but looking for help with my 3year old DD. If we are out she will think nothing of running away from me. We try and talk to her about strangers but she really doesn't get it (she is only 3). The final straw was when we were at the playground the other day & she asked a stranger to take her to the bathroom. She came down the slide and asked someone we never met to take her to the bathroom. I have been sick to my stomach ever since. Does anyone have any suggestions on any books we can read to her or anything. I don't want to stay home constantly, I want to be able to take her to the playground, but I also have a 4 month old, if she is in the stroller with us at the playground & my 3 year old runs what do I do. The stroller is hard to manuver on the wood chips. Any advice?

 

[rchristiansen]

My DD is nearly three and I read her a book about Strangers with Winnie the Pooh. She was a little "scared" about the concept. Which I think is good. I think it's just called "Winnie the Pooh talks about Strangers" or somethign like that.

 

[trayletha]

If I am remembering right the Pooh book is good and your local libary should have some others; I know how very scary a child "who never meets a stranger" is. DD was/is just that type..although she is getting better as she gets older. -Not trying to start a debate but have you thought about a "leash" or and this is not fun at all but if she runs away take her home right away for "time-out". We had to leave a number of grocery carts and shopping trips unfinished but DD did get the message.

 

[barkley]

i used a "leash" on both my kids when they were little. it made me feel much more secure. the whole stranger thing can be so confusing to little ones, we introduce them to "complete strangers" (their perspective) all of the time (non local family, old friends, medical persons...) then freak out because they feel comfortable interacting with people. my daughter was a very social little girl and we had a similar problem at the same age. we talked about how it was not appropriate for her to talk to an adult (or older child) unless her dad or i were present. i think this backfired to an extent-she began getting on me for talking to other moms at the grocery store she did get the message; she's 11 now and still asks for permission to speak to someone new she's encountering

i will share with you something else you may want to start while your daughter is young. "we have a rule in our home-no secrets, only surprises and ideas". we have taught our kids this mantra and lived it for many years. the reason being is that my husband and i both worked in child welfare for many years-many children who are taken advantage of or abused are told to keep the situation "our special secret". so-we taught our kids that if something is to be kept from someone because it will be a birthday, christmas or other it is a "surprise"; if you have a private question or concern-tell your parent you have an "idea", and that will indicate to other family members that you wish to speak privatly. this has worked well for us, a side benefit being that our children have never fallen into the whispery, clique type behaviours that many others thier age have (they truly belive it is unacceptably rude to whisper between people or in a group at school).

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I know how you feel. My DS 3 told the man behind us in line at the grocery store our address! He asked the man what was the name of his house. He tells everyone his full name. HE'S A TALKER! Help!

Lori

 

[laughinplace199]

I don't want to stay home constantly, I want to be able to take her to the playground, but I also have a 4 month old, if she is in the stroller with us at the playground & my 3 year old runs what do I do. The stroller is hard to manuver on the wood chips. Any advice?

Have you considered a Baby Bjorn or sling for going to the playground? That way, you wouldn't have to deal with the stroller and you could be right there if your 3 yo needs you.

 

[laughinplace199]

i will share with you something else you may want to start while your daughter is young. "we have a rule in our home-no secrets, only surprises and ideas". we have taught our kids this mantra and lived it for many years. the reason being is that my husband and i both worked in child welfare for many years-many children who are taken advantage of or abused are told to keep the situation "our special secret". so-we taught our kids that if something is to be kept from someone because it will be a birthday, christmas or other it is a "surprise"; if you have a private question or concern-tell your parent you have an "idea", and that will indicate to other family members that you wish to speak privatly. this has worked well for us, a side benefit being that our children have never fallen into the whispery, clique type behaviours that many others thier age have (they truly belive it is unacceptably rude to whisper between people or in a group at school).

What a great idea. Do you mind if I "borrow" it?

 

[barkley]

What a great idea. Do you mind if I "borrow" it?

go for it , but let your extended family in on it otherwise they will start to get chided by your child/ren. in fact when we had "secret pals" at work i ended up having to refer to mine as my "surprise pal" (same with "secret santas) i also let the teachers know once the kids started school because i knew there would be those times when they were preparing for school concerts and holidays things. i have yet to meet a teacher who did not embrace the concept and begin using it in the classroom.

i have to say i think little boys outgrow this much faster-i cannot count the number of times our son (now 8) has introduced me to some little girl he has started playing with at the playground who immediatly goes into a long conversation about who she is, where she lives, her family dynamics ("...well i live with mommy, but daddy lives at a different house but grandma says his new girlfriend is not very nice and i'm going to visit my cousins for christmas but its o.k. cuz our friends going to watch our house...") yes, i beleive the "chatting gene" in ingrained in our female dna from day one

 

[laughinplace199]

Thanks barlkey!

 

[The Edgington's]

This scares me also, as the mother of a 6 and 3 year old they often go in different directions at a playground. It is so hard to keep an eye on both, they too have never met a stranger.

I tell them all the time about strangers and what to do and not to do. They repeat it to me but I want to test it. I'm thinking about having a coworker of my husband drive by the house and try to tempt them into the car. It will take some set up as they aren't usually allowed to be in the front yard without one of us there. I just want to know if they will get in if offered candy or if they will remember what they are taught. The reason I haven't done this yet, is I'm afraid it will scar them somehow that all strangers are bad. I don't want them to be afraid to ask for help if there is some kind of emergency. I'm thankful I only have 2, especially when we go places like Disney, a man on man defense is best for us.

 

[tlbwriter]

The trouble with teaching children to avoid "strangers" is that young children have no concept of what a "stranger" is. The nice lady at the grocery store is not a "stranger." And if mommy tells me to say "thank you" to her when she tells me I look pretty today, then it must be okay to talk to her. The man at the playground is not a "stranger" because he's not scary looking; he looks like a dad.

I think every parent should read Protecting the Gift.

 

[Jackson4]

Have you considered a Baby Bjorn or sling for going to the playground? That way, you wouldn't have to deal with the stroller and you could be right there if your 3 yo needs you.

Its a good Idea,we did use it in Disney for the rides. I was just concerned about the sun, I guess I can just keep a hat on the baby & a light blanket around the carrier.