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[Castlebound]

I think you DF has a certain mindset about college. I know that my parents who did not go to college view it as means to an end. To them if someone went to college and then never got a job in their field of study it would have been a waste. They see college as a luxury that not everyone can afford so you should use the chance to make the most out of it. To them college is about making more money than you would have without going to college. Feeling better about yourself after spending at least four years and a lot of money but not having a good paying job would be a waste to them. Right or wrong that is how they feel.

 

[klj27]

She's one step up from a child-care worker. .

I don't think you should be bothered by her comment if I am not bothered by this comment. I have a four year degree, BSBA with a Marketing Major. I want to stay home with my kids but do need to add to our income so I watch children out of my home. I hope you didn't mean anything about your comment about childcare workers. My job is not glamourous but I only watch teachers children so I get the summers off and I never miss any of my kids events. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to earn money out of my home so I was not offended at this comment even though others might be.

I think you should feel how ever you want but I don't think she meant anything by it.

 

[luvsJack]

I don't think she meant it as a dig.

I think she maybe just meant that she thinks teaching is a better job for a mother. --Not saying I think that, I AM NOT a teacher and I AM a mother.--

As in saying that it would be easier for a woman to continue working as a teacher after she becomes a mother. But if she chooses certain other types of career paths, she may have to give it up when she has children.



ETA: As for Preschool teachers not having a formal degree. If the state she works in is any thing like ours, she has more than enough training hours to have a degree; it just doesn't count that way and of course they would be missing the core classes. But most have more hours in actual training a person to teach than any teacher with any type of degree.

 

[NotUrsula]

I don't think you should be bothered by her comment if I am not bothered by this comment. I have a four year degree, BSBA with a Marketing Major. I want to stay home with my kids but do need to add to our income so I watch children out of my home. I hope you didn't mean anything about your comment about childcare workers. My job is not glamourous but I only watch teachers children so I get the summers off and I never miss any of my kids events. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to earn money out of my home so I was not offended at this comment even though others might be.

I think you should feel how ever you want but I don't think she meant anything by it.

You know, I struggled with how to word that, because I was talking about earning power. (And I was most assuredly NOT talking about people who are self-employed and not looking for health care benefits.)

Most preschool teachers that I know who do not have degrees worked themselves up to that position from basic daycare work in centers.
"Worked up" in the sense that you have to at least have some child-care experience and some in-service training before you will be considered for a position teaching a preschool class, which you normally do not have to have in order to get an entry-level job in a daycare center working with kids who are younger than 3. The only tangible requirements most of those jobs have are a HS diploma (or GED) and a clean criminal record.

The "intangibles" are more important for the work, of course, and that's what you're referring to. I won't argue with that.

My comment has nothing whatsoever to do with character or aptitude, and I don't think the OP's friend's comment did, either. It was all about money -- how much you can earn doing a certain type of job, and how much you have to invest in education in order to meet the basic "tangible" qualifications for that job.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I wouldn't want to take that 'friends' inane comment personally and let it bother me. (unless she is ongoing with such unsolicited opinions and advice)

But, this is one clueless woman.

To her, regardless of what any other person thinks... 'college is a waste'??

She calls herself a 'teacher', but places no value on education?

How ironic.

Personally, on this topic, I am middle of the road...
I personally do NOT value 'higher education' as a be-all and end-all.
There are definitely 'educational SNOBS' out there. ( and Educated Fools ) And they really turn me off. My opinion of somebody does not, in any way, have anything to do with the letters that they may place after their name.

There are also instances where higher education is to be valued, based on what the person ultimately does with their credentials and their opportunties.

I am like the OP.
I have the benefit of higher education.
But, I am a dedicated, at home, wife and mother.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[gina2000]

I think there is a subtle undercurrent of "women are only going to get pregnant and stay at home so why get them well educated" in her comment. It's a really, really old-fashioned mindset but sooner or later someone will say something like that when a professional woman stays at home to raise a family and cannot resume her career due to overlapping responsibilities.

In my mind education is never wasted and is the be all and end all in the pursuit of elevating the human condition. However, education is achieved in many ways beyond the traditional classroom and one does not have to have a series of diplomas to be well educated.

 

[Carly_Roach]

The only advice I can offer to you is to not psychoanalyze and dissect the remark to the point that it takes over your every waking thought and conflicts with a relationship that you'd like to keep. Even if she's expressing a feeling about your choices in life, her feelings about your choices cannot devalue those choices unless you give her the control and allow her to do that.

You need to ask yourself if your choices have any less value to you if she hadn't made the comment? Let me put this in another context:

You've purchased a pink blender. You love this blender. You use it every single day and take great joy in the concoctions you make for your family. They love the ice cream shakes and vegetable drinks you make for them. You adore using this blender. It is yours and you've taken loving care of it for years.

One day a friend comes into your kitchen, sees the blender, and makes a remark along the lines of, "Who in their right minds would EVER want a pink blender?"

Does the blender now have less value to you and your family simply because your friend made a derogatory comment about it?

I think most people would remember that they love the blender, their family loves what comes from the blender, it's been useful for many years, provided a wonderfully reliable service, and you even love the color - the whole reason you bought it in the first place. While your friend is entitled to their opinion, it's obvious to you that they don't know what the heck they're talking about.

You can choose whether or not to argue the point, but I think most people would just shrug and say, "I like my pink blender" and let it go. The friend may never know the joy that comes from having a pink blender. But that's their choice and their life. You love your pink blender and that's that.

Now putting this in that context, think again about that friend's off-hand remark regarding education. Hopefully you're feeling a bit better now.

Forgive them their trespasses as they forgive you yours. You'll be happier in life. I promise.

 

[jemgumby]

Okay now that you tell me she has all boys it becomes a litte more annoying. So not only does she have a mind set that women will eventually just become pregnant and quit their jobs but she is going to teach her sons those same values. I feel for her future daughter-in-laws!!! This is one thing I just cannot understand about the whole female dynamic in general and that is just because she didn't go to college and is content to be a stay at home she has in her mind put ALL women in that category and therefore is limiting any potential other than being a wife, mother to all females. That really irritates. Yes, it is her choice to be a stay at home mom and if she is happy with that then great, however, some women would be miserable doing that and if they choose another path that is their choice. However, it is obvious she cannot even entertain the flip side. It would be nice if people could step outside of their little world and think about the bigger picture every now and then. I think that would definitely make the world a better place for everybody!!!

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[S. C.]

.

 

[jemgumby]

Whoa, I think we need to back up a bit. This description make me sound disturbed. Every waking thought, where'd that come from

I also said pretty plainly that I have no intention of confronting this person over it, so the idea of throwing her away isn't germain.

In general, I tend to mull things over until I can decide how I feel about something controversial, and that's the thought process I invited you all into. This friend could, potentially exert a good deal of influence on my DD10 because she is always around, we are neighbors and our boys are best friends- we travel together etc., and I feel I have to figure out whether or not I need to address this with my DD privately or not. But I can't do that until I know how I feel about the subject. I threw this post out there to see if anyone could shed light on the topic, different points of view. All your post did was call me a kook and tell me to close my eyes to it... and not only is it not helpful, no flames, but that's just not how I'm wired... so I'm not mad or anything but I don't get it

I agree with you on this! You were just mulling things over and not obsessing over it. Don't worry I didn't perceive you as obsessing just trying to figure it out!

 

[Carly_Roach]

Whoa, I think we need to back up a bit. This description make me sound disturbed. Every waking thought, where'd that come from

I also said pretty plainly that I have no intention of confronting this person over it, so the idea of throwing her away isn't germain.

In general, I tend to mull things over until I can decide how I feel about something controversial, and that's the thought process I invited you all into. This friend could, potentially exert a good deal of influence on my DD10 because she is always around, we are neighbors and our boys are best friends- we travel together etc., and I feel I have to figure out whether or not I need to address this with my DD privately or not. But I can't do that until I know how I feel about the subject. I threw this post out there to see if anyone could shed light on the topic, different points of view. All your post did was call me a kook and tell me to close my eyes to it... and not only is it not helpful, no flames, but that's just not how I'm wired... so I'm not mad or anything but I don't get it

Hmm...I'm getting a clearer picture now.

Here's the thing:

You looked at my entire post and took one sentence out of context. Then you chose to base your entire response to me on that one sentence you didn't like. My perception of your response to me is that you feel as though I'm attacking you, which couldn't be further from the truth. This makes me wonder how much this happens between you and the people around you, which sheds light on your OP and makes me question the context of the remark your friend made about educating girls.

The intent of my original post was to soothe what I perceived to be feelings of unease, confusion, and perhaps a lack of self-confidence. My entire post was written to tell you in simple terms that how your friend felt or what your friend said has nothing to do with how you value yourself or how you value your choices. Your choices have value to you....which is all that matters.

However, I guess I understand more clearly now why you seem to be agonizing over one offhand remark a friend might have made so I'm going to change my advice:

Stop picking the nits.

If you've discussed this with people who are close to you in real life who know both you and your friend and they say it's nothing, then it's nothing and you need to let it go. If you have to come to an internet bulletin board to get validation and perhaps ammunition for how you've chosen to feel about your friend's remark, then perhaps it's time to reconsider the friendship.

If I had a neighbor, friend and/or confidante who took one of our conversations out of context and felt she had to "discuss" it with her internet friends (instead of with me) regarding how she was going to feel about that comment, I'd pretty much make the decision for her about how we were going to handle our future relationship:

The relationship would be over. I'd still be friendly, but I'd always be watching everything I said because I would never know how she was going to choose to take it.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[jemgumby]

Hmm...I'm getting a clearer picture now.

Here's the thing:

You looked at my entire post and took one sentence out of context. Then you chose to base your entire response to me on that one sentence you didn't like. My perception of your response to me is that you feel as though I'm attacking you, which couldn't be further from the truth. This makes me wonder how much this happens between you and the people around you, which sheds light on your OP and makes me question the context of the remark your friend made about educating girls.

The intent of my original post was to soothe what I perceived to be feelings of unease, confusion, and perhaps a lack of self-confidence. My entire post was written to tell you in simple terms that how your friend felt or what your friend said has nothing to do with how you value yourself or how you value your choices. Your choices have value to you....which is all that matters.

However, I guess I understand more clearly now why you seem to be agonizing over one offhand remark a friend might have made so I'm going to change my advice:

Stop picking the nits.

If you've discussed this with people who are close to you in real life who know both you and your friend and they say it's nothing, then it's nothing and you need to let it go. If you have to come to an internet bulletin board to get validation and perhaps ammunition for how you've chosen to feel about your friend's remark, then perhaps it's time to reconsider the friendship.

If I had a neighbor, friend and/or confidante who took one of our conversations out of context and felt she had to "discuss" it with her internet friends (instead of with me) regarding how she was going to feel about that comment, I'd pretty much make the decision for her about how we were going to handle our future relationship:

The relationship would be over. I'd still be friendly, but I'd always be watching everything I said because I would never know how she was going to choose to take it.

I disagree. I didn't perceive feelings of uneasiness, confusion or lack of self confidence.... I also didn't get the feeling that she felt "devalued".....I think she was trying to see if anybody else would be offended by this......Nor was she "agonizing" over an offhand remark.......maybe if anybody is reading too much into things perhaps it is you?

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[disykat]

..maybe if anybody is reading too much into things perhaps it is you?

Boy that's the truth!

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

My initial, internal reaction would probably be complete disbelief. At first blush, it sounds like the friend was suggesting that girls shouldn't be going to college. But is it possible that your friend was instead saying, "I'm glad she has a focus for her education." In other words, and in the same vein as others have posted, maybe she views college as a form of vocational training. Unless one has a clear plan for a practical major that will lead directly to a career, college is a waste.